Wedding Party

Bridesmaid Brunch?

We are having a US destination wedding, drivable distance for family, flying and driving for pretty much anyone under age 30, including bridesmaids/groomsmen.

Here is the general schedule:
Friday night - no rehearsal, but bonfire for all guests
Sat 10am - rehearsal
3:30 or 4 - bridal party ready for pics
5-10:30 wedding/reception

Here is my question - I would love to take my bridesmaids out to brunch/breakfast/light meal to give them their gifts and say thank you, but I know that most of them are treating our wedding as a vacation, since it is a destination wedding. I don't want to take time away from them spending it with their SO/date, as they'll be away from them and busy with wedding things from 3:30-5:30.

As a bridesmaid in these circumstances, would you like the bride to take you out for bruch/breakfast/something for about an hour, or would you rather just spend the time vacationing with your SO? Any other suggestions or alternatives would be great too.

I know you all will give me honest opinions, whereas my bridesmaids would say whatever I want to do is fine with them, even if they don't mean it.

Re: Bridesmaid Brunch?

  • I would suggest doing the rehersal on friday of you can and have the bonfire after. Your schedule seems pretty packed on the wedding day are you sure you allocated enough time for everything? The last 2 wedding I was BM in we were ready by 11 (at the salon by 9) and did pictures before 2 for the 3 o'clock wedding. I would definately say feed them, but I don't see how your timeline will work.

  • What time would the brunch be?

    If it was just a matter of meeting you an hour earlier and getting some food before we all got dressed together, I wouldn't mind that at all. I'd be grabbing a sandwich or something before the dressing anyway, so I wouldn't be passing out at your altar area.

    If it was a matter of me going back to my room after the rehearsal, then going to the brunch, then going back to the room, then going to meet you to get dressed, then yeah, that'd be annoying.

    Can you explain the wedding day timeline in a bit more detail?
    image
  • I think it all depends on what's planned if it's an actual DW.  Or you could give them gifts after the rehearsal at lunch.
  • Here are more details. We didn't want to do the rehearsal Friday night because of travel schedules. People have to fly, then drive, then take a ferry to get to the destination, and if we set the time at 6, people may have had to rush to get there, and we wanted to allow more flexability, whereas the bonfire is a come whenever you can situation.

    For the day of: the only thing we have planned is the rehearsal in the morning, and then the ceremony starting at 5pm. No salon hair appointments, no huge picture sessions before hand (only 30 min or so).

    I was thinking of maybe having the bridesmaids meet right before the rehearsal, maybe at 9am for breakfast, or right after at 10:30 for brunch.
  • I don't think it would be a big deal for you to do the brunch right before or right after the rehearsal. Just ask them and see what they think. If one or two can't make it why not give them their gifts at the bonfire. Just pull them aside and say what you want to say and give the gift.
    Anniversary
  • Rereading, I feel like I'm probably overthinking all of this. Feel free to tell me so, ha.

    I'm just trying to be considerate that since its a destination wedding and people are treating it as a vacation that they'll want to spend time with the person they came with, not wedding things the whole time.

    I'm thinking a 9am breakfast before the rehearsal would probably work best. When I wrote this down, it suddenly became much less complicated than in my head.

    Sorry to be a bother!
  • I would expect to spend the whole day with the bride if I were a BM.  


  • I've been a bridesmaid 4 times and each wedding day is a marathon. I've been in 1 destination wedding and even though I was counting on some vacation time, the wedding day was 100% for the bride. I doubt any of the girls will feel as though you are taking up too much of their time. Its your wedding day so you call the shots. If you want them to have brunch with you before the rehearsal, I doubt any of them will feel any ill will towards you. They will probably appreciate the thoughtful gesture.

  • edited August 2010
    They have agreed to be BMs. To me this means they have agreed to be with you 100% on your wedding day (and usually the night before too). Destination or not- they are yours to do with what you please. If they want vacation time- they needed to add a day or two to the beginning or the end of the weekend.
    Do what works best with your schedule as a bride.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Ok, my take is that they are treating as a vacation and it's your WEDDING!  It is a vacation too but the whole reason is your wedding!!! There will be plenty of time afterward for them to spend alone time with their SO.  Let the girls know that you want to get together with them for an early breakfast that day.  I get why you're worried about them but they all agreed to be in your wedding and should not be treating it like a vacation and not expecting to do some extra wedding activities until it's over.

    God Bless and good luck!
  • I would totally understand (as would my SO) that the wedding day is your day, and the rest of the time is vacation.  I would think that doing a brief brunch right after or a breakfast right before would be fine - they will still have plenty of time with their SO at the reception and for the rest of their stay.  In fact, I'd probably even be the one to suggest getting a bite to eat with the girls after the rehearsal, time permitting.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I think that an hour or two of their time is a totally reasonable request from you. I mean, as bridesmaids they expect that they would be available to you for at least some of the time that they are there.
  • I'd do a really laid back breakfast right before your rehersal on Saturday.  It'll give you a second with your girls without forcing them to really make a whole bunch of effort.  After all, everyone has to eat, and yes it while it is "your day" I fully understand you not wanting to put your girls out.  These are your best and closest friends and family after all!  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc70b165-41b2-4899-955e-347a43cf9249Post:058266d2-e862-4f72-923d-a6c30e0550c7">Re: Bridesmaid Brunch?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would expect to spend the whole day with the bride if I were a BM.  
    Posted by NCV2[/QUOTE]

    I agree with NCV2. If I were a bridesmaid, and it's the day-of the wedding, I'd expect to spend the whole day on wedding stuff. My SO can deal b/c today is your day.
  • What about having a private dinner/BBQ before the bonfire with your bridal party?  Then if they want they can stay for the bonfire or go home to rest up for the big day the next day.  If you make it sort of informal and let them know they can bring their SO with them, then they won't feel like they're ditching them all day the next day (even though it's YOUR day, always remember that!) or not getting in any time with them.  Even something as simple as making fajitas, pasta, BBQ or ordering pizza for all of them so then your FI and you can spend some quality time with them when you're not feeling the pressure of getting things all done on the wedding day might help.  Just an idea!  Good luck!

  • If I were your BM I would be excited to get ton spend even an w/you and your other BM at lunch!  It will be a fun time to chat w/eachother and a good break before the excitment really begins.  Plus your giving them gifts! Cool
  • If it wasn't for your wedding, they probably wouldn't be there! I think it is completely acceptable for you to pull them away for that.

  • I would love it if the bride threw a little brunch thing for me when I was a bridesmaid. It shows appreciation, and an hour isn't very long. They've put a lot into the wedding and they'd love to know you care - and who doesn't like free food!
  • I agree.  I would be honored to have brunch with the bride.
  • I would absolutely want to spend time with the bride. If they are from far enough away that they rarely see you except for on special occasions (such as your wedding) then I would think that requesting an hour of their undivided time would not only be reasonable, but welcomed. Not to mention. . . if they are part of the wedding party then that means that none have them have been able to accompany you during the whole planning process up to this point. As far as I'm concerned they can see their dates/SO any other day of the year. This is your day and what's wrong with wanting to make up for a little lost time between friends? 
    *Crystal Marie Whitcomb*
  • I agree with PP. Definately take them out for brunch!!! I think it would be fun. You could always just do a rehersal brunch. So, then they could enjoy it with their partners.
    If you don't want to do it that way, I think you should have the rehersal before the bonfire the night before so if you do take them to brunch the next morning, they can spend the extra time *which would be the original rehersal time* with their partners.
  • I would think it would be nice to have a nice relaxing hour to spend together before all the craziness of the wedding.  I think it is a good idea.  They wouldn't all be together in this location if it weren't for your event.
  • I think a brunch after the rehearsal would be a good idea. Since that is your wedding day anyway, it is not like they are going to be doing much anyway on that day.
  • edited August 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc70b165-41b2-4899-955e-347a43cf9249Post:058266d2-e862-4f72-923d-a6c30e0550c7">Re: Bridesmaid Brunch?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would expect to spend the whole day with the bride if I were a BM.  
    Posted by NCV2[/QUOTE]

    I agree, I think it should be expected by the SO that they will be busy with you the day of the wedding.  Just let them know in advance and you should be fine. 

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  • I think all duties are to the bride. I would rather spend time with my friend for her wedding than my SO. What I mean by that is it is a huge day for the bride and the bridesmaids should understand that for the weekend of the wedding they have an obligation to be there for whatever the bride/couple has planned. This is a special time for you, don't be afraid to ask for things you want.
    At my sister's wedding she bought this really nice suite the night before so us girls could all get ready together and spend her night with just us girls. I thought it was a super sweet idea. Two of her bridesmaids wanted to stay with their bf's. I had to call them and ask them to please come as it meant so much to my sister. It all worked out, but I didn't think it should have even been an issue. For one night they should have been okay being without their bf's. But that is my opinion.
    Anniversary
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited August 2010
    As long as I get to spend the night with my husband, we could get by spending most of the wedding day apart. 
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I think brunch with the bride would be great too...being a BM, you expect to be doing a lot of wedding stuff. And a brunch definitely shows your gratitude towards them, and I think they'd really appreciate that. It sounds like right before the rehearsal would be the best. If they're annoyed by it, they shouldn't be your bridesmaid.
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