Involving future mother-in-law

Re: Involving future mother-in-law

• Calypso1977 member

  

  November 2010

  you dont reallly have to include her in anything.... but its certainly nice to.
  
  My mom helped me with invitations and my dress.  I probably would have taken MIL dress shopping, btu i ended up getting my dress at a time that i had not planned to go dress shopping - it was literally on a whim.   
  
  Otherwise, we had such a simple wedding that there really wasnt anything for either of them to do.  we didnt have food/cake tastings, i didnt have a parade of BM's, i didnt do showers, etc.  i probably would have invovled them more had i done a fancier wedding.  but at the same time, its a fine line between involving them and having them take over your wedding.

  Report0 Reply
• sarah0725

  

  November 2010

  In my situation, my FMIL is very into girly things and weddings and decorating and such, and my mom isn't as much. Also, my FMIL only has boys, and I'm the first girl marrying into the family, so she is pretty gung-ho about me. She and her sister are planning a lot of the flower/centerpiece/etc details, and I just invited her to go along with my mom, sister and me when we went dress shopping. It works well for us.
  
  I think in your case, you just need to be sensitive to signals from your FMIL. If she asks about the wedding, tell her how things are going, and if she starts to glaze over, then you know you've told her enough. And it couldn't hurt to invite her along on the dress shopping - she doesn't have to say yes. Maybe the added closeness between your FI and FMIL will change how she feels about things. I know in my family, things are a lot more relaxed and happy approaching my wedding than they were four years ago with my brother's.
  

  
  Our Story MAJORLY UPDATED 8/6/09
  Wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?
  

  Report0 Reply
• baystateapple member

  

  November 2010

  I always asked.  My MIL declined several of our offers -- the tasting, the music, etc. -- but she also wanted to come to a lot of our meetings as well.  It's always nice to ask and make her feel included, even if she declines.

  

  Books read in 2012: 21/50

  

  Report0 Reply
• amcmahon4020 member

  

  November 2010

  I agree with Sarah0725-take your cues from your FMIL. I might even find an opportunity for the two of you to get together away from everyone else (perhaps over coffee or drinks) and ask her what she would like to be included in. Express to her that you respect her opinions and that you would love to have her included in certain things, and would that be okay with her? This gives her the opportunity to tell you what her expectations are before any feelings get hurt. It also gives you the opportunity to put feelers out on what she expects to be a part of.
  
  Good luck!

  Report0 Reply
• Ready2BMrsWade

  

  November 2010 edited November 2010

  I know my FMIL was very excited when I asked her to join my mother and I in doing different things. She has just boys and when FI's older brother got married, his wife didn't involve FMIL at all, which disappointed her.  I would say,just ask what she would like to do! As some other people said, all she can do is decline that particular offer.

  Edit: Grammar FAIL!

  My baby Buster. FI is jealous cause I love him more.
  >

  Report0 Reply
• jessienjeremy

  

  November 2010

  I think it is nice to include her. Just ask her to do or join on certain things. If she says no she says no.  At least you asked.

  We're Married!!!!

  Report0 Reply
• DramaGeek member

  

  November 2010

  Huh.  I never thought to include my MIL on that stuff.  It just didn't dawn on me, and if she wanted to be included she never mentioned anything to H.  H and I did most of the stuff with my mom and/or dad- cake, food, music, deocrating the church.  There were some tasks we asked MIL to take on that we knew she'd be good at and we also asked her opinion on a few things.  She planned the rehearsal dinner 100% on her own as well.
  
  That said, do what makes you comfortable.  If she's just being nice, it's because she likes you and wants to be involved, so you really can't lose.

  Report0 Reply
• Beachy730 member

  

  November 2010

  My MIL showed no interest in our wedding.  And honestly, she acts like a 12 year old boy in public, so H didn't even want her around.  We did invite her to the food tasting because we could bring 2 other people and my mom was coming.  Honestly since she wasn't paying I didn't really think she should have a say in our menu, but we asked her to be fair, and my dad really didn't care to go.  Then she decided since she was a vegetarian it would be pointless to come and not try 2/3 of the dishes, so H's grandma came instead, which was much better.

  

  Report0 Reply
• mica178 member

  

  November 2010

  My MIL doesn't live near to me, so she wasn't able to do a ton of wedding planning with me, although she was always available via email, so I did show her pictures of cake designs and flowers and bridesmaids dresses.
  
  I hope to develop a great relationship with my MIL over the years, so involving her as much as I could in wedding planning was a good way to start.  If you like your FMIL, inviting her to participate in your wedding planning might make her feel closer to you.
  

  **Bio**

  Report0 Reply