Thought this was interesting...

christinelyn0131 · September 2010

According to Martha Stewart (who is considered the modern Emily Post by some), bridesmaids do have more responsibilities than just buying a dress and showing up.

Here's the article:
http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/photogallery/choosing-your-wedding-party

Thoughts?

vegasgroom · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thought-this-interesting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:89eb0cf7-9b48-4976-b3c8-b540cd53c099Post:e7da4c03-004f-4675-a106-69cc0b6276b8">Thought this was interesting...</a>:
[QUOTE]According to Martha Stewart (who is considered the modern Emily Post by some),
Posted by christinelyn0131[/QUOTE]

Emily Post didn't conduct insider trading and lie to investigators.. :-)

christinelyn0131 · September 2010

Hahahahahaha. Okay, true.

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

And I'm sure Martha has EXACTLY the things your bridesmaids need to buy to fulfill all of those extra duties. It's extraordinarily naive to take relationship advice from a person trying to sell you something.

christinelyn0131 · September 2010

She wasn't trying to sell me something? It was an article on Martha Stewart Weddings. I was looking at her DIY stuff and it came up on the side bar.

krissymcmahon · September 2010

Before commenting on it, why not read it first? There is nothing in the article suggesting that anyone has to buy anything.

jmkes · September 2010

On a side note: I keep reading on the boards how BMs & MOH should only be expected to put on a dress and show up. Ok, that's quite understandable. Then why does it have on the knot's check list something along the lines of "give the MOH & BMs a detailed list of responsibilities" ? (totally paraphrasing that, but you get the idea) Do you really need to list out 1. Put on your dress 2. Stand upright during the ceremony?...I'm just sayin...

(total sarcasm BTW)

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

Throwing a bridal shower, bachelor, and bachelorette party all cost money, and both Martha and her advertisers sell the sorts of things that the hosts of such events are encouraged to buy. If you think that only people who say outright, "Hey, buy this!" are selling you something, then you really need to get a bit more savvy.

krissymcmahon · September 2010

They only cost money if you make them cost money.

You can take advice from a website without purchasing something from them. It's not that hard. What does it matter if she sells party supplies anyway? Lots of people do. Most of her list had nothing to do with buying anything, minus hosting a party.

krissymcmahon · September 2010

I should add - you shouldn't make your party do anything they don't want to do or spend more than they want to. I agree with this 100%. But I did choose my wedding party based on my closest friends and my younger cousin. I don't expect them to do anything but I already know that if I asked them to do something for me they'd have no problem. We're all extremely close and have no problem telling one another off if we overstep our boundaries.

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

Well, that's the point. It's not that all they CAN do is show up in the dress, that's all the bride should EXPECT. Most attendants will do more because they want to help a friend. But if they aren't willing or able to do more than the bare minimum for whatever reason, the bride shouldn't hold it against them. It's when the bride goes at her attendants with the Wedding-Industrial-Complex-approved list of duties and informs them that if they don't fall in line, she'll find someone more tractable that the problems start. (And yes, that happens, without exaggeration. A lot.)

It's also perfectly fine to ask for help, as long as the bride is gracious about it and gracious if the person declines. Personally, I was far happier to accept help from people knowing that they were doing it from a desire to make me happy rather than from a desire to shut me up or check a chore off their list.

If your expectations are low, people can only surprise you. If your expectations are high, people can only disappoint you.

christinelyn0131 · September 2010

I see both sides, but I'm not sure I would pick a wedding party who outright would never help me or do anything for me. Those wouldn't be my closest and dearest.

krissymcmahon · September 2010

I hate bossing people around and asking them to do stuff. I'm very stubborn and want to do everything myself. I'm also afraid people "forget" because life does happen and sometimes you can't always do what you promised you would do. I'm not good at asking people for help and just stress myself out instead hah.

mysticl · September 2010

This was on Martha's website but I don't see anything that says she wrote it. It actually appears to be from someone named Darcy. At least her face is next to the article.

While Martha is the queen of DIY I would not consider her the queen of Etiquette or the next Emily Post. Besides this "article" is just a restatement of all the other ones out there. Any intern could have pulled it together and posted it.

My personal favorite (note sarcasm) is handing over the money to the BM to make payments for us the day of the wedding. I'm sorry we are the ones who are contractually obligated to pay, I'm not having a third party take care of it. Especially if there is some type of error. The BM is not going to know what we negotiated and might hand over payment before we have a chance to bring it up with the vendor.

redheadfsu · September 2010

Um, the article says they have to buy the dress and pay for the hotel & travel expenses. That is the normal advice given. It does not say they have to help you plan your wedding.

christinelyn0131 · September 2010

Maid of Honor:

"She's also the head bridesmaid, in charge of delegating jobs and keeping everyone informed and organized. Her job description is lengthy, but it includes a lot of tasks a good friend will likely enjoy doing. They generally include helping the bride shop for the wedding gown and bridesmaid dresses; spreading the word to guests about where the couple is registered for gifts; and hosting the wedding shower (and perhaps the bachelorette party, too"

Bridesmaids:

"The bridesmaids often help the maid of honor plan the shower and the bachelorette party or cohost these events. They attend all prenuptial festivities if possible. The bride, or her maid of honor, might ask bridesmaids to assist her with numerous small tasks, such as securing hotel rooms for out-of-town guests and keeping a log of gifts at the bridal shower. You may want to consult with bridesmaids before you select their dresses -- they could be a great help"

Also, I don't see anything about Darcy Miller writing the article. But for future reference, she's the Senior Vice President and Weddings Editorial Director for Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.

redheadfsu · September 2010

Oh, missed that. But, being a member of the WP is not a job. The problem happens when the bride demands that people must help her. One should accept help gracefully.

mysticl · September 2010

My observation was just that I see a pic of this Darcy person next to the article and her name so I'm going to assume that she must have been the contributor. Whereas Martha is the name on the webiste. I wouldn't expect Martha to write every single article (or even any of them). That's like expecting the publisher of a magazine or a newspaper to write every single article.

My moh has helped me with stuff. Not because it is her "job" as moh and I expected her to do it. But because she is my bff and offered. My other 2 BM are 12 and 13 (my nieces) obviously they aren't helping with anything. My FI and his BM are currently at sea, so neither of them is going to be working on any wedding stuff.

What a wedding party does shouldn't be about "rules" and "job descriptions" in a magazine or on a website. It's about what they are able and willing to do. Remember, a lot of these traditional bridesmaid roles go back to when they were truely maids. They weren't married (and sure didn't have kids), they didn't work (or at least not at anything stressful and lilfe consuming), and lived at home. They had time to do this stuff and since society told them their greatest goal in life was to get married they were all for supporting weddings.

christinelyn0131 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thought-this-interesting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:89eb0cf7-9b48-4976-b3c8-b540cd53c099Post:6779cdb1-3342-46e4-bbd7-c4feba2206cb">Re: Thought this was interesting...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, missed that. But, being a member of the WP is not a job. The problem happens when the bride demands that people must help her. One should accept help gracefully.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

Ditto, redhead.

I'm not trying to be controversial I just found this interesting. I don't think its the first place I've read it either. I agree that if the bride needs help, she should graciously ask and if the BM declines then that's that. But I also wouldn't want an MOH or a BM who would never even want to help with anything ever.

Unless they're 12 and 13. In which case, they don't have to plan the bach party <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

smsimpson · September 2010

I also found it weird that in the checklist on here it said make sure you tell your bridesmaids and maid of honor what you expect them to do. And that a lot of wedding sites mention "responsibilities" for MOH. When I started planning I was doing most of it myself and asking my mom and FI for opinions. After a while (and seeing reference to MOH responsibilities) I had to ask my mom if I was supposed to be including my MOH in the planning since I hadn't been. She said usually the MOH isn't expected to be a major part of the planning. I haven't expected my MOH to help with anything. When I was planning on doing some shopping for the wedding I asked if she wanted to come but never felt it was required. It just made things more fun.

christinelyn0131 · September 2010

LOL CMGr.

lexandfab · September 2010

I have to be very very honest. I chose my WP because I have known the girls forever, they are like family and yes, I knew they would help me with stuff. And yes, I do think they should host a shower. I have done it everytime I am in a bridal party and I am blunt enough to say I would have had my feelings hurt if they didn't do it. However! I did not take them shopping with me, I did not drag them to fittings, I have not made them help me make decisions. Besides the shower they have been more of gossip partners about wedding stuff. The one extra task is helping me next week assemble my programs over wine.
I think the main issue that comes up are some brides think their WP should be attached at their hip and live, eat and breathe their wedding. I know that my wedding is a huge focus in my life but not in theirs.

Thought this was interesting...

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