Not Engaged Yet

Birthday Question

Alright, ladies.  I could use your help with a silly little birthday questions.  FI and I are getting married on March 30th, which means (because we have out-of-town people in our wedding party) that we have to have the rehearsal on March 29th.  That is also, unfortunately, FI's birthday.  I let him pick the rehearsal dinner and told him he could invite more friends to the dinner (which he thinks would be awkward since they aren't in the wedding party itself).  I'm going to get him a present and definately make sure to get a cake brought out so everyone can celebrate his birthday too at the dinner.  Any other suggestions on how I can make it nice for him? 

On the flip side, we can only do a catering test in the evening two days coming up (and need to do one relatively soon).  One of the days the caterer is available is my birthday.  Is it totally hypocritical for me to be a little bummed that I'd be spending my birthday at a vendor appointment?  It is likely going to be stressful trying to figure out what we do/don't like since FI and I have different taste in food (but then again a rehearsal for a wedding isn't a walk in the park even if it is followed by a nice dinner with family/close friends).  Thoughts?  Am I being stupid (I've always made a big deal out of birthdays for some reason).

Re: Birthday Question

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_birthday-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5f9c0b15-6ff4-4d35-8f9c-25343bc15357Post:090b59a3-51bd-442e-a418-6d5c8200d434">Birthday Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Alright, ladies.  I could use your help with a silly little birthday questions.  FI and I are getting married on March 30th, which means (because we have out-of-town people in our wedding party) that we have to have the rehearsal on March 29th.  That is also, unfortunately, FI's birthday.  I let him pick the rehearsal dinner and told him <strong>he could invite more friends to the dinner (which he thinks would be awkward since they aren't in the wedding party itself).</strong>  I'm going to get him a present and definately make sure to get a cake brought out so everyone can celebrate his birthday too at the dinner.  Any other suggestions on how I can make it nice for him?  On the flip side, we can only do a catering test in the evening two days coming up (and need to do one relatively soon).  One of the days the caterer is available is my birthday.  Is it totally hypocritical for me to be a little bummed that I'd be spending my birthday at a vendor appointment?  It is likely going to be stressful trying to figure out what we do/don't like since FI and I have different taste in food (but then again a rehearsal for a wedding isn't a walk in the park even if it is followed by a nice dinner with family/close friends).  Thoughts?  Am I being stupid (I've always made a big deal out of birthdays for some reason).
    Posted by minskat30[/QUOTE]

    <div>I would thinkk that would be weird too and as a non wp friend I would feel uncomfortable at a rehearsal dinner. Why do birthdays have to be celebrated on the actual day? Set up something with his friends the a couple of days or the weekend before and go out to drinks together. Maybe do it before the start of his bachelor party so you can celebrate too. </div><div>
    </div><div>Don't add even more stress than you need to. Be flexible and remind yourself that birthdays happen every year. And he's getting to party with all of his friends the day after his birthday at his wedding. I think you're over thinking it. </div><div>
    </div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • One thing that my family has always done if there's an event that 'clashes' with a birthday is to have the birthday celebrations on a day really close to it. Maybe you could celebrate your birthday the day after? And your FI's a few days before.

    On your real birthday we get a verbal 'happy birthday,' but nothing special happens. Then the celebration birthday you get breakfast in bed/gifts/sung to/dinner out/cake etc. 

    My birthday frequently fell during show-week, so I was in school from 7.30 until 10.30 at night, so we celebrated at the weekend. My mom's birthday has been on Thanksgiving a few times so we've celebrated hers on the Friday. And my Dad's is on Valentine's day, so he usually gets his the weekend before or after. 

  • I think you all are right and I'm overthinking this.  I don't know why but I've always felt like birthdays have to celebrated on the actual day...I think it was sadly one of the few times a year my parents really made me feel special since they always made a big deal out of it (my parents didn't really raise me so birthdays were one day I knew they would show up and pay attention to me).

    That said, I should be all grown up by now (at age 30) and over it.  Childhood hang up I guess.  Thank you, I needed that perspective and I should just do the weekend before the taste test for me and we can do a celebration a few days before the wedding for FI.
  • I agree with PP about celebrating it another day. My birthday always falls around Thanksgiving and sometimes I've had to celebrate on other days because of it. I think even if you celebrate it the weekend before, or sometime after it will still be a fun time.
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    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Maybe have an early birthday party for him? You two and your friends could go get drinks and lossen up before the big day.
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_birthday-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5f9c0b15-6ff4-4d35-8f9c-25343bc15357Post:03f6eea4-0467-4533-bec2-a0e0d918f963">Re: Birthday Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Birthday Question : I would thinkk that would be weird too and<strong> as a non wp friend I would feel uncomfortable at a rehearsal dinner.</strong> Why do birthdays have to be celebrated on the actual day? Set up something with his friends the a couple of days or the weekend before and go out to drinks together. Maybe do it before the start of his bachelor party so you can celebrate too.  Don't add even more stress than you need to. Be flexible and remind yourself that birthdays happen every year. And he's getting to party with all of his friends the day after his birthday at his wedding. I think you're over thinking it. 
    Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]

    ...was my RD awkward for you?  :(
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_birthday-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5f9c0b15-6ff4-4d35-8f9c-25343bc15357Post:5d782eb8-5a7a-4cc5-ba74-ae9ef9e9a7b4">Re: Birthday Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Birthday Question : ...was my RD awkward for you?  :(
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    <div>Hahaha, no, but your RD wasn't masquerading as a birthday party as well. KWIM? I also considered myself an Out Of Town Guest. </div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • I think we could all us a little "let go" of the actual specific birthday day celebration. These celebrations are about celebrating good things, you! It shouldn't matter exactly which day/night it happens. Of course we all want to have our bday acknowledged on the actual day, but really. There should be MANY more bdays, very few rehearsal dinner and tastings.

    And I agree don't invite non-wedding guests to the rehearsal dinner. Too awkward. That night is about you two, and your family and friends pre-wedding get together. Not more about one person.

    My 25 cents.

    Happy almost birthday!!!!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_birthday-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5f9c0b15-6ff4-4d35-8f9c-25343bc15357Post:f010b836-7146-48a2-a71a-2c4adb49a8c9">Re: Birthday Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think we could all us a little "let go" of the actual specific birthday day celebration. These celebrations are about celebrating good things, you! It shouldn't matter exactly which day/night it happens. Of course we all want to have our bday acknowledged on the actual day, but really. There should be MANY more bdays, very few rehearsal dinner and tastings. And I agree don't invite non-wedding guests to the rehearsal dinner. Too awkward. That night is about you two, and your family and friends pre-wedding get together. Not more about one person. <strong>My 25 cents</strong>. Happy almost birthday!!!!
    Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

    <div>Love that there's either some serious inflation going on or your wisdom far exceeds everyone elses. I think the latter.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_birthday-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5f9c0b15-6ff4-4d35-8f9c-25343bc15357Post:87924002-0910-432c-bef0-b673751697a8">Re: Birthday Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Birthday Question : Love that there's either some serious inflation going on or your wisdom far exceeds everyone elses. I think the latter.
    Posted by fizzylemonade[/QUOTE]

    I meant to imply I said too much. Hehe I fail at words.
  • Well considering I just spent my birthday stranded alone in my apartment watching Hurricane Sandy coverage while FI worked...

    No I'm kidding.  Birthdays are not a big deal to me, so it was whatever.  Last year I spent the day at FI's nephew's birthday party and only a few people acknowledged that it was my actual birthday.  These things happen as we get older.  I think it's worth just being the bigger person and making a big deal of life events falling on a specific day.

    I think you guys should plan a special day for each of you away from the wedding events.   It won't be less special of a celebration because it's a weekend before or after.

    The only thing is - plenty of your FI's friends will likely acknowledge his birthday at the wedding.  It could potentially be weird to them to have a birthday celebration right around that.  So maybe avoid trying to host a big get together with friends and just focus on a celebration with you two or a smaller one with close friends/family.  However, it depends on your circle of friends.  Big birthday celebrations aren't really done in my group or FI's group anymore, so it would totally be weird if we did something a week before our wedding. 
  • Why don't you surprise him at your wedding and get him a cake and have your DJ play Happy Birthday to him?

    FI picked out wedding day. It happens to be his birthday since we wanted early October and it fell on a Saturday.

    My plan for after the mother/son dance is to have the DJ make FI stay out on the dance floor and play Happy Birthday right away.

     

  • I talked to FI about it.  I think with all the wedding stuff going on we are going to agree to low-key birthdays this year.  You all are right...there are plenty of birthdays to come and only one tasting and rehearsal dinner for FI and myself. 

    You ladies provide really great, helpful and well founded advice.  Thank you.
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