Bridesmaid escorted by groomsmen?

FrauB · November 2012

Next year I'm having an outdoor ceremony. My mom and I had an argument today over how the bridesmaids should walk up the aisle. She says every wedding she's been to, the groomsmen were standing at the altar beforehand, and the bridesmaid came up one by one, alone. Every wedding my fiance has been to(and the only one I've been to) has had the bridemaids escorted up the aisle by a groomsmen. She refuses to go on planning the wedding if I want the bridesmaids to be escorted, because "that's not how it's done". However, this is the way I want them to come up the aisle, and it's the way I think it should be done.

I admit I've not been easy. I've already exchanged my dress for a different one, and I've changed my mind on my weddng colors many times, and this last time means driving an hour away to change the color of the bridesmaid dresses. I know I've been difficult, but I think this is a ridiculous thing for her to halt the planning. What do you think?

MrsGandthebeag · November 2012

I think you're both being ridiculous honestly. I've been to around 20 weddings, and I've never seen the bridesmaids escorted into the ceremony. On the way out they get paired up with the groomsmen. But is this something to fight over and halt wedding planning, no.

pockysquirrel · November 2012

The groomsmen entered the ceremony with the bridesmaids in my wedding, and in my brother-in-law's. It's a thing that happens. If that's how you prefer the processional to go, then that's your preference and there's no law saying that you can't. But ask yourself...is this really the sort of hill you want to die on?

cwaggoner07 · November 2012

I had never heard of the bridesmaids being escorted, I had always seen it where the GM walk in and stand at the front.

When we met with our officiant he asked what our preference was. I asked him what he normally sees, and he said it's 50/50 in the weddings he performs.

We ended up having the GM's escort the BM's because that's what H really wanted, and it didn't matter to me.

I agree, don't fight her to the death on it, it's just not worth it. But it's done BOTH ways all the time.

kmmssg · November 2012

I agree that this isn't a hill to die on, and you do make yourself sound incredibly high maintenance in all of this. Maybe mom has hit her breaking point with all of the exchanges and color changes, etc? Weddings shoudn't be that difficult.

Obviously there are weddings where GM's escort BM's as pp's have mentioned above. I'm 52, been to my fair share of weddings and have never seen it. Maybe your mom is in the same boat. Maybe google some pics of this to show her?

RailWayWife · November 2012

I've seen it done both ways. Either way is fine.

TheVirginians · November 2012

I have never seen it the way you describe. Nevertheless: Never seen =\= not okay. This should not be such a humongous issue that she stops planning with you. Could you just take it off the table until closer to your wedding date? Can your officiant weigh in, again, closer to your wedding date? I am very traditional, but if my daughter wanted it your way, it would be no big deal to me.

itzMS · November 2012

The last three weddings I've been in, the bridesmaid/groomsmen couples walked in and out together.

renegade gaucho · November 2012

Either way is acceptable, and I think you're both being ridiculous by refusing to budge on this, but ultimately it's your wedding. There's no reason the planning has to stop just because she chooses not to be involved anymore. You and your fiance can continue planning the wedding on your own (which you really should be doing anyway).

LiLe422 · November 2012

I've seen it both ways. Its a matter of preference. Sit down with her and google the topic. She will see for herself, either way is fine.

Jen4948 · November 2012

There are no rules about who is escorted by whom or walks down the aisle when that apply to bridesmaids and groomsmen. It's something worked out for each individual wedding.

I honestly don't see that it makes any difference. I think both you and your mother need to stop fighting over this and stop the "I've never seen it done that way/that's how it's done" back-and-forth. You're not getting anywhere.

beardownbchs · November 2012

This must be a regional thing because I've never seen groomsmen at the alter with the groom. They always come down with the aisle with a bridesmaid.

Honestly, it seems kind of odd to me to have a bunch of guys already standing there and a bunch of women coming down the aisle alone. But whatever..the point it that neither is "correct" and you should have it the way you want it. Unless she is paying for it and is that adamant about her way and won't pay for it otherwise. As stagemanger said, you have more to lose here.

No one will remember how the wedding party arrived at the alter. Seriously.

HobokensFury · November 2012

Every wedding I have ever been to has the GM standing at the alter and BM walk single file down. They walked in pairs out. This is not worth fighting over. Give it up.

missv19732000 · November 2012

I believe that at every wedding I've attended, the bridesmaids have been escorted by the groomsmen, but I don't think this matters at all. If mom is paying for your wedding, let it go...I don't think it's worth it.

Kristin789 · November 2012

Your mom is right about the processional, and she's sticking to her guns on this one because, as you explained here, you have been all over the place with everything regarding this wedding, and she's sick of it. She's drawn a line in the sand and she wants you to realize that plans need to be made and moved on.

DramaGeek · November 2012

eh, I'm with you OP, but that's because there have only been two weddings where I've seen the 'maids walk alone. Ultimately, like everyone has said, you have to decide if this is a hill you want to die on. Is she paying for the wedding? If so, there's a chance she could pull funding over this, so you have to consider that. If not, or if you're prepared to pay for it yourself, do what you want.

jszmerga · November 2012

My mom and I talked about this at one point, I'm with you OP in that every wedding I've been to GM and BM walk down the aisle together, my mom, like your mom, said GM wait by the alter with groom. I believe she said it was a Catholic thing that the GM have to wait by the alter with groom and can meet BMs half way down the aisle and then escort them the rest of the way, I don't remember the reasoning for it but I believe there was some sort of rule type thing in the Catholic church that this is the way it must be done (there seems to be a lot of those in Catholicism). Could it be a religious reason that your mom insists on GM waiting at the alter? Otherwise this seems like a really silly thing to get so worked up about, you might want to sit down and make sure you and your mom are on the same page about wedding planning (how much of a say she gets to have, who gets to make final decisions, etc.) If you get this worked up about something so trivial how are you going to handle making some of the more important decisions. I can't imagine the fights you will get in about the guest list!

Tandksmommy · November 2012

I had the groomsmen escort the bridesmaids into the ceremony. The only one who was standing up front was the groom and his best man. My maid of honor walked in pulling the flowergirl and ring bearer (our son) in a wagon. If we did not have children, she would have walked in alone.

cmay1890 · December 2012

I always thought tradition and properness was for the groomsmen to walk the bridesmaids down the aisle as well. When I thought about it I know my fianc will be nervouse by himself at the front so I told my FMIL and sis in law and they mentioned having the groomsmen walk out with the groom an then meet the bridesmaid about half way or so up the aisle an then walk them back. Best of both worlds! : either way it's your wedding, do what you've always imagined! :

MizLizz · December 2012

I have seen it done both ways. I know one bride (second time, a young widow when she re-married) who insisted that the ushers (aka the groomsmen) accompany the bridesmaids up the aisle; only the bridegroom and the best man were at the altar.

I have also seenn this pattern entering the church with the bridegroom and the best main up front

FoB/B

MOH

GM BM

BM GM

GM BM

BM GM

MizLizz · December 2012

I have seen it done both ways. I know one bride (second time, a young widow when she re-married) who insisted that the ushers (aka the groomsmen) accompany the bridesmaids up the aisle; only the bridegroom and the best man were at the altar.

I have also seenn this pattern entering the church with the bridegroom and the best main up front

FoB/B

MOH

GM BM

BM GM

GM BM

BM GM

butterflyblue6 · January 2013

Try having a couple of your bridesmaids sit down with you and your mom. Ask them of their opinion, what they would feel comfortable in doing. Maybe your mom will listen to someone else's ideas.
I'm really doing something different. I'm having the party walk in by alternating...MOH, BM, BM, GM, BM, GM. Then walking out...MOH/BM, GM and two BM then the last GM will stop and escort my mom out.
Good Luck!

Bridesmaid escorted by groomsmen?

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