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Moms and Maids

Bridesman/Male bridesmaid

My very traditional mother is refusing to allow a male friend to be in my bridal party. I am have a very quirky wedding as it is (plantation house, Indian Jones music, Air Force tie-ins for my fiance) because we are fitting the wedding to our likes and personalities. Getting the music in has been like pulling teeth and I have had many arguements about this. She keeps suggesting girls I have not talked to in three years. Is there anyway someone can think of to convince her my best male friend can be on my side during the wedding? I cannot ask him without asking another friend (we are kind of a trio) so I would be taking two out with one shot. I really need some persuading words here. 
-H 

Re: Bridesman/Male bridesmaid

  • Is your mom paying for the wedding?  If not then just tell her it isn't up for discussion.  
    If she is you have two options.
    You can try telling her how much your friend means to you, how you love him for supporting your relationship with your FI and you can't imagine one of the most important days of you life without him by your side and hope that persuades her.
    Or you can tell her you lovingly and respectfully decline her monetary contribution but your friend means too much to you to cut him out.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Can you negotiate? I think that the WP would be one of the very most important and personal decisions for the B&G. It should not be a matter of discussion. Is there something else you can give in to her in return for this? Does she really really want some thing that you are lukewarm about? Maybe some music or flowers or food or spotlight dances? Find her Achilles heel.
  • I really need to know who is paying for the wedding first.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Even if your mom is paying for the wedding, you and fi should get to choose your own wp members. It's not unusual to have male attendants on the bride's side or female attendants on the groom's side. As the host, I think she should have been consulted on the other decisions that inolve her money.



                
  • Not much advice from me, except to say I side with you, and I am a very traditional MOB who is paying for most of my DD wedding.
  • edited December 2012
    You're not going to change her mind.  Just tell her that your decision is not up for discussion.  If she is paying, however, you need to be prepared to pay for everything yourself if she threatens to pull her financial support.
  • In Response to Re: Bridesman/Male bridesmaid:
    Is your mom paying for the wedding?  If not then just tell her it isn't up for discussion.   If she is you have two options. You can try telling her how much your friend means to you, how you love him for supporting your relationship with your FI and you can't imagine one of the most important days of you life without him by your side and hope that persuades her. Or you can tell her you lovingly and respectfully decline her monetary contribution but your friend means too much to you to cut him out.
    Posted by dtbluv
    Agreed. If she's paying she does get a say, but at the end of the day it's up to you. You just have to be prepared for resistance from her. I too have a male on my side and I would never let anyone talk me out if it.
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