Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:8d56a8bc-a8bd-4ec9-a9f7-7fb24d94d689">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : So now your parents want you to go into debt over rude people you've never met just so they can look good? Honestly, if your parents are that concerned about how this reflects on them, then THEY can pay for it. But I would absolutely 1000% put your foot down and tell them under no circumstances will you be paying for these people, ever. Also, I'm really sorry you even have to deal with this. It completely astounds me that these people have the balls to demand you pay for them, I get the wedding night part since that's what they are familiar with, but that's so far off from 3 weeks that it's completely BSC. And I'm honestly sort of pissed off at your parents for you that they agree with this. All I can say is good luck!!
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>To be honest, it's mostly my mom. My dad is more budget-conscious, so he's been more normal. I feel like my mom had a bit of FMIL's crazy soup lately, though. </div><div>
</div><div>After putting my foot down, she started crying and telling me that she can't believe how selfish I am and that I'm not appreciating that these people are paying airfare to get here in the first place. I didn't agree to what she was saying, but I wanted to cry just because she was crying. </div><div>
</div><div>I keep saying that ALL wedding expenses are part of the buget. If the budget does not have room for X, then it's not happening. Paying for hotels is part of the wedding budget, and we made room for ONE night, but that's IT.</div>

jemmini6 · March 2012

Holy shiit balls, this whole thing is just so freakin crazy. LOL, you are definitely handling it much better than I think I could. They want you to pay for their vacation so they can visit friends and stay close to you so they can get free food? I'm with Habs...mind = blown.

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:88277c45-31c7-4f3d-9188-e8c9e6f04610">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]You know what? Shame on your parents for making you feel bad for not paying for people they don't even want. Shame. I get that there is tradition and cultural norms and all that, but damn. Something has to bend hre, and it shouldn't be you.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

<div>And I think that I did the best I could do for that cultural tradition- the standart one night. </div><div>
</div><div>I definitely don't have room to bend anymore, the budget is already beyond thin! </div><div>
</div><div>The worst part really is all the family tension, and the crying, and the arguing. I'm worried that this is going to be what the rest of the year is like, especially the days before the wedding if these people end up staying at our houses!</div><div>
</div><div>I'm sure they'll want to do stuff, go sight-seeing, etc, and we'll be the ones that have to pay for all that and take the time to do all that, too. If they want to come and stay over, I wish they'd just do it now, not when there's so much wedding stress already piled on!</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:c7dacc68-829e-4f30-8efb-cfe00c3582b2">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : OO
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>hahahha, thanks, you're awesome!!!!</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:e9fd050d-4aeb-430f-b37a-cb1db5958ee4">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't even like the idea of your parents paying for this. I don't like it when parents hijack their childrens' weddings as a way to look good to other people. Even if the parents offered to pay, I would say no. Sounds like too much drama.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

<div>I tried telling her I don't even think it's ok for them to pay, and she told me it's none of my business how she spends her money... so that didn't go over too well :(</div>

jemmini6 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:c11e284a-827e-4777-83ad-d671d081dc72">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : hahahha, thanks, you're awesome!!!!
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

You're awesome for staying sane with all this. I honestly would have flipped my shiit a long time ago.

PS...hope those balls work out for you :-P

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:aa35b1f5-6142-4d20-ab7d-575948c99552">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]Andra. How have you not called off this entire thing and run off to elope? I'm being dead serious here.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>I've thought of this so many times, but I want to celebrate with my family and I've always pictured a clebration with those that I'm close to. In the end, it's mostly his parents, most recently my mom, and these random people that are ruining it for me.</div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and FBIL and I talked about the issues he had with me, and that seems to be a bit better now. Guess we're off each other's sh!t lists, so its just 2 major people drinking from the crazy fountain: the moms. And these randoms that I wouldn't even consider an issue if it didn't start drama with the moms.</div><div>
</div><div>Part of me does want to just elope, but I think I'd regret it later. I'm hoping my mom will at least return to normal, because I can deal with fmil but it really makes me sad when I see my mom cry.</div>

polichik · March 2012

So... Here's the thing. I'm all for respecting cultural traditions, but your wedding is in Canada, not Romania. If you and your FI choose to uphold these cultural traditions, that's great, but it's your choice and your choice alone. Please don't go into debt to make your mother happy. I would have a hard time upsetting my mom, so I understand what you're saying, but this is not worth starting your marriage in debt for. It sounds harsh, but I would contact those people who were not invited to the wedding, apologize for the misunderstanding, and explain that you're working on an limited budget and were not able to invite everyone you would like to. Repeat as necessary. It will almost certainly ruffle some feathers, but it's completely unreasonable to expect someone living in a different culture (Canada) to uphold traditions from another country (Romania). This is a really difficult situation, but I think you're doing the right thing by standing frm.

MattsPenguin · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:69e47699-5904-4e48-8c26-c5420948e1d3">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : Thanks for the story, I would have loved to do something similar with my family if they could have afforded to come here, and if the government would let them (but there are risk issues to coming in as afamily if you don't own an apartment/business there, so they got rejected). Unfortunately we don't know these people, and that's what has me all freaked out. They could be the nicest people ever, or they could be a huge pain in the @ss, and that's not something I need right before the wedding. To top it off, they're people I doubt I'll even ever see again!
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

It woudl absolutely be different if these were close friends and family that you liked and even KNEW!

Please come back and tell us what happens. If I had an "in" with the government, I'd see to it that their visas were not approved.

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:2f0a7be1-8666-4126-8ca8-a1e688578985">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : Random, but would you be contacted for info before they are granted an entry visa? I only ask because my company has had to supply letters before to foreign conference attendees who are seeking a visa. The letter basically says who we are, the dates of the event and that they are invited to attend our conference. Perhaps you could tell the visa people they are not invited to your event.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not sure how visas run exactly because apparently things got changed around a bit. When I applied for some of my family members to come a couple years ago (before we were engaged, we just wanted them to come have a vacation here), we had to state that we did invite them. Now, though, everyone who wants a visa can apply for one without an invitation. Or that's at least what I know. If you get invited (so I were to send a Visa out or w/e), then it would look better, but it's not necessary anymore. I really need to call the bureau to figure all of this stuff out... but I do know that my family can't come because I tried to reapply a little while ago and they got told that they can't, just like before.</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:eb869687-2325-46d5-b3e0-c574969bcdfb">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell them you'll pay to put them up for three weeks providing they pay for you and hubby to take a three week honeymoon on, hmmm, sayyyyyy...........THE MOON?! Seriously though, you're being more than generous by rearranging your wedding budget to accommodate people you've never met and who invited themselves. I'm sorry that this is causing such a problem in your family. You are most certainly in the right here, for whatever that's worth. I say keep your wedding plans and those who can sponsor their own trips will come and enjoy; the others will be missed.
Posted by pearls687[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you for the reassurance :) </div><div>
</div><div>And it's not even that they'll really be missed, we can (and will) just invite them to the celebration in Romania, so I don't see why I'd have to foot such a large bill here when they'll still get to participate there. </div><div>
</div><div>Ah, if only I could figure out a way to erase the tension in the family :(</div>

MNVegas · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:60bb2268-a4c6-45a0-b3b1-dbaf2b4a4da1">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : I've thought of this so many times, but I want to celebrate with my family and I've always pictured a clebration with those that I'm close to. In the end, it's mostly his parents, most recently my mom, and these random people that are ruining it for me. Oh, and FBIL and I talked about the issues he had with me, and that seems to be a bit better now. Guess we're off each other's sh!t lists, so its just 2 major people drinking from the crazy fountain: the moms. And these randoms that I wouldn't even consider an issue if it didn't start drama with the moms. <strong>Part of me does want to just elope, but I think I'd regret it later.</strong> I'm hoping my mom will at least return to normal, because I can deal with fmil but it really makes me sad when I see my mom cry.
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

<div>DH & I went to Vegas to get married because we did not want to deal with all the crazies on both sides of our families. Best decision we ever made and we in NO way regret it. As a matter of fact, we had a great wedding, albeit small with just my sis & her husband. We had everything we wanted and more. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

ElisabethJoanne · March 2012

"We're planning a wedding that's a blend of Romanian and Canadian traditions. In Romania, it's a tradition for the couple to host guests' hotel rooms. In Canada, all of guests' transportations costs fall on the guests. As part of the blend, we are hosting one night's hotel accommodations."

Trying to put on my nice-girl hat, I also wonder if the Romanians don't understand that not all Canadians are billionaires. Just like a little kid might ask for a new book with the same seriousness as a new pony, because he can't understand the cost differential, sometimes between cultures there's no understanding of what is and is not expensive, what is and is not a financial burden to someone in a different culture.

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:d2b45e59-2aba-4a48-a3c3-6eb178f60503">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would totally go apeshit if somebody told me I HAD to pay for their vacation!!! Looks like they are using your wedding as an excuse to get a free vacation. Frankly, I'd refuse to even pay for the one night. You are not in Romania. No way in hell, I'd cut back on my dress or jewelry to accommodate some ill mannered ungrateful guests.
Posted by Cortney1982[/QUOTE]

<div>It really does feel like they want a free vacation, and if they wanted to come and stay over any time before the wedding, I wouldn't make such a huge fuss over it. </div><div>
</div><div>The whole "We are not in romania" comment is sooooooo true, it's what I keep thinking! We left Romania, and we'll do things the way they are here. When we have the party in Romania, we'll do them like they're done there. I really don't see the problem!</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:be2238e7-4290-4f52-831a-ac6cde036f37">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]Andra, can I tell you something? I have a friend here in Sweden who is Romanian. She's hysterical. Says the most wholly inappropriate stuff ever. Refers to the people who live downstairs (who are also Romanian) as "those damn gypsies" and "freeloaders". From her descriptions, I would say that these people are totally just trying to take advantage of this situation so they can sponge off of you, and will try to stay in Canada for as loooooong as possible. I would be very, very, wary of their reasons for wanting to invite themselves. Very.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

<div>Your friend sounds pretty funny! There are a few people I know who are definitely freeloaders. For example, when I do visit Romania on vacations (though as I said, I've never been to weddings where these hotel traditions happened), if we go to a restaurant, when the bill comes they all eyeball me until I pay it all. It's just how it is, and it always annoyed me.</div><div>
</div><div>And trust me, I am wary of their reasons, but it seems FH and I are the only ones who are thinking twice about these people, everyone else just seems to jump on the "no problem, let's pay out the @ss!" train.</div><div>
</div><div>I think that for the night we'll be paying, I'll definitely take the advice on this thread about not paying with my own CC. That really scares me, and I'm so glad it was brought up.</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:b020ace3-d1a6-48ee-9e4f-02c92f979b97">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : If you show up cash in hand (or a cashier's check - I wouldn't want them to have my bank account info either) they should. Meet with the manager now to work something out. If they won't work with you, some hotel will, I promise. I'd actually get something in writing, frankly.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

<div>I'll call the hotel manager up asap, since we should probably ask him when we need to reserve blocks of rooms anyways. I hope that the CC will be easy to sort out, at least that!!!</div>

Habs2Hart · March 2012

I am Canadian and I am a lot of things, but a billionaire is not one of them unfortunately.

Amidst all the mind blowing in this thread, there have been some great suggestions of appropriate wording (not mine) and ways to handle the situation. Honestly, I'm inclined to just leave it for now and only send them an invitation for your Romanian party, not the Canadian wedding. Maybe that will get the hint across.

You're dad's dad's wife's brother's family (seriously, that's it right?) might have to vaca at another time.

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:6a2ef4d9-c9dd-4613-8698-f8febaeaa032">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : Wow... that's just nuts to me. I can't believe you've been as accomodating as you have been. I would've thrown away all my plans and had just a super small intimate little wedding somewhere far away from all these people. Being a gracious bride and hostess is one thing, but you can't let these people hijack your wedding. I'm a big wuss too, but in this case, you just gotta say NO!
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

<div>10000000% agreed, and I am definitely a wuss! I'm one of those bark-is-bigger-than-my-bite people, and I also don't want to offend anyone. But when it's such a big expense, not going into debt is a lot more important to me!</div><div>
</div><div>Thanks for the advice :) I'll start practicing sticking to NO!</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:c138b7e4-a8d2-4c0c-bd49-756ffeaafbee">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : Wow! You're reaction is exactly what mine would have been. REALLY? REALLLLLY? My mind is blown. You have blown my mind for the day. Congratulations. After being on the knot for a few years, that is hard to do. You did it. I am gobsmacked. How haven't you eloped, for real?
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

<div>ok, full out giggling at that! Glad I brought something original to the forum, though I wish it were more happy-original than WTF-original! </div><div>
</div><div>I have considered eloping, and so has FH... down to doing it in Vegas because of all the fun we've had there. Not with Elvis or anything, but definitely with some amazing food and a good show to follow! Yes, we got into details.</div><div>
</div><div>Then we both agreed that we want our family and friends there, and we'd miss them wayyy too much and regret it later. I can't imagine not partying with them and standing before them when we take our vows... it just sucks that we have to deal with all this $hit before we get there.</div><div>
</div><div>My grandma was just telling me that this drama happened when planning my mom's wedding, too. She thinks it's because everyone's amped up considering all the life changes, and we're just taking it out on each other. I hope it'll calm down, and I do think my mom will- she's never been like this before.</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:ec1c4347-92fc-43d8-b7f4-03098ae299e6">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : ditto this. I usually hate when people tell an OP with major family issues to elope, but I'd be on the first plane to Vegas (or wherever) with your FI and call it a day.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>hahahha Vegas would be the place, we had discussed it before!!! </div><div>
</div><div>I just feel like we'd miss out on having the rest of our family and friends that we grew up with, and that's so important to both of us. Maybe we'll start slipping the moms a bit of booze in their morning coffee so they can chill out!</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:e51bc29a-1407-4bcd-bf23-fcc392a0164e">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : So you haven't even invited these people to come, yet they're expecting you to pay for three weeks of their hotel? Eff that. If it's that far out, chances are they have not bought tickets yet. If they haven't, tell them NOW tha tyou will not be able to accomodate them more than one night. If that's not good enough, that's their problem and they shouldn't come. As for your mom, you're right. Her finances are her business. If she is THAT Insistent on them being hosted, she needs to do it herself.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

<div>Well I definitely can't help them out with more than one night! Even that thinned the budged a lot. </div><div>
</div><div>I just hope my mom doesn't get so wrapped up that it ends up biting her in the butt :(</div>

polichik · March 2012

I really think you should only invite the people you were originally planning to and invite the others to the Romanian celebration. Your wedding is in Canada, not in Romania, and you should feel free to go by Canadian cultural tradition in terms of accommodation. It's ridiculous what people are expecting, and they're not entitled to any of it.

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:5e87388c-4b1a-4323-9701-d61cc1b31298">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]Holy shiit balls, this whole thing is just so freakin crazy. LOL, you are definitely handling it much better than I think I could. They want you to pay for their vacation so they can visit friends and stay close to you so they can get free food? I'm with Habs...mind = blown.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>Isn't it beyond crazy? I think it's even crazier that my mom doesn't see where I'm coming from. I don't know, I guess we're gona end up stuffing people into our homes if she's that pushy about it, because I don't want to pay that much and I don't want her to pay either! But we'll be like sardines in a can pre-wedding, and that really freaks me out because I don't know how these people are. They can be amazing, or complete freaks.. I've got no clue! </div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:7fa087df-98f8-47d0-a472-25040ff7fecc">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : You're awesome for staying sane with all this. I honestly would have flipped my shiit a long time ago. PS...hope those balls work out for you :-P
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>I;ve been dealing with crazy for too long, I think. I'm becoming desensitized! I hope those OO work out, too!</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:a292284b-826b-4441-b810-915964a68cf3">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]So... Here's the thing. I'm all for respecting cultural traditions, but your wedding is in Canada, not Romania. If you and your FI choose to uphold these cultural traditions, that's great, but it's your choice and your choice alone. Please don't go into debt to make your mother happy. I would have a hard time upsetting my mom, so I understand what you're saying, but this is not worth starting your marriage in debt for. It sounds harsh, but I would contact those people who were not invited to the wedding, apologize for the misunderstanding, and explain that you're working on an limited budget and were not able to invite everyone you would like to. Repeat as necessary. It will almost certainly ruffle some feathers, but it's completely unreasonable to expect someone living in a different culture (Canada) to uphold traditions from another country (Romania). This is a really difficult situation, but I think you're doing the right thing by standing frm.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

<div>That sounds like a good plan, actually. I don't mind the people in Romania having their feathers ruffled a bit, I just hope my mom will understand. O man, weddings bring out the best and worst in people!</div><div>
</div><div>Thanks for the advice and encouragement!</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:f094b779-d758-4881-b38d-64b4c1d93e65">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : It woudl absolutely be different if these were close friends and family that you liked and even KNEW! Please come back and tell us what happens. If I had an "in" with the government, I'd see to it that their visas were not approved.
Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]

<div>haha, I wish I had an "in" with the govt too, that way this would be a non-issue! I could just be like "of course we'll pay for your hotel, and your flight, no worries, just get a visa!" :P Catty, but fun to think about! lol!</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:59087854-552b-42ec-a10d-5217d924f48b">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat? : DH & I went to Vegas to get married because we did not want to deal with all the crazies on both sides of our families. Best decision we ever made and we in NO way regret it. As a matter of fact, we had a great wedding, albeit small with just my sis & her husband. We had everything we wanted and more.
Posted by MNVegas[/QUOTE]

<div>O wow, you're the first person I've heard of to actually do that! I admire it! Was anyone mad after? How did you deal? Thanks so much for sharing!</div>

jemmini6 · March 2012

Has your mom thought about the fact that if you give in to these people, that they'll tell other 'relatives' and then you'll be bombarded with people demanding accomodations for weeks? Maybe that'll get through to her that this just isn't a good idea. Plus, how well does your mom even know them? I guess it's a cultural thing still, but I don't understand how she can care what they think of her that much that she's willing to stretch everyone so thin for essential strangers (if that's the case, I want to come to your wedding too and have you pay for my hotel for 3 weeks, deal? LOL)

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:8fd0e503-1523-4cb2-b804-1de679ec52ac">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]"We're planning a wedding that's a blend of Romanian and Canadian traditions. In Romania, it's a tradition for the couple to host guests' hotel rooms. In Canada, all of guests' transportations costs fall on the guests. As part of the blend, we are hosting one night's hotel accommodations." Trying to put on my nice-girl hat, I also wonder if the Romanians don't understand that not all Canadians are billionaires. Just like a little kid might ask for a new book with the same seriousness as a new pony, because he can't understand the cost differential, sometimes between cultures there's no understanding of what is and is not expensive, what is and is not a financial burden to someone in a different culture.
Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

<div>I just wrote down the first part of what you said on my notepad, I've actually been keeping track so I know what to say to try to bring some resolution to this situation.</div><div>
</div><div>It could be that they don't understand how expensive it is here, or that they thing we have a couple money trees growing in our back yard. Either way, we will have to make it clear that things are (1) more expensive than in Romania (some super nice hotels there are around $30 for us) and (2) we have already come up with a budget and anything over 1 night is just not possible.</div>

andra loves andre · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cultural-catastrophe-paying-guests-hotels-for-3-weeks-whaaaat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a3d8d28-1ca4-46d2-b856-9ad33d2a64a7Post:a64d4cef-41c9-404a-a9c1-14de3507da54">Re: Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?</a>:
[QUOTE]Has your mom thought about the fact that if you give in to these people, that they'll tell other 'relatives' and then you'll be bombarded with people demanding accomodations for weeks? Maybe that'll get through to her that this just isn't a good idea. Plus, how well does your mom even know them? I guess it's a cultural thing still, but I don't understand how she can care what they think of her that much that she's willing to stretch everyone so thin for essential strangers (if that's the case, I want to come to your wedding too and have you pay for my hotel for 3 weeks, deal? LOL)
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>I doubt she considered that, to be honest. I'll bring it up during our next convos! She met these people a couple of times before, but they're not close. She doesn't talk to them or anything, it's mostly my dad that keeps in touch with them whenever they're both on skype or something. It's his step-mom's brother (& his family).</div><div>
</div><div>And if you were to come to the wedding, I'd at least know you better! We've at least exchanged words!</div>

Cultural Catastrophe- paying guests' hotels for 3 weeks? whaaaat?

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