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Pre-wedding Parties

Do I get a say in what we do?

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Re: Do I get a say in what we do?

  • edited December 2011
    Sure you are allowed! Your sister organizing should be based off of your input. I would have a serious conversation with your sister. My sister is my MOH and we talking about what I did and didn't want so when the time comes she can use my ideas.

    Good Luck....
  • edited December 2011
    In response to jmilphoto above:


    don't take care of the bach party yourself...its tacky to throw your own party!! Maybe you could just suggest that after the house party you could head out to a nearby bar? or if not, just make the best of the situation and go out with the girls the next weekend just for fun!
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  • edited December 2011
    At first I was on the side of the MOH until I got to the strippers. I had strippers at my party and it was a blast...but I was asked first if that would be okay. Strippers aren't for everyone and if you don't like them, let it be known.
  • edited December 2011
    I think that it is funny that some people have this huge problem with strippers, yet they want to go out bar hopping. So we are going to go out and get sloppy drunk and feel like crap the next day. It's not like you are going to be having sex with the stripper and it really is all in good fun. Also yes it may be your sister, But all of the other decisions on the wedding are yours. And the bridal party has to deal with all of the stress as well. Be grateful that she is even throwing you a party. This is to have fun. And if you have a problem with the stripper direct him to someone else at the party. Let your sister have her fun. And if she was so lazy then why is she even throwing you a party.
  • defstar82defstar82 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    okay, I honestly think that's ridiculous. my MOH was like "TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND I'LL PLAN IT". its your one and only bachelorette party - you should be able to do what you want to do! and yes, I'd be upset and complain! in a nice, understanding way of course.
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  • edited December 2011
    I didn't read everyone's response but the ones I did read say that you shouldn't say anything about the party at your sister's.  I kinda disagree and so do my MOH and Bridesmaids.  They had me share a few ideas about what I wanted and then they have picked something from those ideas.   I'm the last of all my friends to get married and have been in many weddings.  We have always based the bachlorette party on what the bride wants even if it wasn't what we wanted.   It is a night to celebrate YOU so you should be doing something you want to do.

    The stripper part.... I made it very clear that I did not want anything to do with strippers.  The thing is, my sister (MOH) and BMs already knew that because they know what kind of person I am.  You should definetly share how you feel about this with your sister.  Hope all goes well! Smile
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh wow.

    My MOH is hosting my shower in her beautiful backyard (my idea) and organizing my BParty in Vegas (also my idea).

    We sort of had a mini tif in the beginning when I was starting to add opinions for my shower.  She calmed down though, realizing, that I am such a particular type of person and like to be really creative and unique and that my wedding has been sort of restricting me from being as unique as I wanted to do pleasing my mom.  

    For my shower, I said, "all I want to have a say on is the decor, music, and I want cupcakes instead of a cake."  She can choose the food, drinks, games, and table arranging.  She was happy with this.

    So my point is, why can't you guys compromise so you are both happy?  OR maybe your sister IS taking your ideas and opinions into consideration and just might surprise you!  Laughing
  • craftfreakcraftfreak member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Um, is the party meant for YOU to enjoy, or her?  If she isn't married yet, tell her what you'd like to do for your bachelorette party, and whatever she had originally planned, you can do at hers!  If she's already married, tell her you can have a girls night at a later date doing what she wants to do.
    Phil and Stacy - August 13, 2011 - Yeah, Baby!
  • thehossbridethehossbride member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    thedancingbear.com

    nuff said.  say no.


  • kristyb114kristyb114 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Just because the MOH is hosting doesn't mean she chooses what you do for the evening. The night is about YOU and should be planned as such. When someone takes on the responsibility of being a MOH that is what they are signing up for. Planning parties, organizing, helping you put together invites, etc. It's part of the deal. That doesn't mean the bride gets to go all Bridezilla but she should def have input on what her special night is going to be.

  • edited December 2011
    Personally I don't think you should say anything about where the party is being held. EXCEPT, if the strippers aspect is uncomfortable for you then you can approach your MOH and say that you are super appreciative of all the work the are putting into making your wedding special but you don't want anything inappropriate at the b-party. 

    It's a nice gesture that she is planning something but I think you can have a say in things that you have a moral opposition to. 
  • Jerzey23Jerzey23 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you have every right to be upset, and you should speak up. If I'd left it up to my mom and MOH to plan my bridal shower it would be at my mom's house (which would be fine except there's only room for about 8 people and they're planning on inviting 30, and that's not including having to put food somewhere) and all frilly and pink with lame games like 'don't say bride'. *rolls eyes* Completely the opposite of me and I would have been miserable.

    I understand people saying you should appreciate it. But there's a difference between appreciating someone trying to do something for you, and having to pretend you're enjoying something that they planned even though they knew you didn't want it. If they don't care about what you want for YOUR shower, then there's nothing for you to be grateful about.
  • edited December 2011
    Of course you get a say!!!Your the only one who gets a say.It's all about you.Don't let people pressure into something you don't want.P.S. I am getting married Sept,18th also here in the Adirondacks.So best wishes!!
  • edited December 2011
    i totally agree with jeannette. most of these comments are so annoying. like seriously you know they don't know even follow their own advice they just want to look like they know something about 'etiquette' but they're really just re-spouting sht they've seen others post so people don't flame them. ugh. anyway, maybe your moh is throwing it, but it's a party for you, so yes you have at least 40% of the say about what's going on. i mean what's the point of throwing a party for someone when it's not what they want? that's just like people who offer to do something or just do it without asking and then do it wrong but expect you to be thankful, which is just plain ridiculous. i really think you need to just talk to her and tell her. she should want to rearrange it at least somewhat to make you comfortable. 
  • edited December 2011

    I don't think your being bratty, rude or anything else.  If your going to be unhappy with what she planned ie the stripper than why have a party in your honor.  But first you need to express to her that your uncomfortable with the idea because maybe she didn't know.  My mom and MOH (my sister) are planning a Jack/Jill shower for me next spring, the rest of my BM are planning another shower for me probably at my house (which is fine because they all know I'm a total control freak and will freak out if something is not right), I am however having a work shower given by my co-workers in a few months and all I know is the date and the place, everything else I'm letting go of and I'm okay with that.  As for my "last night out" so to speak, I'm planning 90% of it since we have to have it 2 nights before the wedding due to it being a destination wedding for all of my bridal party and majority of the guest.  But since my mom and future mother in laws will be attending I'm not so sure if strippers would be a good thing, I personally have no issues with them, but other people might and I don't want other people uncomfortable either.  Good luck and hopefully she'll respect the wishes you don't want.

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  • edited December 2011
    by the way, it's no longer considered tacky to do your own bachelorette party, there are no gifts involved. and it's also not considered tacky to have your parents or sister throw your bridal shower, just like with baby showers. it's much more common than people who don't so ignore those who say otherwise. 
  • edited December 2011
    I totally think you should get a say, to some degree. Talk to your sister privately and tell her you appreciate her efforts, but this is what you wanted for the evening. And ask her to take into consideration your desires and feelings before she makes any huge decisions. 


  • edited December 2011
    Why must we insist on controling other people?  That is the #1 lessen in life.... let people be free to do as thy want or don't go or hang out with themm!!!! Can't you just be grateful that they want to do this? For goodness sake go to the bar when you want to.... or say no thanks to yhe party  THAT IS WHAT YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER ... GROW UP...
  • edited December 2011
      WHEN IT COMES TO STRIPPERS OR ANYTHING THAT YOU BELIEVE IS SLEEZY YOU TELL THME UP FRONT no strippers if they show up I am leaving stand up for your self ..... we all have to stop this sleeziness about something wonderful and holy like marriage to the opposite sex!
  • edited December 2011
    no never worry about hurting someone's feelings over  something you believe is morally right for you!!! Don't tlell someone thy r ugly if they are that is when you shouldn't hurt someone's fellings but if someone is making you uncomfortable and controlling a situations that you believe is WRONG  step all over it if they are mad be brave about it they just want to be a bully .....  and be polite but FIRM... stand up for you 
  • edited December 2011
    If the party is not what you want, tell her. Say that it is not something you would enjoy, so you would rather skip the stress of it and not have it at all. Then she will either not throw it for you as you asked or try to revise it so you will actually enjoy it. (be prepared to not get a bridal shower at all in this case, but if you'd rather not have one than have the one she is planning...what's the harm?) Graciousness is overrated during wedding planning. When people try and ruin the experience for you, DON'T say "thank you". Tell them.
  • edited December 2011
    I think you do have a say. My MOH is not my sister because I have 2 of them to choose from so I have my Best Friend as my MOH and I had talked to her about my bach. party about what I liked and didn't like. She is all on board with it. She gets to arrange the party but with input from me before she plans it. I would def. talk to your sister about it. I am having a separate Bridal Shower so I am letting her have her own decision in that. What you do at your bach party should be to what you like and will enjoy having fun doing. Just throw some ideas out to her to give her an idea. That is what I would do.
  • edited December 2011
    Forget all those things about "you should be thankful you're getting a party..." That's a big ol' crock of you-know-what.

    This celebration is for YOU.

    If you won't enjoy it, what's the point??? If you want to go out to a bar to celebrate, speak up! 
  • edited December 2011
    This is your day....and therefore all events wedding related prior to the big day should be about you too. How can your family honestly expect you to truly enjoy an event that is not your style?
  • edited December 2011

    You need to speak to you MOH. I am getting married Sept 10, 2011. I went dress  shopping with a few of my BM's and as I came out of the dressing room they were whispering and gigling. I knew that they were talking about making plans for my bacherlorette party. I looked at them both and said "no strippers, no strip joints". One of my BM's said "Of course not, the bacherlorette party is about the bride and what she likes to do, and your not into doing something like that."

    My BM is exactly right, this should be about what the bride likes to do. I was extremely happy with my BM's answer.  



  • cynthial411cynthial411 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why did you make someone your MOH that you aren't comfortable enough talking to about these things? My MOH is being completely supportive of everything I discuss with her (I don't want strippers and I want a night of Karaoke.) Done. I picked her because I knew she would really be my backbone here take my opinions to heart.
    Cindy Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In response to the ladies who disagree with the "just be appreciative" bit and say that you have the right to say what you want... then why don't you just plan your own bridal shower and have it hosted by you. Instead of showing up to something someone else planned for you. It seems I was raised differently than most but I was always taught (and agree with) That a wedding is a celebration of you, your FI AND families.

    My parents & BM's are dishing out the funds for this event and if I tried taking control over parts such as the bridal shower they would pull the plug because that attitude is selfish. Again, I personally think that if its a issue of morality speak up using an appreciative tone. Otherwise just enjoy the day that your "loved ones" are planning for you.
  • craftfreakcraftfreak member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I can understand people saying, being appreciative, but I also see absolutely nothing wrong in telling your MOH what you truly want for your bachelorette party, just like I don't see anything wrong in having a registry and telling your guests what you'd like as a wedding gift.  Of course, after the fact, there is no reason to be bitter... best to be grateful.  But honestly, I don't think that your MOH wants you to be miserable on YOUR day.  Speak up!  (There is a difference between letting your MOH know what you want and being unappreciative.)  Most of us on here care that your day is fun for YOU, don't you think your own MOH would too?
    Phil and Stacy - August 13, 2011 - Yeah, Baby!
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