Okay to have cake and punch reception for a 2 PM wedding?

toxic884 · November 2010

My fiance and I are still in school and planning our wedding. We will only be able to contribute a little financially, so the entire burden of paying for the wedding rests on my parents, since the groom's parents want to pay only for the rehearsal dinner.
Is it okay to have the rehearsal dinner for the bridal party and out of towners (comprised of most of the guests) and then for the reception itself, just have cake, punch and appetizers? (FYI, our ceremony is at 2:00 pm followed immediately by the reception). This will be a lot easier on my parents' wallets.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

Did your parents OFFER this? Frankly, I would feel like crap asking my parents to put any of their hard earned money to a party I want to throw for myself.

But to answer your question - yes, 2pm is appropriate for cake and punch. But I wouldn't invite people from out of town.

toxic884 · November 2010

Yes, my parents did offer to pay for everything. I'm just trying to cut costs anywhere I can to be a little considerate and offer to help.

ashleylaurenr · November 2010

It is perfectly acceptable to have cake and punch at a 2pm reception. I would think ta 3pm all you would need to serve anyway is light finger food fare. The time of the wedding should automatially indicate to guests the type of reception foof there would be, as well as word of mouth. Its YOU and your FIANCES wedding, and you should do what makes you comfortable and happy!

Congratulations!

Celles · November 2010

In general, a cake and punch reception following a 2 PM wedding is fine.

However -- I personally don't feel that a cake and punch reception is appropriate when the majority of your guest list is traveling to attend your wedding. I know I would feel like a terrible hostess if I asked people to spend hundreds of dollars on airfare and accommodations, only to offer them a slice of cake and glass of fruit punch after the ceremony.

PsyDet 2155 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-cake-punch-reception-2-pm-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7695d8-6fad-4829-94d6-03d52abc6eccPost:1b05d164-6fd8-4698-b948-f8bd590e0332">Okay to have cake and punch reception for a 2 PM wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]My <strong>fiance and I are still in school and planning our wedding. We will only be able to contribute a little financially, so the entire burden of paying for the wedding rests on my parents, since the groom's parents want to pay only for the rehearsal dinner.</strong> Is it okay to have the rehearsal dinner for the bridal party and out of towners (comprised of most of the guests) and then for the reception itself, just have cake, punch and appetizers? (FYI, our ceremony is at 2:00 pm followed immediately by the reception). This will be a lot easier on my parents' wallets.
Posted by toxic884[/QUOTE]

It's generally known around here that your parents aren't obligated to pay for any part of your wedding. As adults deciding to make an adult-decision and get married, you and your fiance should step up and plan the wedding you can afford.

Aside from that, a cake, punch and appetizer reception is fine as long as it won't be around a meal time.

MissOwl · November 2010

Ditto PP about out of towners. It blows to drive/fly to a wedding, pay for a hotel room and bring a gift and have the wedding celebration last like 2.5 hours. I am not saying you must have a flowing bar and loads of food, but even at a cake and punch reception, it would be gracious to offer some food.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-cake-punch-reception-2-pm-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7695d8-6fad-4829-94d6-03d52abc6eccPost:ded86911-1b08-4653-be51-6e787136d705">Re: Okay to have cake and punch reception for a 2 PM wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, my parents did offer to pay for everything. I'm just trying to cut costs anywhere I can to be a little considerate and offer to help.
Posted by toxic884[/QUOTE]

The way you phrased it with the "burden of paying for the wedding falling" on your parents made it sound like it wasn't a choice. SOMEONE has to pay for this wedding, people! Well guess what? The "burden" of paying my bills always falls on me, I can't just shuffle them off to someone else. I have a suspicion you asked/begged/pleaded with them to throw you a wedding. A wedding isn't mandatory, you know.

I agree with Celles, which is why I said "I wouldn't invite OOT guests." No way would I hop on a plane to spend an hour with someone and get a slice of cake. Sorry.

jess9802 · November 2010

The OP also wants to invite her OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner. I think this is an appropriate idea, so long as they don't have to pay for their meal, and they are aware of what the actual reception will entail.

sister2groom · November 2010

How do your ILs feel about all of this? Rehearsal dinner pretty much has to include a meal, I think, and if they're hosting a full meal for most of the guests that will be a lot more money than your actual reception. Did they offer to host OOT guests?

kara811 · November 2010

If I was coming to a wedding from OOT, have to travel, pay for lodging and only get cake and punch at the reception then I'd be a bit ticked off. I get that you have to plan the wedding around your budget, but you really should be more accommodating to your OOT guests and be a good hostess. 80% of our guests are OOT, and we are making sure they are very well accommodated at our wedding. You don't need a big fancy sit down with open bar. You can always go with finger foods and heave apps along with your cake and punch.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

If it's something you and your FI are open to, consider a small ceremony with only immediate family and a nice dinner at a restaurant now and then take several months to save up to have a bigger reception. You could play video of the ceremony so people have a chance to share that with you as well.

EDIT: I just saw your profile says the wedding isn't until 6/2012 .. While I don't know your financial situation I would assume that's enough time to be able to throw together enough money for a light brunch menu.

jess9802 · November 2010

I understand that the rehearsal dinner and reception are two separate events and that guests must be properly hosted at each one. But I think the OP is trying to be a gracious bride and considerate of her OOT guests by including them in other aspects of the wedding so that they are not traveling just for a quick ceremony and cake and punch.

In keeping the peace in a family and with old friends it's not always a simple solution to not invite OOT guests. Feelings get hurt. So long as guests are aware of what is being offered at the reception, it is ultimately up to them to decide whether the expense and hassle of traveling to the wedding is worth the cake and punch at the reception.

starla827 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-cake-punch-reception-2-pm-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7695d8-6fad-4829-94d6-03d52abc6eccPost:1b05d164-6fd8-4698-b948-f8bd590e0332">Okay to have cake and punch reception for a 2 PM wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are still in school and planning our wedding. We will only be able to contribute a little financially, so the entire burden of paying for the wedding rests on my parents, since <strong>the groom's parents want to pay only for the rehearsal dinner. Is it okay to have the rehearsal dinner for the bridal party and out of towners (comprised of most of the guests)</strong> and then for the reception itself, just have cake, punch and appetizers? (FYI, our ceremony is at 2:00 pm followed immediately by the reception). This will be a lot easier on my parents' wallets.
Posted by toxic884[/QUOTE]

Are the groom's parents aware that the majority of guests will be invited to the rehearsal dinner? Depending on the size of your guest list, that could be a very large expense and they should be aware of and ok with that before it's planned and people are invited.

And I kind of agree with some PP that if people are traveling from out-of-town to attend the wedding, it would be good to give them a full meal. However, it depends on their relationship with you. If I had a close friend/family member that was having a cake/punch/app reception to cut costs, I would be ok with traveling to see them because it's important to me. A distant cousin, not so much.

Either way, make sure when you send your invites you are clear on the type of reception you are having (say something like "Cake and punch to follow ceremony") so that people can make the decision of whether to incur the expense of traveling to the wedding with that knowledge.

mkrupar · November 2010

Ditto jgnevins. You're wedding isn't for another year and a half. That should be enough time for your and FI to save up something to contribute to the wedding. I travelled from OH to TX for a wedding, and I would have been pissed to pay that amount of money for a plane ticket and hotel room to only be served cake and punch.

I realize you say OOT guests will be at the RD, but even with that, I would still be a little put out. Did your FILs agree to host OOT guests for the RD? Are you just assuming they will because you've heard that's what should be done? It is interesting that you would allow your FILs to foot the bigger part of the bill. RDs are not mandatory and you could even go without one. But, you choose to have a RD with all OOT guests and then are trying to figure out a way to lessen the "burden" of the actual reception on your parents. I would be curious to know what FI and FILs think about this.

toxic884 · November 2010

Thank you all for your helpful suggestions/opinions.

Just to clarify, the FI is okay with what I am proposing and is sure the ILs will go for it too. And to address some posts: I am hardly trying to make the ILs "foot the bigger part of the bill" or "pay the majority of the wedding bill". You have to remember that my parents are offering to pay for EVERYTHING else - this would be the majority of the bill, not the RD. And it is not my intention to push anything onto the ILs.

DramaGeek · November 2010

Like everyone else, I'd be annoyed if I spent money to get to your wedding and found out at the event that it was a cake and punch reception and that I wouldn't be seeing much of you. It sucks when the celebration is shorter than my travel time to get there!

Since cake and punch for a 2 pm ceremony is totally acceptable, and money is a factor, it would be nice of you to warn your guests about the reception. Then they can decide if they want to spend the time and money to come or not. Something like "dessert reception immediately following" or "cake and punch reception hosted by Bride's Parents after the ceremony" on your invitation or reception card would work well.

Pirata13 · November 2010

I would definitely talk to your parents and see what they would like to see for your reception since they are paying. You could serve a more lunch fare or heavy hors d'ouevres and cake. How long is your reception? I would defintely talk to your parents, see what the budget is, then work with your caterer and venue to create a meal plan that fits your budget and length of your reception.

lyndausvi · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-cake-punch-reception-2-pm-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7695d8-6fad-4829-94d6-03d52abc6eccPost:fce7c53f-b031-417b-b685-ecaa86db08f9">Re: Okay to have cake and punch reception for a 2 PM wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for your helpful suggestions/opinions. Just to clarify, the FI is okay with what I am proposing and is sure the ILs will go for it too. And to address some posts: I am hardly trying to make the ILs "foot the bigger part of the bill" or "pay the majority of the wedding bill". You have to remember that my parents are offering to pay for EVERYTHING else - this would be the majority of the bill, not the RD. And it is not my intention to push anything onto the ILs.
Posted by toxic884[/QUOTE]

Really? You think they will be okay with that. Paying for OOT guests at the RD is one thing. What you are proposing is something different.

As general rule is the RD should not be better than the actual wedding. There is something wrong about inviting the majority of the guests to the RD for dinner and only getting cake and punch the next day.