Predicament with co-worker

trishisaac · November 2010

I am in an office with 4 of my colleagues and we've all become really close to one another.

2 are married, and 1 has a girlfriend of 10 years. The remaining colleague does not have a boyfriend/significant other.

My fiance and I, with our parents are desperately trying to figure out who we can cut from our immediate guest list as we are way over our limit.

Is it awful if I don't give that fourth co-worker of mine a guest with her invite?? That way I can include a good college friend of mine or a second cousin I grew up with instead.... I just don't want her to feel left out when she's traveling to the wedding and sitting with my other colleagues and their significant others.

Help!

M&R7111 · November 2010

I think that is fine. That is what I'm doing. Anyone who is not dating someone doesn't get an "an guest" invite.

My friends all know my financial situation and I said "sorry, I can't fit any more people". They understood.

Of course, my wedding is still a few months away, so if anyone does happen to fall in love within that time, they need to have that invite for their SO.

For instance, my friend was on and off and on and then finally 'definetly' off with her BF - but then out of the blue she's "engaged!". (ug) So - he's been on and off and on and the finally 'definetly' off the guest list - but then is back on again (as of now..they keep fighting!)

One thing - she does know the people she is sitting with, right? The only way I would say give her the +1 is if she won't know anyone at the wedding.

trishisaac · November 2010

Thanks M&R! Yea, she definitely is also close with the others invited. I just didn't want to make her feel bad as the only single one... but you're right she's going to have to understand it's a big expense to invite someone with a guest. And I hope she would understand that since we have a large family and many friends throughout the year, that it's tough to give her an "And guest".

Beachy730 · November 2010

How far will she be travling to the wedding? Personally I feel that if someone is traveling at least an hour to attend your wedding they should be given a guest out of respect. Yes she will know other people at the wedding, but I also would feel awkward if I was her and the only person by myself at a table of all couples. Just my opinion though.

JadziaDax · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_predicament-co-worker?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:00a32c7f-18db-4bf4-946c-c379114ef26fPost:3d416eac-6a60-4e52-8cf9-03ec883d82cd">Re: Predicament with co-worker</a>:
[QUOTE]How far will she be travling to the wedding? Personally I feel that if someone is traveling at least an hour to attend your wedding they should be given a guest out of respect. Yes she will know other people at the wedding, but I also would feel awkward if I was her and the only person by myself at a table of all couples. Just my opinion though.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. I think you should let her bring a guest. If I were in her shoes, i'd feel really awkward if I had to travel alone and sit with co-workers and their significant others.

M&R7111 · November 2010

Yeah - I missed the traveling thing. It would stink to travel alone over a long distance. Unless she's going with the work group - I would give her a guest.

Also - if you are following this rule with other singles - maybe going alone is not bad and she'll meet someone nice to dance with at your wedding

tidetravel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_predicament-co-worker?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:00a32c7f-18db-4bf4-946c-c379114ef26fPost:82ee1ad5-bc2a-46e7-93f5-b01a259fcf99">Predicament with co-worker</a>:
[QUOTE]I am in an office with 4 of my colleagues and we've all become really close to one another. 2 are married, and 1 has a girlfriend of 10 years. The remaining colleague does not have a boyfriend/significant other. My fiance and I, with our parents are desperately trying to figure out who we can cut from our immediate guest list as we are way over our limit. Is it awful if I don't give that fourth co-worker of mine a guest with her invite?? That way I can include a good college friend of mine or a second cousin I grew up with instead.... I just don't want her to feel left out when she's traveling to the wedding and sitting with my other colleagues and their significant others. Help!
Posted by trishisaac[/QUOTE]
If you're "way over limit" I would cut all four co-workers and their guests. No way would a coworker get an invite over a good friend or family member.

M&R7111 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_predicament-co-worker?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:00a32c7f-18db-4bf4-946c-c379114ef26fPost:ff548395-27ba-4944-97dd-8e6f1661807a">Re: Predicament with co-worker</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I think it is a very nice gesture to allow all guests to bring a +1. I understand your predicament, but if your gut is telling you that you feel funny about it, then I would trust it. <strong>I've heard too many of my single friends complain about being invited to weddings alone </strong>such that this was the rule in our wedding - everyone got a date. I know how you feel with the budget - we paid ourselves and had a limit of 100 people, but we felt it was the right call for us. FYI - many single guests who were invited with a date came by themselves in any event. Also remember that you will likely get at least some declines which may open up your guest list a bit.
Posted by leah2b[/QUOTE]

I've been one of these people - kinda bummed that I was not allowed a guest - but it all depended on who is invited. There was one wedding where I knew no one but the bride. That was a miserable time because there also weren't other singles at the wedding. Dancing was pointless. I was probably the 107th wheel.

Then there were weddings where I knew other people and couples, and had a blast even though I didn't have a guest.

Beachy730 · November 2010

OP I think this is just a decision you need to decide with your FI. Is the limit because of your budget or venue? If its venue then you absolutely need to make cuts. If its budget, then weigh your options. H and I never made a "budget" but tried to keep it from getting out of control. But when it came down to it we chose to spend the extra money and give our single friends guests. Its just a personal choice you will have to make. I don't think there is a right or wrong here. You wouldn't be in the wrong to not give her a guest, but it would always be a nice gesture to do it.

Rosie109 · November 2010

Just because you give her a plus one doesn't mean she will bring someone. I would not like it if everyone in my office was at the wedding and I had to be Sally Single on my own, especially if it wasn't my choice and I had to be Sally Single.

lisalou402 · November 2010

I felt so strong about this with other weddings that we didn't invite anyone without a guest. It's a horrible feeling.

I lost a friendship over it, that of course I question the friendship now to begin with! Was told I couldn't bring my on again off again BF of 2 years (mostly on again), because they were only inviting people who were engaged or committed relationships. Sadly, it was probably a 300 person wedding (I stopped counting at 23 tables of 12) and i knew ONE couple that was going.

Sometimes I just think it's the point...the PP is right. It's one thing if you choose to be Sally Single, another to be told you have to be.

But this is just another great debate on the knot. Just throwing my 2 cents in.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

My policy on this issue was not to invite "guest," but, if someone asked, to say "of course you may" for all of the reasons already cited. It can be very uncomfortable to attend an event like this alone but, on the other hand, I think I would have felt funny inviting a casual date to a wedding. Yes, the cost escalates, but how much are we really talking about?

Right now being a month from my wedding, my bigger frustration is the guests who can't seem to find a mailbox or still have an invitation from the Obamas pending. I can't imagine any other reason why adults can't put a number on a card and place it in a SASE.

leah2b · November 2010

The other thing I have heard from single friends is that they just feel less "worthy" being invited without a date. Their point is, often someone is invited with their spouse or boyfriend even if the couple doesn't know the spouse or boyfriend - why are they less worthy just because they are single? Sometimes even if you know other people at the wedding you may not want to go alone. I have a friend that is in her mid-30s , has been single for a while, and she is a bit sensitive about that fact. Bringing a date, or at least the option, makes her feel better. Otherwise she kinda feels like the couple is saying - hey, here's your invite. we know you are a spinster with no dates, so you only get to come alone

Moreover, they KNOW they are not invited with a date for cost-cutting purposes. Some people are ok with this, some find it offensive.

M&R7111 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_predicament-co-worker?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:00a32c7f-18db-4bf4-946c-c379114ef26fPost:55a9805c-81e5-47c1-bccd-6be7f8f96b70">Re: Predicament with co-worker</a>:
[QUOTE]If it were me and I wasn't allowed to bring a guest, I'd probably decline attending the wedding altogether (whether I knew anyone else or not). I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable driving over an hour by myself to the wedding; let alone, having to turn around and drive home by myself, especially at night. But, yeah, if you have family & close friends to invite, <strong>why are you inviting co-workers</strong>?
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Some people become close friends with co-workers. I had to move to a totally new part of the state when I started my new job 5 years ago - and I became very close with 5 or so co-workers that were my only friends in the area.

I'm in the same situation as OP - these co-workers have become close friends and important people in my life, but we are on such a tight budget and are up against my FI's HUGE family that I can't invite my single co-worker friends w/ guest. But I went up to him and said "Sorry, S, but I just can't fit a +1". He got it - especially since I originally said we couldn't even afford the wedding and were canceling it. He's just happy I was able to pull it together and we can have a wedding he can attend. Actually, his only "demand" was that we still had the open bar! :)

I guess it depends on who this friend is - if he/she can handle not having a date to an affair like this. My single friend can totally handle himself alone - so I knew it would be OK. I don't think it's a social faux pas to not invite everyone with a +1.

I would talk to your friend about it - she if she would be comfortable with it.

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