His parents are taking over the guest list!

ktv312 · December 2009

I will cut to the chase on this one, our guest list began at 120 and has grown to 220! In order to fit into our reception space (and maintain my sanity) we need to cut at least 30 people from this list. My fiance has roughly 30 more names on the list than me, so all of our cuts will be coming from his side.

The problem? His parents forced the names of 20 of their friends on to that list and are telling my fiance we must invite these people. His parents' most important extra friend is the worst of them all. Without getting into details, he made my fiance's high school years miserable. My fiance is willing to invite this man because it means so much to his parents. I am not, it is our wedding, not theirs and my fiance hates this potential guest.

In terms of the other 30 guests we need to remove from the list, my fiance plans to cut many of his fraternity brothers instead of starting with his parents' friends. We had so many good times with these guys in college and I know that our reception will be fun because of them. I am worried that the number of our friends and people under the age of 40 on our guest list is dwindling and being replaced with his parents' friends.

How should we handle the guest list cuts? Should we pay for the horrible guest I mentioned just because his parents will throw a fit if we don't?

LarissaAnn · December 2009

Are his parents paying for any of the wedding?

ktv312 · December 2009

My parents are footing the majority. His parents have been unclear about their final contibution but it looks like it's going to be less than 1/3 of the overall cost (probably more like a quarter).

Butter Cookie · December 2009

You say this: Your friends are more than welcomed to attend, but you will need to pay for a new reception site as ours doesn't hold that many, and it's not in my budget or my parent's budget. You will also need to pay for their meals, etc. Then of course, the fees will need to be covered to cancel our contract with our current venue. You'll need to take care of that as well.

They'll re-think needing those 20 ppl.

OTOH, about 1/3 of our guest list is friends of my mother's. Then again, she's paying for a good chunk of the wedding and I have no qualms with them.

agentkitten75 · December 2009

I agree with butter cookie. We are paying for our wedding so our parents were not allowed to add this person and that person. We just dont want alot of people there that we are not close to.

Meganne84 · January 2010

I had the SAME issue. We wanted a MAX of 250 people at the wedding and the guest list was up to 380. FI's side was 220 and my side was 160. His side isn't paying for ANY and my parents are footing the entire bill. For this reason, I didn't feel comfortable asking my parents to cut, especially since our number was small as is. I emailed his mom repeatedly trying to nicely ask for cuts. Needless to say, she refused to cut. SO, FI and I went through the list and made cuts for them. I emailed her and told her our budget issues and the number breakdown and told her since they couldn't decide, we helped them out and took care of it. I have heard she isn't very happy with this decision, but in the end, they aren't paying and we have a budget to stick to! Bottom line, it is YOUR wedding. Anyone that you or FI aren't comfortable with SHOULD NOT BE THERE. It is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life...you shouldnt be uncomfortable with any of the guests. Make the cuts you want and tell everyone to deal with them...in a nice way of course

GOOD LUCK!! I have found dealing with his family one of the hardest things to do during this whole planning process!! Do your best to keep the peace while still sticking to what you want.

lafield09 · January 2010

I wish we would have invited more of OUR friends to our wedding 30 years ago. It was a nice wedding but after all was over I remember thinking "why didn't we have so and so, and why did our parents have all their friends?"

LarissaAnn · January 2010

We paid ourselves, primarily, so we did as Butter Cookie said (except that we didn't need a new venue). We gave each side of parents 20 guest slots. If they invited more, they'd pay by the head for those.

His mother ended up not coming at all, so it was a non-issue. My parents had 46 guests, so they paid for 26 above and beyond the 20 we gave them.

clairissad · January 2010

Well, try to remember that this is a happy day for your parents as well and they might want their close friends to be there to celebrate. They might also have been to the weddings of their friends' children and feel olbigated.

That being said, hand them a number of people they can invite (excluding his family and other automatics) and tell them it is up to them to make a list of that many. If they refuse, tell them it is due to budget costs and space and you simply can't do it.

bullentini · January 2010

If his parents aren't paying for the reception, then you and your fiance are entitled to an equal amount of guests. Just stick to your guns and tell your fiance that he should be the one to have this difficult conversation with his parents. Or maybe you two can do it together, but he shouldn't leave you to make cuts to the list on your own.

It took me awhile to face the music with my future in-laws, but it feels so good once you do!

His parents are taking over the guest list!

Re: His parents are taking over the guest list!

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