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Wedding Party

BM wants to change out of dress

One of my BMs wants to change out of her dress after the ceremony, she's been complaining sense day one when we picked the dress that it's expensive. She's my fiance's cousin so I'm trying my hardest to reason with her. But I don't want her changing, the reception will be AC and the photographer will be takin pictures throughout the day/night not just in the ceremony.

Anybody else in this boat? Or have delt with this? Would love some advice.
Anniversary

Re: BM wants to change out of dress

  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I don't have a problem with my bridal party members changing clothes if they want to.  Once all the after ceremony pictures are done, as far as I'm concerned, they're off duty and can just enjoy the party.  I even told FI that once we get to the reception, if he wants to lose his jacket and tie, he's welcome to. 
  • That's a good point, I just feel like she's been complaining about how "expensive" the dress is and her worry is changing out of it? I'm sorry, but if it were me I'd stay in the dress all night
    Anniversary
  • It does sound weird. Like, you're think she'd want to wear the hell out of it, considering she paid for it.
    Is the dress uncomfortable for her?
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  • Exactly! No my girls tried on a good 2530 dresses. I wanted all of them happy, it's a chiffon so it's not even heavy. Her thinking is its going to be "hot" but if anything the dress will be cool and flowy.
    Anniversary
  •  Is this a battle you really want to fight?

    FWIW, When i was in my friend's wedding I tried on a bunch of dresses and found one I really liked, flowy material and everything. Thing is, the straps kept falling down so every five seconds I had to keep fixing them. By the end of the party I had rashes on my upper arm where the strap kept falling and I would have KILLED for a change of clothes.

    So, I can definitely see it from both sides.

    I'd go with the flow. She might change her mind and even if she does change her clothes, people will be asking her why she changed, so that's something she'll have to deal with, not you.

    I'd definitely try to compromise with her, though, and ask if she could please wait until after the bridal party entrances, if you're doing that. This way, she can make an entrance, everyone can be all happy, and then when it's time for her to boogie down, she can slip into something more comfortable.


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  • After the ceremony, she's off duty and just a guest.  I would hope that you'd want her to actually enjoy the party and not be miserable all night for the sake of a few more pictures.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • It's odd but it's something that she's welcome to do since she's 'off duty' at the reception.
  • I wouldn't care if they wanted to change out of their dress for the reception, but the whole "expense" thing makes no sense.  I mean, you're not paying for it by the hour, you know?  Wearing it a shorter amount of time doesn't make it any LESS expensive.
  • At my first wedding, our BM changed out of his tux into shorts and a t-shirt for the reception.  Sure, I thought it was a bit odd, especially since everyone else was in dressy clothes, but he was the one everybody side eye'd, not me.  Basically, what can you do? 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited July 2012
    You said she told you it's expensive. Did you ask her (and all the BMs) their budget beforehand? Personally, if a BM told me repeatedly a dress was expensive, I'd take that as a cue she couldn't really afford it and probably find something cheaper. But it sounds like that ship has sailed.

    I'd let her change. Her "duties" of standing up at the ceremony are over. One of our GMs changed into khaki shorts and a polo partway through the reception and is in reception pics that way. H and I just didn't care at all. We wanted him to be comfortable, as we did all our guests and WP members. I would have loved to change out of my dress sooner because that thing was hot as hell and started to get itchy.


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    Vacation
  • After all the traditional pictures are done, why not let her change? If she doesn't care for the dress or is uncomfortable in it her attitude may be snotty but she may tend to relax more in clothes. I had some GM change out of their tuxedos after the pictures were done. Let them get comfortable. Looking at your pictures, you'll know who was in your wedding without having to identify them by the dress they were wearing. I, personally, wouldn't change but I don't think you should discourage her not to.
    TTC #1 since June 2012
  • Well the thing is that the dress wasn't expensive when we bought them, but now she's a new mommy. And her whole main reason of changing the dress is because she "thinks" it'll be hot. I'm not saying I'm going to raise hell if she does, we haven't talked much about it sense she mentioned possibly wanting to change, and I asked my 2 other BMs and they both had different opinions, and neither of them are wanting to change.
    Anniversary
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-wants-to-change-out-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:278d69ee-82c9-4903-8bc4-5bb1f7c2f9eaPost:d2258c1a-7c17-41e9-a169-7dd0e23fdbba">Re:BM wants to change out of dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well the thing is that the dress wasn't expensive when we bought them, but now she's a new mommy. And her whole main reason of changing the dress is because she "thinks" it'll be hot. I'm not saying I'm going to raise hell if she does, we haven't talked much about it sense she mentioned possibly wanting to change, and I asked my 2 other BMs and they both had different opinions, and neither of them are wanting to change.
    Posted by mckinnonliz[/QUOTE]

    <div>If she's a new mommy, her finances have probably changed dramatically.  You should be cutting some slack for that, and should be willing to pick a dress that fits her budget or help with the cost of the dress if it is too much for her right now.  It doesn't matter what the other BMs want, this is about this BM.</div><div>
    </div><div>Who cares if she changes clothes?  Why would it matter?</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, please look up since and sense.  They are two different words.  </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-wants-to-change-out-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:278d69ee-82c9-4903-8bc4-5bb1f7c2f9eaPost:ab9fa921-bb2d-4ad5-b968-093a5ec933de">Re:BM wants to change out of dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:BM wants to change out of dress : If she's a new mommy, her finances have probably changed dramatically.  You should be cutting some slack for that, and should be willing to pick a dress that fits her budget or help with the cost of the dress if it is too much for her right now.  It doesn't matter what the other BMs want, this is about this BM. Who cares if she changes clothes?  Why would it matter? Also, please look up since and sense.  They are two different words.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    Plus her sense of physical comfort has likely changed a bit, too.  Pregnancy does weird things to your body, even once the kid is out.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • The dresses are ordered and almost paid for, in the middle of paying for the dress is when she became pregnant. So I couldn't change anything about that even if I wanted. And I have been helping her, that's the only thing she has to pay for in this entire wedding. 120 for a dress. I'm sorry but I think she has it quite easy compared to my other BMs. And why don't I want her to change? Because I want all my girls to stay "matching" I'm not thrilled that the fact one of them would be in a summer dress or whatever she picks to change into.
    Anniversary
  • But your girls will all stay matching for the time that they need to be matching.

    Will her baby be with her?  Maybe she wants a more 'nursing friendly' garment for the reception or maybe she just thinks it won't work well for her new size.

    Either way, this isn't worth creating a fuss over.  Just ask her to stay in it for your photos.  If she changes out of it, she's the one who will miss out. 
  • But she will be matching for your ceremony and all the pictures. Might the photographer catch her dancing in ::gasp:: a regular summer dress? Sure, but then she looks like....a wedding guest, which she is at the reception. Honestly, this is not a hill to die on. She is appeasing you by getting the dress that she apparently doesn't like and can no longer afford for the ceremony and pics. Let her be comfortable at the reception.


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    Vacation
  • I think you're making a big deal over nothing, and there's really no way to sell your point, to her or us, without coming off as selfish and unreasonable, because that's what this request is.  You'll have loads of pictures of her in a dress that you love and she apparently hates.  Give her a chance to enjoy the party.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I say, let her bring a change of clothes and see what happens. She may not even bother and if she does, it isn't that big of a deal.

    I don't agree, however, that her "duties" are over once the ceremony is over. I mean, technically they are, but if there are going to be bridal party pictures taken right after the ceremony, like during the cocktail hour, I think it's fair enough to ask her to wait awhile before changing. I mean, if she is so hot she looks like she's going to pass out, then def let her go, but if a few more minutes is feasable, I think it's a fair deal.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-wants-to-change-out-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:278d69ee-82c9-4903-8bc4-5bb1f7c2f9eaPost:818a8464-c06a-4adb-a49f-5b2e163b75c0">Re: BM wants to change out of dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]I say, let her bring a change of clothes and see what happens. She may not even bother and if she does, it isn't that big of a deal. I don't agree, however, that her "duties" are over once the ceremony is over. I mean, technically they are, but if there are going to be bridal party pictures taken right after the ceremony, like during the cocktail hour, I think it's fair enough to ask her to wait awhile before changing. I mean, if she is so hot she looks like she's going to pass out, then def let her go, but if a few more minutes is feasable, I think it's a fair deal.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    Like I said, once the ceremony and pics are over, I think it's fair for her to change. There will be pictures taken all night by the photographer, but I'm referring to the "formal" posed, group shots. After that, I think it's OK.  I guess I just wouldn't personally care what my BM wore while eating dinner or dancing.


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    Vacation
  • It's not a play and they do not have to stay 'in character' all night.  Once the formalities are over (ceremony, pics, intros if you do them), then by all means, let the woman wear what she is comfortable in.    And if you've chosen to torture your WP with a WP dance, I think she should get to wear whatever she wants for that.    Mostly because I can't stand WP dances, but partly because I don't feel it's fair to tie her to a dress that she doesn't want to wear all night because of a silly dance/photo op.    It won't ruin your candid reception pictures.  I promise.     
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-wants-to-change-out-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:278d69ee-82c9-4903-8bc4-5bb1f7c2f9eaPost:47197ee0-a6cd-4c68-8771-fadd7558dce3">Re:BM wants to change out of dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]The dresses are ordered and almost paid for, in the middle of paying for the dress is when she became pregnant. So I couldn't change anything about that even if I wanted. And I have been helping her, that's the only thing she has to pay for in this entire wedding. 120 for a dress. I'm sorry but I think she has it quite easy compared to my other BMs. And<strong> why don't I want her to change? Because I want all my girls to stay "matching" I'm not thrilled that the fact one of them would be in a summer dress or whatever she picks to change into.</strong>
    Posted by mckinnonliz[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This just makes you sound like a micromanaging bridezilla.  Let it go!  She does not need your permission or approval to change her clothes after the wedding.  Once pics are done at the church and you guys are at the reception, she is no longer your BM, she is a good friend and guest.  You need to treat her as such.

    </div>
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "One of my BMs wants to change out of her dress after the ceremony, she's been complaining sense day one when we picked the dress that it's expensive".

    It's odd if she really used the expression/excuse of "expensive".  Although it is usually not possible with BM dresses, would she perhaps want to rush out of the dress because she has thoughts of returning it?  That scenario would make sense.  She would want to change as quickly as possible as to lessen the chances it would look "worn" or get any type of dirt/stain on it.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-wants-to-change-out-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:278d69ee-82c9-4903-8bc4-5bb1f7c2f9eaPost:47197ee0-a6cd-4c68-8771-fadd7558dce3">Re:BM wants to change out of dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]The dresses are ordered and almost paid for,<strong> in the middle of paying for the dress is when she became pregnant</strong>. So I couldn't change anything about that even if I wanted. And I have been helping her, that's the only thing she has to pay for in this entire wedding. 120 for a dress. I'm sorry but I think she has it quite easy compared to my other BMs. And why don't I want her to change? Because I want all my girls to stay "matching" I'm not thrilled that the fact one of them would be in a summer dress or whatever she picks to change into.
    Posted by mckinnonliz[/QUOTE]

    <div>Wait, she was in the middle of paying for the dress when she became pregnant, but will already be a mother by the time of the wedding?  So you ordered your dresses at least 10 months before the wedding?  That's exactly why ordering BM dresses too early is a huge mistake.  A dress that may have been comfortable and affordable a year ago may not be at the time of the wedding.  You created the problem by choosing BM dresses too soon.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, your excuse for wanting them to match all night is silly.  As long as she wears the dress for the ceremony and formal photos, she's fine.  Insisting that she wear it through dinner and dancing is just going to make her uncomfortable and want to leave early, and it really isn't going to matter.  It sounds like you just want her to do what you tell her to just because you just want her to do what you say.  If you honestly think you are going to care what anyone is wearing during dinner and dancing at your reception, you are really missing the point.  By the time you get there, you really won't care.  </div>
  • I wanted to change out of a dress because if was ugly and uncomfortable. It was full length outside in August. This isn't worth getting upset about. 

  • One of my bridesmaids changed out of her dress (she asked me) and I had no problem with it. I think we had one pic with her in a different dress and it was no big deal. I lstill liked it and included it in album.
    Anniversary
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