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Gibson08 · July 2012

This got out of hand.

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-bm-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b9a9ee5-e2fd-4af7-aeb0-518e4e5d46d0Post:a840dff9-eae5-403b-9d8d-16276a982d4e">Help, BM trouble.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have not asked any of the people I plan on asking to be in my wedding yet, but I had it all organized and planned out. Come to realize, one of the people I wanted to ask is completely unreliable, and I am nervous. Worst part is, they are family. What do I do?? Do I hope for the best and maybe she will get herself together or do I move on and ask someone else.
Posted by Gibson08[/QUOTE]

<div>Are you concerned that they won't get the outfit and show up on time for the ceremony? Because really, that's all you need to rely on them for.</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-bm-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b9a9ee5-e2fd-4af7-aeb0-518e4e5d46d0Post:a840dff9-eae5-403b-9d8d-16276a982d4e">Help, BM trouble.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have not asked any of the people I plan on asking to be in my wedding yet, but I had it all organized and planned out. Come to realize, one of the people I wanted to ask is completely unreliable, and I am nervous. Worst part is, they are family. What do I do?? Do I hope for the best and maybe she will get herself together or do I move on and ask someone else.
Posted by Gibson08[/QUOTE]

Unorganized doesn't describe someone incapable of showing up sober at a designated place wearing a designated dress, walking down an aisle while holding some flowers and smiling for a photographer. Absolute total moron would be more accurate. Is she an absolute total moron?

Fancypantsamy · July 2012

I think you're all being a little hard on Gibson - I mean with good reason, there have been a lot of women on here who think that they shouldn't ask a bridesmaid to be in the wedding because of the potential BM's unlikelihood to hold their hand through the entire wedding planning process. But OP didn't say that. She also doesn't call the potential BM unorganized - she says unreliable - which is a big deal.

I have a cousin who I know my family expected me to ask, but I didn't because she's unreliable. I didn't trust her to buy a dress within my guidelines (color and hemline) and I didn't actually trust her to show up on the wedding day. She skipped one of her best friends' weddings last fall because two weeks before the wedding she was invited to go to some party one of her boyfriend's friends was holding. I don't trust her to not do that to me.

I haven't expected anything from my bridesmaids other than buying the dress and showing up but it would really hurt my feelings if one of the people I chose to be standing up with me opted not to for a dumb reason. So I just didn't put my cousin in the position where she'll disappoint me. If she comes, she comes, if not, well I kind of expected it.

Soon2BeMrsTing · July 2012

I understand being nervous that a BP member might not show. My chronically unemployed, bipolar sister is the definition of 'unreliable.' But I extended the invitation to her to be my BM because she is family, and, as they say, blood is thicker than water. (She did show, and was uncharacteristically mild and positive throghout the day.)

Ask your BP members on the basis of relationship, rather than on the basis of what they might be able to do for you. Others who already posted are correct in that the only 'job' a BM is to be responsible for is to the buy the chosen dress (after each individual has given input into the budget) and show up to the ceremony wearing it. Nothing else is required of them.

If your BP members offer to help you plan, you are free to take them up on the offer. But don't expect them to be free labor. If you will need help, you and your FI can pay for it.

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

BIL is extremely unreliable. As in, "embezzled from our dream venue and screwed us out of the discount we badly needed" unreliable. We still asked him to be a GM. And yeah, he didn't show. But hey, we got married anyway, and it was still awesome. And DH got to know that he wasn't the one to poison the relationship.

beasy · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-bm-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b9a9ee5-e2fd-4af7-aeb0-518e4e5d46d0Post:a840dff9-eae5-403b-9d8d-16276a982d4e">Help, BM trouble.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have not asked any of the people I plan on asking to be in my wedding yet, but I had it all organized and planned out. Come to realize, one of the people I wanted to ask is completely unreliable, and I am nervous. Worst part is, they are family. What do I do?? Do I hope for the best and maybe she will get herself together or do I move on and ask someone else.
Posted by Gibson08[/QUOTE]

Do like my daughter did. Fire her! Girls have it made now days, if you don't want to do itin person. Text her. That's how young ladies communicate, sad but true. Family will have to understand. It's your day, people can talk but if they love you they will be at wedding! Good luck

beasy · July 2012

SORRY ABOUT ABOVE REPLY. I DIDN'T READ IT VERY WELL. IF YOU HAVEN'T ASKED. DON'T STRESS. MY YOUNGEST ISN'T GOING TO ASK HER OLDER SISTER BECAUSE OF ISSUES...BUT MY YOUNGEST WAS HER MOH. SO IT HAPPENS!

gurrlballa10 · July 2012

Um....Beasy. You maybe should lurk a little. You don't EVER fire a bridal party member. That is a friendship ending move that will have people talking. It makes you (general you) look like a bridezilla because ZOMG IT'S MY DAY!

Girlie1030 · July 2012

Um, wow. Not only do you "fire" a BP member (not hired help btw, how do you fire them), but do it by text no less. Great advice there Beasy.

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

Beasy, and you condone your daughter's horrible behavior? Guess that's where she got it, then. It's never okay to fire an attendant unless you have very good reason to never want to speak to them again (like, they tried to kill you).

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-bm-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b9a9ee5-e2fd-4af7-aeb0-518e4e5d46d0Post:a2fd2d7a-250a-497c-9925-eaff83b7edc6">Re: Help, BM trouble.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Help, BM trouble. : Do like my daughter did. Fire her! Girls have it made now days, if you don't want to do itin person. Text her. That's how young ladies communicate, sad but true. Family will have to understand. It's your day, people can talk but if they love you they will be at wedding! Good luck
Posted by beasy[/QUOTE]

Good God. This immature advice is something I would expect from a bride, not a mother of the bride.

ETA - I also cannot believe you are advocating the coward's way of dealing with an unpleasant situation.

mbrischoux · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-bm-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b9a9ee5-e2fd-4af7-aeb0-518e4e5d46d0Post:a2fd2d7a-250a-497c-9925-eaff83b7edc6">Re: Help, BM trouble.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Help, BM trouble. : Do like my daughter did. Fire her! Girls have it made now days, if you don't want to do itin person. <strong>Text her. That's how young ladies communicate, sad but true.</strong> Family will have to understand. It's your day, people can talk but if they love you they will be at wedding! Good luck
Posted by beasy[/QUOTE]

Aside from the fact that firing a bridesmaid and basically condoning the behavior is tactless (I believe the previous posters have all said that to the enth degree), the bolded statement is very presumptious. Not EVERY young lady communcates via text - I have made the choice not to. Besides, you are also saying the young women don't have the common sense to know when it is appropriate to use text as a form of communcation and when it is inappropriate. Have a little tact in dealing with bridal situations and have a little faith in people's ability to communicate.

wineo929 · July 2012

I'm just going to throw in that your wedding is in 2014 and it's WAY too early to even be thinking about BMs

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