Seminar questions -- for those going through Catholic counseling

rebeccawayman · June 2010

So we're doing Catholic preparation stuff, and part of our parish's requirement is to attend this Saturday seminar called "God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage." The only stuff I can find on it through Google is all official stuff through the church etc etc.

Just wondering what it all entails if anyone has been to it? And do they take attendance throughout? Would they notice if, say, someone were to leave in the middle for a spell?? My understanding is a lot of it is about natural family planning, and being an OB/GYN resident, I'm not to thrilled about some little church lady teaching me about ovulation!

Anyway, just kind of wanting to know what I'm walking into here...appreciate any input anyone has...

tidetravel · June 2010

There's a Catholic weddings board under "cultural wedding boards." They may be more help.

SaraAndrew2010 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_seminar-questions-those-going-through-catholic-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ab3e25e4-d6ff-4052-ac1e-e6fb46afa723Post:41cf658f-2a5c-497a-964c-81a9aac99d5a">Seminar questions -- for those going through Catholic counseling</a>:
[QUOTE]So we're doing Catholic preparation stuff, and part of our parish's requirement is to attend this Saturday seminar called "God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage." The only stuff I can find on it through Google is all official stuff through the church etc etc. Just wondering what it all entails if anyone has been to it? And do they take attendance throughout? <strong>Would they notice if, say, someone were to leave in the middle for a spell?? My understanding is a lot of it is about natural family planning, and being an OB/GYN resident, I'm not to thrilled about some little church lady teaching me about ovulation!</strong> Anyway, just kind of wanting to know what I'm walking into here...appreciate any input anyone has...
Posted by rebeccawayman[/QUOTE]

I'm assuming that your seminar is part of a Pre-Cana program. Every diocese has a different version of marriage preparation classes, so I don't know exactly what yours will be like. I will say that at the all-day class we went to, I didn't find it to be preachy at all.

Most of the day was spent with the class leaders (a married couple) starting a topic, then giving each couple time to discuss with each other. Most of the topics were practical things like discussing finances and budgeting, personal goals, work/life balance, and family values. There was a brief section on natural family planning where they basically told us it was good and is what the Catholic church promotes, and gave us some flyers if we wanted to sign up for a separate NFP class.

To answer your question about sneaking out of the class, at mine they basically checked people in and gave out nametags in the beginning, then handed out the certificate of completion at the end. We were free to come and go to the restrooms as we wanted, so I suppose someone could theoretically leave for awhile. However, I think that is a really bad attitude to have towards the class. I think you will get much more out of it if you go in with an open mind. It makes me wonder why you want to get married in the Church if you are so opposed to even hearing the Church's teachings explain.

ndnikki06 · June 2010

We went to it last summer. It really wasn't that bad. They discussed a lot about communication on top of the family planning. We had to sign in when we walked in. Then at the end they handed us the certificate to take back to the church saying we completed it. My FI and I even went our for a nice lunch on our break. When we got bored we wrote notes back and forth to each other. It really wasn't that bad. Hopefully you'll get something out of it.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

We just went last weekend. Its pretty much like pp said. We had an 8 hour class. It was broken up into different discussions. It talked about arguing therapeutically ans how god wants you to have a happy marriage. As far as the natural family planning, it didnt get to detailed. It was more or less that this is the way the catholic church thinks you should use for birth control. Then they passed out cards if we wanted to take a class on how to do natural family planning. As fr as attendance, signed us in. At the end we had to take a foccus test which gets sent to our priest to go over so they would know if we didnt stay to the end. HTH!

rebeccawayman · June 2010

Oh, the pre-cana stuff is NOT my idea. We're having a destination wedding with a private Catholic ceremony here because someone in our relationship (that isn't me) wants to...

rebeccawayman · June 2010

Thanks for all the input!! We already did the FOCCUS thing, then we have this seminar thing in July, and then we have a weekend retreat then in Sept that we have to do. I've heard that very little of the Engagement Encounter is religious -- so I think that's the finances, etc. So the counseling thing I"m down with -- I think it's a good idea.

But NFP?? REALLY?

shellydiane820 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_seminar-questions-those-going-through-catholic-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ab3e25e4-d6ff-4052-ac1e-e6fb46afa723Post:b2f04a77-cb88-4f26-b5e7-57665a459f2d">Re: Seminar questions -- for those going through Catholic counseling</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, the pre-cana stuff is NOT my idea. We're having a destination wedding with a private Catholic ceremony here because someone in our relationship (that isn't me) wants to...
Posted by rebeccawayman[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but this sounds incredibly disrespectful.

As for the NFP part of the seminar, can't you just grin and bear it?

ndnikki06 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_seminar-questions-those-going-through-catholic-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ab3e25e4-d6ff-4052-ac1e-e6fb46afa723Post:b2f04a77-cb88-4f26-b5e7-57665a459f2d">Re: Seminar questions -- for those going through Catholic counseling</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, the pre-cana stuff is NOT my idea. We're having a destination wedding with a private Catholic ceremony here because someone in our relationship (that isn't me) wants to...
Posted by rebeccawayman[/QUOTE]
Wow....I hope you didn't mean that like it sounds. It's obviously important to him. I would never talk about something like that if it was something seriously important to my FI.

Kristin789 · June 2010

Big red flags in your op and in your f/u posts. If you don't believe any of this, why are you marrying a man who does? If you didn't know that NFP is the only bc sanctioned by the Catholich Church and therefore would be taught as part of marriage training for engaged couples, then you aren't close to understanding what you're going to be promising in your "private Catholic ceremony" to do/not do in your marriage.

rebeccawayman · June 2010

Look, I just wanted to know what to expect for this seminar thing -- I didn't mean to sound like a douche.

I'd like to share a somewhat-explanation/defense, though...
I think I'm being pretty reasonable considering that at the time of the seminar I'll be working 90 hours a week (at night! 5:30p-8am), and it's my only day off all week. Doing a job where I frequently explain ovulation to people and hoc birth control like it's nobody's business after delivering babies to drug-addicted prostitutes and 17 yr olds. You can understand the hipocrisy associated with this situation, yes?

I'm mean, I'M GOING. I paid MONEY to go. I paid more money for that FOCCUS test thingie, more money for a weekend retreat, and I have smiled and knodded my way through 2 meetings already w/a priest, with more to come! And I even registered for the church down the block with him and went to mass once!

For someone who's not even sure she's Christian some days (although a baptised, confirmed Catholic once upon a time -- I'm still having internal struggle w/the religion thing, obviously) I think I'm being a pretty good team player here.

My FI is minimally religious, like, sacraments, Christmas/Lent/Easter stuff, so it's not like it's a big problem in our relationship.

We use contraception now. And he's grateful.

As far as I'm concerned, if Father asks, I'm just trying to decrease my risk of ovarian cancer (which is TRUE!)

But hey, for the reocrd, I reiterate, I'm smiling and knodding my head off through this in front of the FI, and he's well aware that this is one of our relationship compromises and that I'm completely uncomfortable the whole time. There's no secrets, and I'm not being a complete jerk to him over it or anything.

I really just wanted to know what to expect during this thing -- I'm pretty nervous about it and just wanted some input for those that have been there. There's so much on the Engagement Encounter, and I think this other "God's Plan, etc" seminar is a newer thing that leaves me apprehensive.

Plus, I hate thinking I'm taking up someone's spot who really does want to learn this stuff. I already spent $200,000 and 4 years of my life learning about it!

*Stepping off Soapbox* I'm done now. (I think)

shellydiane820 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_seminar-questions-those-going-through-catholic-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ab3e25e4-d6ff-4052-ac1e-e6fb46afa723Post:8c2643e9-63af-4179-9d67-c3905acb1420">Re: Seminar questions -- for those going through Catholic counseling</a>:
[QUOTE]Look, I just wanted to know what to expect for this seminar thing -- I didn't mean to sound like a douche. I'd like to share a somewhat-explanation/defense, though... I think I'm being pretty reasonable considering that at the time of the seminar I'll be working 90 hours a week (at night! 5:30p-8am), and it's my only day off all week. Doing a job where I frequently explain ovulation to people and hoc birth control like it's nobody's business after delivering babies to drug-addicted prostitutes and 17 yr olds. You can understand the hipocrisy associated with this situation, yes? I'm mean, I'M GOING. I paid MONEY to go. I paid more money for that FOCCUS test thingie, more money for a weekend retreat, and I have smiled and knodded my way through 2 meetings already w/a priest, with more to come! And I even registered for the church down the block with him and went to mass once! For someone who's not even sure she's Christian some days (although a baptised, confirmed Catholic once upon a time -- I'm still having internal struggle w/the religion thing, obviously) I think I'm being a pretty good team player here. My FI is minimally religious, like, sacraments, Christmas/Lent/Easter stuff, so it's not like it's a big problem in our relationship. We use contraception now. And he's grateful. As far as I'm concerned, if Father asks, I'm just trying to decrease my risk of ovarian cancer (which is TRUE!) But hey, for the reocrd, I reiterate, I'm smiling and knodding my head off through this in front of the FI, and he's well aware that this is one of our relationship compromises and that I'm completely uncomfortable the whole time. There's no secrets, and I'm not being a complete jerk to him over it or anything. I really just wanted to know what to expect during this thing -- I'm pretty nervous about it and just wanted some input for those that have been there. There's so much on the Engagement Encounter, and I think this other "God's Plan, etc" seminar is a newer thing that leaves me apprehensive. Plus, I hate thinking I'm taking up someone's spot who really does want to learn this stuff. I already spent $200,000 and 4 years of my life learning about it! *Stepping off Soapbox* I'm done now. (I think)
Posted by rebeccawayman[/QUOTE]
If you and your fi are "fairweather catholics" why are you even having a catholic ceremony? Why not just have a nondenominational ceremony? Especially if the entire process of catholic wedding prep is a waste of your precious time?

I just find your whole reasoning ridiculous. Not to mention you're not being completely honest with your priest. I also am catholic. I've used contraception. My priest may judge it, but I was honest about it. I don't think you're being a team player at all. I think you should reconsider having a catholic marriage if you don't like anything about the beliefs of the church.

JuneBlossom3 · June 2010

Dude, CHILL. Is there a certain level of Catholic you have to be to get married in the church? If so, what level of attendance do you think makes someone devoted enough to be married in the Church? And who decides? Is there like a punch card you have to fill out for every church activity to prove to everyone that you're 'taking it seriously'?

I'm sure their priest wouldn't be wasting his time if he thought they weren't serious about it.

So your FI is religious and you're not. Doesn't sound like you've got conflicting faith issues though (correct me if I'm wrong here), so if religion isn't your thing, but it's important to him, then you're making the right move. When something is a big deal to one person and not so much to the other, you make the compromise. There will be a time when something is a big deal to you and not to him, and I'm sure he'd make the compromise for you.

As for that seminar, I have a friend who went to it, said it wasn't horrible. I think you get a lunch break in the middle, too...

Seminar questions -- for those going through Catholic counseling

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