Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?

dubird · March 2012

There's not a lot you can do about parental backlash, unfortunatly. If your mom is so concerned about opinions from people you've never met and and how it will reflect on her, she needs to be the one footing the hotel bill, not you. What I would do is very firmly and politely tell them no, and then drop it. You and your FI have made your decision, and unless your mom is paying for the wedding (which would include the hotel bill), then she doesn't have say in this.

Just wish there was a polite way to take back offering the wedding night hotel bill for those that you didn't offically invite. /><

Maggie0829 · March 2012

I didn't read everyone's post but I would basically tell them that you will be paying for them for the duration of the wedding events (which equals one night) but you WILL NOT be paying for their 3 week extended vacation.

I don't care what is traditional where...but no one in their right mind would pay for however many people to stay in Canada to vacation for 3 weeks just because they showed up for your wedding for one day.

Cray-cray!

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:e88d3aaf-8e1b-4558-a465-e592377f604f">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would absolutely put your foot down to whomever is trying to get it out of you. I'm glad your FI is on your side about this, that's a good sign. "We will not be able to pay for 3 weeks for your hotel room. We do not have the funds to do so. If this means you can not make it, we are sorry."
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm glad he's on my side, too. At least I'm not fighting this alone! And I think what you suggested is exactly what I'll end up saying.</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:0dedac68-ee2c-442b-b25d-f76f24a935d0">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : Exactly. On top of hotel, I can't imagine the flights would be cheap and then they still need to eat while they are here. You're not getting married for over a year. I am sorry you are dealing with so much shenanigans this early on.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>Flights are definitely not cheap, nor are meals. They still need to get entry visas, so the government might not even allow them to come, I'm kind of hoping that will save us from the family feud to follow!</div><div>
</div><div>It is too bad that we have all these issues so early on, it really ruins the "hey, we're getting married!" vibe :( Thanks for your advice :)</div>

jemmini6 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:af07592e-f73b-409e-af85-21ee3e629c31">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : The first thing you said is what I keep repeating.<strong>The issue is that the parents feel it would reflect badly on them</strong>, and that's what do es hurt me. It seems to be super important to my mom, but it honestly is NOT in the budget, or even close to being in it. I've already cut to the bare bones, and as another poster said, if we were to make this payment, there'd be no wedding to attend! I also agree that it does feel like they expect us to pay for their vacations, but the moms called us rude when we said that, and sparks really flew.
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

So now your parents want you to go into debt over rude people you've never met just so they can look good?

Honestly, if your parents are that concerned about how this reflects on them, then THEY can pay for it. But I would absolutely 1000% put your foot down and tell them under no circumstances will you be paying for these people, ever.

Also, I'm really sorry you even have to deal with this. It completely astounds me that these people have the balls to demand you pay for them, I get the wedding night part since that's what they are familiar with, but that's so far off from 3 weeks that it's completely BSC. And I'm honestly sort of pissed off at your parents for you that they agree with this. All I can say is good luck!!

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:5342446a-e3bd-4af7-aff0-7922cc4d5d15">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would tell them that you are sorry, and hope that they can come to celebrate with you when you are in Romania. No dice on the free hotel for 3 weeks. Nuh uh.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

<div>I like that, and the Nuh uh really made me crack up a bit... people around me must think I'm going insane lol</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:ef658b91-90b7-4f96-8c20-aef834accfbf">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]So you've never met these people, they weren't invited at all, to the celebration here OR in Romania, yet they decided to come anyways and still want you to pay for them for 3 WEEKS?! Um yeah, fvck that. Tell them they aren't invited, so not only are you not paying to have them come out here, but even if they do, they still aren't welcome at the celebration, so it'd be a wasted trip anyways.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>yep, that's exactly the situation!</div><div>
</div><div>Your solution would solve many issues: my fmil would probably never speak to me again, I wouldn't have to spend a cent on these people, and that stress would disappear.</div><div>
</div><div>Now, please send me some balls so I can actually put my foot down big time on this matter!</div>

Snippylynn · March 2012

You know what? Shame on your parents for making you feel bad for not paying for people they don't even want. Shame. I get that there is tradition and cultural norms and all that, but damn. Something has to bend hre, and it shouldn't be you.

jemmini6 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:22a77d93-f4c3-46ad-8839-c8c4a555aadd">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : yep, that's exactly the situation! Your solution would solve many issues: my fmil would probably never speak to me again, I wouldn't have to spend a cent on these people, and that stress would disappear. <strong>Now, please send me some balls so I can actually put my foot down big time on this matter!</strong>
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

OO

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:31848af1-fb0a-4a00-a91e-e7da80b5a2b3">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]Their sense of entitlement is absolutely absurd. Is the "cultural norm" in Romania for people to show up where they aren't invited? I think I would communicate to them (phone, email whatever way you found out they've decided to attend) that they aren't invited at all. "Sorry, we'd love to be able to invite everyone but we just can't afford to, that's why we're hosting the reception in Romania as well. I sure hope you can celebrate with us there!" There's no question of paying for their hotel for any number of nights in my mind - they're not invited to the wedding in the first place. ETA: Or hosting them in your home! Are you certain you're not being Punk'd here? That's just so over the top...
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

<div>It definitely isn't the norm to show up when you were not invited! I think we need a firm talk with our parents so we can all come up with (and stick to) a solution about these people that seem to creep out of the woodwork so effortlessly. </div><div>
</div><div>In one way, I hope I am being punk'd, because this is just WAYYYY too much extra stress! Then again, I heard justin bieber took over the show Punk'd... which creeps me out even more.</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:1935a9be-8528-41c5-952e-0963b0369a5a">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : Holy crap!
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>whaaat, don't tell me your dream 3 weeks before your wedding isn't to fill your home with people you never met because you couldn't pay their 3 week hotel bill? LOL! </div><div>
</div><div>I'm soooooooo dreading the days leading up to the wedding. I think bombs will go off in our homes...</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:dff74f97-b915-4b8d-8dc0-1abbfa52dc37">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : Oh jeez no!
Posted by mari0225[/QUOTE]

<div>exactly my thoughts! </div>

monkeysip · March 2012

I don't even like the idea of your parents paying for this.

I don't like it when parents hijack their childrens' weddings as a way to look good to other people. Even if the parents offered to pay, I would say no. Sounds like too much drama.

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:c3512606-011b-43f6-b835-645540eac3e1">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]Random story: My friend is Greek (as in born in Greece) and if you've seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding', then you can imagine what his wedding was like. I'm not entirely sure of who paid for tickets and hotels, etc., however they did have about 20 people come from Greece for their wedding. His older sister was married the weekend before he was to accomodate all of these people traveling from so far away. Then the week after his wedding they all went to NYC, since this would be the only time they all would come to the United States. I'm pretty sure that at least some of them stayed with his parents (for the 2-3 weeks that they were here). But his parents had a very large house and obviously invited all of these people to come. Anyway, I can see perhaps what these people are attempting to do. If you were on the same page (close friends and family, inviting them to stay with you, etc.), then this wouldn't be an issue. But they are clearly attempting to impose without regard to how it affects anyone else.
Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thanks for the story, I would have loved to do something similar with my family if they could have afforded to come here, and if the government would let them (but there are risk issues to coming in as afamily if you don't own an apartment/business there, so they got rejected). </div><div>
</div><div>Unfortunately we don't know these people, and that's what has me all freaked out. They could be the nicest people ever, or they could be a huge pain in the @ss, and that's not something I need right before the wedding. To top it off, they're people I doubt I'll even ever see again!

</div>

mari0225 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:aa35b1f5-6142-4d20-ab7d-575948c99552">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]Andra. How have you not called off this entire thing and run off to elope? I'm being dead serious here.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

I wonder that too...I know that I would've.

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:74cb77f8-bf73-4179-b4a7-1c8d1d456669">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : One thing I'd do if you do decide to host their wedding day hotel cost: make sure that the hotel doesn't have your credit card number. Pay cash (not even a check) and speak personally with the manager to make it absolutely crystal clear what you are and are not hosting. These people sound like the type to run up your mini-bar, room service etc and also to try and get additional nights billed to your CC if you use it to guarantee the room.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

<div>OMG I totally didn't even think of that! Good point! I wonder if the hotel will even allow us to do that, do you think they'll let us pay cash and then expect the guests to provide their own CC for incidentals? I don't even want to pay be CC for the night of the wedding now that I think of what you just said!</div>

jillzky · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:74cb77f8-bf73-4179-b4a7-1c8d1d456669">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : One thing I'd do if you do decide to host their wedding day hotel cost: make sure that the hotel doesn't have your credit card number. Pay cash (not even a check) and speak personally with the manager to make it absolutely crystal clear what you are and are not hosting. These people sound like the type to run up your mini-bar, room service etc and also to try and get additional nights billed to your CC if you use it to guarantee the room.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

This is a very good point.

pearls687 · March 2012

Tell them you'll pay to put them up for three weeks providing they pay for you and hubby to take a three week honeymoon on, hmmm, sayyyyyy...........THE MOON?!

Seriously though, you're being more than generous by rearranging your wedding budget to accommodate people you've never met and who invited themselves. I'm sorry that this is causing such a problem in your family. You are most certainly in the right here, for whatever that's worth. I say keep your wedding plans and those who can sponsor their own trips will come and enjoy; the others will be missed.

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:14e8ad58-90e6-49d7-b4c9-4a68e44b083b">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]WTF--I wouldn't even let these people come. They're not family. You don't even really know them. You didn't invite them. And they want you to pay for their hotel stays. I don't get what about this makes any sense (on their behalf--not yours). Just say no. If you were to cave on this issue, then people are going to think they can get even more. This is pretty simple--these people are ridiculous and you won't miss them. Also, if the people from Romania are so poor, then how is it a tradition that every B&G pays for their guests' hotel stays? I think this is a made-up cultural tradition.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

<div>What you said is exactly what I keep saying. As to how people can afford it in Romania, hotels there are A LOT cheaper, and they actually have PAYMENT plans for these things, can you believe it? My mom gave me my Aunt as an example, she got married a year ago in November and her dad just finished paying off the hotel's payment plan! It's so over-the-top, but businessmen there found a way to really dig their claws into the wedding industry.</div>

Cortney1982 · March 2012

I would totally go apeshit if somebody told me I HAD to pay for their vacation!!! Looks like they are using your wedding as an excuse to get a free vacation. Frankly, I'd refuse to even pay for the one night. You are not in Romania. No way in hell, I'd cut back on my dress or jewelry to accommodate some ill mannered ungrateful guests.

ceh789 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:3195d20c-a04c-4f07-8996-aba48d5b806b">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : OMG I totally didn't even think of that! Good point! I wonder if the hotel will even allow us to do that, do you think they'll let us pay cash and then expect the guests to provide their own CC for incidentals? I don't even want to pay be CC for the night of the wedding now that I think of what you just said!
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]
If you show up cash in hand (or a cashier's check - I wouldn't want them to have my bank account info either) they should. Meet with the manager now to work something out. If they won't work with you, some hotel will, I promise. I'd actually get something in writing, frankly.

Snippylynn · March 2012

Andra, can I tell you something? I have a friend here in Sweden who is Romanian. She's hysterical. Says the most wholly inappropriate stuff ever. Refers to the people who live downstairs (who are also Romanian) as "those damn gypsies" and "freeloaders".

From her descriptions, I would say that these people are totally just trying to take advantage of this situation so they can sponge off of you, and will try to stay in Canada for as loooooong as possible. I would be very, very, wary of their reasons for wanting to invite themselves. Very.

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:7134984a-c98b-46fb-b37e-ab3082709881">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have no words... how the hell? Like, they just called you up and said "hey, I hear you are getting married. I know we've never met and you don't even know who I am, but I've decided I'm coming with the family to your wedding. We will be there for 3 weeks, I expect you to pay for my hotel, but if you can't afford it, we'll shack up with you for 3 weeks. Total strangers? Seriously? I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. I'd go with "you aren't invited. Fuuck off!" route. Maybe a little less harsh than that. pp had a good suggestion for appropriate wording. ETA: You're a saint for even entertaining the thought that you can do this for them.
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

<div>Just gotta say that you look so cute and happy in your sig pic! </div><div>
</div><div>I'll tell you what happened with a couple from our side, since I personally overheard that convo. To give you an idea of who these people are, my dad's dad got remarried to a woman who has a brother... and her brother called my dad. They chat a bit here and there on skype, but only met a couple of times. So this guy, I guess (step uncle? I dont even know what he is) tells my dad "my wife and I, and our kids, were thinking of coming to Canada for the wedding because we have friends in Montreal, and we wanted to see them then come to Toronto for two weeks." Then he started asking my dad if he thinks he'll get them a hotel close to the venue or our home, or if it'll be close to the venue for the wedding night. The reason he wants it close to our home is so it can be easier to make it for meals.</div><div> </div><div>REALLY? REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY? I thought it was a joke, not even kidding. I was just waiting for the punchline. I don't get how situations like this exist!</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:f12d5728-b197-4ed7-9f80-7fcb404ee9bd">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]About them staying in your home, say this: I'm sorry, we're going to be really busy running up to the wedding and after the wedding we want some alone time as a newly married couple.
Posted by KelaRenee[/QUOTE]

<div>ooooh I like that, thanks!</div>

monkeysip · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:5f0cd614-9ea9-4162-827c-2b9dc92f38e7">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : What you said is exactly what I keep saying. As to how people can afford it in Romania, hotels there are A LOT cheaper, and they actually have PAYMENT plans for these things, can you believe it? My mom gave me my Aunt as an example, she got married a year ago in November and her dad just finished paying off the hotel's payment plan! It's so over-the-top, but businessmen there found a way to really dig their claws into the wedding industry.
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wow... that's just nuts to me. I can't believe you've been as accomodating as you have been. I would've thrown away all my plans and had just a super small intimate little wedding somewhere far away from all these people. </div><div>
</div><div>Being a gracious bride and hostess is one thing, but you can't let these people hijack your wedding. I'm a big wuss too, but in this case, you just gotta say NO!

</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:b10b98c3-9d60-4882-add0-68d5be531ab1">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]You are having a Romania party too? Just call or email them and say, "Unfortunately, it is not in our budget to pay for a week or more trip for you. We had cut everything already just to pay for your hotel room for one night. Honestly, we would have to get a loan to pay for it any more than just one nigh. And I doubt you want us to go into serious debt to just pay for your trip here. As it is unfortunately not possible, we will look forward to seeing you when we visit Romania."
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

<div>We are having a party in Romania too, because most of our family was denied access and can't fly into Canada (they were considered a risk because they might stay here forever, which isn't true, but the government has final say in the end).</div><div>
</div><div>I hope they understand if we explain to them that it's not in the budget. If I won the lottery from now until the wedding, I seriously wouldn't care if they came and I put them up in a presedential suite, but as it is, I definitely don't plan on going into debt for this!</div>

Habs2Hart · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:750e7a75-c4a7-4392-a29f-d3f65ca0f808">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : Just gotta say that you look so cute and happy in your sig pic! I'll tell you what happened with a couple from our side, since I personally overheard that convo. To give you an idea of who these people are, my dad's dad got remarried to a woman who has a brother... and her brother called my dad. They chat a bit here and there on skype, but only met a couple of times. So this guy, I guess (step uncle? I dont even know what he is) tells my dad "my wife and I, and our kids, were thinking of coming to Canada for the wedding because we have friends in Montreal, and we wanted to see them then come to Toronto for two weeks." Then he started asking my dad if he thinks he'll get them a hotel close to the venue or our home, or if it'll be close to the venue for the wedding night. The reason he wants it close to our home is so it can be easier to make it for meals. REALLY? REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY? I thought it was a joke, not even kidding. I was just waiting for the punchline. I don't get how situations like this exist!
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

Wow! You're reaction is exactly what mine would have been. REALLY? REALLLLLY? My mind is blown. You have blown my mind for the day. Congratulations. After being on the knot for a few years, that is hard to do. You did it. I am gobsmacked.

How haven't you eloped, for real?

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:9f4420a1-85a9-49cf-b1cc-ab65787819ce">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]There's not a lot you can do about parental backlash, unfortunatly. If your mom is so concerned about opinions from people you've never met and and how it will reflect on her, she needs to be the one footing the hotel bill, not you. What I would do is very firmly and politely tell them no, and then drop it. You and your FI have made your decision, and unless your mom is paying for the wedding (which would include the hotel bill), then she doesn't have say in this. Just wish there was a polite way to take back offering the wedding night hotel bill for those that you didn't offically invite. /><
Posted by dubird[/QUOTE]

<div>That is unfortunately, because in the end I really do feel bad for fighting with my mom (no matter who is right or wrong). Especially whenever it's over people that i don't even know!</div><div>
</div><div>The part that is scaring me is that out of anger she did offer to pay for the hotel bill, but I know for sure that the wedding is putting such a strain on her that she'd go into debt over it, too. I think she's so tangled in this keeping-up-appearances thing that she's not even considering things rationally anymore. In the end her finances are her business, but it really makes me sad to see so many wedding issues over such stupid matters.</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:ccb6abe4-80c3-4233-bda3-7805494e5507">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't read everyone's post but I would basically tell them that you will be paying for them for the duration of the wedding events (which equals one night) but you WILL NOT be paying for their 3 week extended vacation. I don't care what is traditional where...but no one in their right mind would pay for however many people to stay in Canada to vacation for 3 weeks just because they showed up for your wedding for one day. Cray-cray!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>exactly how I feel! It's definitely not normal, and if I somehow had that money and wanted to spend it that way, it would be a bonus for them, not an expectation!</div>

chelseamb11 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:95ad3228-1844-4daa-bd69-87945b89ff09">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : That is unfortunately, because in the end I really do feel bad for fighting with my mom (no matter who is right or wrong). Especially whenever it's over people that i don't even know! The part that is scaring me is that out of anger she did offer to pay for the hotel bill, but I know for sure that the wedding is putting such a strain on her that she'd go into debt over it, too. I think she's so tangled in this keeping-up-appearances thing that she's not even considering things rationally anymore. In the end her finances are her business, but it really makes me sad to see so many wedding issues over such stupid matters.
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

So you haven't even invited these people to come, yet they're expecting you to pay for three weeks of their hotel? Eff that. If it's that far out, chances are they have not bought tickets yet. If they haven't, tell them NOW tha tyou will not be able to accomodate them more than one night. If that's not good enough, that's their problem and they shouldn't come. As for your mom, you're right. Her finances are her business. If she is THAT Insistent on them being hosted, she needs to do it herself.

Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?

Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards