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Vent: Stressed Out!

LittleMissCutiePieLittleMissCutiePie
500 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi all. So, FMIL passed on Sunday after a full week in the hospital (I have written updates about that). And so, we're planning a funeral. My RSVP date was this weekend as well, which I assure you I didn't think about at all (although the friend who got Andrew and I together who promised he'd be at the wedding told me he'd have to "try and get work off" even though he RSVP'd two weeks ago with a yes, and he told me this about ten minutes before FMIL passed. Great timing, dude). But now I'm facing my final date to deliver numbers to the caterer and I have absolutely no desire to call everyone, all of whom are FI's family, and hear a million different versions of "We're so sorry to hear about FMIL". We have 60 missing RSVP's, and while I had prepared myself for that before, now I'm incredibly irritated. FI has offered to call, but it seems unfair to make him call all of them. Ick, I really don't want to do this.
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Re: Vent: Stressed Out!

  • StefffiCStefffiC member
    1000 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-stressed-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48d6f46a-8389-4c9b-b0b0-1ffad2b4e540Post:4a2fd488-eee8-4907-b11c-6734a4e123d7">Vent: Stressed Out!</a>:
    [QUOTE] We have 60 missing RSVP's, and while I had prepared myself for that before, now I'm incredibly irritated. FI has offered to call, but it seems unfair to make him call all of them. Ick, I really don't want to do this.
    Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

    Do you have a friend who could make the calls for you? Or, would it be worth hiring someone to do it? I would imagine you could have a day off coordinator or someone like that make the calls for you.
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  • ski2playski2play member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    Ugh, sorry littlemisscutie, that is not a fun spot to be in.  I am sorry.  Can you do some via email as to not have to speak directly and the million versions?  Could one of your bridal party be asked to help out?  Just thinking out loud here.

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  • willywally5willywally5 member
    2500 Comments
    I agree with Stage. I'd contact as many of the 60 as possible thru means other than the phone or in person. That would just be so hard. FB, email, even texting is OK. 

    So very, very sorry this is all happening at all, much less the timing. (HUGS)
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  • texasgurly13texasgurly13
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    *Hugs*  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I like Stage's idea of emailing/FB messaging them if you can.  Ts&Ps being sent your way.  
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm sorry for your loss. 

    I like Stage's advice.  Can you call the caterer to see if you can get an extension?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • LittleMissCutiePieLittleMissCutiePie
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-stressed-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48d6f46a-8389-4c9b-b0b0-1ffad2b4e540Post:e1ab0b6d-ff70-433d-9dea-9f5ecd1e3f34">Re: Vent: Stressed Out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry for your loss.  I like Stage's advice.  Can you call the caterer to see if you can get an extension?
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    This is our extension. We originally were supposed to give them the numbers a month in advance (I HAVE NO IDEA WHY), and this is as far as they're willing to budge. They haven't been incredibly sympathetic to our situation.

    Thanks for the advice, everyone. Missing RSVPs, according to FI, are people who are like 99.99999% guaranteed not to show up. But I don't want to deal with the one or two people who we were almost sure were going to be no-shows show up without an RSVP. No RSVP means they don't have a seat, and we'll run out of food. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
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  • blgroutblgrout
    1000 Comments
    I don't have much else to add other than I'm really sorry to hear that she passed, that's a brutal battle to witness.  I can't imagine trying to do WR stuff in the middle of all this.

    Maybe if you have a friend or family member who can help call, if email/FB isn't an option?  Or Mrs.Jesse's suggestion of splitting calls with FI might help too.

    *hugs*
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-stressed-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48d6f46a-8389-4c9b-b0b0-1ffad2b4e540Post:41189d18-417f-4ff0-92c8-e2c5f21fc2f1">Re: Vent: Stressed Out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent: Stressed Out! : This is our extension. We originally were supposed to give them the numbers a month in advance (I HAVE NO IDEA WHY), and this is as far as they're willing to budge. They haven't been incredibly sympathetic to our situation. Thanks for the advice, everyone. Missing RSVPs, according to FI, are people who are like 99.99999% guaranteed not to show up. But I don't want to deal with the one or two people who we were almost sure were going to be no-shows show up without an RSVP. No RSVP means they don't have a seat, and we'll run out of food. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
    Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>That sucks.  I don't get venues who need hard numbers more than a week out.   </div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • angelsong21angelsong21 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Like PP, I agree with Stage's idea and would go that route.  I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss and I am sending T&Ps your way today.
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  • MrsGandthebeagMrsGandthebeag member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Just wanted to say that Im sorry for your loss.  
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  • zizibetzizibet member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm so sorry for your loss, and I am thinking of you.
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  • SVPWSVPW
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-stressed-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:48d6f46a-8389-4c9b-b0b0-1ffad2b4e540Post:49037807-7a1a-4fa7-a95e-283bc6015420">Re: Vent: Stressed Out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh Cutie, I'm sorry.  This is shitty timing.  I don't know if you've said, but are you close with your own immediate family?  Mom, siblings?  Perhaps one of them would be willing to make the calls?  I can only imagine the conversations you would have to have.  "Cutie, I'm so sorry!  When will the arrangements be made?  How are you holding up?  Can I do anything?"  Ad infinitum.  <strong>You and your FI, honestly, just don't need that right now.</strong> 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    This. So sorry for your loss and the added stress. 
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