Costs for Bridemaids

CPBP · December 2010

What do you think is a fair dollar amount to ask the bridesmaids to put up for a shower? There are 7 girls, including myself, as the MOH. This would be for the gift and some shower costs. I know it can vary from place to place, but I'd like to hear some ballpark numbers. Thanks.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2010

[QUOTE]What do you think is a fair dollar amount to ask the bridesmaids to put up for a shower? There are 7 girls, including myself, as the MOH. This would be for the gift and some shower costs. I know it can vary from place to place, but I'd like to hear some ballpark numbers. Thanks.[/QUOTE]

0.00 You never tell someone what their fair share is.

jayjoe · December 2010

I've been in 7 weddings and never once was asked to pay. Sorry

Maybe $50-$100? I guess it depends on the venue and guestlist, etc.

baystateapple · December 2010

You ask how much they can afford. And don't go over that number.

emilyinchile · December 2010

Yeah, $0.

You can certainly say "hey guys, I want to start planning for Bride's shower and was wondering if anyone wanted to help host it," and then the people who respond can decide together exactly what kind of thing you all want to do, but you don't just decide it all yourself and then present them with a bill.

marissa_claire · December 2010

If you're the MOH - here's how this conversation goes:

"Hey girls, I was thinking about throwing a shower for the bride. How would you guys feel about helping me plan for it? If you want to help, what do you feel comfortable contributing? "

From there, you include them every step of the way and make sure they help you make all the decisions if they are putting $$ in. If they can't contribute, don't get mad at them.

kcscejal · December 2010

You do not do this. Ever. If your bridesmaids choose to throw you a shower they will determine this on their own.

kcscejal · December 2010

Wow I read this wrong sorry...still $0 though.

Beachy730 · December 2010

Ditto Emily and Marissa.

Never assume what is fair to all of them. While i could easily contribute more than a college kid could, it doesn't mean I want to or should have to.

squirrly · December 2010

I'd ask if they want to help host, and if so, what they can contribute. It doesn't have to be equal. Perhaps somebody works a lot, makes a ton, and has no time to do anything to help. And somebody else is out of work with no cash and plenty of free time. You could make them both feel guilty, or accept the offer of extra cash from one and extra labor from the other graciously.

Anyhow - once you have their budget in hand, then work out a plan, confirm with them that it's cool, and move forward.

salt78 · December 2010

Zero dollars. A shower isn't even necessary.

LisaChris2011 · December 2010

I think you are one of the bridesmaid, right? I read your post as not being the bride.

I don't know what the etiquette is, but I ditto the others here. Say you're planning the shower and ask if anyone would like to help host. You'll get your answer on contributions immediately after that.

laurenclaire1386 · December 2010

Well Lisa, I'm glad to see this post meets your standards.

emilyinchile · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_costs-bridemaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37645086-6248-4aa7-9b1b-41a03f4273c4Post:2af5d446-bf71-42c3-8b24-6d591ce66389">Re: Costs for Bridemaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Well Lisa, I'm glad to see this post meets your standards.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

Only the hosts pay. Not all the BMs have to host.

laurenclaire1386 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_costs-bridemaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37645086-6248-4aa7-9b1b-41a03f4273c4Post:de5fcfa0-886c-4372-86f0-5a40612de98a">Re: Costs for Bridemaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Costs for Bridemaids : ?
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
Lisa was under the impression that the mods would move my dog thread to the Chit Chat board because it's not about etiqette. WE CAN ONLY TALK ABOUT ETIQUETTE DAMMIT.

emilyinchile · December 2010

Ohhh, I missed that one. Apparently Lisa doesn't know the mods around here too well.

Calypso1977 · December 2010

i was a MOH for my best friend. i paid for her entire shower (about $300). her sisters didnt seem interested in chipping in, or didnt know they shoudl offer.

for my cousins wedding, her mom paid for the whole shower. we offered to chip in, and fortunatley, my aunt told us we didnt have to - she had a very nice and expensive shower, i never could have afforded to pay an equal share of.

ootmother2 · December 2010

I don't think there is any "fair amount" because you don't commit someone elses money for anything

Discuss the shower subject with the BMs and find out what, if anythng they want to do.

nontradduo · December 2010

I've been the MOH at two weddings...
Etiquette-wise, the MOH is responsible for the shower.
However, most maids don't mind if you ask for help (financial and labour) depending upon how you bring up the subject.
Like many here have posted, the maids don't have a "fair share" to contribute and if you want to ask for assistance bring it up in the context of asking the ladies if they want to throw the bride a bridal shower. If they agree that they do, you can mention that you'd really appreciate their assistance to pull it off. Ask if anyone is willing to give their time and/or money to throwing the shower, making it very clear that their assistance is not required. Make sure they understand that it's about contributing what they can and working together to create a budget & look for the event & sticking to it.

That worked well for me as the MOH, and I always responded well as bridesmaid to it.
However, if you are not prepared to host the event entirely by yourself, don't even pose the question to them. It could make them feel very guilty if you take a vote on throwing one and then can't do it because you can't afford it.

mica178 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_costs-bridemaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37645086-6248-4aa7-9b1b-41a03f4273c4Post:4fd83588-69f7-45cc-b648-8251050e835a">Re: Costs for Bridemaids</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think there is any "fair amount" because you don't commit someone elses money for anything Discuss the shower subject with the BMs and find out what, if anythng they want to do.
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

This.

IF the bridesmaids are all involved in the shower, they still don't have to contribute equally, each can do what she is comfortable doing (giving money, helping with cooking, decorating, etc.). I'd contact all of them and fine out who is interested in helping to plan and then figure things out from there.

SD3194 · December 2010

I've been a maid of honor twice and both showers I threw were nice and inexpensive. One was a Breakfast at Tiffanys theme (gag me but that's what the bride wanted), it was hosted at her moms really nice house. I asked everyone attending (not just bridesmaids) if they could bring a dish and wear a black dress with pearls. I supplied the decorations, cutlery and champagne...$100 tops. I also bought her a tiffany's necklace but we've known each other forever, you don't have to do this lol.
The second one I threw at Godfreys in Richmond, VA. They have a drag queen brunch every Sunday which is sooo much fun! While you have brunch and drink mimosas the drag queens put on a show. Even the bride's Grandma got into it, she really liked the jello shots. I paid for my brunch and the bride's brunch (including her mothers) and some one dollar bills to tip the drag queens. Cheap and fun.

Please don't be that MOH that is always hounding the bridesmaids for money. I was in a wedding a few months ago (a girl I'm not even that close with) and the MOH called me constantly about chipping in for all sorts of stuff...$200 for some crazy limo, $100 to rent out a restaurant for the bridal shower, etc. I politely told her to fudge off. The worst thing you and the bride can do is ask too much of the wedding party, remember that it's supposed to be an honorary position.

MyNameIsNot · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_costs-bridemaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37645086-6248-4aa7-9b1b-41a03f4273c4Post:5acd1ad0-a707-4470-b7d4-cc457ea27c5b">Re: Costs for Bridemaids</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been the MOH at two weddings... <strong>Etiquette-wise, the MOH is responsible for the shower.</strong> However, most maids don't mind if you ask for help (financial and labour) depending upon how you bring up the subject....
Posted by nontradduo[/QUOTE]

<div>No. Etiquette wise, the person who offers to throw the shower is responsible for it. While the MOH customarily throws the shower in some circles, this is not an etiquette rule. </div><div>
</div><div>If you decide to throw a shower, you are responsible for it, both physically and financially. You are certainly welcome to ask BMs (or anyone else) if they'd like to co-host, but as PPs said, that is totally optional on their part. </div>

dewreb · December 2010

If I was a bridesmaid I'd have no problem being asked to help plan the shower or provide something for the shower, such as, "Could you bring a few bottles of wine?" But I'd be pretty uncomfortable if I was asked to pay money to help host the party.

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