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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Fearing complete embarrassment over my invitations ... :-(

Okay, clearly I should have been perusing the etiquette board about eight weeks agowhen I was working on my invitations, then I could have avoided this potential gaffe.

FI and I are having a destination wedding in Aspen next month.  It will mostly be attended by friends and a smattering of family members, mostly from my side as both his parents are deceased.  It's to be an incredibly relaxed affair - getting married in a gazebo in a park, in the midst of Aspen Ruggerfest (FI plays and has been attending the festival for years, so this is "our thing") - with an emphasis on fun at the reception: dinner, dancing, and a good old-fashioned game or two of Cornhole. Laughing

With the exception of my FI's friends who are playing in the tournament and would be in Aspen anyway, most everyone is traveling from out of town and we wanted to make sure our guests knew that we knew they were making big sacrifices by traveling all this way to celebrate with us.  We're just so thrilled to have about 40 guests attending from all corners of the globe that we felt their presence with us was gift enough...

And so, in our casual, airline ticket-style invitation, we included the following line:  Dan and Francesca request no gifts, just the pleasure of your company.

And now I fear I've made an incredibly huge and completely unintended faux pas by even mentioning the dreaded "G" word in an invitation.  Oi-yoy-yoy.

If you had received this invite, would you have been offended by this line?

Re: Fearing complete embarrassment over my invitations ... :-(

  • You're really not supposed to mention gifts at all but I doubt the world will stop turning because you did.
  • I'd probably shake my head a little, but I don't know that I'd be super-offended, since your heart was in the right place.  I'd judge you way more harshly if you'd included registry information or (worse still) a stupid cash-only-please poem.
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  • While I would probably side-eye it, if I know you well and am close with you, I would probably assume your heart was in the right place (as it seems it is) and get over it. At least you know about the gifts thing now for future reference :)


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  • You've already done it, so don't worry about it now. Plus, since the invitations are so untraditional, I wouldn't be as offended as if say, someone had put that phrase on an engraved super formal invitation. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fearing-complete-embarrassment-over-my-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:030c02fb-43c2-48bc-a969-20970b1d1692Post:1c575a52-3981-4cc7-ae0f-b6f9c5fff2a6">Re: Fearing complete embarrassment over my invitations ... :-(</a>:
    [QUOTE]While I would probably side-eye it, if I know you well and am close with you, I would probably assume your heart was in the right place (as it seems it is) and get over it.<strong> At least you know about the gifts thing now for future reference :)</strong>
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Yeah, I do get the sense that most everyone we invited understood the intent, and most of the rugby boys are clueless about etiquette to begin with.  Which ... sort of goes without saying.  But with respect to your line about knowing this now for future reference ... I hope to never need this knowledge again!</div>
  • I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's not the most egregious wedding gift-related thing that anyone has ever done. I bet all of your guests know you well enough to know that you didn't mean anything rude by it and that you actually mean from the bottom of your heart that their attending is a gift to you. (If I were a guest, I'd probably bring a gift anyway--don't be surprised if you still receive gifts.)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fearing-complete-embarrassment-over-my-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:030c02fb-43c2-48bc-a969-20970b1d1692Post:446baa97-a373-4d0f-a895-d54537ba7ca0">Re: Fearing complete embarrassment over my invitations ... :-(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fearing complete embarrassment over my invitations ... :-( : Yeah, I do get the sense that most everyone we invited understood the intent, and most of the rugby boys are clueless about etiquette to begin with.  Which ... sort of goes without saying.  But with respect to your line about knowing this now for future reference ... <strong>I hope to never need this knowledge again!</strong>
    Posted by fhredshwa[/QUOTE]

    I didn't mean for a second wedding; I meant for invitations on any event you plan on hosting in the future.


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  • You know, over the years I have received a couple of invitations like that.  I have always gone with the hunch that the couple's intentions were nothing less than noble and certainly didn't waste my time being offended.  I'm sure your intent will be received just fine.
  • edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fearing-complete-embarrassment-over-my-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:030c02fb-43c2-48bc-a969-20970b1d1692Post:446baa97-a373-4d0f-a895-d54537ba7ca0">Re: Fearing complete embarrassment over my invitations ... :-(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fearing complete embarrassment over my invitations ... :-( : Yeah, I do get the sense that most everyone we invited understood the intent, and most of the rugby boys are clueless about etiquette to begin with.  Which ... sort of goes without saying.  But with respect to your line about knowing this now for future reference ... I hope to never need this knowledge again!
    Posted by fhredshwa[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think Summer's point was that it's never appropriate to put gift information in <em>any</em> invitation, not just a wedding invitation.  Surely at some point you'll throw a birthday party or something?</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA:  Too slow.</div>
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  • I would sigh a little and then forget about it.  We got an invitation to a friends' wedding recently that mentioned the gift registry.  We had already sent a really nice gift, so it wasn't info we needed.  That said, we just sort of rolled our eyes and moved on because we love them.
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  • I totally wouldn't be offended if my dear friend wrote this on her invitation... Even though you're not supposed to "expect" gifts, most guests (including ourselves, when we are all invited as a guest) will want to give a gift to the bride & groom.
    You've invited your nearest and dearest, and they love you and your fiance... that's why they're a) invited and b) can't wait to join you in Aspen for your awesome wedding!
    Don't worry about it... anyone who would give it a second's thought likely wasn't invited anyway!Laughing
  • edited August 2012
    "I think Summer's point was that it's never appropriate to put gift information in any invitation, not just a wedding invitation.  Surely at some point you'll throw a birthday party or something?"

    Oh goodness, okay, I should have appended a "winky-smile" or something to my post to indicate that I found the comment humorous?  I'm not green to throwing dinner parties, birthday parties, etc, but this is my first wedding and I simply didn't know the proper etiquette, such as it were.

    I do appreciate the feedback, the good and the bad of it.  Thanks very much!
  • I personally would not be offended as I am pretty sure I expect to HAVE to give a gift to anyone's wedding that I am attending...

    I wouldn't stress about it. I think your family/friends know and love you and won't judge you nearly as much as random strangers on the Knot will...

    They may even appreciate the gesture
  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fearing-complete-embarrassment-over-my-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:030c02fb-43c2-48bc-a969-20970b1d1692Post:446baa97-a373-4d0f-a895-d54537ba7ca0">Re: Fearing complete embarrassment over my invitations ... :-(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fearing complete embarrassment over my invitations ... :-( : Yeah, I do get the sense that most everyone we invited understood the intent, and most of the rugby boys are clueless about etiquette to begin with.  Which ... sort of goes without saying.  But with respect to your line about knowing this now for future reference ...<strong> I hope to never need this knowledge again!</strong>
    Posted by fhredshwa[/QUOTE]

    well, you hope to never get married again, but the information will come in handy when you send invitations for a housewarming or anniversary party or kid's birthday party.  Most of the "wedding" etiquette rules are across the board, regardless of what type of party you're throwing.

    ETA - I should hit refresh before I post; whoops.
  • I'd notice it, but not get my panties in a wad over it. It's obviously something done with good intentions.  If you had a cash registry or the equivalent, that's different.
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