Snubbing traditions, need feedback!!

kirstenr · May 2010

Hi ladies. I need to bounce some stuff off of you all.

There are a lot of things done in weddings that I would prefer not to do, just because they're not meaningful or significant to me, and/or they would probably make me or my attendants uncomfortable. I'll list them, and can you all tell me how you would react if this were done at a wedding you were attending? I can take full honest criticism; if you think it's crappy that I'm against it, please tell me why.

1. No veil.

2. See each other before the ceremony.

3. No bouquet/garter toss.

4. No spotlight dances (would each dance with parents and in-laws, but not as a solo-spotlight thing... and no bridal party dance)

That's all I can think of at the moment. So tell me; would any of those be frowned upon? I'm thinking people might be miffed about the last one in particular.

tiffsmith3 · May 2010

I guess it would depend on your families but the only thing on your list that I am doing is the boquet toss... just because I think its fun.
The viel I think, is optional.... I don't think anyone will mind if you don't dance alone in a spotlight and I heard of several brides having their wedding photos taken before the ceremony so they don't have to be late to their reception.....
and thats what I think about that.....
Im sure if you'll have a beautiful day

skippylouwho · May 2010

Most people don't care about any of those things and won't notice. A lot of brides, current and past, have opted to not wear a veil.

It has become quite common for couples to see each other before the ceremony although many do not see each other until the ceremony.

A lot of brides do not have either a bouquet toss or garter toss, it's no big dea.

Again, many couples do not do the spotlight dances - if you read several of the boards on here you would see this all posted fairly often. The things you are asking/suggesting are not earth shaking and you should do what you like and are comfortable with.

unplainjane · May 2010

i think all those things are fine to not do. veil is optional. originally i wanted a veil but i've tried some on and feel really weird with them on. seeing each other before the ceremony has nothing to do with other people and it's becoming more common to do photos before the ceremony so that would not bother anyone either. i'm not doing bouquet toss either. mainly because there will only be a few singles at my wedding. i think it's totally fine not to have spotlight dance. but i find it a little odd that you would do dances with your parents and in-laws but not with each other. it's like you're purposely avoiding each other or something. i would say on that one to either don't have any planned dances at all or do the solo dance. but of course it's your wedding so everything in the day is up to you guys.

quotequeen · May 2010

1. I'm not planning to wear a veil either.
2. Why would anybody even know whether you did this?
3. Most people don't really like those anyway. I certainly wouldn't care.
4. Spotlight dances are boring. The fewer the better.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

It is fine to not have those things. It seems to be more and more popular esp with the dances and garter & bouquet tosses to not do them rather than to do them. I wouldn't worry about it. It is your wedding and you can do what you want. If people ask why you didn't do them, just tell them you didn't want them, plain and simple.

kirstenr · May 2010

I didn't say that he and I would be dancing together because I felt it was a given. Of course I'll be dancing with him all night

morticia7867 · May 2010

Kirsten, I am right there with you! We are not doing any of the things that you listed. It's your day and you do what you want. My mom isn't too happy with me not wearing a veil, but it's not her wedding. I've had to reiterate to that to her several times!

Good luck!

trix1223 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_snubbing-traditions-need-feedback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:ebf29137-bb4a-4cd5-94d5-540ff47758c7Post:5be18d62-a080-4ee9-9326-54fc87abc9c4">Snubbing traditions, need feedback!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies. I need to bounce some stuff off of you all. There are a lot of things done in weddings that I would prefer not to do, just because they're not meaningful or significant to me, and/or they would probably make me or my attendants uncomfortable. I'll list them, and can you all tell me how you would react if this were done at a wedding you were attending? I can take full honest criticism; if you think it's crappy that I'm against it, please tell me why. 1. No veil. Big deal. I wouldn't care. 2. See each other before the ceremony. Again, big deal. But ditto pp who asked how people will know anyway? 3. No bouquet/garter toss. Hooray. Don't like them. Never really did. 4. No spotlight dances (would each dance with parents and in-laws, but not as a solo-spotlight thing... and no bridal party dance) HALLELUJAH!! You'll make your WP and your guests very, very happy to skip a WP dance. That's all I can think of at the moment. So tell me; would any of those be frowned upon? I'm thinking people might be miffed about the last one in particular.
Posted by kirstenr[/QUOTE]

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/construction

You should probably read that.

stram296 · May 2010

I am also not doing many things.

I am not having a father/daughter dance or mother/son.

I am not doing the garter/boquette toss.

I am not having a wedding party dance.

It's going to be first dance and then everyone can dance.

My dad and I are just not mushy people and under normal circumstances we would not dance together. The thought of a mother/son dance not only makes me ill at the momma's boy-ness of it, but also I doubt my mother in law would even understand the point of it. I hate catching the bouquette and always hid during that at weddings i've attended and I do not want anyone rummaging under my skirt and pulling anything out to throw in the air. I just think that is not classy.

megk8oz · May 2010

Aside from the spotlight dances, I don't think anybody would even notice the other things. And the spotlight dances, I doubt the guests would care, but just make sure that you're not upsetting your dad or his mom by skipping them, provided that they are the people that you'd be skipping the dance with ... sometimes those dances are a big deal to the parents that would normally participating in them.

And if neither of them are going to be upset, then yeah, you're not doing anything incredibly "weird" ... most of these are actually incredibly common to skip nowadays.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

That sounds very similar to what we did. I didn't have a veil. We didn't have any dances (there was tons of dancing, just nothing structured), we didn't have bouquet or garter tosses either. No one missed any of it. They all said it was a just a great party, which is what we wanted.

We did stay seperate the day of. No real reason why, but I am happy that we did that.

miah_23_ncb · May 2010

I think that all sounds fine not to do. Liek someone said before make sure parents feelings arent hurt by not having father daughter dance mother son dance.

angiems97 · May 2010

It is you and your fiance's day so do what makes you guys happy. We are seeing each other before the ceremony also. We are doing garter/bouquet toss b.c. I like that tradition. I wasn't going to wear a veil, but my mom thought I might regret it so I decided to wear a veil.

ExpatPumpkin · May 2010

FWIW, we did the following, and no one was upset as far as I know:

[QUOTE]
1. No veil. - I wore a veil, but for the ceremony only - I took it off for the reception.
2. See each other before the ceremony. - We did this for pictures.
3. No bouquet/garter toss. - Same here ;)
4. No spotlight dances (would each dance with parents and in-laws, but not as a solo-spotlight thing... and no bridal party dance) - Just had two - first dance and with parents (but at same time). No bridal party dance either.
[/QUOTE]

Although some of these things may be "expected," in all reality they're not for everyone... I don't think anyone would be terribly upset if you skipped them all ;)

danieliza1127 · June 2010

All of those are totally fine, and except for skipping the spotlight dances, I'd say most are fairly common.

leoraanna · June 2010

1. No veil. I wasn't planning on wearing one, I never really liked them but my good friend wanted me to borrow hers and after trying it on with the gown it is like they were made for eachother and I actually look really cute in it. But like I said, before this veil I never even imagined wearing them and I still think most of them look silly on people.

2. See each other before the ceremony. We live together and are going to spend all day together before hand. We will get ready separately but that's all really.

3. No bouquet/garter toss. I hate those. We are so not doing either of them.

4. No spotlight dances (would each dance with parents and in-laws, but not as a solo-spotlight thing... and no bridal party dance) The only dance we are doing at all is the first dance and that is later in the evening anyway. I hate waiting while watching everyone else dance because I love to boogie! Plus, our first dance is only 2.5 minutes long anyway so our guests can get back to it too.

Sing2phins · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_snubbing-traditions-need-feedback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:ebf29137-bb4a-4cd5-94d5-540ff47758c7Post:5be18d62-a080-4ee9-9326-54fc87abc9c4">Snubbing traditions, need feedback!!</a>:
[QUOTE] 1. No veil. 2. See each other before the ceremony. 3. No bouquet/garter toss. 4. No spotlight dances (would each dance with parents and in-laws, but not as a solo-spotlight thing... and no bridal party dance) That's all I can think of at the moment. So tell me; would any of those be frowned upon? I'm thinking people might be miffed about the last one in particular.
Posted by kirstenr[/QUOTE]
1. I haven't decided whether I'll wear a veil - need to pick a dress first!
2. We will definitely be doing pictures before the ceremony - we're not superstitious
3. Maybe I'll do the bouquet toss, but there will be no garter toss; I think it's tacky, personally.
4. Our first dance will be just us, but not for the whole song, because D isn't comfortable being the center of attention for that long; we'll invite the WP to join us halfway through. I will be dancing with my dad, alone; D hasn't said what he wants to do about dancing with his mom.

Bottom line: it's your wedding - you can do all of those or none of those. None of them affect your guests, really, so don't worry about what people will think.

lrowe70 · June 2010

I think your wedding sounds great, afterall it's YOUR wedding. Not the wedding of some "etiquitte guru" from 100 years ago.

I am also straying from the "rules" though I am doing everything you are doing. Some things I am doing are
1) not wearing white
2) wearing a veil to the reception
3) not walking down the aisle with my dad
4) not using any real flowers anywhere
5) not having ushers seat guests, nor having "sides"

there's more, can't think of them now.

Some people have voiced protests against our wedding, but it's OUR wedding. If we did it any other way it wouldn't be meaningful to US. If someone has a problem they can go home.

LalaLondon · June 2010

We are not going to have a traditional bouquet toss, but instead we will present the bouquet to the couple that has been married the longest.

Traditions change over time or cease to be relevant so don't feel like you need to include them if you don't want to.

lovejoyheather · June 2010

Hey Brides!!

I am not doing any of the above, except for the veil. I am having the mother-son and bride-dad dance together and no bridal party dance. My brother did this and it was soooo uncomfortable! We felt like we had to make small talk while dancing! Weird!

kirstenr · June 2010

Thanks so much to everyone who responded! I really appreciate everyone's viewpoints. Bravo to non-conformist weddings!

Snubbing traditions, need feedback!!

Re: Snubbing traditions, need feedback!!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards