this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

Rehearsal dilema

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Is it necessary to invite your Ushers to rehearsal?  My fiance and I are having my nephew and his nephew usher our guests to their seats for the ceremony... we are not having the Best man and groomsmen take on that role. 

Here's the dilema - when I invited my sister (who is my moh) and her husband for rehearsal, I also included her son (My usher) My fiance wants to keep it smaller and just have our bridal party and their spouse and our parents... we've spent a lot of money lately... will it be inappropriate to tell my sister that we want to keep it small, and have only the bridal party? 

Thanks,
Lisa
Report Reply to Post

Re: Rehearsal dilema

  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    i could be wrong, but i thought ushers were part of the WP?  regardless, tehy are invovled wtih your ceremony, so it would be nice to invite them.  but iff they arent actually coming to the rehearsal, then you can probably get away with not inviting them.
    Report Reply
  • jmkesjmkes
    1000 Comments

    When we were going to have ushers (we decided we didn't really need them) FMIL said that they should be included in the RD.  She's more of a stickler for ettiquette.  I'm guessing you should??

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • kellyb1487kellyb1487
    100 Comments
    Also if you were questioning if you should invite her spouse as well, you should. It is the W.P. and their signifigant others
    Report Reply
  • squirrlysquirrly member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    I really think you should include them.  You're asking them to work for you, and maybe even to have a tux or special suit.  Treat them to dinner.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
    Report Reply
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    maybe this is a dumb question, but wha'ts the difference between a groomsman and an usher??
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dilema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75185634-ebf9-4d37-8cc9-8fb24ba2130bPost:de57a4ea-a624-49e0-90b8-025fe03db526">Re: Rehearsal dilema</a>:
    [QUOTE]maybe this is a dumb question, but wha'ts the difference between a groomsman and an usher??
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    A GM can act as an usher before the ceremony. We did this as we didn't want more people at the RD as well as having to buy gifts for. Our WP was large enough as it was. Our church ceremony director actually told us to have one of the GM do it since they would already be in tuxes anyway. So H appointed 2 of the 6 to be ushers and then 2 to help hand out the programs at the door.
    Report Reply
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Yeah I've always only seen the GM be ushers before the ceremony.  H and his BM were in the back of the church with the priest, and the other 4 GM  ushered people to their seats (I think, I really didn't see what went on).  We didn't have seperate ushers and I've never seen it. 

    You already invited your nephew when you told your sister, so it would be really rude to go back on it.  You definitely should be inviting her spouse as well.  So you would only be inviting one more person.  Just invite them.  I would consider them a part of the WP anyways.  Personally I think anyone involved with the ceremony should be invited to the dinner, including readers too.
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • jillybean7582jillybean7582
    10 Comments
    I don't really get what the big deal is... if his parents are already coming its just one more person not ten.  So if you cut him out (which is rude since you already invited him) you are saving what 25 dollars on his dinner?
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • JennaV26JennaV26
    1000 Comments
    Invite them both. End of story.
    There Are 2 in My Wolf Pack : : : : :Look! A Blog! image
    Report Reply
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Of course you invite ushers to the RD.  And for the pp who asked about the difference between U and GM:

    Ushers and Groomsmen are very different. Groomsmen are the equivalent of bridesmaids.  They are FI’s closest friends, who have been with him for years through thick and thin.  On the wedding day, they are with him behind the scenes, getting dressed, making sure he has whatever he needs (vow note card, handkerchief, whatever), and generally making some jokes to release some before-the-ceremony tension.   Ushers greet the guests and seat the guests.  There should be one or two from the bride’s side who recognize the bride’s side guests, and one or two from the groom’s side who recognize the groom’s side guests.   This is important because there are certain seating issues involved (see website below), and the ushers should be able to take each couple/family to exactly where they should be seated for the ceremony.   The ushers will meet with the parents a few days before the wedding, and the parents will show the ushers who's been invited to the wedding from their side--ideally, these ushers already know most of those people on the list. The ushers will learn about these people so that they will be able to recognize these people as they arrive and call them by name, and know where to seat them for the ceremony (there is a whole method to where people should be seated). Ushers should be the people who know most of the family members already, and who themselves are very well known by most of the family. Ushers also assist at the reception.  From the website called TO-Be-Wed Tip:  Usher Etiquette:“Have at least one usher from each family who will recognize the special family members as they arrive." --Louise Hanlon, Classic Weddings of Buckhead And from the website called To-Be-Wed Tip:  Crowd Control:"Have one person remain at the back of the church for the 'what ifs.' This person can assist those arriving late, those who need to leave the ceremony and need directions to restrooms, assist with children who become restless, and ward off 'lookers' who are just peeking in to see what is going on." --Carolyn Hefner, The China Closet Also:  www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=AI980914212720">http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=AI980914212720
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10 Comments
    Thank you everyone!  I absolutely agree the Ushers should be included at the rehearsal and RD.  I reiterated this to my Fiance, and he agrees as well.  He just wanted to keep it small, as he was fretting about all the money we have been spending.. he doesn't want to be ruse and tackly either.. we are going to have them there! 

    Kristen - thanks for the explanation and website
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards