BM dress costs

lcsnowflake · November 2010

I have been trying to be respectful of the cost of the BM dresses that I pick out and am unsure if what I am asking of them is too expensive.

Background: I have 6 BMs and only 1 is working full-time at a good job, the other 5 are working but either not full-time or not at a well-paid job. Only one is coming from out of town and I will be helping her with her airfare. The dress I found is Alfred Angelo and retails at $150, which is the cheapest in my area. For $170 another store sells the dress with all alterations included. However, 3 of the girls are taller and will need to pay the additional $20 for the extra length, bringing the cost to $190. It seems like this is alot to ask someone to pay for a dress that they wear once, but everything that is wedding-related seems overpriced!

Does this seem reasonable to ask someone? I've never been in a WP and don't know what is standard. Is there a way that I can ask each BM if the dress is too much for her to spend? I don't want too much input, but I dont want them to feel overwhelmed with the cost.

bablingbrooke · November 2010

So glad that you're being so considerate of their needs. Step in the right direction.

You need to ask each BM individually what her budget is. Then take the lowest number you get and use that as your price ceiling. Find a dress that costs that or lower. If you MUST have a dress that costs more (and I assure you, you don't need a dress that costs more) then it's up to you to pay the difference.

Do NOT assume other peoples' finances. You'll never be correct and almost certainly cause problems. Plus, just because someone CAN afford $200+ (don't forget alterations) for your wedding doesn't mean that you can ask them to--their money is theirs to spend how they wish, and if they don't feel comfortable spending that much, you need to respect that.

So start sending out some emails and find out from the horse's mouth what the appropriate budget is.

ETA: Also, don't just pick out a dress and tell them to order it. Have them try it and others on. The dress that looks great on the toothpick model online may look horrible on your BMs, and I assure you it won't be the perfect dress anymore if that happens. The dress I "knew" I wanted my BMs to wear looked terrible on them, so we tried a bunch on and we wound up going with an entirely different style and color that I loved even more. Be flexible.

bablingbrooke · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-dress-costs-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f9f8f6cc-f5c5-46c3-a07d-e432bd61ee80Post:23d38082-d47f-4385-a8a7-7e0e52a835c0">BM dress costs</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been trying to be respectful of the cost of the BM dresses that I pick out and am unsure if what I am asking of them is too expensive. Background: I have 6 BMs and only 1 is working full-time at a good job, the other 5 are working but either not full-time or not at a well-paid job. Only one is coming from out of town and I will be helping her with her airfare. The dress I found is Alfred Angelo and retails at $150, which is the cheapest in my area. For $170 another store sells the dress with all alterations included. However, 3 of the girls are taller and will need to pay the additional $20 for the extra length, bringing the cost to $190. It seems like this is alot to ask someone to pay for a dress that they wear once, but everything that is wedding-related seems overpriced! Does this seem reasonable to ask someone? I've never been in a WP and don't know what is standard. Is there a way that I can ask each BM if the dress is too much for her to spend? I don't want too much input, but I dont want them to feel overwhelmed with the cost.
Posted by lcsnowflake[/QUOTE]

filaw · November 2010

You should probably just check with your BM's what their budgets are, but sometimes BM's tend to vaguely answer "whatever you think is best."

As for whether or not 150-190 sounds "appropriate" or "average", it's pretty much all that I saw when I went looking for BM dresses. The other option is to go with something that isn't specifically marketed as "Bridesmaid". This should help cut the cost, but even non wedding related dresses can range broadly from $30-$500 depending on where you're shopping and what you're buying.

aerinpegadrak · November 2010

Definitely approach each girl individually and ask, "What are you comfortable spending on a dress for the wedding?" If they waffle on you, you can say, "You don't need to commit to a number now, I just need an upper bound so we don't pick something you can't afford."

Remember that it doesn't have to be marketed as a "bridesmaid dress" to be worn as one. There were six girls in my wedding, and the only one who went through a bridal designer found her dress at a thrift store for $20. If you wind up picking a fairly popular dress or one that was popular recently, there's a good chance of your girls picking it up used on eBay or Craigslist.

It's also becoming quite common to give the girls a few guidelines (length, fabric, color, maybe designer) and ask them to pick their own. That way what they spend is entirely on them. My sister did this for her wedding with David's Bridal, and our other sister bought her dress off eBay. For mine, I just told my girls to wear black, and half of them spent $50 or less. One even owned something suitable already. Both weddings looked great.

Manwaithiel · November 2010

Whatever is reasonable for the girls is what's reasonable.

veritasatori · November 2010

As one PP noted, even though you definitely should ask your girls about their budgets, you're not necessarily going to get a straight answer. I asked each of my four BMs -- individually -- what they felt comfortable spending, and I got answers like, "Oh, I'm sure that whatever you choose will be fine," from every one of them.

OP, I asked a very similar question on this board as a result of my BMs' vague answers, and the most helpful advice that I received was to pick multiple options, in multiple price ranges, and see which dresses each girl preferred. I sent them each an email with links to the group of dresses that I like best ($200-ish) and also to a group of dresses that are quite a bit cheaper ($100 - $125), without expressing my preference between the two groups of dresses. The girls' answers confirmed that they were comfortable with, and actually preferred, the more expensive group of dresses.

As a side note, have you checked Netbride (online discounter with a good business reputation) for a quote on the dress that you like?

bablingbrooke · November 2010

OP shouldn't assume that they won't give her a straight answer until she asks and they don't give one. Many BMs WILL give a specific amount or range. My BMs all said $200 or less, and we found one for $150.

If they do the "Oh, whatever you pick is fine" thing, lowball it, just to be on the safe side.

orangecrush32 · November 2010

I think like pp said, you definitely need to ask each BM individually rather than guess what their range would be.

Also, I like the suggestion of just giving your girls some guidelines. Tell them color, length, etc and let them pick out their own dress, but ask them to send you a picture before they buy it so you can approve.

sister2groom · November 2010

If you're having a tough time getting a straight answer, ask her to name something that would be BEYOND ridiculous. If she said $500, that wouldn't tell you much, but if she $225, I wouldn't go very close to $200.

Also, you don't need to buy dresses mde for bridesmaids. There are tons of nice dresses that could look like BM dresses at Macys or Nordstrom that would be cheaper, especially if you looked at the sales. Since the dresses are not made to be BM dresses, it's more likely they could be worn again.

mbcdefg · November 2010

Definitely ask each BM, privately, what she wants to spend.

And don't say, "I found a dress for $x, is that O.K.?" because she will most likely agree to it just to keep you happy. Say, "What do you want to spend on a dress?"

I asked my two BMs this, and they both said that $200 or under was preferable. Their dresses cost $129 from AnnTaylor.com - we actually got them at last year's Cyber Monday sale. They originally retailed for over $200 each, but we got 40% off plus free shipping.

So like PPs said, remember that you are not limited to "bridesmaid dresses" or dresses from a salon. Department stores and their websites are a great place to look, and so is overstock.com and bluefly.com.

lcsnowflake · November 2010

Thank you for all the advice. I think I have a better idea of how to approach this now. I have been looking around and I know that this dress will be generally flattering and have had several of them try the dress on. Also, perhaps there is something to the price including alterations? So I guess I should adjust my line of questions to include "what would you pay for a dress and alterations"? I will look again for non-BM specific dresses but have had a hard time finding the right color.

mbcdefg · November 2010

Can you post a swatch of your desired color? Maybe someone here can help you find something.

lalap69 · November 2010

We can't tell you if the cost is reasonable because what's reasonable for us might not be reasonable for them. Only they can tell you, so you should ask them privately what their budget is. Work with the lowest number you get.

sap82478 · November 2010

I let my girls pick thier dresses, and I thought I would have an issue becasue they are all different, however, the first dress one picked, they all loved, and agreed on, the only minor problem we had was we choose colors that well, were hidious so we had to adjust the actually color. Being cautions of their finances is a very appropriate gesture, speak to them, and since they agreed to be in the wedding, they do know there will be some type of money involved, but maybe not what your idea was, GOOD LUCK TO YOU

bells24412 · December 2010

I agree with what everyone else is saying about asking the BM what their budget may be. A lot of the BM, like for example my BM, all said whatever you pick is fine with us. But Since I have been a BM and know what is like with all the costs, I am trying to keep it on the low side. Even though you may like something work with them maybe there can be a compromise somewhere, after all we were all bridesmaids once before....

aerinpegadrak · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-dress-costs-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f9f8f6cc-f5c5-46c3-a07d-e432bd61ee80Post:247896ee-da5b-42b9-be02-b3377f7750d4">Re: BM dress costs</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I wouldn't take "whatever you decide" as an answer. If that's what they give you, then throw out specifics. "So, would $200 be easily doable for you? Or is $150 better?" Just be sure to give them a RANGE to choose from, so they don't feel like they are saying No to some specific idea or plan you had.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Big old ditto to this. If the bridesmaids try to put the decision back onto you, don't let them. Actual conversation I had with a BM:

Me: Hey, the stylist wants you to send her some pictures of what you're thinking for hair so she can plan accordingly.
Her: Well, it's your wedding, so I'll do whatever.
Me: And it's your head. Pick a style.

So my response to, "Whatever you want" would be, "What I want is a dollar amount that you can realistically hand over when it's time to pay, without putting it on a credit card or anything. What would that be?" This is for their own benefit, it's okay to be firm and insist on an answer.

lcsnowflake · December 2010

Thanks everyone for the advice!

mbcdefg : I'm looking for a royal blue, something like the Alfred Angelo cobalt. This is actually one of the dresses I was thinking.
http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=03dd8d3a-a663-46ee-8d43-bb9cbcf041dc&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=

Also- update: I spoke with one of my BMs about the cost of the dress and she was extremely reassuring that she would be ok with whatever dress I picked out and she gave me some idea of a price range. She just got married and will be standing up in another wedding this summer, but she said that she understands BMs dresses are usually wear-once and pay extra money because its labeled a BM dress. I feel much better about the situation and hopefully will have a decision made this weekend!

marissa_claire · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-dress-costs-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f9f8f6cc-f5c5-46c3-a07d-e432bd61ee80Post:b3b94a0b-8ede-4ebf-af51-eef43bbe8713">Re: BM dress costs</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone for the advice! mbcdefg : I'm looking for a royal blue, something like the Alfred Angelo cobalt. This is actually one of the dresses I was thinking. <a href="http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=03dd8d3a-a663-46ee-8d43-bb9cbcf041dc&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=" rel="nofollow">http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=03dd8d3a-a663-46ee-8d43-bb9cbcf041dc&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=</a> Also- update:<strong> I spoke with one of my BMs </strong>about the cost of the dress and she was extremely reassuring that she would be ok with whatever dress I picked out and she gave me some idea of a price range. She just got married and will be standing up in another wedding this summer, but she said that she understands BMs dresses are usually wear-once and pay extra money because its labeled a BM dress. I feel much better about the situation and hopefully will have a decision made this weekend!
Posted by lcsnowflake[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Just be sure to speak to all of them on an individual basis - no group settings.

</div>

megandjay · December 2010

I know some brides that had success with this site, ordering online the same BM dresses for less. So you might be able to get them that dress you had picked for less...

http://www.pearlsplace.com/

some reviews: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/pearls-place-review

Also heard good things about netbride.

sahoskin · December 2010

I don't know how formal a wedding you're having, but my bride's maids and I took a day and went to get lunch and hit a mall. We found some absolutely stunning dresses for them at Wet Seal, Forever 21, and the department stores. This may not work if you want everyone to have the same gown, but all my girls look fantastic and we got the after homecoming sales so we didn't break anyone's bank.

reason00 · December 2010

2 of my bridesmaids fell in love with a $300 dress and are willing to pay for it. One doesn't really care the cost/style of dress as long as it looks good...and the last one...I can tell she's a bit uneasy about $300.

I privately offered to help her pay for it if she needs it. She said no, she can do it...but I can sense 300 is a bit much for her, and even if she has the money for it, I don't want her to feel like "F%$%$CK I spent $300 on a stupid dress".

This coming Saturday is when we'll be finalizing the dress choice and making the orders. I dunno if I should downplay the $300 dress and opt for a cheaper one. See if the other girls are willing to go with another style. They're all VERY awesome girls and none of them are snobby or bitchy. They just really want to look their best and don't want to waste money on a cheaply made dress.

The $300 dress really is nice though hahahaa...

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-dress-costs-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f9f8f6cc-f5c5-46c3-a07d-e432bd61ee80Post:2ba734cf-0e4b-4cfb-8e69-8ebf7b2c9804">Re: BM dress costs</a>:
[QUOTE]2 of my bridesmaids fell in love with a $300 dress and are willing to pay for it. One doesn't really care the cost/style of dress as long as it looks good...and the last one...I can tell she's a bit uneasy about $300. I privately offered to help her pay for it if she needs it. She said no, she can do it...but I can sense 300 is a bit much for her, and even if she has the money for it, I don't want her to feel like "F%$%$CK I spent $300 on a stupid dress". This coming Saturday is when we'll be finalizing the dress choice and making the orders. I dunno if I should downplay the $300 dress and opt for a cheaper one. See if the other girls are willing to go with another style. They're all VERY awesome girls and none of them are snobby or bitchy. They just really want to look their best and don't want to waste money on a cheaply made dress. The $300 dress really is nice though hahahaa...
Posted by reason00[/QUOTE]
You know what the right thing to do is. You know it's wrong to ask this girl to spend $300 on a dress when she's not comfortable doing so. So don't ask her to. Post a pic of the dress on here and see if we can help you find it in a cheaper place--rarely is a BM dress so unique that you can't find something similar or identical for much less money.<div>
</div><div>This is why you get budgets first and individually. This girl doesn't want to be the party-pooper, but also really doesn't feel like she can spend that kind of money. You all went about this backwards, so go back to the drawing board. I guarantee your other BMs won't cry themselves to sleep because they have to spend less on a dress for your wedding, and your friend will thank you for being so accommodating.</div>

prdoc · December 2010

I bought my bridemaids' dresses for them. Marshall's had a beautiful array of coordingating Calvin Klein dresses for under $100./ea and I picked up additional new coordinating Calvin Klein dresses on Ebay for two other girls in sizes not available in the first run. They are glorious dresses and the girls are in love with them. Bridesmaids dresses just seem overpriced, cheaply made, and unwearable after the big day. All of the dresses I bought are highly wearable, yet still very special and beautiful. Hope this helps!

mazinggrace · December 2010

I made my job easier. I gave my bridesmaids what I wanted from the bridesmaid dresses and let them do the rest. They worked together and picked the designer, the styles, their own colors (out of about 30 color choices I gave them) and more importantly their own prices.

They could pick from a range of prices. So they picked what they were comfortable with. So not only did they get something they were comfortable with but something they could wear again because of the huge selection of dresses. I just could not see them spending that much money on something they would never use again.

I think that by giving them options you will have much happier bridesmaids. They will also feel like they are apart of your planning. I know my bridesmaids have been a huge part in my wedding and I am so grateful that they will be there.

futuremrshoff · December 2010

I am also trying to keep my BM's budget in mind for my wedding I found an inexpensive dress that I liked and one of my girls said "that is still kind of high for a dress to wear for only a few hours" I had to agree so we went to a fabric store and found a pattern that is similar. It turns out that the cost for us to make them is less than 1/2 what the most inexpensive dress shop was asking. And since it is a simple gown it is easy to make, takes about 3 hours per dress. cost per dress $56! everyone was happy with that. and I still get the look Iwanted for my wedding!

SeptemberFall2011 · December 2010

there are websites that sell AA on the cheap. Using my AA dress on this website: http://www.plussizebridal.com/SearchResults.asp?productid=6546 my bridesmaids can save $18.16. But keep in mind I live in SD while you live in Detriot so cost of living probably creates a difference but i is a suggestion for you to use!

Yes you can order with extra length on this site.

reason00 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-dress-costs-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f9f8f6cc-f5c5-46c3-a07d-e432bd61ee80Post:9f02f12c-63f4-4661-98e0-a55be5006a00">Re: BM dress costs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM dress costs : You know what the right thing to do is. You know it's wrong to ask this girl to spend $300 on a dress when she's not comfortable doing so. So don't ask her to. Post a pic of the dress on here and see if we can help you find it in a cheaper place--rarely is a BM dress so unique that you can't find something similar or identical for much less money. This is why you get budgets first and individually. This girl doesn't want to be the party-pooper, but also really doesn't feel like she can spend that kind of money. You all went about this backwards, so go back to the drawing board. I guarantee your other BMs won't cry themselves to sleep because they have to spend less on a dress for your wedding, and your friend will thank you for being so accommodating.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Thanks, girl... Funny story actually...

We just went dress shopping on Saturday. I kind of kept the $300 dress to the side and was proposing cheaper ideas...well that same girl that had the issues with the price saw another one by the same designer, so same material etc, and she fell in love with this one so much...and the price was even higher so she was even more bummed out...but I decided to ask if that was the real price on it because it seemed high...the attendent double checked and the dress had gone down to only $250, and plus I had a discount card for the store because it's where I purchased my dress. So she was happy, they all were. They walked away with a $360 dress for only $210 including taxes.

This is the dress they ended up choosing...

<a href="http://www.bestbridalprices.com/love-by-enzoani-special-occasion-dresses-style-b8-p-51286.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.bestbridalprices.com/love-by-enzoani-special-occasion-dresses-style-b8-p-51286.html</a>

In the midnight blue (black-looking) colour. Amazing quality, too! I was so happy for them. They felt like a million bucks in this dress for some reason LOL.

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