Wedding "Etiquette"

makenna1210 · April 2012

Ok, so recently I've gotten into some heated arguments with other brides or M.O.B.'s on this site involving proper wedding etiquette. I'm curious now to see what other brides have to say about my own wedding since it's not what one would consider "traditional" and I'm supposedly breaking some "rules" for hosting my guests.

First, we are having a low budget, DIY, small guest list wedding. I have two children from my previous wedding and my fiance and I have been informed by our parents that they are unable to assist us in financing our wedding. We are also attempting to save for our first house as I currently live with my parents still and my fiance rents. With that being said, our wedding budget is $7,000 and we're attempting to scrape by with less.

We are getting married and having the reception at the same location. Informal, outdoor wedding, around 75 guests, no tuxes, my wedding dress is tea length... you get the picture.

My question is, is it "wrong" or "rude" or "inappropriate" for me to only have hors d'oeuvres and a cash bar to save on the cost of the catering menu? I'm having the wedding at 6:30 pm in an attempt to give people a chance to eat dinner before the wedding and because it is on a Friday night. I've gotten ridicule already from other Knotties on here for having a cash bar, but the majority of our family doesn't drink and we're only inviting a few friends. We're paying for soda and tea etc, but alcohol will have to be on them.

I want your opinions please to know that I'm not totally crazy, rude, inconsiderate for setting my reception up this way. THANKS!

Kate61487 · April 2012

If your family doesn't drink anyway just scrap the bar all together. Etiquette doesn't say you have to have an open bar, it says you have to pay for everything for your guests. If that's just soda and tea that's fine!

As for the time - ehhh... for me to get home from work, get changed, and be somewhere AT 6:30 that doesn't leave any time for dinner. I wouldn't want to eat before 6 at the earliest anyway, and at that point I'm likely already in my car on the way to wherever you're having this. I'd try to beef up the hors d'oeuvres so they could constitute a meal, then you're fine.

DelBride2012 · April 2012

I usually eat dinner between 7 and 8 so I would be surprised to attend a mealtime event to find out no dinner was being served, if I weren't warned in advance.

You already know what people think about a cash bar, so I'll leave it alone.

I am wondering where your budget is going? We're having a 50 person brunch wedding with open bar in Chicago for $4k.

MyNameIsNot · April 2012

How are people supposed to get dinner before a 6:30 wedding on a Friday? That's crazy. Either move it late enough that it really is a non-meal time (after 9:00 or end before 6:00) or serve enough food to make a meal.

A cash bar is rude no matter what. If you don't want to pay for alcohol, just serve soda or punch. It sounds like it wouldn't be missed anyway.

From your post, it souns like you have a lot of disdain toward the concept of etiquette and manners. There is no law that says you have to be polite to your guests. If you really don't care, just be rude. Life will go on. If you generally think etiquette and manners are a waste of your time, most people will expect it from you anyway.

perfect_lee · April 2012

First of all, sorry about all the harsh words coming your way. People can be cruel when they have the luxury of being anonymous.

I absolutely don't think a cash bar would be inappropriate given that most of you don't even drink. It might help if you could get a wine and beer package; some venues offer these at lower rates. Anyways, this is about celebrating your union. The people that come to celebrate with you should be respectful of the informal nature of the wedding.

For the hors d'oeuvres, I think the most important thing is to make sure you are CLEAR on the invitation (and probably your website as well) that it is an hors d'oeuvres only reception. That way people can eat before or after the wedding.

That being said, I think what you are doing is great. I hope you have a wonderful day!

MNVegas · April 2012

Agree w/pp, 6:30pm to me is dinner time and I would be surprised to attend a wedding at that time with no meal. A lot of your guests will probably be coming right from work and not have time to eat first. If you are doing just hor d'oeuvres, be sure that you have enough so that people feel like they are getting a meal, not just a few pieces each guest.

I would not do a cash bar for obvious reasons. Either do no alcohol or limit to wine/beer open bar. If, as you say, not many people going to the wedding drink, than your bar bill will be a minimum amount.

Maggie0829 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:023a2172-9843-4ddd-a683-bf62e9c10304">Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so recently I've gotten into some heated arguments with other brides or M.O.B.'s on this site involving proper wedding etiquette. I'm curious now to see what other brides have to say about my own wedding since it's not what one would consider "traditional" and I'm supposedly breaking some "rules" for hosting my guests. First, we are having a low budget, DIY, small guest list wedding. I have two children from my previous wedding and my fiance and I have been informed by our parents that they are unable to assist us in financing our wedding. We are also attempting to save for our first house as I currently live with my parents still and my fiance rents. With that being said, our wedding budget is $7,000 and we're attempting to scrape by with less. We are getting married and having the reception at the same location. Informal, outdoor wedding, around 75 guests, no tuxes, my wedding dress is tea length... you get the picture. My question is, is it "wrong" or "rude" or "inappropriate" for me to only have <strong>hors d'oeuvres and a cash bar to save on the cost of the catering menu? I'm having the wedding at 6:30 pm in an attempt to give people a chance to eat dinner before the wedding and because it is on a Friday night</strong>. I've gotten ridicule already from other Knotties on here for having a cash bar, but the majority of our family doesn't drink and we're only inviting a few friends. We're paying for soda and tea etc, but alcohol will have to be on them. I want your opinions please to know that I'm not totally crazy, rude, inconsiderate for setting my reception up this way. THANKS!
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]

This is my feeling (and I in no way want to ridicule you but only tell you what is right and wrong in regards to etiquette and hosting your guests properly)...

1) Having an apps and dessert reception is perfectly fine, HOWEVER, this should only be done at a NON meal hour (like 8pm). Since you are having your wedding at 6:30pm (dinner time to most) you need to either A) provide dinner, B) provide enough heavy apps to make a meal, or C) move your wedding to a later time so that you can get away with serving lighter apps

2) In regards to the bar, you should only host what you can afford. A dry wedding is completely fine. Hosting only beer, wine and non-alcoholic beverages is fine as well. However, you should never expect your guests to have to pay for anything at your reception. Your reception is suppose to be a thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony and it would be odd that they way you thank your guests is by having them pay for a drink.

I understand that you are on a budget and are having an informal wedding, but that doesn't mean that you can't still host your guests properly or are allowed to get away with poor etiquette just because your wedding is more on the untraditional side. There are many guests on here that have thrown weddings that hosted their guests well with similar budgets.

egm900 · April 2012

I would scrap the bar, it would be rude of a guest to dictate what you serve at your event, but rude of you to not provide refreshments for your guests (and asking someone to pay for their beverage is not providing it). I don't eat before 6:30, so I would think you were serving something to constitute a meal. I would either move it to the afternoon (I've been to a Friday afternoon wedding, all the people close to the bride and groom made an effort to take that afternoon off) or serve more food, as said above, heavy hors d'oeurves is perfectly fine.

pokepoke27 · April 2012

First of all - you should put XP (cross post) in the title when you post on multiple boards. I answered you on the budget board.

I will go ahead and say that you shouldn't really be posting to an ETIQUETTE board asking for validation on ideas that are RUDE.

AceTT · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:023a2172-9843-4ddd-a683-bf62e9c10304">Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so recently I've gotten into some heated arguments with other brides or M.O.B.'s on this site involving proper wedding etiquette. I'm curious now to see what other brides have to say about my own wedding since it's not what one would consider "traditional" and I'm supposedly breaking some "rules" for hosting my guests. First, we are having a low budget, DIY, small guest list wedding. I have two children from my previous wedding and my fiance and I have been informed by our parents that they are unable to assist us in financing our wedding. We are also attempting to save for our first house as I currently live with my parents still and my fiance rents. With that being said, our wedding budget is $7,000 and we're attempting to scrape by with less. We are getting married and having the reception at the same location. Informal, outdoor wedding, around 75 guests, no tuxes, my wedding dress is tea length... you get the picture. My question is, is it "wrong" or "rude" or "inappropriate" for me to only have hors d'oeuvres and a cash bar to save on the cost of the catering menu? I'm having the wedding at 6:30 pm in an attempt to give people a chance to eat dinner before the wedding and because it is on a Friday night. I've gotten ridicule already from other Knotties on here for having a cash bar, but the majority of our family doesn't drink and we're only inviting a few friends. We're paying for soda and tea etc, but alcohol will have to be on them. I want your opinions please to know that I'm not totally crazy, rude, inconsiderate for setting my reception up this way. THANKS!
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]
6:30 is a meal time so you will have to at least have heavy hors d'oeuvres that would be enough in place of a meal.

If the majority of your family doesn't drink, you can choose to have a dry wedding. The party line is that cash bars are rude, but they are acceptable in some social circles. Know your circle. Having a dry wedding is completely acceptable etiquette-wise, so this may be a good option for you.

msuprincess04 · April 2012

I'm sorry, but I'm going to question where $7000 went. If it's informal, outdoors, and doesn't include tuxes or dinner, then it should be an inexpensive affair. If the budget is mostly in the dress and decorations, then I would think you didn't budget well and people won't spend much time there which would make the decorations unnecessary. If it's on something else, then, I guess that's up to you.

AceTT · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:8d59ed29-1ffe-429d-b647-dab242b4036a">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, sorry about all the harsh words coming your way. People can be cruel when they have the luxury of being anonymous. <strong>I absolutely don't think a cash bar would be inappropriate</strong> given that most of you don't even drink. It might help if you could get a wine and beer package; some venues offer these at lower rates. Anyways, this is about celebrating your union. The people that come to celebrate with you should be respectful of the informal nature of the wedding. <strong>For the hors d'oeuvres, I think the most important thing is to make sure you are CLEAR on the invitation (and probably your website as well) that it is an hors d'oeuvres only reception. That way people can eat before or after the wedding.</strong> That being said,<strong> I think what you are doing is great.</strong> I hope you have a wonderful day!
Posted by perfect_lee[/QUOTE]
This is really bad advice.

minniehopeless · April 2012

All you need is somebody to make it legal, friend of mine had a lovely little chapel wedding and the family just booked at table at a very nice restaurant.

DelBride2012 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:d54ca7cc-5bc7-4488-b2e9-6830be841ace">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but I'm going to question where $7000 went. If it's informal, outdoors, and doesn't include tuxes or dinner, then it should be an inexpensive affair. If the budget is mostly in the dress and decorations, then I would think you didn't budget well and people won't spend much time there which would make the decorations unnecessary. If it's on something else, then, I guess that's up to you.
Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]
I already posted this, but I am still wondering as well. That's $93 a person: ample budget. I'd be looking for a restauarant with private space to rent out.

Strv2perfection · April 2012

Who cares what others think?!?!? Cash bar doesn't bother me but no booze at all makes me leave early usually. I'm willing to buy my own. Light food is gonna kinda suck but hey you do what you have to do and can afford to do. Maybe ale your wedding later so that your guests can have a proper dinner.

pokepoke27 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:8d59ed29-1ffe-429d-b647-dab242b4036a">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, sorry about all the harsh words coming your way. People can be cruel when they have the luxury of being anonymous. I absolutely don't think a cash bar would be inappropriate given that most of you don't even drink. It might help if you could get a wine and beer package; some venues offer these at lower rates. Anyways, this is about celebrating your union. The people that come to celebrate with you should be respectful of the informal nature of the wedding. For the hors d'oeuvres, I think the most important thing is to make sure you are CLEAR on the invitation (and probably your website as well) that it is an hors d'oeuvres only reception. That way people can eat before or after the wedding. That being said, I think what you are doing is great. I hope you have a wonderful day!
Posted by perfect_lee[/QUOTE]

<div>Lurk a little longer. You'll learn something.</div>

pokepoke27 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:808888e4-3c3f-4a45-bc22-2bc1e9af4d92">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Who cares what others think?!?!?</strong> Cash bar doesn't bother me but no booze at all makes me leave early usually. I'm willing to buy my own. Light food is gonna kinda suck but hey you do what you have to do and can afford to do. Maybe ale your wedding later so that your guests can have a proper dinner.
Posted by Strv2perfection[/QUOTE]

<div>I care about what my family and friends think of my hosting abilities. I personally want them to still like me after the wedding - not look back and remember what a sucky time they had because they didn't bring cash to a wedding for their drinks and there wasn't enough to eat.</div>

AceTT · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:808888e4-3c3f-4a45-bc22-2bc1e9af4d92">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Who cares what others think?!?!?</strong> Cash bar doesn't bother me but no booze at all makes me leave early usually. I'm willing to buy my own. Light food is gonna kinda suck but hey you do what you have to do and can afford to do. Maybe ale your wedding later so that your guests can have a proper dinner.
Posted by Strv2perfection[/QUOTE]
Someone who is hosting guests at his/her wedding <u>should</u> care what others think.

Matty143 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:023a2172-9843-4ddd-a683-bf62e9c10304">Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so recently I've gotten into some heated arguments with other brides or M.O.B.'s on this site involving proper wedding etiquette. I'm curious now to see what other brides have to say about my own wedding since it's not what one would consider "traditional" and I'm supposedly breaking some "rules" for hosting my guests. First, we are having a low budget, DIY, small guest list wedding. I have two children from my previous wedding and my fiance and I have been informed by our parents that they are unable to assist us in financing our wedding. We are also attempting to save for our first house as I currently live with my parents still and my fiance rents. With that being said, our wedding budget is $7,000 and we're attempting to scrape by with less. We are getting married and having the reception at the same location. Informal, outdoor wedding, around 75 guests, no tuxes, my wedding dress is tea length... you get the picture. My question is, is it "wrong" or "rude" or "inappropriate" for me to only have hors d'oeuvres and a cash bar to save on the cost of the catering menu? I'm having the wedding at 6:30 pm in an attempt to give people a chance to eat dinner before the wedding and because it is on a Friday night. I've gotten ridicule already from other Knotties on here for having a cash bar, but <strong>the majority of our family doesn't drink and we're only inviting a few friends. We're paying for soda and tea etc, but alcohol will have to be on them.</strong> I want your opinions please to know that I'm not totally crazy, rude, inconsiderate for setting my reception up this way. THANKS!
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]

With a small guest list comprised of guests that don't drink, a cash bar (based on consumption) is going to be pretty cheap.

Kimmyznc · April 2012

The whole year my sister was engaged she started aquiring bottles of wine here & there and then she bought a few kegs right before wedding. By the time it rolled around, she had plenty. Granted it wasn't expensive wine but it works. I'm not sure you can do it this way depending on venue and their personal rules but if you can, I suggest it. She got married in a backyard. If you're having a small guestlist I feel you can do a bar that should not break the bank. Or like PP suggested, do not have alcohol. Just soda/tea/water etc.

I have a $9,000 budget (we're paying ourselves) but have managed to cater & not have a cash bar. There are ways to cut corners that have nothing to do with accomodating your guests... example, I'm making my own centerpieces, doing flowers super cheap, no videographer etc. I suggest not trying to lower the costs with food, drinks so on... there are other things I'm sure you can cut out.

jmconley08 · April 2012

My wedding is a pretty formal event in Maine with a cash bar. The majority of weddings I have been to have been cash bars. Regional thing maybe. I do not consider it rude.

jessicabessica · April 2012

I'm also confused as to where the money is going. Even if you were spending $2000 to rent a space and pay the officiant, you would still have over $60 per person. A caterer in my area could do a full meal BBQ w/sides, dessert, and tea/lemonade for way under that (like under $20). Can you get some trays of hot food from a local restaurant? Sometimes having lots of little apps can be more expensive than you think.

I would not last long at a wedding that started at 6:30 on a Friday if there wasn't dinner. I wouldn't be thinking about booze, because I wouldn't want to drink on an empty stomach, but I do agree with the PPs that said just skip the bar in your case.

You might want to post on your local board and the budget board to get some better ideas than what you're currently working with.

perfect_lee · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:e55feec4-16f8-4f0a-b205-dffb311d70e1">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : You're really good at blowing sunshine up people's asses. Well done!
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">Wow. That was a little harsh. I thought this forum would be a fun and easy way to share ideas without judgment. It's one thing to disagree with advice, but I don't see the need to be nasty.</div></div>

pokepoke27 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:417b389c-7708-4546-b13f-c4fe4b9ca313">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : Wow. That was a little harsh. <strong>I thought this forum would be a fun and easy way to share ideas without judgment.</strong> It's one thing to disagree with advice, but I don't see the need to be nasty.
Posted by perfect_lee[/QUOTE]

<div>This is an ETIQUETTE board. People post on here for advice on ETIQUETTE. If you post about advice that is bad etiquette you will be judged. </div>

egm900 · April 2012

Etiquette isn't regional. Would you invite someone to your house and ask them to pay you for what they drank? The location of the party doesn't make a difference...

divinemsbee · April 2012

I'm also wondering where the money has gone. Not that it's totally my business, but when you're asking for advice about these things it'd be good to know. I'm in MS, which is generally a bit cheaper, but I'm also in a city where things are of pretty comparable price to most medium sized cities in the nation. I have a roughly similar budget, and even with $3,500 already spent (church-1000, photographer-1000, and reception venue-1500), we're still going to be able to feed everyone and serve a limited bar. How much are you looking to spend per person and how can that money be more wisely spent?

I agree with PP that you can just have a dry wedding if your people don't drink that much, but if the wedding starts at 6:30pm on a Friday, then the reception will start just at dinner time. So, unless you want everyone leaving super early because they're starving, I would put more into the food.

Loopyseven · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:ad70f53a-c06d-4d9e-9d34-c6a9a3962fc8">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Wedding "Etiquette" : This is my feeling (and I in no way want to ridicule you but only tell you what is right and wrong in regards to etiquette and hosting your guests properly)... 1) Having an apps and dessert reception is perfectly fine, HOWEVER, this should only be done at a NON meal hour (like 8pm). Since you are having your wedding at 6:30pm (dinner time to most) you need to either A) provide dinner, B) provide enough heavy apps to make a meal, or C) move your wedding to a later time so that you can get away with serving lighter apps 2) In regards to the bar, you should only host what you can afford. A dry wedding is completely fine. Hosting only beer, wine and non-alcoholic beverages is fine as well. However, you should never expect your guests to have to pay for anything at your reception. Your reception is suppose to be a thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony and it would be odd that they way you thank your guests is by having them pay for a drink. I understand that you are on a budget and are having an informal wedding, but that doesn't mean that you can't still host your guests properly or are allowed to get away with poor etiquette just because your wedding is more on the untraditional side. There are many guests on here that have thrown weddings that hosted their guests well with similar budgets.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with everything Maggie said here. </div><div>If your guests really don't drink that much, consider hosting a consumption bar, where the venue charges you by the drink for what is actually consumed, not a per person charge for unlimited. With a lot of non-drinkers that will almost definitely be cheaper than a straight up open bar. You should also be able to put a limit on the consumption bar and they can notify you (or your H) if/when they get close to the limit you gave them and at that point you can decide if you want to extend the limit, or close the bar for the rest of the night depending on what time it is and your feelings on the matter at the time. </div>

RamonaFlowers · April 2012

6:30 = dinner. If you can't afford to serve dinner, fine, don't serve dinner ... but then you need to push the time back to a non-meal time, like 8pm.

Etiquette doesn't magically go out the window because you're getting married. The people telling you having a cash bar (Which is essentially having your guests foot part of the bill for a party you're choosing to throw) and not serving a meal at a meal time are rude are 100% correct-they're just trying to help you not make an ass out of yourself.

StephBeanWed61502 · April 2012

Am I the only one currently dying over the fact that the two posters with the worst advice in the thread both have "perfect" in their screennames?

ggirl2001 · April 2012

ditto everyone. I don't get out of work until 5, so to be at your wedding by 6:30, I would most likely have skipped dinner. Assuming your ceremony is at least til 6:45, I probably wouldn't be getting food in me until 7. If you're just having light apps, I would be gone by 7:30 to go get dinner. Especially, if you're also charging me for drinks.

Also, I am really confused where your $7,000 went to.

Viczaesar · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:023a2172-9843-4ddd-a683-bf62e9c10304">Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so recently I've gotten into some heated arguments with other brides or M.O.B.'s on this site involving proper wedding etiquette. I'm curious now to see what other brides have to say about my own wedding since it's not what one would consider "traditional" and I'm supposedly breaking some "rules" for hosting my guests. First, we are having a low budget, DIY, small guest list wedding. I have two children from my previous wedding and my fiance and I have been informed by our parents that they are unable to assist us in financing our wedding. We are also attempting to save for our first house as I currently live with my parents still and my fiance rents. With that being said, our wedding budget is $7,000 and we're attempting to scrape by with less. We are getting married and having the reception at the same location. Informal, outdoor wedding, around 75 guests, no tuxes, my wedding dress is tea length... you get the picture. My question is, is it "wrong" or "rude" or "inappropriate" for me to only have hors d'oeuvres and a cash bar to save on the cost of the catering menu? I'm having the wedding at 6:30 pm in an attempt to give people a chance to eat dinner before the wedding and because it is on a Friday night. I've gotten ridicule already from other Knotties on here for having a cash bar, but the majority of our family doesn't drink and we're only inviting a few friends. We're paying for soda and tea etc, but alcohol will have to be on them. I want your opinions please to know that I'm not totally crazy, rude, inconsiderate for setting my reception up this way. THANKS!
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]
6:30 is still very much in the dinner hour, and does not give your guests time to eat dinner beforehand, especially on a Friday night. You need to either have it later in the evening or earlier in the afternoon, or you need to serve a full meal's worth of hors d'oeuvres, which will probably be more expensive than serving an actual meal. Cash bars are rude no matter what time of day it is.

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