Ugh Gifts

sgdc2011 · May 2011

So we got a gift sent to the house that was worth $35. She wasn't invited to the shower. I REALLY hope this is not the wedding gift! I'm going to have FI have his parents call the guest to see if it was a shower/engagement gift.

If this IS the wedding gift.. I am disgusted.. it's less than I give for a Birthday Gift!

ev4149 · May 2011

It is better than those people who will give you nothing.... and you will have some of those....

schrutebeets · May 2011

Agreed with you and PP. Unfortunately some people will give nothing......i think its less of an issue in the tri-state area but i hear stories about it every time

Gift928 · May 2011

so ur disgusted bcause the gift you got wa $35?

HobokensFury · May 2011

I'm sorry OP but you sound ungrateful.

sgdc2011 · May 2011

I'm disgusted that people think that's a WEDDING GIFT. I spend that much if not MORE on a BIRTHDAY gift.. which is only for 1 person.

For those that give no gifts, I'm disgusted they would show up with nothing, knowing they havn't sent anything either. I would never show up to a persons house for DINNER without bringing something.

Maybe I was brought up differently, and I might be flamed for this comment.

I know it's not about the gifts, but really? $35, I would be embarrissed to give that.

mbcdefg · May 2011

Be glad you got something. We had immediate family members who gave us nothing.

if you don't like it, return it with a note saying it's not enough.

cutiepie12702 · May 2011

My friend just got married and she had one couple give her a really cheap picture frame. Another aunt who came with her husband and son gave them a pair of sheets and $50. Other people also gave them $50. Don't be surprised by this - there is nothing you can do. Do you know if they are coming to the wedding? If not, then you really should relax about it because at least you didn't have to pay for them to eat. Just follow the rule of thumb - people get what they give. If they give you a $35 gift, you give that back to them when it's their turn. Don't stress about this...it's really not worth it and there's nothing you can do.

peaches178 · May 2011

I understand being disappointed. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed by what some of our close relatives gave us for our shower. However, I quickly realized that it's none of my business how people spend their money and/or what they decide to spend on FI and me.

Yes, a wedding is expensive and, yes, it's common (especially in this area) to spend quite a bit on wedding (and even shower) gifts for a couple. But that doesn't mean that everyone partakes in that "custom" or that everyone is financially capable of spending that amount on someone, especially in these economic times.

As I said earlier, I understand that you're disappointed, but to say that you're "disgusted" by the gift is really quite rude, ungrateful, and childish of you.

jchristel · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:b0a90ccf-d302-4f07-ac6b-2fa65d85cfd6">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Be glad you got something. We had immediate family members who gave us nothing. if you don't like it, return it with a note saying it's not enough.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Good one MB!</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Seriously? You should spend more time being grateful and less time being disgusted. People give what they can afford to give, not what you deem appropriate. </div>

mmontroni · May 2011

I don't know the person, but maybe their situation is tough and all they can afford is $35. The point of a wedding isn't the gifts, anyway.

uppereastgirl · May 2011

I'm going to pretend that I think this is MUD. It's better that way.

kristen8040 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:f3dfddbe-5271-466c-88c6-77b83ddb9f8a">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand being disappointed. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed by what some of our close relatives gave us for our shower. However, I quickly realized that it's none of my business how people spend their money and/or what they decide to spend on FI and me. Yes, a wedding is expensive and, yes, it's common (especially in this area) to spend quite a bit on wedding (and even shower) gifts for a couple. But that doesn't mean that everyone partakes in that "custom" or that everyone is financially capable of spending that amount on someone, especially in these economic times. As I said earlier, I understand that you're disappointed, but to say that you're "disgusted" by the gift is really quite rude, ungrateful, and childish of you.
Posted by peaches178[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree.</div><div>
</div><div>Considering my DH is from south Jersey, his side was blown away by our wedding, and if they were following the "cover your plate" idea, most were way below. At first I was kind of disappointed, but I had to realize that not everyone has to money to spend on wedding gift. We still have a few that didn't give us anything, and to be honest, I don't think they ever will. Do I think it's rude? Yes. Do I complain about it? No. What are you going to do, send them an invoice? </div>

TLuvT · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:f3dfddbe-5271-466c-88c6-77b83ddb9f8a">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand being disappointed. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed by what some of our close relatives gave us for our shower. However, I quickly realized that it's none of my business how people spend their money and/or what they decide to spend on FI and me. Yes, a wedding is expensive and, yes, it's common (especially in this area) to spend quite a bit on wedding (and even shower) gifts for a couple. But that doesn't mean that everyone partakes in that "custom" or that everyone is financially capable of spending that amount on someone, especially in these economic times. As I said earlier, I understand that you're disappointed, but to say that you're "disgusted" by the gift is really quite rude, ungrateful, and childish of you.
Posted by peaches178[/QUOTE]
I agree with this response 100%. I think your attitude about what you think you are entitled to is "disgusting" to say the least.

goaliegirl · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:8dd39db8-51ea-4f65-a6d9-21fd0c4ca6dc">Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]So we got a gift sent to the house that was worth $35. She wasn't invited to the shower. I REALLY hope this is not the wedding gift! I'm going to have FI have his parents call the guest to see if it was a shower/engagement gift. If this IS the wedding gift.. I am disgusted.. it's less than I give for a Birthday Gift!
Posted by sgdc2011[/QUOTE]

All I can say is WOW!! You must be kidding, at least I hope you are. FWIW, I would NOT have your Fi's parents call to see if it was a wedding or shower gift, just send a thank you note, thanking them for the gift.

I am not going to repeat what the others have already said because I agree with them all, but you should be grateful that they took the time to send you a gift at all.

uppereastgirl · May 2011

In Response to <a style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-weight:normal;font-style:inherit;font-size:11px;font-family:inherit;vertical-align:baseline;text-decoration:underline;color:#4c402a;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:46a57cea-27fd-4279-a7ce-d5be7a77f46e">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh Gifts : I agree. Considering my DH is from south Jersey, his side was blown away by our wedding, <strong>and if they were following the "cover your plate" idea, most were way below. </strong> At first I was kind of disappointed, but I had to realize that not everyone has to money to spend on wedding gift. We still have a few that didn't give us anything, and to be honest, I don't think they ever will. Do I think it's rude? Yes. Do I complain about it? No. What are you going to do, send them an invoice?
Posted by kristen8040[/QUOTE]

<div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-weight:inherit;font-style:inherit;font-size:11px;font-family:inherit;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">They probably weren't. In most parts of the country people don't do that, it is NEVER proper etiquette (Miss Manners calls the idea "astonishingly vulgar and crass"), and it is against the spirit of gift-giving (people are giving gifts to commemorate your special day -- not to pay for their admission to it).</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-weight:inherit;font-style:inherit;font-size:11px;font-family:inherit;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-weight:inherit;font-style:inherit;font-size:11px;font-family:inherit;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Not giving a gift at all *is* rude, but gifts should always be based on what you can afford and your relationship with the couple. If that's $35, or even $5, then so be it.</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-weight:inherit;font-style:inherit;font-size:11px;font-family:inherit;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-weight:inherit;font-style:inherit;font-size:11px;font-family:inherit;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">OP, if it bothers you so much, either send the gift back like MBC suggested; or send the couple a note indicating that you're spending $x on their meals and if they'd like to attend the wedding, they should send another gift that is closer to the amount you're spending on their food.</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-weight:inherit;font-style:inherit;font-size:11px;font-family:inherit;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-weight:inherit;font-style:inherit;font-size:11px;font-family:inherit;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">I really, really hope you weren't serious about having FI's parents to call to ask what the gift is for.</div>

sgdc2011 · May 2011

Wow.... I left this website up at work yesterday (forgot to shut it down) my Coworker informed me to check what "I" Wrote- it was definitely not me he was playing a joke on me!!! Last time I leave open the website at work!

I'm really not an ungrateful person I promise.

Now it's time to think of payback joke for my coworker..any ideas?

sfennell1 · May 2011

LOL.....
I'm happy to hear that you really aren't that ungrateful.

HobokensFury · May 2011

I still think it's MUD

uppereastgirl · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:d11ad771-53ab-49dd-907c-af8b0c1573fe">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I still think it's MUD
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

She said it is, two to three posts up from yours.

THANK GOD.

jcg98 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:618a139e-47d9-4f33-afab-dff4a06be010">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow.... I left this website up at work yesterday (forgot to shut it down) my Coworker informed me to check what "I" Wrote- it was definitely not me he was playing a joke on me!!! Last time I leave open the website at work! I'm really not an ungrateful person I promise. Now it's time to think of payback joke for my coworker..any ideas? :)
Posted by sgdc2011[/QUOTE]

<div>Not cool! He probably thinks he was being funny but he had a whole bunch of people thinking you were being selfish and ungrateful. I'd be PISSED. </div><div>
</div>

HobokensFury · May 2011

I was takling about her "explanation". I think that's MUD. And if it's true her coworker needs to grown up and find a hobby.

peaches178 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:ead9c43b-99c5-4475-b800-2d2d802d6c4d">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I was takling about her "explanation". I think that's MUD. And if it's true her coworker needs to grown up and find a hobby.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]
Yeah... not so sure I believe the explanation. Oh well.

kristen8040 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:cb19fa06-bea7-460e-bc9b-847e24d0864a">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh Gifts : Yeah... not so sure I believe the explanation. Oh well.
Posted by peaches178[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>My thoughts exactly.
</div>

felicia220 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:cb19fa06-bea7-460e-bc9b-847e24d0864a">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh Gifts : Yeah... not so sure I believe the explanation. Oh well.
Posted by peaches178[/QUOTE]

<div>I was thinking the same thing. Does this co-worker go on TK, because I don't think most people would know that we use the "FI" abbrv. just off the top of their head. </div>

uppereastgirl · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:ead9c43b-99c5-4475-b800-2d2d802d6c4d">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I was takling about her "explanation". I think that's MUD. And if it's true her coworker needs to grown up and find a hobby.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

Good point. I'm too trusting :)

sfennell1 · May 2011

WOW....I guess I'm the only fool that believed her explanation. I think the whole thing is just pathetic

Gift928 · May 2011

Yep....i dont believe that ish either

TLuvT · May 2011

I don't believe it was your co-worker. But atleast you seem to be so embarrassed of your behavior that made up that story.
Hopefully you learned a lession of manners and what the meaning of a gift is.

NJgurl19 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ugh-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:84b6fa34-7885-462e-b225-8814c53e9722Post:f24c55ee-2641-4ae5-a54f-2510ab48e423">Re: Ugh Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know the person, but maybe their situation is tough and all they can afford is $35. The point of a wedding isn't the gifts, anyway.
Posted by mmontroni[/QUOTE]

Agree!!!

USER876 · May 2011

We had a few give us nothing, a few stuff 30-40 bucks in an envelope, and a few give us cheesy gifts like gifts or even cheap christmas ornaments (obviously regifts). We also got a silver bowl that was purchased at a garage sale.

Our wedding in 2009 was over 150 a plate

We also had about 95% of people actually cover their plate or more.

I thnk this is normal and to be expected. If EVERYONE gave you a gift like that, then I would be discusted.

Also, don't know what South Jersey has to do with anything, I am from South Jersey, and our events are usually always over the top and the family's are very generous. I think it's more family specific, not location specific (at least in NJ).

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