this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion

FMIL drama

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
Seventh Anniversary 10 Comments
in Wedding Woes
This doesn't really have anything to do with the wedding, just my FMIL. My fiance's stepmom is psycho! We are in the process of trying to find a house which they have offered to help us pay the down payment on (they are forking over a lot for the wedding as well). I can't say anything to even remotely upset her, because she'll twist it around and go off the deep end.
For example, she found a realtor's number about a house, I told her that I would just drive by the house, see if it was worth looking in to before I called the realtor. She snapped and assumed I was disrespectful and unappreciative (I wasn't) and has threatened not only to not help us pay for a house, but also to not help us pay for the wedding. I'm not a door mat, and I usually speak my mind to anybody, but if even the slightest thing is making her threaten cutting us off, I don't know how I'm going to stand her! My fiance keeps telling me to turn the other cheek, but if she keeps doing stuff like this for the rest of our lives, I'm not sure I'll be able to.

Anyone have advice on how to deal with her whenever she goes psycho on us again?
Report Reply to Post

Re: FMIL drama

  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2010
    yes, grow up and pay your own way. if you're not relying on ILs for cash, then she has no reason to flip out on you. 

    if you're "mature" enough to get married, your parents/ILs should not be supporting you. 

    ETA: if you choose to accept money from others, you need to accept the strings that go with it. My ILs were extremely generous and hosted our wedding as a gift to us - we gave our input, and they did whatever they wanted otherwise. It was their cash, and we were not about to tell them how to spend it. If we had paid for our own wedding, it would have been a much smaller party, and we would have been the only ones with input. 

    We have been living on our own and supporting ourselves (cars/rent/mortgage/bills/etc.) since before we were married - that's what responsible adults do. 
    Report Reply
  • MrsMyrtleMrsMyrtle member
    1000 Comments
    Pay for your own wedding and house. 
    image
    Report Reply
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Don't take money from crazy people.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Paulo's Menina BelaPaulo's Menina Bela member
    1000 Comments
    If you don't want strings attached, don't take the money. Postpone, have a smaller wedding you can afford, and/or go visit the JOP.
    MIL is thrilled you're joining the family. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • katorigasukikatorigasuki
    1000 Comments
    ditto every one else. 
    Report Reply
  • taraz579taraz579
    100 Comments
    I must agree, that if they are paying, they get to do/say/act how they want. Even if that is sort of crazy/less than desirable. 

    It seems very generous of them (his parents) to offer to help you guys....if it's going to be this drama-filled & causing issues all along the way, it's not worth it. 

    And, I may be totally off base here, as I didn't see the house you drove by to see 'if it was even worth looking into' but you can't judge a book by it's cover.  My fiancee & I bought a foreclosure in May 2009 and if I had merely driven by it, I wouldn't have gone back to look, but I'm REALLY glad we did.  It is VERY nice, and also has lots of fixing up potential (as well as a very nice back yard & woods area and hot tub).  I would have missed all that if Scott didn't convince me to look. 

    And we've seen about...50 houses...and some were absolutely horendous....some were WAY too fancy (for my taste), and then some were just rite.  You really can't judge a house by it's front door, cuz you could be missing out on so much more!  I don't know if that was it....but maybe his mother was upset because she felt you guys should at least see it house itself first.

    Anyways...just my two cents.  Good luck house-hunting & with everything else.  And, you can't tell anyone how to spend their money, except for your own....:-)
    When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things must happen: There will be something solid for us to stand on, or we will be taught to fly. -Patrick Overton
    Report Reply
  • abelch2abelch2 member
    First Comment
    DONT TAKE THE MONEY!!!! you'll regret it for the rest of your life!!!!!!
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • mms84mms84
    10 Comments
    Although I see everyone's POV, I tend to disagree. I know plenty of couples whose parents have offered to help with a down payment on a house and/or wedding and none of them experienced this kind of drama. While you should be respectful of their opinions/ideas, you should not have to feel obligated to pick a certain house or do something specific for your wedding because you are afraid of offending them otherwise. You and your fiance are the ones going to live in that house, not his stepmother. I would suggest you and your fiance talk with his father and stepmother and explain how appreciative you are BUT.... Or if this is simply not doable, do what everyone else says; completely pass on their offer. In my opinion, why rush into a commitment of owning a home if its just the two of you and will be for some time?
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards