Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Plus one clarification

So I've been reading some of the posts on here about people assuming their girlfriend or boyfriend is invited when the invitation doesn't list them.
I don't actually have this problem, but I was hoping for some clarification because I think there might be some grey area.
I fully understand inviting a social unit, like a married couple, engaged couple, or seriously dating couple.  However, what is the cut-off for "we just started dating"?
Would ettiquette dictate that a person who had started dating someone 1 month before the invites are sent still be considered a social unit, and requiring an invite?
Is there some kind of cut off for "flavor of the month" vs "acutally dating this person seriously"?
Just curious to hear your answers!

Re: Plus one clarification

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    The cutoff is single.  If they consider themselves in a relationship, their SO gets invited.  You cannot judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship.  I knew I was going to marry my H pretty much right away.  We were serious from the start.  If someone were to tell me we weren't serious, they'd be very wrong, and judgy. 

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    If anyone invited to your wedding is in a relationship prior to your invitations being sent out, they need to be invited.

    You're going to get a lot of replies to this saying that it is not up to you to determine how "serious" a relationship is. All social units need to be invited together. There is no gray area-relationship=invite.

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    you need to invite the SO of everyone regardless if they started dating 1 year before your invites go out, or one week before invites go out.  It's not up to the bride/groom to decide the seriousness or value of a relationship.  If an invited guest starts dating someone AFTER the invites have been received you are not obligated to invite that person's SO, but if you have space/budget to do so it would be a nice offer.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    edited March 2012
    I like the "exclusive" cut off.  If they decide to only date each other, it's a defined relationship enough that you should include the s/o.  If it's a situation where your friend is seeing someone, but there's nothing stopping him/her from taking out someone else next weekend, it's not really "in a relationship"

    Of course, this whole thing goes to hell when you throw non-traditional open and poly relationships into the mix.  

    Edited: to make sense.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-clarification?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96ba24ee-38fc-4273-acf3-d8ea14cd0c95Post:24128ad8-d249-42c2-9b1b-c0823d1f9a7f">Re: Plus one clarification</a>:
    [QUOTE]The cutoff is single.  If they consider themselves in a relationship, their SO gets invited.  You cannot judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship.  I knew I was going to marry my H pretty much right away.  We were serious from the start.  If someone were to tell me we weren't serious, they'd be very wrong, and judgy. 
    Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]



    I agree with Habs and I'll also say I hate the term flavor of the week.
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    Winnertag1Winnertag1 member
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    edited March 2012
    FI and I moved in together 2 months after we started dating, its not fair for you to judge or give a timeline as to what you think a 'serious' relationship, everyone relationship grows in different ways (as cheesy as that sounds). If they are exclusive, like other PPs have said, thats what the cutoff should be.

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    Ditto Habs, within three months FI and I started talking about the possiblity of marriage. For someone to tell me that we're "not serious" would really piss me off..
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    If they refer to another person as their boyfriend/girlfriend, they get an invitation.

    I avoided this issue by just inviting everyone to bring a plus 1.
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    I think you're entitled to invite whomever you want to invite (married couples excluded - it'd be pretty rude not to invite the husband/wife/FI) especially if it's due to monetary concerns.

    With that said, you'll be running a higher risk of that person not attending because they either don't want to come alone or are offended that you didn't invite their S/O.
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    Obviously I'm in the minority here. I'd like to point out that I think you SHOULD accommodate everyone's S/O - regardless of if they're married or not...

    But I honestly don't understand why the bride and groom should be obligated to have potentially half of their guests be people that a)they don't know and b)may never see ever again. ESPECIALLY if inviting these guests comes at a huge expense to the bride/groom.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-clarification?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96ba24ee-38fc-4273-acf3-d8ea14cd0c95Post:2352c3d7-eaa5-457d-b5e9-0e58942d7adb">Re: Plus one clarification</a>:
    [QUOTE]Obviously I'm in the minority here. I'd like to point out that I think you SHOULD accommodate everyone's S/O - regardless of if they're married or not... But I honestly don't understand why the bride and groom should be obligated to have potentially half of their guests be people that a)they don't know and b)may never see ever again. ESPECIALLY if inviting these guests comes at a huge expense to the bride/groom.
    Posted by AmJam04[/QUOTE]

    Because it's not your place to dictate to someone how "serious" their relationship is.  I haven't met my best friend's partner and she's having a baby with him this summer.  Does that mean that they're not serious?
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    Winnertag1Winnertag1 member
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    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-clarification?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96ba24ee-38fc-4273-acf3-d8ea14cd0c95Post:2352c3d7-eaa5-457d-b5e9-0e58942d7adb">Re: Plus one clarification</a>:
    [QUOTE]Obviously I'm in the minority here. I'd like to point out that I think you SHOULD accommodate everyone's S/O - regardless of if they're married or not... But I honestly don't understand why the bride and groom should be obligated to have potentially half of their guests be people that a)they don't know and b)may never see ever again. ESPECIALLY if inviting these guests comes at a huge expense to the bride/groom.
    Posted by AmJam04[/QUOTE]
    I do agree with this, this was my opinion but then I realized that I would be rather offended if my FI was invited to a friend of his wedding and I wasnt, to me its just a 'put yourself in their shoes' type thing. I havent met a majority of his friends from high school but I would still be offended if FI was invited and I wasnt. I probably would be offended if it were earlier on in our relationship as well. Weddings are something you go to with your SO(if you have one), I personally think I would feel weird if I went to a wedding without my FI. And then its a huge insult to invite some couples who are not married yet and not others.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-clarification?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96ba24ee-38fc-4273-acf3-d8ea14cd0c95Post:9cce97a3-5949-407d-a8e3-3c41575407c4">Re: Plus one clarification</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus one clarification : I do agree with this, this was my opinion but then I realized that I would be rather offended if my FI was invited to a friend of his wedding and I wasnt, to me its just a 'put yourself in their shoes' type thing.
    Posted by DileniN[/QUOTE]
    It actually happened to me! FI (then "just a bf.... for 5 years at that time...) was invited to his cousin's wedding but I wasn't. Gotta admit I was pretty offended about it...
    FI ended up not going because he wasn't about to fly across the country without me.

    Today I'm over it. They'll be invited to my wedding (though I'll probably make them sit in the back.. LOL. jk)

    It was their wedding. It was their prerogative.
    It's just worth considering the feelings of their guests and the S/O of the guest.
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    Just to clarify, I didn't mean only invite people who have been in a relationship for x many months. 
    I like the exclusive thing.  I think that's where I was getting hung up. 
    Also, I would (certainly try) never to judge the seriousness of a relationship without information from the people IN that relationship.  I was just wondering if there was some kind of outline for SO vs casually dating.  Exclusive makes a lot of sense to me. 
    Is that more ettiquettely appropriate?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-clarification?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96ba24ee-38fc-4273-acf3-d8ea14cd0c95Post:e54311ac-d13a-418f-bdbe-dd5d42fbd02d">Re: Plus one clarification</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you're entitled to invite whomever you want to invite (married couples excluded - it'd be pretty rude not to invite the husband/wife/FI) especially if it's due to monetary concerns. With that said, you'll be running a higher risk of that person not attending because they either don't want to come alone or are offended that you didn't invite their S/O.
    Posted by AmJam04[/QUOTE]

    Cool beans. This is not the well I feel like only inviting these people so I will and be rude board. This is the etiquette board. Where people come for etiquette advice. You can have an opinion but in this case it wrong.

    You give +1 to anyone in a relationship. Doesn't matter if they have been dating for 1 month or 5 years. It doesn't  matter if they are 'exclusive' or not their relationship is their business.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-clarification?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96ba24ee-38fc-4273-acf3-d8ea14cd0c95Post:e54311ac-d13a-418f-bdbe-dd5d42fbd02d">Re: Plus one clarification</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you're entitled to invite whomever you want to invite (married couples excluded - it'd be pretty rude not to invite the husband/wife/FI) especially if it's due to monetary concerns. With that said, you'll be running a higher risk of that person not attending because they either don't want to come alone or are offended that you didn't invite their S/O.
    Posted by AmJam04[/QUOTE]

    But see... there's actually etiquette on this issue.  It's a right and wrong situation - not an opinion.  You can think that your opinion is okay, but it's wrong in the eyes of etiquette.  Anyone in a relationship gets to bring their significant other to this kind of event.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-clarification?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96ba24ee-38fc-4273-acf3-d8ea14cd0c95Post:d2808d76-205e-43dc-84b9-e4edad0f2d14">Re: Plus one clarification</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just to clarify, I didn't mean only invite people who have been in a relationship for x many months.  I like the exclusive thing.  I think that's where I was getting hung up.  Also, I would (certainly try) never to judge the seriousness of a relationship without information from the people IN that relationship. <strong> I was just wondering if there was some kind of outline for SO vs casually dating.</strong>  Exclusive makes a lot of sense to me.  Is that more ettiquettely appropriate?
    Posted by eandngalloway[/QUOTE]

    There's a super easy way to do this. Call them and say 'I'm putting together the invitations for the wedding and wanted to check with you: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" -- anyone who's casually dating isn't likely to call that person their GF/BF. If they do, it's really not casual.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-clarification?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96ba24ee-38fc-4273-acf3-d8ea14cd0c95Post:8d68d978-7489-46aa-97fd-e0bbe499d652">Re: Plus one clarification</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus one clarification : There's a super easy way to do this. Call them and say 'I'm putting together the invitations for the wedding and wanted to check with you: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" -- anyone who's casually dating isn't likely to call that person their GF/BF. If they do, it's really not casual.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    That makes perfect sense!  Thanks!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-clarification?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96ba24ee-38fc-4273-acf3-d8ea14cd0c95Post:8d68d978-7489-46aa-97fd-e0bbe499d652">Re: Plus one clarification</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus one clarification : There's a super easy way to do this. <strong>Call them and say 'I'm putting together the invitations for the wedding and wanted to check with you: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" </strong>-- anyone who's casually dating isn't likely to call that person their GF/BF. If they do, it's really not casual.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. When my SO and I were sophomores in High School his cousin got married. She lived out of town and didn't see my SO often, so she called him and said "Do you have a girlfriend? If so, I would love for you to bring her with you to my wedding." I thought it was so sweet of her, and it made me feel incredibly special to be included.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-clarification?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96ba24ee-38fc-4273-acf3-d8ea14cd0c95Post:24128ad8-d249-42c2-9b1b-c0823d1f9a7f">Re: Plus one clarification</a>:
    [QUOTE]The cutoff is single.  If they consider themselves in a relationship, their SO gets invited.  You cannot judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship.  I knew I was going to marry my H pretty much right away.  We were serious from the start.  If someone were to tell me we weren't serious, they'd be very wrong, and judgy. 
    Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this totally. </div><div>
    </div><div>Btw, that next "flavor of the week" could end up being their future husband/wife, people throw that rude term around pretty loosely as a way to justify not inviting them.</div>
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