so confused about our parties

Caitlin192 · July 2012

Hello everyone,

My fiance and I are having some trouble with his side of the party. Mine is set and has been for awhile - my sister is my MOH and my other bridesmaids are my other sister, FI's two sisters, his sister in law, my best friend, and my cousin. That's 7. I briefly toyed with the idea of adding two college girlfriends but I thought 9 would be pushing it.

His party so far is his brother as best man and his two cousins, his two bro in laws, and his three best friends. That's 8.

I'm not worried about the different numbers- we'll just double up guys for my cousin, but FI didn't include my brother in law. They get along really well and FI likes him a lot, but he just didn't have the space with me only having 7.

I know my BIL will be upset, especially because both of FI's brother in law's are in the party. If we did add my BIL, then I could add my girlfriends and we'd both have nine, but I feel like that's a HUGE party.

We will have a larger wedding - probably between 150 and 175, so maybe an 18 person bridal party is okay? I don't really know what to do. I know my FI doesn't want to hurt BIL's feelings.

Maggie0829 · July 2012

Ok, the number of guests do not denote the number in the wedding party. I have been to weddings where they had 100 guests but a 20 person wedding party and then I have been to weddings where they had 200 guests and a 4 person wedding party. Amount of guests=/=amount in wedding party.

Your FI has every right to not include your BIL if he doesn't want to. He chooses his side and you choose yours. If you want your BIL in the wedding then ask him to stand on your side. If you want your two college friends in the wedding then ask them.

Stop thinking about numbers and start thinking about who is most important to you and who you want standing up there with you. Same goes for your FI. Then ask those people.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

If your FI doesn't want your BIL as a GM, that is his choice and you don't get any say in the matter. I know that sounds harsh but hte only person who chooses the GMs is the groom. Why don't you have your BIL do a reading?

Caitlin192 · July 2012

BIL would rather gnaw off his arm than read in front of 150 people. Thought about having him usher, but FI doesn't want ushers.

If my party was bigger, BIL would be included no problems. It's because I'm sticking with 7 that he got cut from the list- he was on it originally.

Maggie0829 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_so-confused-about-our-parites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0e25946-b663-4120-803e-c19059e5f241Post:f129e332-68b3-49e6-a294-e85b54224b90">Re: so confused about our parites</a>:
[QUOTE]BIL would rather gnaw off his arm than read in front of 150 people. Thought about having him usher, but FI doesn't want ushers. If my party was bigger, BIL would be included no problems. It's because I'm sticking with 7 that he got cut from the list- he was on it originally. I understand the parties should be the couples own choosing but FI did choose him orginially. I don't particularly care for his SIL but I know if I didn't ask her we'd be in for a work of trouble. She's still mad that we were pregnant at the same time and both had girls. She thought I was stealing her thunder...with an unplanned pregnancy. She's a trip. That was a tangent, but the point was I know FI feels bad for kicking him off the list because he does like him and did choose him from the start, <strong>but if he has 9 and I have 7 I don't really know what to do with that</strong> unless I ask my other two girlfriends.
Posted by Caitlin192[/QUOTE]

You don't know what to do with that? Well let's see, you could have two pairs of two guys and one girl when they recess down the aisle. Easy peasy.

Also, why should you limit yourself to only 7? If you really want your two college friends in your wedding then you should ask them. This is your wedding party that you alone control. You ask who you want, not who you feel required to ask or feel pressured to ask or who you think asking will then stop the drama. Guess what, that SIL you don't care for is still going to be a drama llama no matter if you asked her to be in your party or not. Just prepare yourself for a difficult road ahead with her because she sounds like a peach.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

Uneven parties are not a big deal. FI doesn't have to ask anyone to be in his WP that he doesn't want to.

Maggie gave some suggestions for how to have the WP walk down the aisle if you are concerned with how uneven sides will look.

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

We had six on the bride's side and five (one absent) on the groom's side with 45 total guests. Ask the people you want up there, numbers don't matter.

so confused about our parties

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