Groom at the bridal shower? Advice please!

cammien · May 2012

My MOH is hosting a bridal shower for me a couple weeks before the wedding, and it is an all-ladies afternoon tea. Because my FI and I are moving right after the wedding, the word has got around (though of course it was not in the invites) that we would not prefer gifts at the ceremony, so we will receive the majority of our wedding gifts at the showers.

A friend on his side is hosting a jack and jill shower (co-ed) as well, and my FI, of course, will be at that.

What I don't know is if he should be at the bridal shower. I have seen some where it stays just all girls, and I have seen at least one where the groom is there for just the part where the gifts are opened. I would love to have him with me -especially for opening the gifts, because that is the main chance we will have to open wedding gifts together, but I don't want it to be weird if everyone else there is female.

I should probably mention that this is not a lingere shower - that will happen later in conjunction with the bachelorette party I believe. My BMs are planning all of that.

My MOH is fine either way.

So what do you think? Is an all-girls bridal shower for the bride only, or should/can the groom be there for opening the gifts?

mari0225 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_groom-at-the-bridal-shower-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:34cb3266-b32c-4dd0-ae9a-2d4ef65fef02Post:02fe0dd9-e890-4a43-a784-45fe6460c27a">Groom at the bridal shower? Advice please!</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH is hosting a bridal shower for me a couple weeks before the wedding, and it is an all-ladies afternoon tea. Because my FI and I are moving right after the wedding, the word has got around (though of course it was not in the invites) that we would not prefer gifts at the ceremony, so we will receive the majority of our wedding gifts at the showers. A friend on his side is hosting a jack and jill shower (co-ed) as well, and my FI, of course, will be at that. What I don't know is if he should be at the bridal shower. I have seen some where it stays just all girls, and I have seen at least one where the groom is there for just the part where the gifts are opened. I would love to have him with me -especially for opening the gifts, because that is the main chance we will have to open wedding gifts together, but I don't want it to be weird if everyone else there is female. I should probably mention that this is not a lingere shower - that will happen later in conjunction with the bachelorette party I believe. My BMs are planning all of that. My MOH is fine either way. So what do you think? Is an all-girls bridal shower for the bride only, or should/can the groom be there for opening the gifts?
Posted by cammien[/QUOTE]

It is up to you and your FI, FMIL dragged FI to the one she was hosting and he was miserable, he was a good sport there but after he made me promise to never make him come to another one.

amys325 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_groom-at-the-bridal-shower-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:34cb3266-b32c-4dd0-ae9a-2d4ef65fef02Post:02fe0dd9-e890-4a43-a784-45fe6460c27a">Groom at the bridal shower? Advice please!</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH is hosting a bridal shower for me a couple weeks before the wedding, and it is an all-ladies afternoon tea. Because my FI and I are moving right after the wedding, the word has got around (though of course it was not in the invites) that we would not prefer gifts at the ceremony, so we will receive the majority of our wedding gifts at the showers. A friend on his side is hosting a jack and jill shower (co-ed) as well, and my FI, of course, will be at that. What I don't know is if he should be at the bridal shower. I have seen some where it stays just all girls, and I have seen at least one where the groom is there for just the part where the gifts are opened. I would love to have him with me -especially for opening the gifts, because that is the main chance we will have to open wedding gifts together, but I don't want it to be weird if everyone else there is female. <strong>I should probably mention that this is not a lingere shower</strong> - that will happen later in conjunction with the bachelorette party I believe. My BMs are planning all of that. My MOH is fine either way. So what do you think? Is an all-girls bridal shower for the bride only, or should/can the groom be there for opening the gifts?
Posted by cammien[/QUOTE]

I was going to say that it is fine if your FI comes to the shower, but then you said the bolded. I think it would be a little awkward if he was there while you are opening up a bunch of sexy things while surrounded by a bunch of women.

I say leave him at home if it's a lingerie shower...

Meegles4 · May 2012

Who are the guests? Are any of his family or lady friends invited? If yes, then I might consider having him stop by to say hello and then he could leave. Or he could stay for the entire time if he were comfortable with that.

If it's mostly your girl friends and family, then I wouldn't have him come.

My mom and MIL hosted one of my showers and it was a mix of my friends and his family. So he was there for all of it. I appreciated it because there were a few people on his side that I didn't really know. Then I had aunts host a shower OOT for my extended family. Initially he was going to make the trip with me, but we decided against it and that actually worked well since it was "my" people.

ETA: For the shower that he went to, I also made sure to make him PART of it. So when MIL asked what games I wanted to play, I told her I'd like to play the newlywed game, where she asks us questions and we have to see how many we both answer correctly. So, it made it slightly less miserable for him.

lyndausvi · May 2012

I would let your FI decide. DH would have been miserable hanging out with a bunch of women opening gifts.

cammien · May 2012

@amys325 - I said it is NOT a lingere shower.

Just basic household stuff.

jjerene11 · May 2012

I just had my bridal shower this past weekend and my FI made an appearance. From what I have read in wedding etiquette books it is appropriate for your FI to attend because many guests will buy gifts for the both of you. We had friends come in from out of town to bring us gifts who are unable to be at the wedding so it was nice that he was there to thank them in person. If your hostess doesn't mind go for it!

Maggie0829 · May 2012

Leave it up to your FI. I have been to some where the FI showed up at the end to help with gifts while other times he stayed the whole time. It really depend on what your FI wants to do.

juliebug1997 · May 2012

My DH came to two of the three that were held for me; it was especially important that he come to the one that my students were holding for me because they wanted to meet him. Also, several parents wanted to "interview" him to make sure he wasn't dragging me away before their children graduated (not joking). He really enjoyed it and he realized what goes into planning those things. I would ask your FI if maybe he wants to go to one to see how he likes it.

rlavach · May 2012

Like PP said, it's really up to you & your FI. I had a women's only shower, but my DH was asked to be there. He wasn't exactly thrilled since he's pretty shy & hates attention. He had a good time, though. It was nice for him to meet some more of my family.

amys325 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_groom-at-the-bridal-shower-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:34cb3266-b32c-4dd0-ae9a-2d4ef65fef02Post:d99a5ca6-f16b-4a87-9ee7-d7158165c444">Re: Groom at the bridal shower? Advice please!</a>:
[QUOTE]@amys325 - I said it is NOT a lingere shower. :) Just basic household stuff.
Posted by cammien[/QUOTE]

Reading fail on my part. Sorry about that.

Most showers I go to the FI just shows up at the end while opening gifts and helps carry them out to the car. But I don't think it's a big deal either way.

smartlypretty · May 2012

In my area, the Groom shows up towards the end with the FOB. They scarf some food and load the presents.

kmmssg · May 2012

Last year my nephew showed up at his FI's bridal shower when it was time to open gifts. The hostess was the lifelong neighbor across the street and it was our side of the family and a few other family friends. My nephew missed the games and girl chit chat. He was very comfortable because he had known everyone his entire life.

Ask your Fi if he would like to make an appearance. Far more often than not I never see the groom. Either way would be fine.

Kate61487 · May 2012

I had two showers: the one where it was just my family and friends H just showed up at the very end to load gifts. He was actually supposed to come a little earlier, so that he could meet everyone, but the 'boys lunch' (several distant uncles came into town to bring their wives to the shower so they went out with my dad, grandpa, etc) ran a little long so by the time they got there the only people left were the women who were waiting on their husbands.

The other shower was all H's family and he was there almost the whole time (his b-party was the night before so he was a little late/hungover). He seemed to enjoy it just fine, especially since it was his family. For this one of course he opened gifts with me (which was nice b/c there were several cousins I didn't really know and I was dreading opening a gift and having no idea who I was supposed to look at to thank them)

So basically, it's fine either way - but I'd just ask him to come and let him make the choice.

BCV513 · May 2012

My FI wants to come to my shower. There will only be one and both sides of our families and both of our friends will be there, so he doesn't want to miss it.

I've seen it done both ways. My sister's husband stayed for her whole shower. My brother came to his at the end and thanked everyone and packed up the cars. The only time I thought it was odd was my friend's wedding where I was a bridesmaid. There were two showers - one for her side and one for his. He went to the one for his side and didn't show up at all for the one for her side. It seemed a little insulting.

mbody · May 2012

My FI is coming to both my bridal showers. I think it's nice for grooms to come at least for the gifts, IMO. He'll get the chance to chat a bit and thank everyone.

cammien · May 2012

Thanks Knotties!

I definately feel more ok with having him come for opening the gifts.

I will let him skip all the girl talk and games, since it's mostly my side's females.

'

Looking forward to it!

Groom at the bridal shower? Advice please!

Re: Groom at the bridal shower? Advice please!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards