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Advice

jhnkinsjhnkins
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I've decided to replace my maid of honor. I really don't lnow what her problem is, but I'm not going to deal with it anymore. She had the nerve to tell me that I need to choose a reception hall that does all of the work because she doesn't do manual labor. On top of that, I've tried to contact her and she won't answer my texts or emails. My question is what do I say to her? 

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Re: Advice

  • nikkir4nikkir4
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    My MOH doesn't do manual labor either. May I should replace her too ;)

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  • midgetthemightymidgetthemighty
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ca16a50-961b-4aac-b261-10ec7a08366dPost:1d59907f-377c-42bd-b440-2efbbbebb6a2">Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've decided to replace my maid of honor. I really don't lnow what her problem is, but I'm not going to deal with it anymore. She had the nerve to tell me that I need to choose a reception hall that does all of the work because she doesn't do manual labor. On top of that, I've tried to contact her and she won't answer my texts or emails. My question is what do I say to her?  m My
    Posted by jhnkins[/QUOTE]


    1.Don't replace your MOH unless you want to end the friendship completely.
    2. If the MOH doesn't "do manual labor" then she doesn't help and she still can be your MOH. The only thing she has to do is show up on the day of. Anything else is a bonus.
    3. Good luck
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  • sleblanc72sleblanc72
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto everything midge said.  Your bridal party is supposed to be the people your close to that you want standing up there with you.
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  • kellyb1487kellyb1487
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My friend is getting married in July and she wants the bridal party to set up te day of the wedding (while the girls are in dresses and rediculus heels and have our hair and makeup done) We had to tell her no way!!! It is unreasonable to ask this of anyone in your bridal party. She is just going to pay some of the caters an extra $20 to set everything up before.

    Good Luck!
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  • FutureJilliannDFutureJilliannD member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is no way she should have to do manual labor. If you don't want to change your venue, don't, but hire some college kids or other day of help to set up.

    And there is no good way to kick someone out of your bridal party. It will most likely end your friendship.
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  • em01092em01092 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hope this is MUD.

    It's fine to ask your MOH for a helping hand, as she is your friend, but you cannot rightfully force her to do anything. She is not your slave. If you honestly expected her to be willing to help set up, likely on the day of your wedding, that was kinda crappy. She has to get dressed and dolled up too you know. 
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  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ca16a50-961b-4aac-b261-10ec7a08366dPost:1d59907f-377c-42bd-b440-2efbbbebb6a2">Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've decided to replace my maid of honor. I really don't lnow what her problem is, but I'm not going to deal with it anymore. She had the nerve to tell me that I need to choose a reception hall that does all of the work because she doesn't do manual labor. On top of that, I've tried to contact her and she won't answer my texts or emails. My question is what do I say to her?  m My
    Posted by jhnkins[/QUOTE]

    Her problem is probably the fact that you expect her to do "manual labor".

    Just sayin.

    Say to her, "Haven't talked to you in a while . Want to grab coffee and catch up?" Becuase she's your friend and all before she's a brides maid.
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  • tlopes07tlopes07 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's YOUR wedding, so it's YOUR choice where YOU decide to have the reception.  If you choose one that requires "manual labor" either hire someone to do it for you, or plan on not having her help you.  If this is the only thing she's upset you on, then maybe you should just go out for coffee and talk.  If she's made your life miserable since planning the wedding and their are other underlying issues, depending on what those are, then maybe you should replace her knowing that this friendship may be over.

    I know someone who replaced her MOH and made her a bridesmaid again because of underlying issues, the bride spoke to her friend and their friendsip made it through the wedding and they are still friends till this day, it's all on how you approach your MOH with your decision.

    You could say something like "You've made comments that have me wondering if you'd still like to be a part of my wedding, I can understand if due to other obligations you are unable to, and if so please let me know and I won't get offended as our friendship means alot to me" and take it from there.

    Good Luck :)
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  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    your MOH isn't a slave and neither is she on your payroll so in no way possible is she required or even expected to do manual labor...WTH?!?!?!

    I'm hoping beyond hope this is MUD.
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow...that's all...just WOW.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    What exactly did you tell her you expected of her?  Surely her comment didn't just pop up out of nowhere.
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You say:

    Dear ex-MOH:

    You are replaceable in my life.  I am replacing you with someone else.  I want a MOH who will work the most for me.  I am not picking my MOH based on our relationship.  It's all about what you can do for me, and unfortunately, you can't do enough.  If you can send me a detailed list, explaining everything you're willing to do for me to help me plan and execute my wedding, I might reconsider.  But hurry up, because my wedding is only 10 months away.

    Love,
    Bride.

    Because by replacing her, this is essentially what you're saying to her.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    MUD
                       
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Maire:  MUD.  Big old bog of wet dirt.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • katieisawesomekatieisawesome
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ca16a50-961b-4aac-b261-10ec7a08366dPost:1d59907f-377c-42bd-b440-2efbbbebb6a2">Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've decided to replace my maid of honor. I really don't lnow what her problem is, but I'm not going to deal with it anymore. She had the nerve to tell me that I need to choose a reception hall that does all of the work because she doesn't do manual labor. On top of that, I've tried to contact her and she won't answer my texts or emails. My question is what do I say to her?  m My
    Posted by jhnkins[/QUOTE]

    <div>You should tell her that it's called a "maid" of honor for a reason and that she is being selfish.  After all, it's your special day!  Also make sure to remind her that your wedding is more important than anything else.</div><div>
    </div><div>(This way you can guarantee an end to the friendship over your pretty princess day.)</div>
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  • shelby_louis_2011shelby_louis_2011 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You know that bridesmaids aren't actually maids right?.......just sayin.
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