STD etiquette

JP1585 · November 2009

I'm getting married July 31st, we already have our venue booked & picked a package that included most everything we need. In my wedding planning stress I thought it included STDs BUT apparently it doesn't. Alot of my FI family are out of state. Is it totally necessary to send them or are invitations only ok?

Nukke · November 2009

It is totally ok to do without. All you need to do is send your invitations out two to six weeks earlier than usual.

HTH!

meganruhe · November 2009

oooh watch out nukke, the girls from P&E jumped all over me when i said i was considering that, with or without save the dates!

anyways, i think save the dates are a good idea, especially if you've got people from out of town. they're also a nice little reminder to hang on your fridge. we enjoyed making ours and are happy with the decision to have them. you can definitely have save the dates made for dirt cheap on a bunch of websites!

mocha beans · November 2009

If most of your guest list is OOT, it might be a good idea. Is the wedding in a big touristy area, or during a big festival or sports event? If so, then I would definately send out STD's so people have enough advance warning to book a hotel.

Otherwise, you can send the invites out 8-10 weeks from the wedding, and ask for RSVP's back 2-3 weeks before the wedding.

We're doing our destination wedding in Hawaii at the end of September. I'm sending STD's out sometime in January, and then I'll send out actual invitations in late July/early August.

squirrly · November 2009

Regardless of whether you send out STDs, the invites should go out no more than 8 weeks before your wedding. So, if you want to officially notify people before then, you'll need to send some sort of STD. They can be done very inexpensively.

duckie1905 · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_std-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:dfdeb64a-95de-42b1-a77b-c0342de028e3Post:6be08029-9f28-4b60-a310-0a515bd20996">Re: STD etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]oooh watch out nukke, the girls from P&E jumped all over me when i said i was considering that, with or without save the dates! anyways, i think save the dates are a good idea, especially if you've got people from out of town. they're also a nice little reminder to hang on your fridge. we enjoyed making ours and are happy with the decision to have them. you can definitely have save the dates made for dirt cheap on a bunch of websites!
Posted by meganruhe@gmail.com[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, most people were pointing out that it is rude to expect people to RSVP over a month in advance. You don't need to know if they are attending 45 days in advance. But, then again, you had no intention of ever listening to anyone that disagreed with you so I'm not sure why you even bothered to ask your question.</div><div>
</div><div>OP-STDs are not a requirement. Send your invites out 6-8 weeks in advance and expect RSVPs back about 1-2 weeks before the wedding (as is customary and polite).</div>

janedoe1113a · November 2009

You do not need STDs. You can relay any and all information by word of mouth. Just invitations are perfectly fine.

meganruhe · November 2009

sure duckie, whatever you say. that and getting reamed for wanting to send my invites out before the 6-8 week mark.

nda_roxybabe · November 2009

You dont have to do STD's

Megan- everyone was getting on your case because it is rude to ask for a RSVP 45 days before.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

You don't need STDs. People who want to make early travel arrangements can just ask you (or your WP or family) for information.

BUT you can get postcards on vistaprint for free (just pay shipping) if you sign up for their emails. FI wants to do STDs, and since I wasn't really budgeting for them, that's what we're going to do. Postcard stamps are also only $0.28 instead of $0.44 or whatever first class stamps are now. You can also DIY postcards or real STD cards at home with cheaper stationary or kits.

Boosgirl79 · November 2009

Ok, seriously. Why is it rude to ask for a response 45 days beforehand? If it's a DW I think that seems reasonable. Not trying to stir up trouble, it just seems a bit extreme to me to call that rude and jump all over someone who suggests it.

jessrayne10 · November 2009

I would just make sure you talk to the people on your guest list that live far away. You should to talk to people who need to drive a long ways or fly in. Otherwise I wouldn't worry about it too much.

nda_roxybabe · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_std-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:dfdeb64a-95de-42b1-a77b-c0342de028e3Post:58d4935e-5b08-4673-95e7-ceb2dda2a73b">Re: STD etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, seriously. Why is it rude to ask for a response 45 days beforehand? If it's a DW I think that seems reasonable. Not trying to stir up trouble, it just seems a bit extreme to me to call that rude and jump all over someone who suggests it.
Posted by Boosgirl79[/QUOTE]

Because, why do you need thier response that far in advance? I highly doubt the caterer/ venue needs it that early. With destination wedding yes, people make the plans in advance typically but why do you need a 100% confirmed yes so early?

mocha beans · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_std-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:dfdeb64a-95de-42b1-a77b-c0342de028e3Post:58d4935e-5b08-4673-95e7-ceb2dda2a73b">Re: STD etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, seriously. Why is it rude to ask for a response 45 days beforehand? If it's a DW I think that seems reasonable. Not trying to stir up trouble, it just seems a bit extreme to me to call that rude and jump all over someone who suggests it.
Posted by Boosgirl79[/QUOTE]

If you read the other thread that discusses this, I think it's "How soon is too soon?", there are some very good reasons towards the bottom of the first page.

In short, not everyone has the luxury of knowing their vacation schedule from work more than a month out. For a number of reasons, maybe the type of work (hospitality is very unstable scheduling-wise for example), maybe finances (not everyone has a savings and some live paycheck to paycheck). Asking for a response a month or more in advance means that you'll likely get a lot of declines who then want to come a week before hand, or accepts that will end up cancelling a week out.

Boosgirl79 · November 2009

Ok I can understand all that. But I don't think it's necessarily RUDE just probably not the best idea. If I got the invitation, I wouldn't regard it as rude, I would just think "Oh I'm not sure if I can go yet." I wouldn't get upset or anything and if I had an issue I'd just call. Honestly, the responses to her question were way more rude than asking for early responses would ever be.

STD etiquette

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