My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).

JaxInBlue · April 2012

I think you need to talk to your dad, face to face, without your stepmom and then talk with them together. He might need to hear from you why you would like him to attend. Let your dad know your brother isn't still looking to clear the air. He may think he is doing you a favor, not putting you in the middle, by saying he may not come. Talk with your FI and have some suggestions for your dad and stepmom in place that might make them feel more comfortable; for example, think about people you might seat them with at the reception (mutual friends, other family members, etc.).

Ultimately, though, if they are still noncommital about attending, the most you can do is extend an invitation and wait for their RSVP. You might want to think about having two sets of plans - one if dad comes and is comfortable walking you done the aisle and/or dancing with you and one if not. You could have your mom walk you down the aisle, or your brother, an uncle, a good friend, no one or you could walk with your FI. Similarly, with the spotlight dance, you could dance with your brother, your mom or someone else important in your life.

Good luck with this - I know family dynamics are complicated and not always easily resolved.

artbyallie · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:95270971-297e-4ba6-88f5-674fc35070df">My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see my dad very often but we don't hate eachother. He lives with my stepmom and their 2 kids (15 and 16 yrs old). I've never really asked my dad for anything so I thought long and hard before I asked him to help pay for my wedding. I ended up sending him and my stepmom a letter because I have a hard time asking for something like that face to face. I asked for a large amount of money ($10,000) partly because I knew that he does have the money.<div><strong>
</strong></div><div><strong>Uh, what? You do NOT ask for money to pay for your own wedding. You especially don't ask for a specific and very large amount. Entitled much?</strong></div><div><strong>
</strong></div><div> He had my step mom call me and and we set up a time to meet (they had not met my FI yet and wanted to meet him before giving me an answer). <strong>Even better, you asked for money from someone who didn't even know the groom yet. Charming.</strong> </div><div>
</div><div>We went over there and everything went fine and to my surprise they agreed to give me the whole $10,000. They have money but are usually pretty cheap. <strong>And aren't we judgy about how other people spend their money? </strong></div><div>
</div><div>Then... they told me that they would happily give me the money but they didn't know if they would be able to come. This was a HUGE surprise to me. They said that their reason is because they don't want any problems to start because my half brother (my dad's son from his first marriage) will be there and my brother absolutely hates my father. He called my stepmom drunk a couple years ago and kind of let her know how he felt. Although I do love my dad, I can see where my brother comes from. There is a lot of history with my dad being a horrible person in the past but now he has found God and he is a totally different person. Here is another weird part- my half brother and my my moms sister are married. Please don't make any rude comments about that, they have been together since they were teenagers and it was because of them that my parents even met and there is NO blood relation. Well, I am VERY close to my Aunt that he is married to and their daughter, who is one of my bridesmaids (I consider her like a sister to me) so they are for sure invited and my dad even said that he does not want me to un-invite my brother because that would just cause more problems. My dad is trying to make it sound like he is being the bigger person by not coming. Here is my take on it. My step mom doesn't want to go because she is "afraid" of my brother (who is absolutely harmless and I know he would NEVER do anything to upset me on my wedding day). And now I am thinking that they are giving me the money because they are trying to say "sorry we won't come but heres some money instead" We haven't really talked about it since because I don't know what to say. I'm not that close with my dad (although we were when I was younger) and I don't think he even knows that I planned on him walking me down the aisle and doing a father/daughter dance. It upsets me because I know this whole thing is because of my stepmom. </div><div>
</div><div><strong>Right. It couldn't possibly be that your dad assumes you only see him as an ATM.</strong></div><div>
</div><div>When she got married her dad walked her down the aisle and they did a dance and all that and then he passed a few years later. My dad is 62 years old and I really don't want to miss this special time with him and I feel like my stepmom is kind of taking that away from me. My wedding is in just 5 months and I still don't know what to say or how to say something to them. </div><div>
</div><div><strong>If it really is important to you to have your father walk with you and dance with you, I don't understand at all why you can't tell him that.</strong></div><div>
</div><div>I would have an EXTREMELY hard time saying something face to face. Should I write another letter? Should I just have my mom walk me down the aisle? She was there for me my whole life but even she said that she would rather my dad do it. I will also feel bad for my FI if my dad doesn't come because him and his mom are really close and if I don't do a father/daughter dance then I know he won't do a mother/son dance.</div><div>
</div><div><strong>Why not? There's no law saying you must have both or neither.</strong></div><div>
</div><div> Should I ask them if they will at least come to the ceremony and dinner and stay for the dance? I know this isn't a normal situation for people so any kind of advice would be great. I have a hard time discussing this with other people (like my mom) because she just gets angry and everyone keeps saying "oh don't worry, he will come" but they don't know my stepmom.
Posted by AmberZ13[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>I just really don't know what kind of advice to give here because you sound pretty rude, honestly. Just talk to your dad and let him know you really want him (and stepmom, since they're a package deal) at your wedding. And your brother's an adult; he can be civil for one day.

</div>

librababy · April 2012

I think you should set up a meeting with your brother and father and then your brother and stepmom. Clear the air and let them know how important it is for you to have them all be aart of your day and if thay could just put aside their differences for one day.

You aid your brother is harmless and would not do anything to ruin your day: maybe your stepmom needs that kind of reassurance from him, since hs is afraid of him. And if she gets that reassurance, then if she is on board, your dad will be too. Also, let your dad know you had planned for him to walk you down the aisle, kind of like a 1st step to rebuilding your relationship as you start your new life. Good luck.

molly&dale · April 2012

I think you definitely need to talk to your dad. I would not suggest that your brother is there for this talk, at least at first. But is it possible that after you and dad speak, there could be a less stressful, more casual meeting between you, dad, and brother? Weddings are stressful. I hate it for you that all the family drama is making it even more stressful. I don't know how much time you have before the wedding but I feel like it would be best for the issues to be resolved or at least addressed before the big day, not on it. If there's no reconciliation, then I guess you have to respect their wishes and just be thankful for their gift. Is it possible to have a day after brunch or something for that side of the family? Just a thought.

ChristineNB · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:080879d2-dae7-4a02-96c4-61d4f89b03ac">Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE]The one thing in your long post that jumped out at me was that you sent a letter to your father asking for money for your wedding. This was wrong. Your father doesn't owe you money for your wedding. If he wanted to volunteer to pay for some of it, that would be fine, but he didn't volunteer, did he? You asked him in a letter. My gut feeling is that this letter caused a lot of the family drama. I think you should talk to your father face to face and apologize for asking for the money. Let him take it from there. Your family is never going to be the Cleaver family of vintage TV fame. They won't change for your wedding. You are going to have to be careful for what you ask for. Tread carefully. Respect your step-mother's feelings. If she has been publicly insulted in the past at your family gathering, I don't blame her for not wanting to attend another one.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
This! CMGr, is so right. I think if you wanted to invite your father to your wedding there may have been a more tactful way to do it and I would not have brought up money at all.

Knottie1443721062 · April 2012

Knottie1443721062 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:080879d2-dae7-4a02-96c4-61d4f89b03ac">Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE]The one thing in your long post that jumped out at me was that you sent a letter to your father asking for money for your wedding. This was wrong. Your father doesn't owe you money for your wedding. If he wanted to volunteer to pay for some of it, that would be fine, but he didn't volunteer, did he? You asked him in a letter. My gut feeling is that this letter caused a lot of the family drama. I think you should talk to your father face to face and apologize for asking for the money. Let him take it from there. Your family is never going to be the Cleaver family of vintage TV fame. They won't change for your wedding. You are going to have to be careful for what you ask for. Tread carefully. Respect your step-mother's feelings. If she has been publicly insulted in the past at your family gathering, I don't blame her for not wanting to attend another one.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

You did not read post correctly. She was not publicly insulted, it was a phone call years ago. The letter did not cause "family drama" if it did, I would have put that it did. I'm not going to apologize for asking for the money. The reason they don't want to come is because of my brother (who is my dads son, NOT my moms). That is the only reason. My dad has not seen him in about 10 years because my brother refuses to speak to him. I'm not asking them to make up.

Knottie1443721062 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:1ea2857f-4f96-4f24-be60-13d45f629494">Re:My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding long.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you definitely need to talk to your dad. I would not suggest that your brother is there for this talk, at least at first. But is it possible that after you and dad speak, there could be a less stressful, more casual meeting between you, dad, and brother? Weddings are stressful. I hate it for you that all the family drama is making it even more stressful. I don't know how much time you have before the wedding but I feel like it would be best for the issues to be resolved or at least addressed before the big day, not on it. If there's no reconciliation, then I guess you have to respect their wishes and just be thankful for their gift. Is it possible to have a day after brunch or something for that side of the family? Just a thought.
Posted by molly&dale[/QUOTE]

My brother will never agree to it. He will be civil on the day of the wedding but he would never sit down and talk to my dad and hasn't done so in years. My dad was not the best father to him so he won't have anything to do with him. I think the most my dad will agree to is coming to the ceremony. If this brother was my Mom's son then I might try to mend things. I'm 26 though and he is in his 40's. There are a lot of things that happened between my dad and brother before I was even born so I don't really want to get involved in all of that. There are a lot of things that I don't know about their relationship.

artbyallie · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:ab826638-3f31-4faa-a6f0-a6f0f0caa614">Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long). : I sound rude?! And yes, I asked for money for my own wedding. His father passed a few years ago and left him millions. $10,000 to people like them is NOT a lot of money. My mom raised me and my sister with NOTHING. My dad sent us on an airplane from Florida to Michigan with $20 because my mom had 2 jobs and he gambled every dime away. I used to go to my Dads house every weekend and I loved going there but then he got re married when I was 8 and my stepmom told me (when I was 8 years old) to my face that I wasn't allowed to come over every weekend anymore because they were going to be starting a family of their own. My dad has never given me a DIME and I have gone through some hard times in my life and NEVER asked him for help. No one was asking you to judge the situation. Now you might be asking why would I want my dad and stepmom at the wedding if they are such horrible people? Because I love my dad and my stepmom, I believe in forgivness. No my dad does not think I see him as an ATM. I could have asked him for money when I went to college and paid for it all by myself but no I didn't. I'm 26 years old and have NEVER asked him for money until now.
Posted by AmberZ13[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes, you sound rude. It doesn't MATTER how much money they have or that you've never gotten any or that you've never even asked before. It's still rude to ask for money, period, end of story. You also sound really resentful of him and stepmom both and I'm thinking maybe he's picked up on that and that's why they're not planning to come.

</div>

Knottie1443721062 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:84ce197d-983e-461f-a77f-3c531f5aef01">Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long). : Yes, you sound rude. It doesn't MATTER how much money they have or that you've never gotten any or that you've never even asked before. It's still rude to ask for money, period, end of story. You also sound really resentful of him and stepmom both and I'm thinking maybe he's picked up on that and that's why they're not planning to come.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

I was looking for advice on how to handle the actual day of the wedding. Not sure where you got confused on that. They don't want to come because of my brother. I think I said that about 5 times. It has nothing to do with <strong>me</strong>. They invite me to church (and I go) often. If they had problems being around me then they would not do that. You can stop jumping to conclusions as to why they don't want to come because I have already explained why. I didn't come on here looking for a pity party so I'm really not wanting to explain my whole life story. And no I don't feel bad for asking for money and no I never will. My Grandfather left money to all of the grandkids when he passed but left it all to my dad to distribute evenly and my dad decided to keep it for himself. I'm not mad at him for that, God will judge him. I was pretty much getting my share of the money.

alithebride · April 2012

he's not being a bigger person by not coming. that's the easy jackass way out. to be the bigger person would be to come to the wedding and shelve any issues that he has with anyone for a few hours and see his daughter get married.

but if he wont he wont and there's nothing you can do about it.

MyNameIsNot · April 2012

You wrote your dad a letter asking for wedding money? Holy F, I'm embarrassed for you!

That's not just rude, that's incredibly selfish and childish. If you want to fix this, you need to start with a major apology for your completely inexcusable behavior.

If my child acted like that, I don't know that I would want to associate with them either. I would certainly be going through this child's upbringing with a fine tooth comb trying to figure out where I went wrong in raising them. I'm sure he is mortified right now.

Knottie1443721062 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:ef1ef49c-eccb-43bf-8f56-9de25e2d7e6c">Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE]You wrote your dad a letter asking for wedding money? Holy F, I'm embarrassed for you! That's not just rude, that's incredibly selfish and childish. If you want to fix this, you need to start with a major apology for your completely inexcusable behavior. If my child acted like that, I don't know that I would want to associate with them either. I would certainly be going through this child's upbringing with a fine tooth comb trying to figure out where I went wrong in raising them. I'm sure he is mortified right now.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

IT WAS MY MONEY! My grandfather left it for his grandkids years ago. I was nice enough to politely ask for it instead of demanding it. I will not apologize, he should be the one apologizing to the rest of his kids for not giving them their share. But like I said, that is for him and God to deal with. He didn't raise me, my mom did. If you would actually read the post, it says I have seen 4 or 5 times since then so yes we do associate with eachother. I get along really well with my dad and stepmom. It is HIS SON being at the wedding that is the issue. Nothing else.

Knottie1443721062 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:81a39ce9-e692-4ecd-8e0b-409155e25e8d">Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long). : IT WAS MY MONEY! My grandfather left it for his grandkids years ago. I was nice enough to politely ask for it instead of demanding it. I will not apologize, he should be the one apologizing to the rest of his kids for not giving them their share. But like I said, that is for him and God to deal with. He didn't raise me, my mom did. If you would actually read the post, it says I have seen 4 or 5 times since then so yes we do associate with eachother. I get along really well with my dad and stepmom. It is HIS SON being at the wedding that is the issue. Nothing else.
Posted by AmberZ13[/QUOTE]

I'm also pretty sure the reason they are so worried about seeing my dad's son is because they think he might confront them about his share of the money. I'm not going to ask them if thats why but I'm sure its in the back of their minds.

elldee333 · April 2012

so your grandfather "left it" to all of his grandkids, but really left it to each parent to divide up among the kids? That's weird, usually things like that are legally written out in the will.

If it was your money, why was it so hard to ask that you "had to write a letter"?

Agreed with all of the PPs, regardless of the situation it is extremely rude to ask anyone for any contribution to your party.

sounds like as far as the relationships go, you might not have many choices. If your Dad and Step mom choose not to go, you can't force them.

tcjames · April 2012

OP...after reading all the PP. Here's my advice..first step.You need to talk to your dad face to face and tell him how much you love him and your stepmom. YES YOU CAN Write a letter and read it to him if that will help you get it done. It's time to be open and honest about your feelings and forget all the drama that surrounds you and focus on rebuillding you and dad's relationship...Once you two begin talking regularly then express to him how important it is to you, for him to walk you down the aisle and dance with you on your wedding day. Everything else will hopefully fall in place..HTH Good Luck & Congrats

Knottie1443721062 · April 2012

Obviously very few of you actually read and understood the whole post. He left all money to my dad, he trusted him to do what he was supposed to. My Grandpa wasn't really up for writing a will because he wasn't really all there. I wrote a letter because its been 6 years and I wasn't going to just say "Hey Dad, can I get some money now or what?!" I wanted to be nice about it. I didn't want to put any of this in the OP because I'm not looking for a pity party. "My grandpa left me money and my daddy wouldn't give it to me boo hoo poor me" No, that's not what I was trying to say or do because I thought about it for a long time and was just going to let it go but decided not to. But, since most of you decided to only look at the money part of it, I guess I should have explained a little more clearly in the OP that the post is not about the money. I was asking how I could help my Dad and Stepmom feel more comfortable about coming and being in the same room as my dads son that he has not seen in 10 or 12 years, however long it has been. I see that most of you can't get over yourselves long enough to see that so I'm done with this whole post. My dad is not mad at me for asking him for that money. They don't hate me or look down on me because of it. We got along before and still do. It has everything to do with the fact that my brother will not speak to my dad, bottom line. Thank you to the people who actually tried to give me some real advice and didn't just focus on the fact that my father is giving me money for my wedding.

Strv2perfection · April 2012

Why do people come on here to get life advice from these mean ass women ?!?!?! Call your dad up and meet with him face to face. Tell him it's important tha you have him at your wedding.

Knottie1443721062 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:07e42b09-aa9e-4f6d-a727-25c037e21479">Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do people come on here to get life advice from these mean ass women ?!?!?! Call your dad up and meet with him face to face. Tell him it's important tha you have him at your wedding.
Posted by Strv2perfection[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty new to the wedding boards so I didn't realize how mean people can be on here. I was hoping to maybe see if someone else had a similar situation of helping to make a family member feel more comfortable. Thanks though, I guess that is my only option at this point.

artbyallie · April 2012

Jeez. WE'RE NOT MEAN, WE'RE HONEST.

/yelling

And deleting your OP does no good since it was quoted.

I have typed and deleted several other statements now, but I can't think of anything that will get through to you.

lmeg · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:95270971-297e-4ba6-88f5-674fc35070df">My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE].
Posted by AmberZ13[/QUOTE]

Oh man, i feel so bad for you. I can relate to some things you said. I just want to tell you that yes, your stepmom doesnt want to go. You need to call your dad when you know she is not around. Talk to him and tell him you had really hoped he would be a part of your special day, that you were hoping he would walk you down the isle and that you were hoping that your wedding was sort of a kick of to you and him having a closer relationship. Tell him you are so grateful for his contribution to the wedding, but really wish he would be there too. He needs to be by himself to take this all in and not have your stepmom in his ear complaining about how the whole thing is going to be terrible for her! Good luck! Unfortunatly wives have so much influence on what the dads do that it really makes me want to vomit. Men are so stupid sometimes, lol!

Knottie1443721062 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:3ab8b2f9-f88b-4af0-bf51-8f50a42da630">Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE]Jeez. WE'RE NOT MEAN, WE'RE HONEST. /yelling And deleting your OP does no good since it was quoted. I have typed and deleted several other statements now, but I can't think of anything that will get through to you.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

Yea, I noticed that after I did it. Oh well. I realize you were trying to be honest but most people missed the point of the whole thing.

Knottie1443721062 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-dad-doesnt-want-to-come-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5640071a-7750-41ca-8334-2cfb93c33015Post:103e630b-8c6e-407d-9c95-a134107c9955">Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long). : Oh man, i feel so bad for you. I can relate to some things you said. I just want to tell you that yes, your stepmom doesnt want to go. You need to call your dad when you know she is not around. Talk to him and tell him you had really hoped he would be a part of your special day, that you were hoping he would walk you down the isle and that you were hoping that your wedding was sort of a kick of to you and him having a closer relationship. Tell him you are so grateful for his contribution to the wedding, but really wish he would be there too. He needs to be by himself to take this all in and not have your stepmom in his ear complaining about how the whole thing is going to be terrible for her! Good luck! Unfortunatly wives have so much influence on what the dads do that it really makes me want to vomit. Men are so stupid sometimes, lol!
Posted by lmeg[/QUOTE]

Thanks... yea she pretty much controls every situation so if she doesn't want to go, then he won't. I was orignally going to talk to her but your right, I probably should just talk to my dad and then he can talk to her (hopefully) I'm also not thrilled about people asking me, "wheres your dad?" at the wedding because most of my family knows he lives only 5 miles from where my wedding is and that isn't really something I want to answer on my wedding day.

thurmanpowell · April 2012

Don't worry about people on here, OP. The knot can be full of... witches.

Coming from a family with a similar financial and disfunctional situation, I think I kinda get where you are coming from.

Guys, sometimes the money isn't about the money! It seems to me more like she was wanting some sort of acknowledgement - She's 26, thats too old to be taken to the park or whatever, sometimes that comes out as financial support. It's got to hurt knowing that your Dad could have given you everything you wanted, but instead left your mom to raise you with nothing while your Dads new family gets what you didn't. Money = a sense of sercurity, and asking a parent for that during one of the most expensive parts of life makes sense in a way.

Either way, without knowing OP personally or growing up in a similar situation, it isn't your place to judge. You guys are as egregious as your claim the OP to be by judging her actions through the lens of your own life experiences.

ANYHOW, OP, The best think to do would be to tell your Dad exactly how it would make him feel to not be there. He might still turn you down, and that will hurt, but I don't think there's anyway to trick him into it. Talk to your fiance about this directly too, let him know that he is still free to do the Mother/son dance, and lean on him for support. These types of family situations can always be awkward/embarassing, but He's marrying into it so you might as well give a heads up!

SugarFoote · April 2012

In Response to Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).:
[QUOTE]Why do people come on here to get life advice from these mean ass women ?!?!?! Call your dad up and meet with him face to face. Tell him it's important tha you have him at your wedding.
Posted by Strv2perfection[/QUOTE]

After reading this thread, I didn't find the posters to be "mean ass women". I found them to be honest.

harpsdesire · April 2012

I'm just going to ignore the whole money aspect of this because.... yeah..... I don't know what to think about all that.

Just tell your dad how important it is to you, and seat him far far away from your brother at the ceremony and reception. Let him know that if he wants to leave at any point of the reception because of feeling uncomfortable, you'd understand, but that it would mean a lot if he'd walk you down the aisle and see you get married.

Because of my own family drama/tension, I'm doing away with lots of the 'traditional seating arrangements' like having parents all in the first row of the ceremony so my mom can be seated comfortably distant from my dad and his gf. Also the reception tables will be arranged to keep people who don't get along apart.

My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).

Re: My Dad doesn't want to come to wedding (long).

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