Should I say something? (NWR)

Simply Fated · April 2012

Before I ask my question I wanted to say hi! I haven't been around in awhile, but I felt this question needed some outside opinions, since I'm obviously biased.

My friends and I get together about once a month for brunch. This month, my best friend decided to make our monthly brunch a brunch/birthday celebration for me. I told her that wasn't necessary, but she promised me it would be low-key and it's not like we wouldn't be going out to eat, anyway. Might as well throw in a piece of birthday cake lol.

My boyfriend's sister texted me a little while ago saying that there was nothing on the menu for her to eat, so it isn't logical for her to come. I didn't even know they had picked a place, yet.
It's not like I won't be able to celebrate with her at all, I just wish they had asked me if the place was okay.

Should I ask my friends to pick another place so my PFSIL (Possible Future Sister-In-Law) can come and eat with all of us... or do I keep my mouth shut?

Bkseller13 · April 2012

What's her dietary restrictions? Seriously nothing? Not even with special ordering?

StephBeanWed61502 · April 2012

How specific are PFSIL's dietary restrictions and did she sound peeved about not being able to attend?

The reason I ask is, I would probably request a change of venue if PFSIL's dietary needs were something that could be accommodated relatively easily (for example, vegetarianism, gluten-free, kosher), but if they were very difficult to accommodate I am not sure I'd want to disrupt standing plans made by someone else. Also, if PFSIL seemed peeved about not being able to go, I'd be more inclined to ask for a change of venue, but if she's understanding about it (as my friends with really specific dietary restrictions tend to be), I'd be less worried about it.

Simply Fated · April 2012

She didn't seem peeved in her text. In fact I think I'm more peeved than she probably is lol.

Her dietary restriction is actually that she's just a super picky eater. However, she can usually find something to eat at most restaurants, especially if she can alter how the dish is prepared, which makes me super curious as to where this brunch is being held.

musicalsunlight · April 2012

Eh, if it just is that she is a picky eater, I wouldn't ask to change the venue. I'm a really picky eater and I never ask friends to accommodate for me. I just go and suck it up and order a salad or something. It kind of weirds me out that she will just flat out NOT go.

monkeysip · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-say-something-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:158dea12-3bd0-4c26-a92a-849e3e7d8a6aPost:0ca68cf6-c003-42db-976a-5155f30f54ac">Re: Should I say something? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh, if it just is that she is a picky eater, I wouldn't ask to change the venue. I'm a really picky eater and I never ask friends to accommodate for me. I just go and suck it up and order a salad or something. It kind of weirds me out that she will just flat out NOT go.
Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

This. I'm a terribly picky eater, but I deal.

calixtine · April 2012

I agree with PPs. If she were vegan/vegetarian/highly allergic, I'd have more sympathy but even then, you can usually find something to eat pretty much anywhere. If you are that picky, you really should learn how to deal without putting everyone else out.

StephBeanWed61502 · April 2012

I'm with Duds and MuSu - "I don't eat lots of random stuff because I just don't" isn't a dietary restriction. I wouldn't change the place just for PFSIL.

Also, I'm with you on being totally confused that there's not a single thing on the menu she can eat - is it possible your friends picked a buffet-style brunch? That would explain why the food can't be altered to PFSIL's tastes.

musicalsunlight · April 2012

I mean like the only place I can think of that I would really have a hard time finding something is if it was a straight up ALL seafood restaurant, or a sushi bar. But even then, most places have like one or two apps or salads that fit anyone's tastes.

Simply Fated · April 2012

I think she feels awkward about going because she'll just be sitting there while everyone else is eating. She doesn't even eat salad.

Should I find out what the restaurant is? I mean, maybe she's just being silly? Or maybe the place really is "out there" or something, ya know?

achiduck · April 2012

I agree with Duds. If she had serious restrictions and that was the reason then I'd want to find out where the lunch was planned for and see if it was possibly, but being picky isn't a reason to make everyone else change.

StephBeanWed61502 · April 2012

Simply, I might ask my friend what the planned restaurant is at this point, just to make sure she hasn't picked, like "Steve's Alligator and Snake Grill" or something, but realistically, I can't imagine it's that crazy. More likely, it's just limited. FI and I went to Sunday brunch last weekend, and the place we chose had a menu with only about 8 meals on it to choose from. There were at least 3 completely normal options - French toast, omelette cooked to order, etc. - but if PFSIL is that picky, that could be her problem with the place.

ETA: And I agree with Duds that PFSIL shouldn't be accommodated regardless of the nature of the menu at the place chosen.

Megbo2012 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-say-something-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:158dea12-3bd0-4c26-a92a-849e3e7d8a6aPost:9ab0f717-0a05-4d5b-814a-a7a844316759">Re: Should I say something? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I wouldn't worry about finding out where you're going. People have to stop catering to her picky eating. Why should people have to go elsewhere just because she is a picky eater? It's not like it's an allergy or something.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>Right. Once you start accommodating her requests then it could get ridiculous. She doesn't eat salad? So what, she's allergic to chlorophyll? I don't get it. I know a vegetarian who does really eat vegetables. She still eats though, and isn't starving. </div>

Simply Fated · April 2012

@musicalsunlight That was exactly what I wondering! Like, maybe it's a restaurant that specializes in something she doesn't like at all.

I'm the LEAST picky eater ever and even I was at a restaurant once where I had trouble finding anything I could eat. We weren't allowed to alter anything, either. So, I know it's possible....

Honestly, I just wish she was coming. So, if it sounds like I'm being contrary, I'm not trying to be, I'm just disappointed so I'm looking for excuses. Give it to me straight, ladies!

StephBeanWed61502 · April 2012

Simply, if you really want her there, I think that's a perfectly fine reason to ask to change the venue. Giving in to ridiculous food nonsense makes me nuts (I think because I was a picky eater as a child and was basically forced to GTF over it, so I know getting over it can be done, so I don't have patience for adults who are picky). Personally, I'd leave things as they are, but if you're close with her and really want her there (and it's reasonable to find a compromise-type location), I think it's fine to talk to the hostess about relocating.

SEWF · April 2012

I'm incredibly picky, but I can find something every place I go. Everywhere has either salad, or some sort of rice or bread or chicken. I wouldn't worry about it. Go and have a good time. It's really her choice to miss out on your party.

polichik · April 2012

I find it ridiculous that a grown adult is so picky that she can't find a single thing on a menu to eat. I'm a strict vegetarian, which extends to gelatin, broth, etc., but I've never had an occasion where I was completely devoid of options. Plain green beans might not be an exciting lunch, but I'll go and eat them rather than refuse to spend time with my friends. I'm kind of judging her, in case you can't tell :P

pokepoke27 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-say-something-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:158dea12-3bd0-4c26-a92a-849e3e7d8a6aPost:7170d456-da39-411a-80a8-a956ed5c2acd">Re:Should I say something? NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]I find it ridiculous that a grown adult is so picky that she can't find a single thing on a menu to eat. I'm a strict vegetarian, which extends to gelatin, broth, etc., but I've never had an occasion where I was completely devoid of options. Plain green beans might not be an exciting lunch, but I'll go and eat them rather than refuse to spend time with my friends. I'm kind of judging her, in case you can't tell :P
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

<div>I think as someone with an actual dietary restriction you kind of have the right to judge her.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm a seriously picky eater - and I still manage to find something I'll eat everywhere I go. Even if it's just apps or sides. </div>

Smallstar · April 2012

Maybe she just doesn't feel like going and this is a convenient excuse since it's known that she's a seriously picky eater. I find it really hard to believe that there is nothing on the menu that she would be able/willing to eat. I definitely wouldn't ask my friend to change the venue because of it. Go and have a good time with your friends and you can celebrate with your BFs sister another time, at a place where she won't be a 6 year old about her food options.

Simply Fated · April 2012

@ polichik FWIW, she isn't a grown adult. Well, I guess she should be old enough to find something to eat, though, so scratch what I just said lol.

ootmother2 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-say-something-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:158dea12-3bd0-4c26-a92a-849e3e7d8a6aPost:746db9fc-32e3-478d-b73d-83c7c6060013">Re: Should I say something? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]Being picky is not a dietary restriction. I wouldn't change the place. PFSIL can suck it up or decline to attend.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Exactly. Picky eater is not a restriction, it's a choice

Megan+Adam · April 2012

I find it really odd that she won't go just because there's no food on the menu that she wants. It's brunch aren't we all there for the mimosas anyway?

All kidding aside I wouldn't change the venue just because your FSIL is a picky eater. Unless it's something ridiculous (like inviting someone who keeps kosher to a pig roast) I wouldn't let group dining choices be dictated by one person's lifestyle.

pokepoke27 · April 2012

If she's not a fully grown adult then I doubt she'll be able to have the mimosas either ; )

Megan+Adam · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-say-something-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:158dea12-3bd0-4c26-a92a-849e3e7d8a6aPost:86249a60-9ad1-4db1-bf58-5e87d5f40954">Re: Should I say something? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]If she's not a fully grown adult then I doubt she'll be able to have the mimosas either ; )
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

<div>Meh maybe some booze would lighten her up until she'd tough it out enough to eat some scrambled eggs. </div>

Simply Fated · April 2012

She's still in high school. Her whole immediate family, including my boyfriend, of course, are picky eaters. It sometimes gets annoying dating someone who never wants to try new foods and stuff, but I love him and his family is great, besides their eating habits lol.

jenajjthr · April 2012

I was a picky eater as a child (still am with veggies), but I either ate or went hungry. I now have a stepson who is picky (ie..hot dogs, burgers, bolagna, chicken nuggets only). I get that at age 5, but not at 16. He has been catered too his whole life, he gets his own meal if the food prepared is not to his liking. I'm sorry, I don't run a restaurant, he either eats what is served or he doesn't eat. He's slowly learning to eat new foods. Your PFSIL should not be catered too, it will just instill the idea that her pickiness is an actual restriction. Allergies, religious reasons are all valid restrictions and should be honored. "I will only eat X" is not. Just ask the girl who ate McD's nuggets for 15 years how that worked out for her.

Should I say something? (NWR)

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