Help...not sure what to do about pre-wedding parties! A little long...

MLBarker80 · May 2010

I'm getting married on November 6th and I need advice about pre-wedding parties.

A little background: my FH doesn't have that many male friends and we have decided because of this that his groom party will be out friend, his sister, his BIL and his nephew (who is seven). I love this as my entire family is in the wedding as well (I have three sisters all in the wedding). The problem is the pre-wedding parties. I would like to make sure that everyone in the wedding is involved with a pre-wedding party. Unfortunately under normal circumstances the grooms party would only be going to a bachelor party and this is not possible with the grooms party being his family.

My MOH and I thought it would be fun to then throw three pre-wedding parties; an engagement party, a traditional wedding shower, and then a hen/stag party with my girlfriends and their so's (so my FH has someone to hang with). I've been told, however that it's too late to throw an engagement party even if I don't ask for gifts and that everything is too close together.

Does anyone have any suggestions? At this point I'm irritated because I'm doing the best I can with what I've been given and then I have snotty people telling me I can't do this and I can't do that and who are they to tell me what I can and cannot do and blah, blah, blah....

Help...

deepcovejackie · May 2010

At the risk of being one more of those "snotty" people, you actually shouldn't throw your own pre-wedding parties. It's considered rude to throw a party in honour of yourself. You'll need to let other people take the lead on this.

trix1223 · May 2010

Ditto pps: you don't throw your own parties, for starters. If someone offers to throw you a pre-wedding party, fine.

I wouldn't have 3 pre-wedding events, plus the RD and wedding in a 5 month period. That's just way too much.

Skip the e-party. That ship has left the dock

If someone offers a shower, you can graciously accept. If no one does, you don't have a shower. Disappointing probably, but not the end of the world.

Ditto the b-parties, combined or otherwise. You don't get to choose yours, and you don't get to organize your FIs.

You CAN have a family cook-out or BBQ and get everyone together. Just don't call it anything wedding related.

Muffin'sMom · May 2010

I agree with Trix. An engagement party is to ANNOUNCE your engagement...you have passed that one by more than a bit. Someone else gives you a shower...you don't plan on it. That is a bunch of parties, especially if you throw in showing up for the rehearsal and wedding.

Finally..." At this point I'm irritated because I'm doing the best I can with what I've been given and then I have snotty people telling me I can't do this and I can't do that and who are they to tell me what I can and cannot do and blah, blah, blah...."

Seriously? That has spoiled brat written all over it.

Kristin789 · May 2010

The previous posters are 100% correct.

Specifically:

>>My MOH and I thought it would be fun to then throw three pre-wedding parties; an engagement party, a traditional wedding shower, and then a hen/stag party with my girlfriends and their so's (so my FH has someone to hang with). I've been told, however that it's too late to throw an engagement party even if I don't ask for gifts and that everything is too close together

Your MOH and the BMs (not YOU) can certainly throw a traditional bridal shower OR a joint shower party - unless you mean a real hen/stag or stag/doe party where guests have to apy $20 to get into the party where they play games to win money that is given to the bride and groom. That type of fund-raising party is really rude and few people will go to such a thing anymore.

And engagement parties are held in the first or second month after you get engaged.

MLBarker80 · May 2010

So what you're all telling me is that when my MOH asks me what I want I can't tell her?

It's not like I laid down a list and said "Thiis what I want!" without her asking. I understand that that wasn't clear but come on I'm not throwing my own parties.

I understand that the ship has sailed on the engagement party, that makes sense and once again I wasn't going to throw my own.

So does anyone have any suggestions on how to include the grooms party in some kind of prewedding party? They can't come to a bachelor party and most of them can't come to a traditional shower.

Honestly I've never heard of a hen/stag party where people pay to get in. What I meant was a joint bachelor/bachelorette where we just all go out and have fun as couples.

quotequeen · May 2010

When your MOH asks you what you want, you can tell her that you'd love to have a co-ed event that includes your FI as well (whether that's a couples shower or a joint bach party), and that the details are up to her.

Muffin'sMom · May 2010

We had a combined event for my daughter...a pool party/BBQ. Her wedding was in early October. We had the party in mid September because that's when everyone could be here. It was still hot as Hades here

I think you just need to be careful how you express things. If you reread your first post, you will see why people misunderstood and you got harsh answers!

Kristin789 · May 2010

>>So what you're all telling me is that when my MOH asks me what I want I can't tell her?

Yes. That's right. Unless, as other knotties have told you, you could say something about a co-ed event.

Regarding Stag&Doe fundraisers:

See this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stag_and_doe

and

fundraising: stag & doe [Page 1 of 2]
Planning a wedding is an expensive prospect, and the big payoff at the end - the honeymoon - can be pretty costly as well. That's why many couples forego the traditional engagement party , in favor of a "stag and doe" party (also called a "buck and doe" party). The idea behind a stag and doe party is the same as an engagement party - it's a chance for the people close to the bride and groom-to-be to celebrate the upcoming nuptials. The difference is that a stag and doe party is larger, more elaborate, and has the ultimate goal of generating some much-needed extra cash for the happy couple.
That's from: http://www.groomgroove.com/weddings_101/stag_and_doe.php

kath5489 · May 2010

Maybe it's just me, but I read it (the first time) the way you described it the second time. Of course you can tell your MOH what you want! Mine asked me and I told her..No Bachelorette party! No strippers...no drunken parties! LOL I'm close enough with my girls to tell them anything! Soooo...please tell your MOH what you want and if that is a combined event...then so be it. I had a combined event for my friend when I was her MOH because of exactly the same reason. Her FH didn't have many friends (1 to be exact) and wanted to celebrate with his sister! It was a lot of fun. We did a cookout and it was casual and intimate.

cwm11985 · June 2010

uhhh girl do NOT let anyone know you are involved in throwing your own party....rude rude rude. and tacky. if your MOH asks, tell her what you want...but under no circumstances can you help throw your own party or plan it in any way...thats so wrong and looks bad.

Help...not sure what to do about pre-wedding parties! A little long...

Re: Help...not sure what to do about pre-wedding parties! A little long...

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