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keeping our conversations on earth

dietmountainessdietmountainess
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in Moms and Maids
my FSIL is a very sweet woman... who just happens to believe that the world is going to end in 2012. She frequently talks about the UFO's she saw while jogging this morning and tells me the types of energies im radiating and how she would like me to do a spiritual cleanse with her before the giant earthquake comes... and so on. In my opinion, more power to her for finding something she is passionate about and believes in, however, i dont know how to respond when she says these kind of things to me. I asked her to be a maid in my wedding because i really want to have a relationship with her (she is Fi's only sibling) but i am at a total loss on how to talk to her. I am really shy naturally and i just dont know what to say to change the subject or respond or gloss over it without offending her. and i really dont know whats gonna happen when she meets my other maids. do you guys have any advice for me? any phrases i could use that show her i respect her belifes but that they make me feel uncomfortable? cause i tried telling her i was uncomfortable and thats when she told me my energies were off balance and started chanting.

also, FI isnt helping because he just tells her she is an idiot to her face


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Re: keeping our conversations on earth

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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It doesn't sound like your FI is standing up for you in a respectful way- and simply telling her she's an idiot doesn't help. He needs to step up a bit more diplomatically and let her know that how she brings this up to you is not okay.

    In the mean time, 'bean dip' her as much as you can- meaning change the subject. You're not outright confronting her, but hopefully after enough times she'll get the hint.
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    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree that your FI needs to step in a bit. I would have a talk with him about how you want to have a good relationship with his sister, but it is hard for you because she consistently brings up her spiritual beliefs. Maybe he could speak with her privately about how it makes you uncomfortable and that while flattered, you just are not open to having her cleanse your auras. 
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    garcias1garcias1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like she should maybe seek professional help.  She seems to be obsessing over this end of the world business.  Your FI calling her an idiot won't help the situation no matter what the issue is.  It will likely only make the matter worse.  I would talk to your FI about it, and see what his honest opinion about the situation is (besides the fact that she's an idiot).  As far as her meeting the other BMs, I wouldn't worry about it.  How many times are they really going to be around each other?  Maybe 3 (shower, bach party, wedding)?  It's not like they have to be best friends with her.
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    SirJuliusVonHaastSirJuliusVonHaast
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    edited December 2011
    I'm not sure if this would work since you're shy, but what I would do is just (nicely) say something each time she brings it up. She offers a spiritual cleanse, you say "No thanks, I don't believe in that". She mentions that the world is ending in 2012, you say "I don't really believe that humans can predict when the world will end" and so on. If you make sure to not use a condescending tone, I don't think it's disrespectful to her beliefs for you to say that you don't agree with them. 

    I would guess that you are smiling and nodding in an effort to be nice about it, but she may be misreading that and think that you agree with her and want to hear about it. If you politely say how you feel without making a big deal out of it, hopefully her feelings won't be hurt. 
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    sister2groomsister2groom
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    edited December 2011
    You are respectful about the beliefs she is open about and hopefully she will be the same if you quietly mention yours. Just try to steer the conversation towards things that aren't controversial and be grateful your wedding isn't 2012 :) But in all seriousness, if she pushes the world is going to end issue, maybe you can just say something like "You know I don't know when life/the world is going to end. Life is short and I'm grateful for today and that I'm sharing it with you."
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    courtney1188courtney1188 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I find that usually with that kind of person if you just say "uh huh" and let them go on for awhile they'll usually eventually shut up about it. Anything else can be construed as them needing to argue with/convince you.

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    dietmountainessdietmountainess
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thanks for all the advice, especially the "bean dipping". i was always under the impression that i had to discuss her beliefs to become her friend but now i see that isnt so
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