Rant!!!

crebernik · March 2013

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misssunshine17 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4abaec8c-1244-426d-aaee-86187ebdd220Post:1e76e5b3-f1d6-4f8e-b42e-2f77a6530458">Rant!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I got engaged a year and a half ago. At that time I made my sister MOH, my BF, cousin and FSIL bridesmaids. About a month after getting engaged we all went to David's Bridal and I picked out a dress that was in everyones price range. Fast forward to January, 3 months before my wedding. No one had bought their dress, even though I had been asking them about it. Because none of them bought their dresses, we had to change it to one i hate and one that is more expensive because they would not be able to get my MOH'ssize in time for the wedding MOH was supposed to help me plan my wedding as its rather DIY (and we have a limited budget) and she completely stopped helping. My MOH is getting married 6 months after i am now and she has thrown fits about helping me. I even had to go to my dress fitting alone. Now my wedding is in 4 weeks and there hasnt been any talk of a shower or bach. party. until this last week. MOH and Bf planned a night out in the city, which requires a metro ride or car ride, neither took my severe car sickness into consideration. I was still going to go even though i knew i wasnt going to feel too hot. Then MOH and BF informed the other 2 bms thatthey would have to pay around 500 to participate in dinner and getting a hotel room. One Bm has no job, and the other, FSIL is a 20 year old waitress. MOH and BF told them that they only had a few days to decide. Apparently FSIL didnt respond to them and Bf went off on her telling her to grow up and act like she cares. FSIL started blowing up my phone telling me to keep my friends from bitching her out. She then called her brother, the groom and told him that everyone was being mean to her. I am already stressed out enough without the fighting and I asked MOH to call off the party. Going to the city isnt something i would do, and I think they just want to drink and I dont drink. Plus not everyone can go. Well Bf texted me a long long message about how i dont appreciate her efforts because she is very busy with work, job, kids, school, etc and how it took her so long to save up that kind of money. BF says she is still going to the city, with or without me, because she thinks its stupid that im cancelling bc of the fight she had with FSIL. I do appreciate that she threw this together so fast, with her being so busy, it just doesnt sound like they took me into consideration. And MOH is pissed at me too. She was begging me to go for her. I shouldnt have to go for her, right? This even caused me and future hubby a little tension, because of course he thinks his siter shouldnt have been disrescpected, even though he agrees that she could have been more consideriate in answering BFs texts. Sorry for the long post, I just have been sick and crying over this crap and i dont feel like i should have to go to this party, because they want to go out. I feel like they are bullying me. What should I do??
Posted by crebernik[/QUOTE]

Okay, I'm going to be honest. You sound really whiney and unappreciative of any efforts they have done.

You shouldn't have been bugging them to buy they dress. They are adults and probably didn't like you nagging them.

Your MOH doesn't have to help you with your wedding, she's obviously busy with her own. You're fully capable of going to a dress fitting by yourself. I don't see why anyone needs to go with you- it's just a waste of their time.

What do you do now? Be a gracious bride. Thank them profusely for their help and finish everything else on your own. Go to your party and send them thank you cards after for planning it.

[Deleted User] · March 2013

What kind of DB dress can't be ordered 3 months out? I'm not trying to be rude but mine were a color they don't normally make them in and it took about 8 weeks to come in and they could rush if necessary. So...I'm unsure why the dresses need to be picked.

Honestly, I know you're looking for sympathy here, but you need to eat some serious crow. First, your MOH - no matter whether or not she offered, unless you are paying her, she is not your wedding planner. So if things came up in her life that made her unable to help with things, it's on you to finish. It's up to you and your FI to plan your wedding. Most likely, the fact that you picked people a year and a half out and then kept talking about wedding stuff got your MOH sick of it before it even began. So...she stopped wanting to help. But you still shouldn't hold it against her - again, unless you are paying her, it's not on her in the slightest to plan or do DIY projects. It's on you.

Second, you are in the wrong for basically asking your bridesmaids for a bachelorette and then refusing it because they didn't plan exactly what you wanted. They are under no obligation to throw you a party - a party like that is a gift. So you basically asked them to give you a gift and then told them that said gift wasn't good enough. I'd pretty pissed too. So, you should apologize and either accept the party as offered or, frankly, offer to take THEM out on your terms as an apology.

Third, all your bridesmaids sound extemely immature, as do you. Maybe, at this point, stop trying to include them in things. Give them the info they need for the day of and enjoy that one day with them. The more you try to make them do, though, the more you're going to end up with this sort of mess.

MairePoppy · March 2013

This ship has sailed, but you could have let the MOH choose a different dress,same or complementary color, than the bms. There's nothing you can do about that now, so let it go.

It sucks that MOH discouraged others, who offered, from helping out. Could you still call those family members that offered to help and let them know when you'll be working on projects? Just don't make it a b!+ch fest about your MOH. Also, pps are right, your fi is the one that should be helping you out. It's his wedding, too.

Of course you can turn down the out of town bp that you didn't want. It was wrong of the MOH not to take everyone's budgets and your interests into consideration. It sounds like they planned a weekend away for themselves, using your bp as an excuse. Tell them to have a great time. You could still call the other bms and ask them if they'd like to go out to dinner or something more reasonable.

MairePoppy · March 2013

I hope you feel better.

crebernik · March 2013

Thank you all for your kind feedback. Much luck to you all in the future

ladytori · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4abaec8c-1244-426d-aaee-86187ebdd220Post:04cdaa14-bdca-4ed0-a5e9-0206277897f2">Re: Rant!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for your kind feedback. Much luck to you all in the future
Posted by crebernik[/QUOTE]

Why did you DD your post? Other future brides could have learned something based on your experience and advice.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

Nothing depresses me more than people who decide they are going to do a DIY wedding, then decide that everyone else simply HAS to knuckle down and work like slaves because of that decision. That's just depressingly wrong. And never has a single bride that posted here with that big of a.n entitlement attitude said " oh gosh, that was kinda cruddy of me to do to them. Huh."

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

Done and done, sorry bout that Retread.

crebernik · March 2013

Nope, didn't expect them to buy them that early at all. We went around that time to look. The consultant told them that they should order them by December at the latest. They got them at almost the end of January. There are a lot of things that don't come across well in my story, I think because I was frustrated and trying to get my words quickly. I feel like some of the ladies in here are a bit rude and critical. I asked for advice about the situation, I didn't ask for a personality assessment. I have seen on other wedding sites people commenting about how some posters are bashing one another on The Knot. And they even name names and i have seen 2 of those mentioned on this post! What happened to supporting one another? There is definitely a way to word things if you don't agree, but calling me spoiled and immature seems silly when all you know about me is through story. But anyways, please all have a great time planning your weddings and best of luck to all of you :

crebernik · March 2013

Nope, no one was expected to do anything, much less asked. So of course I am going to be excited when my sister tells everyone to not worry bc she has this, this and this covered...oh well!

[Deleted User] · March 2013

I'm curious who's getting talked about on other boards now...

crebernik - I'm sorry you felt you were being attacked. You're right - we don't have the whole story - we can only judge by what you said. From your post, it seemed like you had asked people for the party and asked them to do things for you. I responded based on that. If that's not the case, honestly, you still just need to accept that your MOH doesn't want to help anymore. It's kind of like how people on here say not to count on any money people offer until it's in hand. When it comes down to it, the only people ultimately responsible for things are you and your FH. If MOH offered to help and backed out, that sucks, but it's her prerogative. If you planned more DIY projects than you could handle on your own, lesson learned. People back out. People develop other things. Buckle down, spend some late nights, and remember this lesson for the future.

As for calling you and your friends immature, in my book, people who throw fits about helping, who have to call their friends to get other people from not treating them poorly, who tattle to their brother and thus cause issues in his relationship, and who don't know how to graciously refuse a party are a bit immature. This all comes down to a lot of misunderstandings, ones that are obviously hurtful to you. But one of the nice things about these boards as opposed to others is that we don't coddle here. Does all this suck? Yup, sure does. Does that mean that crying about it for days is going to help anything? Nope, sure doesn't. My advice still stands. Eat some serious crow. Try to mend your relationships - NOT in terms of your wedding. If you don't want the bachelorette, graciously decline and perhaps offer to take the girls for a girls day, on your terms, to show no ill will. Then leave everyone out of wedding planning except for things they need to know to show up day of. It's the most mature way to handle it and will save you a lot of drama, as I have a feeling the more you involve these people the more they'll just pull the same ranting/screaming/tattling act.

Best of luck. I hope that you aren't scared off these boards for good. People are tough but they're also really helpful and have some really good advice when it all boils down.

crebernik · March 2013

Wow..just wow... thank you for your suggestion. Have a good day.

crebernik · March 2013

I didn't ask for the party at all. I was asked what I wanted to do and I was just sad that other people couldn't be a part of it. I'm upset that the bms are all fighting each other. I can take tough advice, trust me in my family you have to, I was just surprised posters were so quick to label people. Thanks.

MairePoppy · March 2013

crebernik - I saw the follow up posts where you explained you didn't ask for the party. You also explained that family members asked to help you with your DIY projects but the MOH or your sister (?) told them she had them covered. That's why I was more sympathetic about your situation. Why did you delete those posts? It makes the thread hard to follow. We don't know you or your situation. We only have what you post to go on.

MairePoppy · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4abaec8c-1244-426d-aaee-86187ebdd220Post:406c5526-dbdf-42a9-9d26-4be9e6f839e3">Re:Rant!!!</a>:
[QUOTE] I have seen on other wedding sites people commenting about how some posters are bashing one another on The Knot. And they even name names and i have seen 2 of those mentioned on this post! What happened to supporting one another? 
Posted by crebernik[/QUOTE]

Link, please?

MoxieMickie · March 2013

zitiqueen · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4abaec8c-1244-426d-aaee-86187ebdd220Post:406c5526-dbdf-42a9-9d26-4be9e6f839e3">Re:Rant!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Nope, didn't expect them to buy them that early at all. We went around that time to look. The consultant told them that they should order them by December at the latest. They got them at almost the end of January. There are a lot of things that don't come across well in my story, I think because I was frustrated and trying to get my words quickly. I feel like some of the ladies in here are a bit rude and critical. I asked for advice about the situation, I didn't ask for a personality assessment. I have seen on other wedding sites people commenting about how some posters are bashing one another on The Knot. And they even name names and i have seen 2 of those mentioned on this post! What happened to supporting one another? There is definitely a way to word things if you don't agree, but calling me spoiled and immature seems silly when all you know about me is through story. But anyways, please all have a great time planning your weddings and best of luck to all of you :
Posted by crebernik[/QUOTE]

You asked for advice in your deleted original post; you didn't ask for support. Here's the difference: Support is being told what you want to hear; advice is being told what you need to hear. Stick to the Wedding Bee if you want your crappy behavior validated. Stick around here if you want your friendships to continue past your wedding.

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