RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?

[Deleted User] · January 2013

I'm trying to give myself enough time to get shiiiiiiiiiit printed.

Part 1:

My wedding is June 1st. The caterer needs a rough number 7-10 days before, so May 22nd-25th, even though she can add on up to the date.

May 22nd is a Wednesday.

I was thinkng Monday the 13th for the RSVP date to give us a week and a half before the 22nd (but we really DO have until the 25th if we need to, so the RSVP date could also be Friday, May 17th, leaving us one week). Unless a Monday RSVP is weird,

So:

A) Friday, May 10th (because a Monday RSVP is weird)

Monday, May 13th

C) Friday, May 17th

Part 2:

Then, depending on THAT answer, 6-8 weeks before the RSVP date or 6-8 weeks before the WEDDING? I couldn't decide on that.

QueerFemme · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:89c09872-77fe-4ce4-ad5d-dba63c874d4c">RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm trying to give myself enough time to get shiiiiiiiiiit printed. Part 1: My wedding is June 1st. The caterer needs a rough number 7-10 days before, so May 22nd-25th, even though she can add on up to the date. May 22nd is a Wednesday. I was thinkng Monday the 13th for the RSVP date to give us a week and a half before the 22nd (but we really DO have until the 25th if we need to, so the RSVP date could also be Friday, May 17th, leaving us one week). Unless a Monday RSVP is weird, So: A) Friday, May 10th (because a Monday RSVP is weird) B) Monday, May 13th C) Friday, May 17th Part 2: Then, depending on THAT answer, 6-8 weeks before the RSVP date or 6-8 weeks before the WEDDING? I couldn't decide on that.
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

Send out your invitations 6-8 weeks before the wedding. So, April 1st-14th Make your RSVP date 7 days before you need to give the venue numbers I woud say, May 18th as an RSVP date. Start calling non-rsvp folks a day or two after the 18th.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:24f2ce69-879c-4d86-9301-a70e178ef862">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send? : Send out your invitations 6-8 weeks before the wedding. So, April 1st-14th Make your RSVP date 7 days before you need to give the venue numbers I woud say, May 18th as an RSVP date. Start calling non-rsvp folks a day or two after the 18th.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thanks! I don't know why, but everywhere I looked, I couldn't decide if it was 6-8 weeks before the RSVP date or the Wedding, and the search on this page is crazy.</div><div>
</div><div>May 18th sounds fine (No idea why I decided it had to be a weekday) for an RSVP date, too. I'll go with that!

</div>

freebread03 · January 2013

In Response to Re:RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?:[QUOTE]I'm also getting married June 1, and setting my RSVP date for May 1. My caterer and my baker need final numbers two full weeks out, and I have to set up a wine tasting with our venue based on numbers 3 weeks out.nbsp; Posted by TheMissusLia[/QUOTE]

That sounds super early being that you don't need to get numbers to your caterer until the 18th. What do numbers have to do with a wine tasting? I would think you can pick wines without knowing exact numbers though buying wine would be different. Even then, 3 weeks before is only the 11th, so still not sure why you need rsvps by may 1.

freebread03 · January 2013

In Response to Re:RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?:[QUOTE]I'm also getting married June 1, and setting my RSVP date for May 1. My caterer and my baker need final numbers two full weeks out, and I have to set up a wine tasting with our venue based on numbers 3 weeks out.nbsp; Posted by TheMissusLia[/QUOTE]

That sounds super early being that you don't need to get numbers to your caterer until the 18th. What do numbers have to do with a wine tasting? I would think you can pick wines without knowing exact numbers though buying wine would be different. Even then, 3 weeks before is only the 11th, so still not sure why you need rsvps by may 1.

lyndausvi · January 2013

I would do May 18th also and send the invites 8 weeks out.

Tangent - I call complete BS on venues who say they need numbers 2-3 weeks out. That is absoutlely ridiculous. They only do that so people will have to give larger numbers. Most of the time you can add numbers, you can never lower your number. There are always people who have to cancel a week 1 or 2 out because of some obligations they didn't know about a month out. It just really bugs me when venues take advantage of people like that. Every job I've ever works wanted 'soft or rough' numbers a week out and hard numbers 72 hours out.

::gets off soapbox::

Jager1219 · January 2013

I'm with others - my venue needs not just the head count (with meal choices) but the final seating arrangement 4 weeks in advance. So I'm having my RSVP date 2 months in advance. That gives me a month to do my seating and call stragglers for RSVPs. I think that giving yourself 1 week to do the seating chart is cutting it close. I've heard nothing but horror stories over doing them, so I'm preparing myself for the worst.

allychase · January 2013

In Response to Re:RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?:[QUOTE]I'm with others my venue needs not just the head count with meal choices but the final seating arrangement 4 weeks in advance.nbsp; So I'm having my RSVP date 2 months in advance.nbsp; That gives me a month to do my seating and call stragglers for RSVPs.nbsp; I think that giving yourself 1 week to do the seating chart is cutting it close.nbsp; I've heard nothing but horror stories over doing them, so I'm preparing myself for the worst. Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

Omg this is all types of wrong. You do not need a MONTH to call up stragglers and do a seating chart. You can do a seating chart in one day. I would laugh if I was told to RSVP 2 freaking months before the wedding. Not to mention, complete BS your venue needs to know exactly where people are sitting a month before the wedding. Ask them for a good reason why. And tell them its a bit much to expect all of your guests to know for sure 2 months before your wedding whether or not they can be there.

LDubHawksFan · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:aa0d6b99-7ab4-40a5-99cf-6c8434587a37">Re:RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?: Omg this is all types of wrong. You do not need a MONTH to call up stragglers and do a seating chart. You can do a seating chart in one day. I would laugh if I was told to RSVP 2 freaking months before the wedding. Not to mention, complete BS your venue needs to know exactly where people are sitting a month before the wedding. Ask them for a good reason why. And tell them its a bit much to expect all of your guests to know for sure 2 months before your wedding whether or not they can be there.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

Yeah, two month is way too early. To be honest, we had close friends get married the last weekend of Dec and they had their RSVP date as like Nov 5th......I didn't rsvp because we were on our honeymoon and I never thought that the date would be so early. I laughed and kind of rolled my eyes at needing the numbers that early. One week is plenty of time to do the seating chart. It literally took us 45 mins....and that includes 15 mins of changing it the night before it was due because my BM didn't end up coming. OP, I would set your RSVP date right at 7 days out....there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to reach people in 7 days. In the days leading up, just make sure you get all the phone numbers from family members to be ready to call a few days after the RSVP date.

Jager1219 · January 2013

Say what you like, but I disagree. I already know I'm going to have major issues with the seating chart because this person doesn't talk to that person and it's going to be major family drama on both sides of the family. Not to mention that 95% of our guests are from OOT, it's a holiday weekend, and rooms are only held through 2 months in advance (another reason that I did the RSVP date so early). And I see no reason that someone can't tell me that far in advance if they are coming or not (considering that like I mentioned earlier, 95% of our guests are a 2 hour drive OOT). While I understand that things happen, I think for 99% of our guests, they already know NOW if they're coming or not.

LDubHawksFan · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:2a493101-9e97-43e1-8eb0-664c6cb26165">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]Say what you like, but I disagree. I already know I'm going to have major issues with the seating chart because this person doesn't talk to that person and it's going to be major family drama on both sides of the family. Not to mention that 95% of our guests are from OOT, it's a holiday weekend, and rooms are only held through 2 months in advance (another reason that I did the RSVP date so early). And I see no reason that someone can't tell me that far in advance if they are coming or not (considering that like I mentioned earlier, 95% of our guests are a 2 hour drive OOT). While I understand that things happen, I think for 99% of our guests, they already know NOW if they're coming or not.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

Ours was OOT for all of my side....and I knew their responses pretty much right away. We have much drama and divorce in my family, so I had figured out ahead of time the general circles of people sitting together. There is no reason why you can't start before that deadline. (Use the posterboard and post it note method so then you can easily move guests when you are working on it). Also, our hotels said the same thing, so I made an insert pointing to our website where I specified the date the block was held to and I verbally told all of my family that was coming OOT....they figured out how to book early enough. The biggest issue I have with a super early deadline is for those fringe guests that may not know several months out. Perfect example is the WP SO post down below. There are 6 guest who "apparently" don't get their schedule until 2 days before.....not the norm, but I certainly know of a lot of professions that don't get their schedules until about 2 wks out. If I were one of those ppl, I would feel obligated to just decline that far out unless you are a family member or close friend that I want to spend a vacation day on.

Jager1219 · January 2013

I agree - things will ALWAYS come up.

And I did send out STDs to everyone OOT with our website address on there. I think maybe 3 people have looked at the website. With our STD, we even included the hotel info and encouraged people to book in advance giving them the room deadline (5 rooms out of 200 guests have been booked).

And I have started to put people at tables already and the invites haven't even gone out yet. But until I start to get responses back, things can change substantially.

I just know that most people don't book their rooms until they get their invitation and I've been invited to weddings and literally the day I got the invite was the LAST day to reserve the room. I personally found that to be really inconsiderate. So I feel that it's better to send out invites earlier than normal rather than have 95% of our guests upset that the rooms no longer are held. And being a holiday weekend, it's going to be slim pickings for rooms and astronomical prices. Just my viewpoint.

Gabrielle76 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:2a493101-9e97-43e1-8eb0-664c6cb26165">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]Say what you like, but I disagree. I already know I'm going to have major issues with the seating chart because this person doesn't talk to that person and it's going to be major family drama on both sides of the family. Not to mention that 95% of our guests are from OOT, it's a holiday weekend, and rooms are only held through 2 months in advance (another reason that I did the RSVP date so early). And<strong> I see no reason that someone can't tell me that far in advance if they are coming or not </strong>(considering that like I mentioned earlier, 95% of our guests are a 2 hour drive OOT). While I understand that things happen, I think for 99% of our guests, they already know NOW if they're coming or not.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

Lots of things make it difficult to tell that far out, like ability to get the time off from work, various family obligations, etc. Obviously you're going to do what you want, but I feel like you might end up with a lot of no-shows, or last minute cancel/changes. And It doesn't matter if different people have 100ft restraining orders between one another, it doesn't take a month to make a seating chart. A week, tops.

Also, did your venue give any reason why they need that much notice?

Jager1219 · January 2013

Wedding is on a Sat. night and we personally know of only 2 people that ever has to work on weekends. Those people are in the wedding party and got that time off over a year ago, so that's a non-issue.

Like I said, it's a holiday weekend, so family obligations will clearly come up. But most people would have already figured that out by now.

I will definately report back as to how long it took to do the seating chart. But I think a week is pushing it.

And no, I didn't bother asking the venue why they needed it so far in advance. I decided early on to have the RSVP date be the same date as the room block deadline because I was so concerned about hotel room issues, so the venue deadline didn't phase me.

lyndausvi · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:c85bfcd6-8f10-40a5-af55-1ce7417bc707">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with others - my venue needs not just the head count (with meal choices) but the final seating arrangement 4 weeks in advance. So I'm having my RSVP date 2 months in advance. That gives me a month to do my seating and call stragglers for RSVPs. I think that giving yourself 1 week to do the seating chart is cutting it close. I've heard nothing but horror stories over doing them, so I'm preparing myself for the worst.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

<div>No venue "needs" firm count that far out. Certinaly not for seating arrangment. They are just playing you. Making you give higher numbers so they can get more money. </div><div>
</div><div> RSVPing 2 months in advance is just ridiculous. My wedding was OOT for 100% of the guests (and us for that matter) and our RSVP was 2 weeks out. And a month to do a seating chart. Geez, mine was done in 30-60 minutes, but i'm sure most can be done in an evening over a glass of wine.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

StephJean83 · January 2013

My sister was married almost 3 yrs ago. It was OOS for MOST of the guest list. They were up visiting the October before her wedding(wedding was in May) and we did her bridal shower that weekend. They hand delivered invites to everyone at the shower and than mailed the rest of them the week after the shower. They had a JANUARY 31ST RSVP date for the MAY 1ST wedding. When I asked why they did that her (now) H said, "well it's out of state for most people and they have to book/plan for it". I told them that the STD they mailed out did that for everyone and that invites could go out at the normal time with a RSVP date of closer to the wedding. They had a TON of people RSVP yes and not show up because they couldn't get off of work/afford the travel or what not. They probably could have saved themselves a ton of money if they would have just done invites and RSVPs closer to the wedding since they did get enough food/cake/booze for everyone that RSVP yes.

QueerFemme · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:b092fa3f-b2f3-4f1c-a20e-f951ddab050d">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree - things will ALWAYS come up. And I did send out STDs to everyone OOT with our website address on there. I think maybe 3 people have looked at the website. With our STD, we even included the hotel info and encouraged people to book in advance giving them the room deadline (5 rooms out of 200 guests have been booked). And I have started to put people at tables already and the invites haven't even gone out yet. But until I start to get responses back, things can change substantially. I just know that most people don't book their rooms until they get their invitation and I've been invited to weddings and literally the day I got the invite was the LAST day to reserve the room. I personally found that to be really inconsiderate. So I feel that it's better to send out invites earlier than normal rather than have 95% of our guests upset that the rooms no longer are held. And being a holiday weekend, it's going to be slim pickings for rooms and astronomical prices. Just my viewpoint.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

Your dates are ridiculous. I'm sorry. As you get rsvps, you can start creating the seating chart. They aren't all going to come in on the same day. And as long as you have your white board or whatever ready, you can easily do a seating chart in one night. It certainly doesn't take a month to make 25-50 phone calls to say "Hey are you coming"? and put their name on a seating chart.

You are setting yourself up to pay for a LOT of meals for people who aren't going to show up.

Jager1219 · January 2013

Again, it's not a seating chart issue (which I agree doesn't need a month, but I think it needs closer to 2 weeks) or even a when the caterer needs the headcount issue (which I agree with people above, that they probably don't NEED a headcount that much in advance).

It's a room block issue. And I wouldn't be comfortable sending out invitiations for an OOT wedding with either hotel info that has expired or not sending along hotel info at all. And I'm not about to contact 110 invitees (that's how many invitiations I have) including people who live abroad and remind them that the room blocks expire 2 months in advance.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:523d2f1c-b996-4da2-971a-3d75f5d1ad4f">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send? : Your dates are ridiculous. I'm sorry. As you get rsvps, you can start creating the seating chart. They aren't all going to come in on the same day. And as long as you have your white board or whatever ready, you can easily do a seating chart in one night. It certainly doesn't take a month to make 25-50 phone calls to say "Hey are you coming"? and put their name on a seating chart. <strong>You are setting yourself up to pay for a LOT of meals for people who aren't going to show up.</strong>
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. If you're less concerned about wasted money and more concerned with seating charts and room blocks, then go ahead with your bad self, but this isn't going to play out well for you.</div><div>
</div>

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:4f91d32f-19fe-4820-bfef-dc9220b541b9">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, it's not a seating chart issue (which I agree doesn't need a month, but I think it needs closer to 2 weeks) or even a when the caterer needs the headcount issue (which I agree with people above, that they probably don't NEED a headcount that much in advance). It's a room block issue. And I wouldn't be comfortable sending out invitiations for an OOT wedding with either hotel info that has expired or not sending along hotel info at all. And I'm not about to contact 110 invitees (that's how many invitiations I have) including people who live abroad and <strong>remind them that the room blocks expire 2 months in advance.</strong>
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't understand why you would have picked that hotel, to be honest. I think mine "releases" the block 1 month out, but will keep adding on my people at the special rate as long as rooms are available. They just have to offer those rooms to others if they call. </div><div>
</div><div>Either way, I would have had this information on the Save The Date. It's really not your responsibility to make SURE everyone has a room block. Give them the info. If they get it, they get it. If they don't, then they don't, but a room block only means a special rate. The hotel won't turn them away after the block. So, even if they miss the block, it doesn't mean they will say no to your wedding.

</div>

Jager1219 · January 2013

I did send out the info with the STD (which was sent out 9 months prior to the wedding date). Again, it's a holiday weekend and hotels where our venue is located book up FAST. The hotel we did the room block with was the ONLY hotel in the area that would even allow us to block rooms. And at this point, the hotel is already 85% booked for that weekend (which includes the rooms that we have held that are not yet filled). So the hotel will NOT add to our block later because they will fill it on their own.

And I promise to let everyone know how this turns out, but I really don't think I'm going to have many people who accept and just don't show up.

LDubHawksFan · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:3e023328-55ae-470c-babb-ab197bcdbc8d">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send? : I don't understand why you would have picked that hotel, to be honest. I think mine "releases" the block 1 month out, but will keep adding on my people at the special rate as long as rooms are available. They just have to offer those rooms to others if they call. Either way, I would have had this information on the Save The Date. It's really not your responsibility to make SURE everyone has a room block. Give them the info. If they get it, they get it. If they don't, then they don't, but a room block only means a special rate. The hotel won't turn them away after the block. So, even if they miss the block, it doesn't mean they will say no to your wedding.
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

While a room block usually means a discounted rate, it also reserves the rooms, and since Jagar said her's in on a holiday weekend, I think that is what she is more worried about. However, I think you are going down the wrong road to make sure people take advantage of the room block. It's nice, but they are grown adults and if they can figure out how to book a room more than 2 months out, or figure out how to find another location for accommodations. I don't think you need to call everyone and remind them, but since your wedding isn't until June, you shouldn't have sent out the invites yet, so I would create a little insert that explicitly states on it that hotel block is at X hotel until April 1st. I realize that some people don't go on wedding websites, but this puts the onus on your guests to figure out where they are staying. I think others have expressed how you may have some people back out if they are required to commit that far out....and all venues I've ever heard of have a "headcount deadline" (granted never 1 month out), but it's really a min. count, and you can add more people, but never subtract from it. Again, do what you want, but I think ppl have given you reasons not to have a 2 month rsvp and solutions to your problems.

freebread03 · January 2013

I think it's funny that the poster who needs RSVPs 2 months in advance said that she only knows of two people who have weekend work schedules. I work a "regular" job but end up working nearly every weekend (consulting, so the hours suck sometimes), and it's hard for me to commit to things super far in advance beacuse I don't know how client or proposal work is going to be. I'd have a real hard time committing to something that far in advance, and I "dont work weekends." It's totally absurd that a venue needs a seating chart a month in advance (I call bullsht), and evne more absurd that someone things it will take them a month to track down stragglers and do a seating chart.

QueerFemme · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:4f91d32f-19fe-4820-bfef-dc9220b541b9">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, it's not a seating chart issue (which I agree doesn't need a month, but I think it needs closer to 2 weeks) or even a when the caterer needs the headcount issue (which I agree with people above, that they probably don't NEED a headcount that much in advance). It's a room block issue. And I wouldn't be comfortable sending out invitiations for an OOT wedding with either hotel info that has expired or not sending along hotel info at all. And I'm not about to contact 110 invitees (that's how many invitiations I have) including people who live abroad and remind them that the room blocks expire 2 months in advance.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

You aren't responsibile for providing accomodations to people. you said you sent out save the dates, people know abuot your wedding and know whether they need a hotel or not. These are grown people, they don't need that much babysitting if they are planning to come to your wedding.

DMoore421 · January 2013

My venue needs the numbers 3 weeks out and it affects when / how much money is also due at that time... There are several payment dates that chip away but one of the final two payments is due based on numbers so my RSVP date will be a month before. Especially since 1 month before is also when my room block gets released ad so many people are from out of town... If they don't know that far in advance to get plane tickets and rooms then they aren't coming anyways

LDubHawksFan · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:719cdeee-6d22-4249-92e5-ac4d3f972343">Re:RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]My venue needs the numbers 3 weeks out and it affects when / how much money is also due at that time... There are several payment dates that chip away but one of the final two payments is due based on numbers so my RSVP date will be a month before. Especially since 1 month before is also when my room block gets released ad so many people are from out of town... If they don't know that far in advance to get plane tickets and rooms then they aren't coming anyways
Posted by DMoore421[/QUOTE]

That is reasonable imo. Ours was just shy of 4 wks from our wedding date too because our place needed a count at 3 wks out.....however again after asking more about it, it was the minimum number, and if we needed to add more people (more $ for them), we could up to like 3 days out. Because of that, I made the choice to keep my BM & her husband off that count because she still hadn't given birth, and as much as she said she was for sure going to fly half way across the country with her newborn, the reality was it was slim. I'm personally glad that we did because that would have been an extra $200, and we already ended up having 2 no shows.

hoffse · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:c8fff508-cac7-4f22-92f0-6411161dcbe3">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's funny that the poster who needs RSVPs 2 months in advance said that she only knows of two people who have weekend work schedules. I work a "regular" job but end up working nearly every weekend (consulting, so the hours suck sometimes), and it's hard for me to commit to things super far in advance beacuse I don't know how client or proposal work is going to be. I'd have a real hard time committing to something that far in advance, and I "dont work weekends." It's totally absurd that a venue needs a seating chart a month in advance (I call bullsht), and evne more absurd that someone things it will take them a month to track down stragglers and do a seating chart.
Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree. And didn't that poster also say that most guests were OOT? Honestly, that makes your numbers firm up a bit faster. We are getting married April 6, our invitations haven't gone out yet, and we have gotten positive RSVPs from a number of family members who have let us know they are booking flights. People will be booking flights 2-3 months out, and that will give you a pretty good sense of who is going to be there from that group.</div><div>
</div><div>As for the others, I am an attorney, I also don't work weekends, but I do when I have to. I would not be able to commit to a wedding 2 months out unless I was in it and I gave the partners notice that I wasn't going to be there. Frankly, I won't do that to be a guest - either I or my FI would need to be in it for me to tell them I'm unavailable.</div>

allychase · January 2013

No one is so super special that they can violate the etiquette guidelines of not having a ridiculously early RSVP date. Jagr, obviously you'll do what you want, but as long as you're prepared for a ton of no shows that you paid for, go for it.

No one ever thinks they will have no shows, life happens sometimes, and you just get no shows. Problem with way early RSVP dates is getting WAY more no shows because your wedding day just isn't as important to all of your guests as it is to you, and when circumstances arise-which, give someone a timespan twice that of a typical RSVP deadline, and you allow twice the possibility of something else coming up- people just can't commit to their RSVP.

Yes, it's rude to be considered a no show, but at the end of the day it's your money paying for their plate.. So determine what's more important, feeling that for some reason you're the ONLY person on this website who needs two freaking weeks to slap some post it notes on a posterboard, or the very real possibility of wasting money.

Sorry OP for the thread hijack...

LDubHawksFan · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:2a493101-9e97-43e1-8eb0-664c6cb26165">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]Say what you like, but I disagree. I already know I'm going to have major issues with the seating chart because this person doesn't talk to that person and it's going to be major family drama on both sides of the family. Not to mention that 95% of our guests are from OOT, it's a holiday weekend, and rooms are only held through 2 months in advance (another reason that I did the RSVP date so early). And I see no reason that someone can't tell me that far in advance if they are coming or not (considering that like I mentioned earlier, 95% of our guests are a 2 hour drive OOT). While I understand that things happen, I think for 99% of our guests, they already know NOW if they're coming or not.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

Another note, I wouldn't consider a 2 hr drive an OOT guest really. That is a drive up to LA for us, which doesn't require a daylong trip or flight. More people will no-show if they are within a drive than if they were committing to full weekend travel plans. A lot of people wouldn't even stay in a hotel for a wedding that was 2 hrs away.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-date-sound-good-and-how-far-out-from-that-do-i-send?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:721a7a51-943f-48e6-8027-1f57469fc1b2Post:2e8f9618-f532-4255-b8bc-dc3dbfe5e920">Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?</a>:
[QUOTE]No one is so super special that they can violate the etiquette guidelines of not having a ridiculously early RSVP date. Jagr, obviously you'll do what you want, but as long as you're prepared for a ton of no shows that you paid for, go for it. No one ever thinks they will have no shows, life happens sometimes, and you just get no shows. Problem with way early RSVP dates is getting WAY more no shows because your wedding day just isn't as important to all of your guests as it is to you, and when circumstances arise-which, give someone a timespan twice that of a typical RSVP deadline, and you allow twice the possibility of something else coming up- people just can't commit to their RSVP. Yes, it's rude to be considered a no show, but at the end of the day it's your money paying for their plate.. So determine what's more important, feeling that for some reason you're the ONLY person on this website who needs two freaking weeks to slap some post it notes on a posterboard, or the very real possibility of wasting money. <strong>Sorry OP for the thread hijack...</strong>
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Dude, it's cool. I like watching the endless loop of someone trying to talk sense, and someone else thinking they are a speshul snowflake and that sense does not apply to them. It's making my workday go faster.

</div>

RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?

Re: RSVP Date Sound Good? And How Far Out From THAT Do I Send?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards