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Still bored, so, a C&P from the Nest

ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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MeganL2022
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MeganL2022 is online. Last active: 03-21-2011, 2:10 PMNewbie

Should I be jealous of her? What do I do?

Here's the situation:

My husband, S, has a really good female friend I will refer to as B. He considers B a friend and talks to her frequently on the phone and texts her. I'm not always around when they talk and don't always see the texts, but I can't help but be a little bit jealous. 

S thinks of her as a sister, and argues that it's okay for him to say, "I love you" to her when they end phone calls because of this, even though I've said it makes me uncomfortable. He says that if I was as close to my male friends as he is with B, then I would understand. But I can't help feeling this way.

Should I be jealous of her, or am I being paranoid? I'm not really sure how to handle this anymore. I don't think they are involved in anything but a friend relationship, but these feelings won't go away.

 

 

 

What do you think is going on, just from reading this?  Is this a new friend, or does this only suddenly bother her, or are they acting differently all of a sudden?  Or did she date, get engaged to, and marry someone who was doing something that made her feel really awful all without bothering to say anything or do anything about it?

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Re: Still bored, so, a C&P from the Nest

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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I don't think I've ever told my siblings I love them.

    That relationship is not 100% innocent. Maybe it's only in thought, but still - "I love you"? No. 
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    TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You know it's the last one. But IMO this isn't about jealousy. This is about him behaving really inapropriately. If H had a female friend that he was on "I love you" terms with he'd be getting repeatedly punched in the junk.
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    nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
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    edited December 2011
    H does not say "ILU" to anyone but his mother.  Not even his wife or child.  So, if something like this were going on, I would definitely know something was up.

    This guy?  I feel like I don't have enough information, but have a feeling it isn't 100% friends 100% of the time.
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    what the what.  dh once told a friend "i love you!" but that email was meant for me.  to his credit, dave wrote back "i love you too."
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I do have friends that I say "I love you" to, but none of those are male.  Still, I'm not entirely convinced that this is cheaty-hinky, though I do think that if it bothers her, he should cut it the hell out.

    Mostly, though, I don't think a person should continue to date a guy who has a friendship that squicks her out.
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011

    now i think the fact that kuus has friends that she says "i looooove you" to is the weirdest part of this whole post.

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    tawillerstawillers member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011

    DH and I often say "love you guys" to our OOT BFFs when we part after visits, but I don't think this is the same thing...

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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    What exactly do they love, Kuus?

    <things that make you go, hmmmmmm />
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm confused now.
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    InksWellInksWell member
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    edited December 2011

    That right there is what they call and emotional affair.

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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Sorry read wrong, please continue.
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    zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    If may actually be a brother/sister relationship, but since it isn't actually his sister he needs to tone it down out of respect for his wife.
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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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    AthseaAthsea member
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    edited December 2011
    If this isn't relatively new behavior, I don't see anything wrong with it. My FI's best friend is female, they've known each other for 12 years, and they say "I love you". I say it to a really good male friend of mine. This doesn't bother us, because we're odd maybe, but we know that it's just a brother/ sister relationship with the other person, and we tell our actual siblings we love them, so it's not all that strange to us. 

    I do agree that if it bothers her that much, he should at least not say it in front of her. 

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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_still-bored-cp-nest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:6075dc0d-aff7-4347-a173-56595f135bdbPost:7f54e8c0-cdef-460f-9016-f0586cce677b">Re: Still bored, so, a C&P from the Nest</a>:
    [QUOTE]If this isn't relatively new behavior, I don't see anything wrong with it. My FI's best friend is female, they've known each other for 12 years, and they say "I love you". I say it to a really good male friend of mine. This doesn't bother us, because we're odd maybe, but we know that it's just a brother/ sister relationship with the other person, and we tell our actual siblings we love them, so it's not all that strange to us.  <strong>I do agree that if it bothers her that much, he should at least not say it in front of her.</strong> 
    Posted by Athsea[/QUOTE]


    Because saying it behind her back and then her finding out anyway will end well.
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    AthseaAthsea member
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    edited December 2011
    It's not like he's lying about it. She just doesn't have to hear it. I'd be upset if I was told to stop saying it altogether.
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
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    edited December 2011
    So it would be better to find out that he's saying it behind your back? That doesn't seem sketchy to you?

    At least in front of your face you know what he's up to, and clearly he's either too stupid to hide it or doesn't think it's a big deal. If he starts hiding it however that speaks volumes about the relationship that he's sneaking around telling other women he loves them.
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    AthseaAthsea member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I did not say he should tell her he'll stop saying it, and then keep saying it out of earshot. I said a reasonable compromise would be for him to understand it bothers her to hear it, and agree not to say it in front of her. She doesn't have to like the fact that he says it, but if he feels strongly enough to say it, then it's not something he's likely to be willing to give up. Just because there are different kinds of love doesn't make his love for his friend any less important to him. She can't help it if it bothers or worries her, but if it's something he's been doing (which I'm assuming here), then there's no reason he should really stop, but he could at least be less in her face about it.

    I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear enough, but I don't believe I'm in the wrong with my opinion. You have every right to disagree, of course.
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