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MOM has issues-your thoughts

bhmj2012bhmj2012
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in Moms and Maids

OK so my wedding was scheduled for January of next year but the planning of it was just becoming too much for us and costly, so we opted for a small wedding with our family and close friends at my soon to be in laws front yard this summer (more casual backyard feeling). The reason for this is because they have a large amount of land and we live right next door! Well my mother called me and said she feels totally offended that "her" daughter is getting married in her fiance's parents front yard and that she feels left out. I guess I dont understand how or why she feels that way, I am letting her handle the decorations, the catering, and the guest list. I am even getting ready and dressed at her house and being driven to their house by limo! Do you guys think my Mom has a right to be offended because of the location??? I am seriously thinking of just eloping and being done with this!!!

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Re: MOM has issues-your thoughts

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    FluffernutFluffernut
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    I find it odd that your mother would be offended.  She has a right to feel any way she wants to, I suppose, but offended is not what I would choose.  Weddings bring out things in people that you may not see otherwise.  Perhaps she is just having trouble dealing with "losing" her daughter and this is how it is manifesting.  I would try to talk to her and ask her why it is bothering her.  Is she paying for any of it?  If so, maybe she was hoping for more decision-making ability about the venue location.

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    My guess is that your mom feels like she is paying for a large part of the wedding - the catering and the decorations -  and it will look like your FILs are hosting because it is at their home.

                       
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    Ditto Maire.  I think she hit it right on the head (says the MOB of 3 with one single daughter left to go).

    Now that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with having your wedding at your FIL's. Props to you for having the wedding you can afford.  I think your mom could have approached you a bit differently on her feelings but as a MOB I would feel like a complete outsider if the FIL's were hosting the wedding, whether that is right or wrong.

    Take your mom out to a nice lunch when  you are both in a good mood and discuss this with each other.  Don't get defensive, but make sure you really listen to what she is saying.  From my POV guess this is very emotional for her.

    Once you listen to what she has to say, talk it out!  Good communication can solve a lot of problems and you may see a place to bring her into the fold where she will feel more secure about this.

    Did she volunteer to handle the guest list, decorating, and catering?
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    bhmj2012bhmj2012
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    You guys are right!! Thanks Maire and kmmssg. I guess I didnt think of it that way. She is footing the bill for most of it and I am sure hosting it at my in laws home when she is paying for the decor, tent rental, cake, etc etc. can make her feel bad. The last thing I want her to do is feel offended! My mother is very religious and when she told me how she felt I heard words I NEVER heard her say in my lifeSurprised. I will talk to her and if that is the case then what?? Should I look at a different location?
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You should talk it over with your mom. Since she is paying, she should be consulted on major things, such as location. Ask her if she has a place in mind that will fit into your budget. You might be able to find a place to rent for the same cost as the tent, chairs, tables, limo rentals. (You don't really need that limo, right?) Or your mom may be okay with having the wedding at your FIL's home, as long as the the invitations are carefully worded, so that the guests know she is hosting at your FIL's home.

                       
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    bhmj2012bhmj2012
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    Thanks MairePoppy for your help..it makes alot of sense and you are probably 100% right.
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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     You're welcome. Good luck.
                       
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    Maire is a smart little Poppy!  Good luck OP.  I hope you come back and tell how things work out.
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