Invite Flowergirl to Reception?

mammyid · April 2010

My SIL has informed me that my daughters, ages 6 and 9 , who have been asked to be a flower girl and junior bridesmaid, will not be invited to the reception.

I am also in the wedding, and we will be travelling almost 2 hours to the church and ceremony. I have not a clue what I am going to do with the kids after the church. I might have to bring a babysiter. This is going to be expensive!

I am thinking this is not proper etiqeitte. Not sure how to apporach it though.

btrflykate1230 · April 2010

It's totally not proper etiquette.

I would be seriously temped to leave her flower girl-less.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

That seems very rude to me. So she just wants them for the aww factor during the wedding?

ggmae · April 2010

It really seems like she just wants them to be props in her ceremony and photos, which is really sad. I think that's BS and would tell her that if they aren't invited to the reception, then they will be staying at home and will not be in her wedding.

samurai21 · April 2010

That is rude. If you wanted to you could tell her that either your girls are in the wedding and come to the reception, aren't in the wedding and don't come at all, or are in the wedding and non of you will be able to make it.

Just explain that with the money you're already spending on travel, accommodations, etc, that paying a babysitter to stay with your young children in an unfamiliar setting just doesn't sit well with you.

mwhitson14 · April 2010

Um yeah. That's not cool. She'd been losing your two kids, if it were me.

danieliza1127 · April 2010

Did you ask her what she expects you to do with the kids while you attend the reception?

Before you just yank the kids out of the wedding, I would try talking to her about it first. Remind her that you'll be making a two hour drive, ask her if she considered what you would do with the girls during the reception, to see what she says. Don't be confrontational or tell her that she's using poor etiquette.

It just seems to me that getting mad and saying the kids can't be in the wedding now is a big family fight waiting to happen.

danieliza1127 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-flowergirl-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d0c06c6-1d19-4ef3-a09b-ab4b7f72291fPost:74915b66-6d60-4230-8d33-80d52b54ce1d">Re: Invite Flowergirl to Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Um yeah. That's not cool. She'd been losing your two kids, if it were me.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

Really? I'm not trying to be mean, but if you can't say no to a girl who is demanding 80 people at her shower that you're throwing, I seriously doubt you would take your kids out of their Aunt's wedding. I doubt that many of you would. There are other solutions.

mmenillo · April 2010

Option A - Take the high road. Smile and go along with it, no matter how ridiculous and rude.

Option B - Draw the line in the sand. Pull the girls out and see what her next step is. Be prepared for the consequences.

Option C - Tactical warfare. Arrange a "fun" afternoon for the girls and your SIL to go dress shopping or out to lunch, anywhere public. Then casually drop it into the conversation to the girls that they are going to be soooooooo pretty at the wedding and then will head off to a hotel with a strange babysitter while everyone else has fun at the amazing party. Watch the tears fall and your SIL back off.

ThePinkSuperhero · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-flowergirl-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d0c06c6-1d19-4ef3-a09b-ab4b7f72291fPost:4b10745c-ed18-417e-8e31-64bb0ed2053a">Re: Invite Flowergirl to Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite Flowergirl to Reception? : Really? I'm not trying to be mean, but if you can't say no to a girl who is demanding 80 people at her shower that you're throwing, I seriously doubt you would take your kids out of their Aunt's wedding. I doubt that many of you would. There are other solutions.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I might be willing to keep the kids in if auntie was able to find something for them to do during the reception (like a sleepover with other cousins or something), but if not, yeah, I might pull them from the wedding.

mandysmear · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-flowergirl-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d0c06c6-1d19-4ef3-a09b-ab4b7f72291fPost:4b10745c-ed18-417e-8e31-64bb0ed2053a">Re: Invite Flowergirl to Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite Flowergirl to Reception? : Really? I'm not trying to be mean, but if you can't say no to a girl who is demanding 80 people at her shower that you're throwing, I seriously doubt you would take your kids out of their Aunt's wedding. I doubt that many of you would. There are other solutions.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I'm sitting on your couch.

sucrets4 · April 2010

Obviously she needs to talk to her SIL and give her an ultimatium. Either have kids in the wedding and let them stay at the reception or not have them at all. I wouldn't just pull them out without making that clear to her SIL that she has a choice, but that it's incredibly unfair to expect the kids to not attend the reception that's 2 hours away.

I think the OP also needed reassurance that she has the right to do so and that it's crappy of her SIL to say that to her.

luckyme502 · April 2010

Talk to her. What she is planning is rude.

Invite Flowergirl to Reception?

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