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omg really?

heyimbrenheyimbren member
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in Not Engaged Yet
Maybe I'm just extra moody today but friend is driving me crazy.

She sent out a FB mass message today to all her BMs to say that she's decided we can now all pick out our own jewellery to wear at the wedding. But we have to run it by her first. "Is that fair?"

But in case we were wondering her personal preference is that we all wear pearls, but they can't look like the pearl necklace she's wearing (innuendo not intended!).

I want to respond that I feel like I'm an adult and I can dress myself thank you very much.

End of vent.

The good news is on update to my wisdom teeth: I manned up and booked an appointment for removal in 2 weeks on a Friday. It's at the end of my first week of classes so I shouldn't miss much if I miss anything.
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    catemegcatemeg
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    edited December 2011
    Good luck with the wisdom teeth!  It will suck for the first day or so, but if they've been bothering you anyway, it will quickly become a relief.

    Yeah, I'm never having bridesmaids.  It just seems like too much drama, a popularity contest, too many hurt feelings, there's so much coordination and blah blah blah.  Just too much effort.  And I would guess I'll be a bridesmaid for a few of my friends (haven't been one yet, but I have yet to have a close female friend get married) but most of them are the "Seriously? I have to coordinate what my bridesmaids wear?  Why can't they pick their own outfits? It's not like they have to match or anything!" type of brides.  Best I can say is smile and nod, and if she gets out of hand gently let her know.  But other girls will have more experience in tactfully dealing with an overbearing bride as they might have been bridesmaids in similar situations.
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    catemegcatemeg
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    edited December 2011
    Oh, and my suggestion for the wisdom teeth - bring a blanket for afterwards.  That was my biggest problem - after I came out from the anesthesia, I was freezing cold.  Also, have your pain meds filled before you go in for surgery.
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    motoLynmotoLyn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I have to say that letting the bridesmaids pick their own jewelry is so much  better so that had each BM can have a piece of their own style, especially if everyone is wearing matching dresses.  

    Happy to hear you scheduled your wisdom teeth to be taken out, better now then later.  I agree with the blanket, its cold after having any type of surgery done.  

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    catemegcatemeg
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    edited December 2011
    motoLyn, I think the problem is that she's "letting them pick their jewelry" as long as it is pearls, and not the same as hers, and that they get them "approved".  Which isn't really giving them any sort of autonomy in the decision.
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    jeanacorinajeanacorina
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    edited December 2011
    I think I did the bridesmaid thing the best I could.

    I chose family members, no friends. I didn't want it to be a "popularity contest," and none of my friends took it as such. Besides, friends come and go (especially in my life- I've moved a lot and suck at keeping in touch), but I'm stuck with my cousin and sister forever.

    I let them choose their own dresses, in a color and length I picked. Everyone seemed very happy with their dresses. My sister asked if she could get a two-toned dress, and I said sure. I chose the second color, but worked with her to make sure it was something she liked, too. She plans to wear the dress again.

    I asked them to wear yellow gold jewelry of their choice. They didn't HAVE to wear any. I suggested that pearls go with everything, but were in no way mandatory. Nobody wore pearls but me, and it was cool.

    I asked them to wear gold shoes of their choice. I wanted them to be comfortable. I wore flats, why shoulcn't they be able to wear heels, flats, wedges, whatever? No one will notice their shoes. But metallics are pretty "in" and gold can be worn with anything from jeans to ballgowns.

    All I really wanted was pictures or style numbers of what they chose, because I was excited and really curious. The girls looked gorgeous, and each displayed their own personality and style.

    My brother stood on my side and also looked pretty dashing, if I do say so myself.

    I think so many brides get a little too picky. I know what a perfectionist I am... and trying to coordinate 3 girls to wear the exact same thing would ABSOLUTELY trigger my obsessiveness. It was so much better for me to just let it go almost completely (except the color. I LOVE that bright purple).
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    DanieMarie212DanieMarie212 member
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    edited December 2011
    I think the problem is that she's "letting them pick their jewelry" as long as it is pearls, and not the same as hers, and that they get them "approved".  Which isn't really giving them any sort of autonomy in the decision.

    I totally agree with this.  I was wanting to do what my sister did for her BM.  She made them each pink pearl necklaces, earrings,

    bracelets, with a brown bow to tie them.  We all love them, and as far as I know no one had an issue with them.  Sorry i'm not sure why it put the picture in the middle.  She made her's as well.
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    oceana919oceana919
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Um, if she's going to put that many non-mandates/stipulations, why doesn't she just select the jewelry for you guys?

    I was more concerned with my girls investing money in an outfit they could wear again, rather than all my girls being matchy-matchy. I told my BP to pick whatever dress and shoe they wanted from DB in the color I picked out. As it happened, my MOH picked a long dress, and the rest picked short, so it worked out great. They can do their hair, makeup, nails however they want. I'm making them jewelry as part of my gift to them, but I designed the pieces so they could wear them again with whatever they wanted after the fact. If for some reason, one of the girls really has her heart set on wearing something different that day, cool.

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    zipis1zipis1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_omg-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a438dd84-b786-430b-b4c0-84f2cff6bbb0Post:ea86bd30-d1f7-429d-bd08-36944602fb3b">Re: omg really?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, and my suggestion for the wisdom teeth - bring a blanket for afterwards.  That was my biggest problem - after I came out from the anesthesia, I was freezing cold.  Also, have your pain meds filled before you go in for surgery.
    Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

    My orthodontic surgeon gave me a biiiig, soft, red blanket after anesthesia. In fact upon waking it was the first thing I saw and it was absolutely <em>fascinating</em>. I believe my thoughts were, "OMG! This blanket is <em>so soft!</em> It's the softest thing EVER! And it's RED!"

    Then I saw BF and thought, "NO WAY! I <em>know</em> that guy!" Just a little warning of what your thought process might be <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

    As for the pearls. Aside from colors, don't most pearl necklaces look the same? Im not a pearl person so I could be wrong, but I feel like they are.

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    ekathleen684ekathleen684
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    edited December 2011
    I'm glad you booked the appointment, you'll do fine. "Look up Meg Ryan after wisdom teeth". Funniest thing EVER!

    I don't really have any other advice since I've never had wisdom teeth (yes, I have to brag about it, LOL) The first thing I remember with FI was his mom calling me saying "Come outside! Kyle has decided to walk to the porch by himself". Apparently, he couldn't wait to get to the garage and got out when she got to the stop sign. I think he was out the entire day but we had a lot of frostys that week.
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
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    edited December 2011
    Cate - thanks for the tip about the blanket. I never would have thought of that! I've never been put under for anything actually.

    Sigh. I adore my friend, but I do not like her in wedding mode nearly as much. Her wedding isn't until May, and I'm really not thinking of what jewellery I'd like to wear to it.

    The hairstyle conversation went the same way. We all agreed to get our hair done (it fit in our budget since we got cheap dresses) and now we're allowed to "choose": as long as it's curly, in an up-do and we cannot have flowers in it.

    Shoes also had to be bought to match. I didn't bring anything up then because we were so under budget.

    She just wants to micromanage everything and when you get down to it, I'd rather spend money on a wedding gift or a shower than on the outfit she wants me to wear.
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    AcrosthecAcrosthec
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_omg-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a438dd84-b786-430b-b4c0-84f2cff6bbb0Post:9ee59ac3-112d-4c6f-a288-517dc4021b19">Re: omg really?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Cate - thanks for the tip about the blanket. I never would have thought of that! I've never been put under for anything actually. Sigh. I adore my friend, but I do not like her in wedding mode nearly as much. <strong>Her wedding isn't until May</strong>, and I'm really not thinking of what jewellery I'd like to wear to it. The hairstyle conversation went the same way. We all agreed to get our hair done (it fit in our budget since we got cheap dresses) and now we're allowed to "choose": as long as it's curly, in an up-do and we cannot have flowers in it. Shoes also had to be bought to match. I didn't bring anything up then because we were so under budget. She just wants to micromanage everything and when you get down to it, I'd rather spend money on a wedding gift or a shower than on the outfit she wants me to wear.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    Umm...wow.  She's giving orders more in advance than I was engaged.  That's...impressive.  (And a little bridezilla, IMO).

    If you don't have pearls and want to make a necklace, check out my planning bio for directions to the ones I made for my girls.  I used cheaper glass pearl beads because I don't expect them to wear them forever, but you could use nicer ones if you wanted to keep it long after the wedding and keep wearing it.  May save you some money, and it's a pretty basic necklace, so hopefully she would approve.
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    dwest2201dwest2201
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh man wisdom teeth are a biitch (if they don't fit/come in nicely like they should)!  Mine were impacted and I had to have them surgically removed and it sucked.  I was very out of it after and do not remember anything but I do recall my mom telling a lot of stories about the funny things that I said on the way home... one of which was if she woudl buy me a wheelchair because "that thing is super cool mom"... they roll you down to the car because you are still too eff'ed up to walk!  Haha.  Good Luck with the teeth... the best part about getting them pulled is once they are out and you heal up you never have to worry abotu them again! :)

    As for the bridesmaid necklaces...

    I see your friend as wanting to give her BM's the opportunity to pick something themselves which is thoughtful.  BUT at the same time she's a bit of a control freak or is worried about someones necklace being too much like hers or *gasp* better than hers!  It's like she's trying to be nice but she's actually just complicating it and making it even more work than to just go get the ugly necklace that she picked or have it as part of the gift etc. 

    I think that the best things to do is like what Oceana and Jeana did with the dresses (I plan to do the same)... pick a few necklaces that she likes and are reasonably priced... send links for them to the girls and then have a note that says if you have something already that is similar and you'd rather wear that then send me a picture of it (as long as it's similar I don't mind).  Then they aren't hunting around and waiting for her to approve or deny what they pick.

    I'm hoping to DIY some necklaces like someone on here did (Acro?) for my girls, she was able to do them for only a few buck a piece and they looked really pretty!  This way they can all have something that matches, that I like and they won't have to spend any money on it so if they never wear it again they won't be mad.  I'm pretty laid back though so I'm just picking a DB color in 2 or 3 styles and saying okay pick which one you like and wear a silver sandal of some sort.  Done.

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    dwest2201dwest2201
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    edited December 2011
    It was Acro... my memory isn't completley shot!  WOOO!!
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    notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_omg-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a438dd84-b786-430b-b4c0-84f2cff6bbb0Post:9ee59ac3-112d-4c6f-a288-517dc4021b19">Re: omg really?</a>:
    [QUOTE] Sigh. I adore my friend, but I do not like her in wedding mode nearly as much. Her wedding isn't until May, and I'm really not thinking of what jewellery I'd like to wear to it. Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    Oh my!  Well don't run out and get pearls just yet since she's liable to change her mind in the next 7 months.  (And don't buy them anyway, I'm sure you can find some to borrow.)
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    leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Bren, can it be a pearl pendant? My friend got all four of us BMs the same necklace, but it's really pretty. It's a silver chain with three fancy colored pearls (dark and somewhat iridescent) hanging at different lengths. It's different than the traditional string of pearls.

    It does sound like your friend is being a bit too controlling. She might as well just say "buy this or something similar."

    Regarding some of the other general bridesmaids comments made, I think it depends on the group and the bride. I've only been one once, but it was super fun. The bride was actually a little too laid back, but the four BMs all got on well (we've been friends since high school or earlier). We took it upon ourselves to coordinate dresses, shoes, and hair. We were blissfully drama-free.

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    catemegcatemeg
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sure it can be done right, especially with the right bride and the right group of girls.  It's just not something I ever want to do, so I won't.  It's not so much that I think my bridesmaids would hate me or that it would be a big dramatic mess - I just think it would be stressful to pick bridesmaids among my good friends from totally different times in my life (so few if any would really know each other), and the whole idea stresses me out. 

    When I picture my wedding, I don't picture bridesmaids, so I really doubt I'll ever regret it.  I also just don't understand the logic behind bridesmaids - why are they there?  Why are they all in the same dress (or shoes, or jewelry)?  Why are they carrying flowers, and why do they stand up during the ceremony?  The purpose of attendants was originally for witnesses, and you only each need one person to be a witness thus the MOH and Best Man.  I feel like bridesmaids came about because people said, "I can't just choose one!  Let me have them be faux-MOH!"  Which is fine if people want multiple people to stand up for them.  I happen to only want one person, and I definitely feel like my friends can be involved and included without having them stand in front of an audience.  Being a bridesmaid is an honor, but as we all know, also a huge inconvenience.  I'm just going to let everyone buy their own dress, do their own hair, and sit comfortably through the wedding.
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    bajedivabajediva member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_omg-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a438dd84-b786-430b-b4c0-84f2cff6bbb0Post:9ee59ac3-112d-4c6f-a288-517dc4021b19">Re: omg really?</a>:
    [QUOTE]She just wants to micromanage everything and when you get down to it, I'd rather spend money on a wedding gift or a shower than on the outfit she wants me to wear.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]
    This. right. here. I love my friends, but my autonomy is valuable to me. I'd honestly much prefer if a bride said, these are the pearls I'd like you to wear, rather than this fake choice thing. That would annoy the sh!t out of me. If I'm going to spend my own money to get it, then bejinx, I should have REAL input. And, within a spirit of friendship, I'd have to let her know.
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    Hazel_BHazel_B member
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    edited December 2011
    I just went through the easygoing bride who says "pick your own dress as long as it is in this colour and is in a cocktail style" such BS. I pick a dress according to the requirements I was given and she vetoed the dress I picked and further added requirements - that weren't on the prior list. I was the one that wanted to make sure my chhoice was okay with her and it backfired.

    She is now saying I can wear whatever jewelery that I want, but I don't trust her for a second on this.

    Not sure what to suggest, but I would go with caution into this and not put time and money into things that she is going to veto on you.

    GL with the wisdom teeth!
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    KD+BCKD+BC
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    edited December 2011
    Wow, your friend sounds like a PITA. I really could not care what my girls wear for jewelry. I ended up getting them all this necklace as part of their gift because they were complaining that I'm too apathetic.

    I agree with NQB, I wouldn't run out and buy anything just yet. You don't want her changing her mind and you have PLENTY of time.
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