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Guest question

stephcap32stephcap32
100 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I have sort of an uncomfortable situation that I would appreciate any opinions on:

My FI and I are having a destination wedding- very small, just immediate family and 2 close friends each.  My FI and my parents are paying for the wedding.  FI's parents are covering the rehearsal dinner (fully catered, which is very nice.)

I hope this isn't too confusing:

My FMIL's brother and his wife are attending the wedding.  FMIL let's us know that her brother and his wife are bringing along wife's sister.  Sister hasn't been on vacation in 30 years or something, so they are bringing her to Maui with them.  We have never met this woman.  My FMIL hasn't come right out and asked if we will invite her- but she's hinted around it.  Has even mentioned that she's going to buy us a gift! 

I feel somewhat obligated to invite her to the wedding, but it's very expensive and my parents are paying for the catering. We also kept our guest list very specific and limited- I feel a little guilty having her there just because she happens to be there, when we eliminated other guests to keep it private and intimate.  I think that it could be awkward to have her around for the couple days up to the wedding and then not invite her?  Would that be rude of me? 
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Re: Guest question

  • crash2729crash2729 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    I don't think it would be rude of you to not invite her to the wedding. 
    Just be firm with FMIL that she won't be invited to the wedding because of space/budget.
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  • TheWeddingBunnyTheWeddingBunny member
    10 Comments
    I agree that it is not awkward. I am dealing with my own giant "this person is not invited and I am not going to invite them" mess, and what I have learned (and this is applicable in your situation) is that the guest got themselves in the situation all by themselves.  In my case, it is an ex of my FI's who thought she could attend with their grown daughter in the place of the grown daughter's husband.  We did not invite her, they never asked, she just went out and bought a dress etc assuming that she could come.  The response has been "but she bought a dress" and it finally occurred to me to say, "hold up, I am not in the wrong here, YOU guys all acted like this person was going to be acceptable when in fact the person hadn't been invited".  Yours is pretty similar.  This woman knows she is not invited.  She is choosing to come to Hawaii, choosing to go with people she knows have a wedding while she will be there with them, and I am going to say she knows she was not invited, as you didn't invite her.

    I know a lot of people say weddings are about the guest's comfort as well, and I agree.  But in this situation, the woman is not a guest.  

    Stick to your guns.  It may get messy.in the middle, as people do somewhat seem to flip when you tell them they are not attending a wedding.
    wedding tickers
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    I would be upfront with your FMIL that you are glad her brother will be able to enjoy a vacation with his family, but you are not going to invite additional guests to the wedding ceremony and reception.
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  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-question-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ed1a9404-ddc1-4cff-94b2-11d8511c5d42Post:d6dcbd67-a55e-4bf2-bc74-c1253e9f0cb7">Re: Guest question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would be upfront with your FMIL that you are glad her brother will be able to enjoy a vacation with his family, but you are not going to invite additional guests to the wedding ceremony and reception.
    Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

    This.  The ceremony and reception will probably be a small portion of the time spent on the vacation.  She can find a way to entertain herself for an evening.
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