Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage

parker624 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:0885a2e2-ea1e-48a5-bd6d-9ce05fa8f337">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]To answer some of your questions: I am not looking to lie to anyone about not being married, I would tell them. I have considered a small wedding, but it is impossible to narrow down a list to less than 100 people. I have 6 siblings, all of which are married with kids, and I am very close to all of my aunts/uncles and 1st cousins, as if they were my brothers and sisters. I have noted all sorts of ways to reduce the costs, including getting married on off days and in a public park. I do plan to feed the guests which is where a lot of costs can come in. I am about 90% sure the engagement will come within the next 3 months, which is why I want to consider this now. I have also discussed it with him and he said he would be open to it.
Posted by aahence[/QUOTE]

I'm still not clear how getting married in the priest's office and having a reception a year later saves money. The reception is the expensive part, why not just do it all at once in one year?

mica178 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:1faed6a9-8542-4953-be32-03a89a2b78dd">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage : Flaw in your plan: your father isn't giving you away at ALL if you're already married. So what's the point in that? If you don't want the memories from the preacher's office, it's simple: don't get married there. Develop some more patience and wait. You can't have it both ways. It's one or the other. If you want to have a vow renewal party that's one thing- but another ceremony?! That doesn't make any sense at all.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Yes to all of this.

If you want your father to "give you away," then you need to be unmarried when he walks you down the aisle.

Wait until you're engaged. If you really think it's going to happen quickly, why not start figuring out your budget and saving money so you have a goal? But I think the rush to get married then the follow-up big PPD a year later is a bad idea. As PP said, enjoy being engaged and have the real wedding that you always wanted 12-15 months after you get engaged.

georgia_bride09 · August 2010

[QUOTE]So, do you really want to know if it's okay to do, or do you want to keep giving reasons and justifications about your special situation that has never ever happened before in the history of weddings until one person out of 50 agrees with you, thank that single person, ignore everyone else, and do what you want anyway?
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

My vote is definitely this.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:48879aa5-ce3b-4da0-af8c-bf9fff6be056">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, if you start saving now and you engaged 3 months from now, that's only 9 more months you have to wait.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

True that.

And take it from me - I'm having a roughly eight and a half month engagement. It's not long at all.

xyrius · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:4a203cd6-e57a-4bfa-a22a-dd10e272d604">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]So, do you really want to know if it's okay to do, or do you want to keep giving reasons and justifications about your special situation that has never ever happened before in the history of weddings until one person out of 50 agrees with you, thank that single person, ignore everyone else, and do what you want anyway?
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

I think you hit the nail on the head.

WildRumpus · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:710dc0af-e470-4d80-be60-0143d76c5b77">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow! Thanks for the quick responses! Honestly, I do have several personal reasons as to why I want to do it sooner rather than later that I do not wish to share. Yes I would tell people that we were married, and possibly on the invitations word it as a "renewing of our vows" type of thing. The main reason for wanting an actual wedding-type of ceremony is to give my father the chance to give me away, as I am his only daughter, and for the memories that you don't get from getting married in the preachers office. 90% of the guests that would attend would be close family, so I really don't think they would be giving me the "side eye." Anyone who is like that would likely not be invited in the first place, or would likely not come, which would be fine as well.
Posted by aahence[/QUOTE]

Ok, well you put it out there, so I'm going to ask. Do any of these reasons have to do with pregnancy, getting health insurance, or not being a citizen?

wadingmoose · August 2010

You joined in '07 and you really never thought of saving money for this whole wedding thing before this?

You've had 3 years.

wadingmoose · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:43d9a008-5b95-4a59-ad9b-af484c7cfd3b">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]You joined in '07 and you really never thought of saving money for this whole wedding thing before this? You've had 3 years.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

Wait. You've been on here since 2007 and you're not engaged yet?

There's a board for that.

pinkpinot · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:43d9a008-5b95-4a59-ad9b-af484c7cfd3b">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]You joined in '07 and you really never thought of saving money for this whole wedding thing before this? You've had 3 years.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

Logic has no place in this thread. Get out.

kaederose · August 2010

I agree with all the others. See Miss Manners:

Dear Miss Manners,
I got married over the holidays in a secret marriage (very small, family gathering). My husband is in the service and was going back overseas. We planned on having a larger wedding when he got back in town. However, after researching wedding prices, it's starting to look like I won't be able to have the wedding of my dreams.

Enough of my sob story. My question is: Well, is it tacky to have a reception party? What is the best course of action for this situation?

Gentle Reader,
People seem to have forgotten that a wedding is an occasion at which a couple gets married. Whatever your dreams, you are now married, and what would be tacky is to stage a fake wedding.

However, luck is with you. Miss Manners assures you that it is perfectly proper to throw a festive party in celebration of your recent marriage.

There you have it. Don't invite them to a wedding-type celebration. Your father can give you away at a different type of ceremony. You get one shot at the wedding ceremony, and you can have a celebratory party when finances are better suited to the event.

ThePinkSuperhero · August 2010

It's a bad idea. I don't know who started this idea that people can separate the marriage and the "wedding" for any reason at all. People might be sympathetic if someone was being deployed or someone's Mom was dying, but "we just want to have our cake and eat it a year later, too" is a lame reason that people will judge you for.

wadingmoose · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:9d5d6981-dc34-4044-91fe-4759c8fd2cbe">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage : Logic has no place in this thread. Get out.
Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]

It was logic or caramel apples. I felt the logic was slightly more applicable.

pinkpinot · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:3c9bcf51-36ac-4671-a1c7-2f1cf2b40571">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage : Wait. You've been on here since 2007 and you're not engaged yet? There's a board for that.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

Link:
<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet</a>

Pirata13 · August 2010

Trust me, people WILL give it the side-eye. And we've all heard the reasons people get married sooner--for health insurance, etc blah blah blah. H went without health insurance for years and broke his heel 3 weeks before the wedding, with no insurance. And guess what? We're being adults about it and paying off the small bills first and setting up a payment plan for the rest.

I would never in a million years have gotten married a year ago for things like that, then had the wedding we did have and expect people--ourselves included--to think of it as our "wedding"...since we were already married. Save up for the day you want, and have your wedding in a year. Or invite only parents and siblings now and have a dinner reception at a restaurant and your dad can give you away at the small ceremony, no matter where it is.

MissLeahM · August 2010

I agree with PPs..

But what I don't understand is, why would you register after you've gotten married? IMO Once you decide to elope, you give up all of the little 'add-ons' to a wedding celebration, eg, showers, b-parties and registeries.

pinkpinot · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:471e74ad-b197-4a33-a7fb-cf3cd0473fef">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage : It was logic or caramel apples. I felt the logic was slightly more applicable.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

I would have prefered caramel apples.

aahence · August 2010

Thank you all for your responses. I will take them into consideration in making my decision, which obviously doesn't need to be today. I was just curious to know if I should keep this as an option, or if people actually do this. I feel that every family is different and I know my family. I have spoken with some of them to get their opinion and they liked the idea. I can not speak for my boyfriends family, because they may feel the way most of you do.

As for my reasons for "why now" as I said they are personal. I'm not pregnant, nor do we plan to have children anytime soon and nothing major is happing, it is just a personal situation between my boyfriend and I.

In response to temerityjane, my other responses, were direct responses related to questions that had been posed. I wasn't trying to justify this as a decision, I was simply trying to provide more context, as only so much can be explained or discussed in a simple post.

PharmacyBride · August 2010

My advice.. just plan a wedding quickly. I have seen them planned in months and they turned out great.

If I was close family/friend - I wouldn't judge - I would only be sad to have missed out on the real thing. If I wasn't so close.. I might question the motives.

What happens in a year when you might be saving up to start a family or wanting to travel? I just don't understand the motivation to spend all that money and time on something after it is all said and done. FI and I are saving up for big trips and family... I love planning my wedding.. but when it is all said and done.. I am excited to move on and start the next chapter in our lives!

Goldlie11 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:a40bd3d4-7903-4b23-87f5-112f21ee8021">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for your responses. I will take them into consideration in making my decision, which obviously doesn't need to be today. I was just curious to know if I should keep this as an option, or if people actually do this. I feel that every family is different and I know my family. I have spoken with some of them to get their opinion and they liked the idea. I can not speak for my boyfriends family, because they may feel the way most of you do. As for my reasons for "why now" as I said they are personal. I'm not pregnant, nor do we plan to have children anytime soon and nothing major is happing, it is just a personal situation between my boyfriend and I. In response to temerityjane, my other responses, were direct responses related to questions that had been posed. I wasn't trying to justify this as a decision, I was simply trying to provide more context, as only so much can be explained or discussed in a simple post.
Posted by aahence[/QUOTE]
If the "personal reason" is not life threatening, it sounds like you are being silly and impatient. You will be robbing yourself and your family of some wonderful experiences like showers, bachelorette parties, and any other prewedding celebrations that it would be innapprioprate for a married woman to have. Not to mention that your "honeymoon" wouldn't really be a honeymoon. It's just seems like an overall bad idea.

To be prefectly honest, if a family member did this, I would assume they were being gift grabby. That would piss me off. I would not bring a gift since I did not actually get to attend the wedding. I'm not saying you're gift grabby, I'm just saying that is the assumption I would make.

aahence · August 2010

I think some of you have been rude about the fact that I joined in 2007, but good observation! In 2007 I was in college -Yes I joined this site as I was assisting a friend with her wedding, but I was not looking to get married in college. Due to the recession, and layoffs I have had to assist family members financially and have not been able to save until now. The original question has nothing to do with finances, other than to point out why I would not be able to afford a wedding unless it is at least a year out.

I made this post in etiquette (and not "not engaged yet") b/c I wanted to see if this option was appropriate, which you have all made clear that it is not.

squirrly · August 2010

So, it sounds like your personal reason is that you're tired of waiting for sex. Because anything else seems EXTRA ridiculous to me.

You get one wedding (per husband). Plan the one you want the most.

MrsNash2be · August 2010

A wedding is a chance for the people you love to WITNESS the vows of commitment made between you and your fiance (and before God, if you are religious). Obviously this only happens once. If you want to have a small ceremony now and save for a big reception later, I think that's fine. What is more important to you? To be married? Or to have a nice wedding? If you wait, you can have your cake and eat it too (no pun intended).

TTiger03 · August 2010

aahence, I know you are getting tired of reading responses to your post, but if you are certain he will be proposing soon and want to get married shortly after, would you be able to start saving a little now and maybe have a short engagement? I understand that it wouldn't be your dream wedding if you say you can't afford that for a year, but perhaps you can do a small ceremony and include your family. Have a small punch and cake reception and include your traditions.

If you want a big party a year later you can maybe do an anniversary party, but really should make it clear that you will not accept gifts at that party.

I hope you are able to make it work for you. I completely understand where you are coming from as I have had several friends in the same situation. They all wanted to do a big "wedding" a year later, but in the end none of them have. After being married for a while they decided that money would be better spent elsewhere since they were already married.

If I were you I would count on trying to do as much of your dream as you can afford in the time frame you have. Don't skip the things that are important to you. Even if it's just having your dad give you away, you can do that at the JOP too.

I'm sure the family you say would understand your second ceremony would also understand if you had something small you can afford.

Goldlie11 · August 2010

TTiger03, your ticker is so cute.

aahence · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:cf900600-9017-4cb4-8eb9-138b3cca4b46">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]So, it sounds like your personal reason is that you're tired of waiting for sex. Because anything else seems EXTRA ridiculous to me. You get one wedding (per husband). Plan the one you want the most.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

OMG! Just because I don't want to explain my reason this has to be about sex? I have been with him for 7 years, if that is what it was about, we would have gone to the JOP a long time ago. I have waited this long I can wait another year. Just because I don't want to explain my reason to you all doesn't mean that it is ridiculous. It doesn't matter what the reason is, if the reason is important enough for my bf and I, then that is all that matters. I was simply asking if it was appropirate to have a private marriage in the preachers office and postpone any celebration/re-commitment ceremony for a year. I hear about these all the time I honestly didn't think it would be such a big deal. Clearly you all think otherwise, which is fine.

mica178 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-one-year-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f6bac9d-4754-4586-969f-c07641d88ecbPost:c7918d74-ef73-45ce-a11f-c637ea8a4e1f">Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage : OMG! Just because I don't want to explain my reason this has to be about sex? I have been with him for 7 years, if that is what it was about, we would have gone to the JOP a long time ago. I have waited this long I can wait another year. Just because I don't want to explain my reason to you all doesn't mean that it is ridiculous. It doesn't matter what the reason is, if the reason is important enough for my bf and I, then that is all that matters. I was simply asking if it was appropirate to have a private marriage in the preachers office and postpone any celebration/re-commitment ceremony for a year. I hear about these all the time I honestly didn't think it would be such a big deal. Clearly you all think otherwise, which is fine.
Posted by aahence[/QUOTE]

Most of us don't understand why you feel the rush to get married quickly. Most people who want big celebrations are engaged for a year or so to save up and plan for the ceremony.

Re-commitment ceremonies and vow renewals are usually done for large anniversaries (20 years, 50 years, etc.), not after one year.

If you're so set on this plan, why are you asking for advice on E?

Calypso1977 · August 2010

i knew one couple that did this as tehy wanted to purchase a condo and thought it would be best if they were legally married when tehy signed the paperwork. i found out a week before their "fake wedding" that they had already married nearly a year before. i felt very robbed.

kmar022 · August 2010

Although I do agree with the responses above, I just want to shed some light on one other thing:
I think that JOP weddings can be great-for the right couple. (All of us have a different idea as to what that perfect day would be.)
But, if you do have your heart set on a bigger wedding, I would tell you this from experience. It was a wonderful day, no, not everything went exactly as "planned" but it was special because it was the first time we had gotten married. Looking back, all the good and bad, I wouldn't have changed anything. Just try to think about what you want to remember that day being...
I would think many of these ladies here would also agree that nothing can change how you feel that day. It's just different and something that is not easily explained.

Theresa626 · August 2010

Some of my good friends planned their wedding in three months. They invited three hundred people to it and it was a very budget freindly wedding. The reception was in the lobby of their church and a family friend made a simple buffet meal with sandwiches, cheese, crackers, a shrimp platter, dips and veggies, etc. There were also punch bowls and no alcohol because it was in a church. The church provided the tables and they ordered cheap fabric from the internet and made some nice linens. Then they got some tall candles in hurricane glasses cheap from the internet and her mother and sister set those up. She got her dress on clearance from David's Bridal and another family friend did the photos. They hired a jazz trio of college students from a local college to play during the reception and it was very affordable. It really honestly can be done on a very very small budget in only three months. Start saving now and you'll be totally fine. If you can wait three months to get engaged. You can wait three months after that to plan your wedding.

gailpete · August 2010

OP- There is nothing wrong with having a big party on your first anniversary. You can even do a vow renewal at that point, if you want.

What you can't do at that point is

1. Have you father give you away- you are already married and gave yourself away

2. Register for gifts for an anniversary (vow renewal ) party. This same applies to -no bridal shower, no bachelorette party. Those are pre-wedding parties and you already had your wedding.

Keeping these things in mind- then make the decision that is best for you.

Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage

Re: Wedding Ceremony one year after marriage

Choose Another Board

Search Boards