Deleted.

arrestclementine · April 2012

I mostly lurk here. But I had an awful weekend and I just sort of need to vent…Can I please not get quoted - I'd like to remove this later.

Thanks everyone for listening.

dumdumfroggie · April 2012

Well, first of all, congratulations on your marriage!

Second, some jobs, do take any photos on social media sites into consideration if there is any drinking involved. I know FI can't have any of those up.

In this case, even though I think that there is some overreaction, I would just apologize to BIL, and then leave it alone. They are in the wrong to be insulting you, and I do think it's a good sign that your H is sticking up for you.

arrestclementine · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:94bfd23c-5a9c-4ffe-a393-4e533efd126f">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, first of all, congratulations on your marriage! Second, some jobs, do take any photos on social media sites into consideration if there is any drinking involved. I know FI can't have any of those up. In this case, even though I think that there is some overreaction, I would just apologize to BIL, and then leave it alone. They are in the wrong to be insulting you, and I do think it's a good sign that your H is sticking up for you.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]

Thank you! I know that some jobs are like that BUT DH and BIL jobs are not. AND I might add that every party involved has OTHER picture of themselves that are tagged on their profiles of them drinking....

While I am happy that DH stood up for me - I also feel bad like I caused this whole drama thing (not really because I took the requested pictures down immediately) and I just feel awful about it. And I guess the hardest thing is, I don't feel like I owe him an apology. I put it up he asked me to take it down and I did. He didn't have to tattle on me to FIL

bonge · April 2012

I am of the mindset uploading pics are ok as long as not offensive & most of the time i get asked to put them up by the people in them but a lot of people here are of the mindset that you should ask people before putting the pics up.

I think they went a tad overboard though, but you did as well by blocking them completely. I would have just made it so they couldn't see statuses etc anymore. You might get more problems now.

Good luck, hope it gets better.

lyndausvi · April 2012

Wow, what a reaction. I get being upset about some photos on FB, but once you took them down the discussion should be over. I'm sorry they are not letting this go.

I did something similar. I was testing out some the photo upload options/tagging/lockdown/etc at 5am one morning. I forgot people put in pushes on their phones when something about them pops up on FB. I had a friend who happend to be up, saw the push and picture before I had a chance to take them down. She asked me right away to take them down. Which I did of course. That was the end of it.

arrestclementine · April 2012

You are right I went overboard by blocking/unfriending them but I was just so upset at the time that I just didn't want them to know anything anymore. And I get what you're saying about uploading pictures... But she had even asked my friend if she could put her pictures on FB because she wanted to see them ... Which my friend still hasn't put hers up on there yet but SIL did ask her to put hers up the day after we went out.

jennamarie10 · April 2012

First of all, your bouquet is gorgeous!!!

Second of all, FB is a weird thing. Everybody has it, everybody knows it causes problems, and everybody knows it isn't going away anytime soon. You really didn't do anything wrong, necessarily. I think all you can do is apologize and move on. Good luck!

juliebug1997 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:817b1a63-3a02-4c26-86fc-a70271ecd693">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am of the mindset uploading pics are ok as long as not offensive & most of the time i get asked to put them up by the people in them but a lot of people here are of the mindset that you should ask people before putting the pics up. I think they went a tad overboard though, but you did as well by blocking them completely. I would have just made it so they couldn't see statuses etc anymore. You might get more problems now. Good luck, hope it gets better.
Posted by bonge[/QUOTE]

So I finally get him off of the phone, I removed the entire album. Then unfriended/blocked every person that has any sort of ties with FIL/BIL. 

She didn't block BIL/FIL--she blocked people that knew them so that they couldn't see the pictures either.

dumdumfroggie · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:3af98e70-5d3f-440b-96a4-b47c19c6f453">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: facebook....why did I do that? : Thank you! I know that some jobs are like that BUT DH and BIL jobs are not. AND I might add that every party involved has OTHER picture of themselves that are tagged on their profiles of them drinking.... While I am happy that DH stood up for me - I also feel bad like I caused this whole drama thing (not really because I took the requested pictures down immediately) and I just feel awful about it. And I guess the hardest thing is, I don't feel like I owe him an apology. I put it up he asked me to take it down and I did. He didn't have to tattle on me to FIL
Posted by amber0389[/QUOTE]

<div>Regardless of whether you want to or not, for the sake of future family relations, I would offer him a quick apology the next time you see him. </div>

arrestclementine · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:fee7f797-0d3d-4d6a-8dab-6ef4acf364c9">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: facebook....why did I do that? : So I finally get him off of the phone, I removed the entire album. Then unfriended/blocked every person that has any sort of ties with FIL/BIL. She didn't block BIL/FIL--she blocked people that knew them so that they couldn't see the pictures either.
Posted by juliebug1997[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry I misworded that. I did unfriend/block BIL and anyone that would possibly tell FIL about the pictures, Which ended up being 3 people but still..... And honestly besides BIL i really don't even talk to/know those other people anyways

juliebug1997 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:8b463fa8-122f-4de1-9462-2af48197f7b9">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: facebook....why did I do that? : I'm sorry I misworded that. I did unfriend/block BIL and anyone that would possibly tell FIL about the pictures, Which ended up being 3 people but still..... And honestly besides BIL i really don't even talk to/know those other people anyways
Posted by amber0389[/QUOTE]

Ah.....

You could have just blocked them from seeing anything. I have a couple of people I've done that to, just because they seem to take exception to everything I say.

I agree then that you shouldn't have defriended them. And, while I think you're going to open yourself up to being called "retarded" again, I think you should apologize too, just to try to keep the peace. However, I would make sure your guy is there just in case BIL gets out of line again.

arrestclementine · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:8467e035-b9b9-4cd4-b937-f20d38a1a880">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: facebook....why did I do that? : Ah..... You could have just blocked them from seeing anything. I have a couple of people I've done that to, just because they seem to take exception to everything I say. I agree then that you shouldn't have defriended them. And, while I think you're going to open yourself up to being called "retarded" again, I think you should apologize too, just to try to keep the peace. However, I would make sure your guy is there just in case BIL gets out of line again.
Posted by juliebug1997[/QUOTE]

I know - but I was so mad at the time and I was on my phone and I wasn't sure how to move them to a different list from there. Anyways I did it. Do I feel bad I removed them? A little but I can't undo it know. Yes I will apologize but I think I'm owed an apology too.

lyndausvi · April 2012

I actually think you do owe them an apology. You don't have to give them your first born, but yes you need to say "I sorry"

I think defriending everyone was another rash move on your part. You could have simply lockdown your photos. There are many options. Friends only, friends of friends, everyone and even specific individuals or groups.

I'm friends with my nieces and nephews so I keep that in mind when posting pictures. I have in the past locked down pictures so only they can't see them, but other people can. That said, I would never lock them down from a picture they are in.

mbody · April 2012

I think they totally overreacted, but some people don't want their pictures up on FB for whatever reason. And, regardless of it's appropriateness or lack their of, their privacy should always be respected. I'd offer a quick apology just for the sake of family relationships.

arrestclementine · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:90a3a5b7-ede2-4c9e-a85d-f7cd7d4e6436">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually think you do owe them an apology. You don't have to give them your first born, but yes you need to say "I sorry" I think defriending everyone was another rash move on your part. You could have simply lockdown your photos. There are many options. Friends only, friends of friends, everyone and even specific individuals or groups. I'm friends with my nieces and nephews so I keep that in mind when posting pictures. I have in the past locked down pictures so only they can't see them, but other people can. That said, I would never lock them down from a picture they are in.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

That is why I didn't make it super private. I already had them in a certain group that I thought was locked down. But left this album open to them because they were in it. Frankly I thought it was ok to add the pictures becuase they had asked my friend who was also taking several pictures to upload them to fb (which she still hasn't done)...

I will say I'm sorry because I know I have to ...

lyndausvi · April 2012

It's sucks they are reacting like this. Especially since they don't seem to have a consistent 'policy' on pictures of them being posts. Remember, this too shall pass.

bonge · April 2012

Btw i totally get your feelings, don't want it to seem i didn't. you felt you did nothing wrong 7 couldn't believe they would react that way to pictures while you were just trying to showcase your good time.

Let us know how this blows over. I am also an emotional over reactor so i know that feeling too. I have learned to slow down a lot with this wedding process & step back. I have even de-activated fb for months because it was just too much lol.

arrestclementine · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:d34514bf-7b2e-4b45-aec0-4ff23299db34">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's sucks they are reacting like this. Especially since they don't seem to have a consistent 'policy' on pictures of them being posts. Remember, this too shall pass.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Thanks. That's just it. I know it will pass. I will gracefully say I'm sorry and just be careful about what I say/do around them becuase this is not the first time something like this has happened... Granted the first time with fb.

SarahPLiz · April 2012

I in the school of "always ask before you post someone else's picture on FB". Its just the right thing to do. Now you know that.

I think you do owe him an apology for not asking first, but that's it. Just a simple I'm sorry. If he takes it further than that, then just ignore him.

MrsGarrett87 · April 2012

I am in the school of: if you are on FB you take the risk of having unwanted items out there. Yes you can try and be as private as you want through filters, but you can't filter out others. He's gotta realize that as honest as your mistake was, that is the consequence of a social site, it happens all the time! Not that I would say this to him, but know in your heart you meant no ill will. Hopefully he'll come to see the same.

amymaysa · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:1b7242b3-853b-47ba-99cb-d7b2905a04ac">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]Overreaction on both sides. Apologize, but be gracious about it. Don't do it like a third grader being forced to say "I'm sorry" to his teacher.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

I agree with Eagles on this one.

And for the FB/work/employer thing. We do google search of everyone we hire before extending the offer. I like to think we wouldn't change our mind based on what we find, but we have seen some pictures and I have thought to myself, why doesn't this person have their profile private to everyone but friends?'

People are weird about what is 'out there' regarding them and social media defiantly complicates it sometimes

Annas2013 · April 2012

Okay, I think both sides overreacted. You could always do what pp's suggested and set your FB to where you can hide things from BIL and FIL. My FMIL goes through everything on my FB and comments on every new picture I post, but I make sure to not post anything incriminating. Once you took the pictures down, that should have been it. I agree that you should apologize next time you see him, just so that it can kind of hopefully bring an end to all of the drama. It's good that your H stood up for you though. FB can be so frustrating.

arrestclementine · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:983cb1a2-07b2-4e0d-87eb-d76f55dffeab">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: facebook....why did I do that? : I agree with Eagles on this one. And for the FB/work/employer thing. We do google search of everyone we hire before extending the offer. I like to think we wouldn't change our mind based on what we find, but we have seen some pictures and I have thought to myself, why doesn't this person have their profile private to everyone but friends?' People are weird about what is 'out there' regarding them and social media defiantly complicates it sometimes
Posted by amymaysa[/QUOTE]

I get what you are saying. Although I did not tag anyone in the pictures so any search of the parties involved would not have shown up with these pictures because they were under my profile (and not theirs). And while I will be the first one to admit that I did overreact by removing them but to be completely honest I don't feel bad about it. Honestly I don't really want them to know about anything like that anymore because I feel like BIL always rats on us about something that is always nothing to make himself look better. It is what it is at this point. I'm going to apologize for putting the pictures up but that I removed them right away and that should have been the end of it.

arrestclementine · April 2012

And thank you for letting me vent and for the advice. I really appreciate it. Just feels good to get it out.

aragx6 · April 2012

If you had tagged them I think I could see why they'd be more upset -- although facebook also has an option that allows a user to have to approve all tag requests, so if they're real concerned about what they post online they should definitely have that option in place.

You posted them on your timeline and didn't tag them so his employer would have no way of finding them or even knowing they existed. If you don't OP, you should always have all your photos, other than your profile pictures, set to "Friends only"

So, frankly I think you did nothing wrong (though the unfriending stuff was definitely a mistake on your part). Just because someone else doesn't know how facebook works doesn't make that your fault.

That said, these folks are your family now, so for the sake of harmony, an apology when you see them next would be a good call on your part and show you to be the bigger person.

arrestclementine · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebookwhy-did-i-do-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:070d1848-931d-4697-b20a-72f5eb887d66Post:36af4869-905e-4fb3-a39d-ab917f4e9291">Re: facebook....why did I do that?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you had tagged them I think I could see why they'd be more upset -- although facebook also has an option that allows a user to have to approve all tag requests, so if they're real concerned about what they post online they should definitely have that option in place. You posted them on your timeline and didn't tag them so his employer would have no way of finding them or even knowing they existed. If you don't OP, you should always have all your photos, other than your profile pictures, set to "Friends only" So, frankly I think you did nothing wrong (though the unfriending stuff was definitely a mistake on your part). Just because someone else doesn't know how facebook works doesn't make that your fault. That said, these folks are your family now, so for the sake of harmony, an apology when you see them next would be a good call on your part and show you to be the bigger person.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Thank you. I completely agree - I NEVER tag people in my pictures ... they can tag themselves. And yes I do have all of my albums set up so only my friends can see them, unless one of my friends like or comment on one of the pictures then others can see that (i thought).

It was a mistake to unfriend them. Yesterday I wished I hadn't done that. But I did, and it is done. I don't think they will say anything to me about it and if they do I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there......

SVPW · April 2012

This just reminds me of the commercial where the woman is trying to approach and hang out with people in Vegas and no one will talk to her. Then she yells out something like, "OK, I'll stop posting pictures!" It's one of those what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas commercials.

I also think both sides overreacted, however I can understand your side of it. Your bil needs to apologize for calling you retarted! That is not ok. I don't necessarily believe that you owe them an apology, however I think you should apologize to try and smooth things over.

Hopefully you can all laugh about this in the future. The unfortunate thing is that you were not trying to do anything malicious by posting the pics, yet you were attacked for it. Maybe be more careful in that regards in the future. I agree with a PP that when you are on FB that is just something that you have to deal with, someone may post a photo of you that you may not want on there. He called you and asked you to take it down but then he took it to a whole other level.

Good luck with this! At the end of the day they are your family now too so I am sure everyone can forgive and move on.

Congrats on the wedding. Sounds like you had a super fun time.

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