Genius...or ridiculous??

jaimed99 · May 2010

Ok, I'll preface this with the fact that I have been married twice. I got the "nice" wedding with the first and a "little" wedding with the second...so this time, I want to have the "fun" wedding! My FI and I have been friends since Jr. High, sort of a movie/storybook romance, etc...and we're both Pittsburgh born and raised! We're having a Steelers/black-n-gold themed wedding and are probably having the wedding/reception at North Park.

So I woke up this morning and had what I thought was a flash of brilliance...

Since we are planning an August wedding, most likely outdoors, I really don't want our GM/BM to be uncomfortable in tuxes that they'll sweat in and dresses that they may or may not like/wear in the future. So I had an epiphany...why not get our wedding party personalized Steelers jerseys (guys wear black, girls wear white) for them to wear for the ceremony/reception? It's something that they'll probably WANT to keep and wear again, and since August is the start of the season, it would be a perfect time!

My matron of honor and one of my other BM thinks it's an awesome idea, as does my FI and my daughter (who will be a FG).

I'll also mention our idea for a BM/GM touch football game during the reception... :-D

jrsygrl10 · May 2010

i guess it goes with the theme just fine then.

i personally don't like black & gold weddings...but i know that i am in the very, very, very tiny minority.

you could just have them wear a nice pair of khaki's and a white button down, or something along those lines. something nice a relaxing/cool that still goes with the outdoors wedding.

jlbaxter33 · May 2010

I think if you want fun, then why not go for it?! It would definitely be fun!

It isn't necessary my taste, but if you like it then I think it is a fine idea and you should go for it!

king26 · May 2010

If you've already had the big "dream" wedding, and this is going to be a fun gathering, I say why not? It's your wedding and you can do whatever your vision may be.

kwynn · May 2010

It has been said by a few etiquette experts that each woman/bride gets one wedding. There have been several women on here that have planned second marriages because they had a small first wedding, never really had what they wanted, did a courthouse for their first husband, etc. There's no problem with that, or when it is the groom's first marriage and his family might want a larger wedding, etc.

I obviously don't know your situation, but I find a third wedding of any kind to be a bit of a breach of etiquette. Even if you were widowed twice (and I certainly hope that isn't the case), a third marriage should be celebrated in an understated way. I can't fathom a third wedding where there are bridesmaids and groomsmen without it looking a bit silly. I realize that is judgmental, but look at it from the guests' point of view.

They have already attended two weddings for you. Some of these attendants may have already stood up for you previously. I'm sure you were gifted by at least some of the guests at the first or second ceremony or the first or second shower or the first or second bachelorette party. If your FI has been previously married, this is doubly true.

So, unless you have moved totally across country and none of the guests will be the same as at the first two weddings, I wouldn't really move forward with this plan at all, personally. (I think you could also have a celebration of your marriage if it has been like 20 years since your last one, obviously). But if you have another marriage celebration, it begins to look like a gift grub if the same people are invited yet again.

Also, if you do North Park, please make sure to have shelter available as a rain/inclement weather plan. I have rarely seen all outdoor weddings go well, truthfully.

I had a black and gold wedding. I think it can be hard to pull off if it isn't done in the right situation. It can risk looking tacky instead of kitschy. In your case, I think, given the surroundings, that it would be too casual if you want to convey a wedding atmosphere. If you are already doing a park, I think the jerseys are veering close to super casual picnic and not a wedding. If that's what you are going for, then sure.

Do all of your wedding party even like the Steelers? If so, would they wear personalized jerseys? Many people are actually against them. So double-check. Also, won't they feel really awkward because guests will most likely be dressing up in at least sundresses/capri pants and they will have on athletic apparel? I personally don't ever dress that casually unless I'm actually watching the Steelers play (and even then, I'd wear it with leggings and heels), so if someone asked me to wear that for their wedding (not just a photo op), I'd be very uncomfortable.

Sorry for the long amount of text. If you want to throw a picnic, have a picnic. But personally, I'd scrap the attendants and the ceremony and just invite people to have lunch with you to celebrate after hitting up the courthouse/place of worship.

jaimed99 · May 2010

Kwynn: While I understand your point of view and respect it, it's true...you don't know my/our situation. I didn't really get a "dream" wedding in either case of the previous two, and no one short of my parents and my best friend will have been to more than one of them (and each parent was at one of the other two) because the first was mostly my xH's family and the second was literally 12 people, including myself and my ex, in my mom's living room. I never had a wedding party, bach/showers, or any of that stuff. This wedding is my "dream" wedding...I'm marrying the man I've loved since I was 14, and fancy or casual is irrelevant to me...I'm doing most of this for him.

My fiance has never been married, and I know his family will want a nice wedding/reception...so at this point this idea was simply an idea...my friends and future sisters-in-law think it's a good idea, and we're not exactly a "conventional" couple. I go to a church whose pastors wear jeans to preach, so even this situation in the church wouldn't be out of the ordinary.

And yes, every single member of our wedding party is a Steelers fan...and even if they weren't, they're all close enough to us that they'd wear paper sacks to stand up for us if we asked them to.

I suppose it's simply a matter of different tastes...and while I in no way expected validation in posting this, I'd kind of hoped that maybe I wasn't the only one crazy enough to think that this was a good idea.

KimWard · May 2010

I think you should do what makes you and FI happy. If Steeler shirts are it, then go for it. It's not my style, and I don't think the shirts are appropriate for a church ceremony (even if the pastor does wear jeans), but I know you mentioned you're most likely doing an outdoor ceremony. Will you ask them to all wear khakis, or something along that line to pull the look together? Just curious...

kwynn · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_geniusor-ridiculous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:7092b0da-129d-49a7-bc96-34cc9451f907Post:e44418f5-67a1-4f47-a7ba-d87dcc7f9dba">Re: Genius...or ridiculous??</a>:
[QUOTE]Kwynn: While I understand your point of view and respect it, it's true...you don't know my/our situation. I didn't really get a "dream" wedding in either case of the previous two, and no one short of my parents and my best friend will have been to more than one of them (and each parent was at one of the other two) because the first was mostly my xH's family and the second was literally 12 people, including myself and my ex, in my mom's living room. I never had a wedding party, bach/showers, or any of that stuff. This wedding is my "dream" wedding...I'm marrying the man I've loved since I was 14, and fancy or casual is irrelevant to me...I'm doing most of this for him. My fiance has never been married, and I know his family will want a nice wedding/reception...so at this point this idea was simply an idea...my friends and future sisters-in-law think it's a good idea, and we're not exactly a "conventional" couple. I go to a church whose pastors wear jeans to preach, so even this situation in the church wouldn't be out of the ordinary. And yes, every single member of our wedding party is a Steelers fan...and even if they weren't, they're all close enough to us that they'd wear paper sacks to stand up for us if we asked them to. I suppose it's simply a matter of different tastes...and while I in no way expected validation in posting this, I'd kind of hoped that maybe I wasn't the only one crazy enough to think that this was a good idea.
Posted by jaimed99[/QUOTE]

You stated that none of the guests will have been to more than one wedding previously, which means that this is round two for at least some of them and round three for only a very few. I'm old school in my etiquette, and while it is unfortunate that you didn't get to have a dream wedding, you made the choice not to at the times for whatever reason.

Do you really feel up to planning a third wedding? I love weddings, love them, any and all kinds, but I have to think that by the third time, the novelty of planning it yet again would wear off.

I'm sorry that you didn't like my thoughts. TheKnot.com is where many of us come to get and share advice, and you did ask for opinions. I have had a few people set me straight on here in the past and I appreciate it. (I wanted to have an apps reception with a full rehearsal dinner the night before, and I realized why I shouldn't after getting advice from this board.)

I think you should realize that there may be guests of yours out there that have different viewpoints than you about this, particularly the older generation. They might frown upon athletic attire and big third weddings. Some people might be thinking what I'm saying. Statistically, third marriages have an 87% failure rate (and of course, first marriages, which I am in, have about a 50% fail rate, so I realize it is all a gamble), so really do your work on the marriage, not just on the wedding day.

I don't think it is a crazy, never before been done, idea. I had Steeler jerseys at my wedding. Several other Knotties have had jerseys for at least part of the reception, including jerseygrl who posted above and another Knottie named Jessi. (I think both those brides might have done hockey; I'm not sure).

I do think that KimWard makes a good point in that athletic jerseys are probably not appropriate for a church wedding, even if jeans are. So if you are having an outdoor ceremony, but it is religious in nature, it might seem weird to have people in football jerseys, as generally a religious ceremony is a bit more formal and serious.

We had an all Pittsburgh themed wedding at Heinz Field of all places, so I'm not knocking your idea. I took it much beyond the jerseys. But I think there is a way to execute this idea and a way to not execute the idea.

Are you going to be wearing a traditional wedding dress? How about the guys? What if the Steelers are ever sold to another city, would you look back and feel awkward that the photos are very Steeler-centric? We did traditional outfits for the wedding party and just put on jerseys for like ten minutes while dancing/after all the events were really over. Do you feel the bridal party photos might lack cohesivness if the bride and groom are traditionally dressed and the attendants are much more casually dressed? I'm trying to figure out how that would work.

I also think the bride and groom should set the tone for formality. So if you are wearing a simple skirt and top and he a pair of khaki pants, this might work well. If you are wearing a ballgown. it might look out of place.

Just things to consider, in my opinion. To each her own!

LaFemmeRousse · May 2010

I share some of the same concerns that kwynn has expressed. To be really, really honest with you, I would be giving a big splashy wedding the side-eye if I were invited to one knowing that it was one of the participant's third marriage.

I do think that wanting to celebrate in some way is fine, especially since it is your FI's first wedding, and maybe a casual picnic is a great way to do it, but I'm not totally sold on the juxtaposition of a wedding ceremony and attendants in athletic gear. Will you be wearing a formal wedding gown? I think if you were also dressed casually it would make more sense for the attendants to be doing so as well, but truthfully jerseys do not say "wedding" to me.

themissizz · May 2010

If this is the wedding of your dreams, are you really going to want to look back at pictures and have your wedding party in Steeler jerseys for the whole night?

I don't think that a wedding party should ever, under any circumstances, be wearing jeans. If you want to do casual, women should be in casual dresses and men should be in khakis and polos. Your idea sounds more like a Labor Day picnic than a wedding, how is that special?

jaimed99 · May 2010

Again, it seems that my friends and family are the only ones who think this isn't a bad idea...and you're all entitled to opinions.

However, since I asked for opinions from people who know nothing about the circumstances involving my previous two marriages, and I really don't need to justify my decisions to perfect strangers, I will take that into consideration.

I do also have thoughts toward a more "wedding"-y wedding. IMO, the people who really care about us won't care that this is my third marriage, or even my third wedding...since I plan to have a fair amount of guests and only maybe 5 of a possible 150-ish have been around for either of the two previous. This IS my fiance's first wedding, and we haven't decided to make it a church wedding yet...it's not until next summer...we haven't decided on ANYTHING other than a date as of yet. No marriage is 100% guaranteed, whether it's the first or fifth...so statistics mean about nothing to me. My fiance and I live together, we have children, and we seem to be doing fine...but we WANT a nice wedding to share our union with our friends and family, especially mine who missed out on the first two.

Had I not mentioned that this was my third wedding, would your opinions have been different? Or are you all that judgmental of people who make mistakes? I'm SO SORRY that I didn't make my gunshot first marriage or abusive second marriage work and I finally got it all worked out and found the man I REALLY want to be with...I don't normally get so defensive to total strangers, but regardless of the circumstances, it's not nice to tell someone that they don't deserve the wedding that they want just because they've been married before.

kbielak17 · May 2010

I guess the part I'm confused about is how you're saying that this is your fiance's first wedding and you want it to be nice....but then you are thinking about having the BP in Steelers jerseys. That just doesn't jive.

The whole jerseys and jeans thing seems very redneckish to me, but obviously I don't really care what you do, your wedding is your wedding. GL.

kwynn · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_geniusor-ridiculous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:7092b0da-129d-49a7-bc96-34cc9451f907Post:d2526760-1d59-4667-9f10-21641850cbde">Re: Genius...or ridiculous??</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, it seems that my friends and family are the only ones who think this isn't a bad idea...and you're all entitled to opinions. However, since I asked for opinions from people who know nothing about the circumstances involving my previous two marriages, and I really don't need to justify my decisions to perfect strangers, I will take that into consideration. I do also have thoughts toward a more "wedding"-y wedding. IMO, the people who really care about us won't care that this is my third marriage, or even my third wedding...since I plan to have a fair amount of guests and only maybe 5 of a possible 150-ish have been around for either of the two previous. This IS my fiance's first wedding, and we haven't decided to make it a church wedding yet...it's not until next summer...we haven't decided on ANYTHING other than a date as of yet. No marriage is 100% guaranteed, whether it's the first or fifth...so statistics mean about nothing to me. My fiance and I live together, we have children, and we seem to be doing fine...but we WANT a nice wedding to share our union with our friends and family, especially mine who missed out on the first two. Had I not mentioned that this was my third wedding, would your opinions have been different? Or are you all that judgmental of people who make mistakes? I'm SO SORRY that I didn't make my gunshot first marriage or abusive second marriage work and I finally got it all worked out and found the man I REALLY want to be with...I don't normally get so defensive to total strangers, but regardless of the circumstances, it's not nice to tell someone that they don't deserve the wedding that they want just because they've been married before.
Posted by jaimed99[/QUOTE]

Third wedding or first wedding, your post title says "Genius...or ridiculous???" Obviously, you have enough doubts on this idea to come in and ask our opinions.

Most people here gave the opinion that they do not like the idea. No one even said "It is a ridiculous idea" although your post title did. We all diplomatically responded why we would choose something different.

I never said that you don't deserve a nice wedding. No one <em>deserves</em> a nice wedding, everyone simply deserves the right to legally get married. I don't think i deserve anything besides just to have my basic needs taken care of. Everything else is a result of choices, fate, luck, hard work, etc. You yourself said that your first wedding was a "nice" one. I just don't understand why you implied you have had three weddings previously and at least one of them was "nice," but then when etiquette is raised, you claim that both previous weddings weren't nice.

To address your original question, you mentioned that you are doing this for your FI and that his family wants a larger to do. If you are truly doing it for him and his family, which is definitely understandable, I don't think football jerseys would really line up with that definition. Especially if it is his mother or older relatives who want a "nice" wedding. We are young women and with it on the trends, and it is pretty out there for us. I don't know if a family expecting a nice event would understand this decision.

You asked for an opinion on here, which requires a judgment. There have been lots of women on here who are planning second weddings and they've been warmly welcomed and still participate to this day. My opinion about the jerseys wouldn't change whether the wedding be the first or the fifth; it will photograph awkwardly and sends mixed messages about the formality and tone of the event.

For those reasons, I would avoid it.

JennyBee1018 · May 2010

Late to this....just a thought here. If its going to be August, and probably hot and humid, jerseys may not be the best choice.

What about linen pants/shirts for the men, and summer dresses for the ladies? they can bring change of clothes for later if you plan to play touch football.

I say do what you want, just don't look back and regret it that your BM/GMs (and yourselves) are wearing steeler jerseys in all your pro-pics.

Good luck!

dreamalotmp · May 2010

Wear the jerseys. It'll be something fun for you and your fourth husband to laugh at someday.

themissizz · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_geniusor-ridiculous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:7092b0da-129d-49a7-bc96-34cc9451f907Post:ac2a4de6-efac-46d4-979d-8ac87c6ca37e">Re: Genius...or ridiculous??</a>:
[QUOTE]Wear the jerseys. It'll be something fun for you and your fourth husband to laugh at someday.
Posted by dreamalotmp[/QUOTE]

BEST.COMMENT.EVER.

a_cooper6 · May 2010

I'm not sure why people are focusing on the fact that this is her 3rd wedding... The question was about the jersey's... not if it is in good taste to have a third wedding ceremony....

I think that if you want jersey's then do it! We don't live in Pittsburgh, but are having a Steelers "themed" wedding (because my fiance and I are HUGE fans) and have been thinking about getting our wp personalized jersey's or t-shirts as well for the reception... The only thing I would agree with others is that you are concerned with it being too hot for everyone in dresses and tuxes and jersey's would probably be just as hot. I personaly love the idea, but maybe have them change into the jersey's for the reception or something? Our wedding planner also suggested getting t-shirts for us that say "bride" and "groom" on the back instead of our names for the reception. It would be a fun surprise for the guests, who aren't going to care what the wedding party looks like anyway...

Genius...or ridiculous??

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