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April 2013 Weddings

meh need a vent session

Ok so i'll take responses as they come but to me I don't see a huge deal of how to word the names of the parents (i.e mother and father or father and mother) so i did my rough draft of my invite how i wanted it to look....my parents are divorced, FI's are not and my mom is the one primarly paying for the wedding so i put her name full name first and than my dads full name (not together seperated by an and) then i put along with Mom and Dad Winter....i asked FMIL if she wanted to see it (not give input i wasn't asking permission jsut doing it to be nice) and now she is flipping out and telling me i have to change it...her and FFIL both told me I had to put their names in it teh otehr day (i was just going to put Us along with our parents) and they weren't ok with it.  My thinking is if they want to have input shouldn't they help pay for it? sorry maybe i'm completely in the wrong but who cares and who remembers whose name is first
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Re: meh need a vent session

  • tiny specktiny speck member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited November 2012
    In Response to meh need a vent session:
    [QUOTE]Ok so i'll take responses as they come but to me I don't see a huge deal of how to word the names of the parents (i.e mother and father or father and mother) so i did my rough draft of my invite how i wanted it to look....my parents are divorced, FI's are not and my mom is the one primarly paying for the wedding so i put her name full name first and than my dads full name (not together seperated by an and) then i put along with Mom and Dad Winter....i asked FMIL if she wanted to see it (not give input i wasn't asking permission jsut doing it to be nice) and now she is flipping out and telling me i have to change it...her and FFIL both told me I had to put their names in it teh otehr day (i was just going to put Us along with our parents) and they weren't ok with it.  My thinking is if they want to have input shouldn't they help pay for it? sorry maybe i'm completely in the wrong but who cares and who remembers whose name is first
    Posted by jesslamb830[/QUOTE]

    If your inlaws aren't paying, this shouldn't be an issue, and they don't need to be on the invite. If you want to include them there, it sounds like how you've done it is fine. They want to be the first parents listed, with your own parents following? That sounds a bit ridiculous: I have never seen or heard of doing it that way, even when both sets of parents are contributing. I think the reason the bride's parents go first is along the lines of "ladies first", which is why your mom's name comes before your dad's too.

    ETA: I thought your FI's parents were helping to pay...? If that's the case I can understand them wanting to be named. Even still, though, for your FMIL to want to be the first name on the invitation is a bit much. Maybe take out the "along with" bit, and just list all the names, that way it doesn't look like one family is paying more than the other (though I wouldn't automatically think that, but I can see how it mught bother some people).
  • I had the same issue with my own mother. I wanted "Together with their families..." and my mom wanted all the parents names on it. Her and my dad are divorced, and so are FI parents. It was just too complicated, so I did it the way I wanted. FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves (my mom helped a little bit and FI parents have offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but the rest of is is coming from us.)

    If you do put your FI parent's names on the invitations, they should not be first. I'm pretty sure the bride/the brides parents are always first. You could try something like this:

    "Mr. Brides Father and Mrs. Bride's mother 
    request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter
    Bride 
    to
    Groom
    Son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's parents."

    Do you think that would appease the future in laws? 
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  • Even though my FI and I are paying for the majority of our wedding I will still list everyone's names. I just think it is more traditional and classic. It will be something like:

    dad and mom last name
    and
    ffil and fmil last name
    request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children

    vk
    FI

    blahblahblah.

    If they are not paying for anything, they have no say. But honestly, if they are getting pissy about it I would just include them so there are no hard feelings. You don't need them bad mouthing you or your parents because their names weren't listed.
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  • Winnertag1Winnertag1 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited November 2012
    My parents are paying for most of the wedding so we are putting them as the hosts. But for FI's family we are putting "son of" and listing his parents as well. That way they are still represented on the invite too. What you are doing is correct too, but its easier this way to avoid drama and keep everyone happy. 

    Edit so it will be llike

    "Mrs & Mrs Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage of

    Jane Kath

    to 

    Bob Duke

    son of Mr & Mrs Carter"

    but more well crafted

    522805_10151186959893168_80368830_n_zps80e4c057
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  • In Response to Re: meh need a vent session:
    [QUOTE]Even though my FI and I are paying for the majority of our wedding I will still list everyone's names. I just think it is more traditional and classic. It will be something like: dad and mom last name and ffil and fmil last name request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children vk FI blahblahblah. If they are not paying for anything, they have no say. But honestly, if they are getting pissy about it I would just include them so there are no hard feelings. You don't need them bad mouthing you or your parents because their names weren't listed.
    Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]
    This - if it will save the aggrevation of your inlaws holding it over your head for the rest of your life, I would just suck it up and name them. With divorced parents, I've seen it look like the way vk described. I would still keep your mom first since she is the one paying. 
    With my invites, I had the designer give me two versions and one with our parents names and one that says together with our parents. I hated the way it looked with the names, so it's just going to read together with our parents, which i'm fine with because we are paying for the majority of it anyways. 
    good luck!


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  • jesslamb830jesslamb830 member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    edited November 2012
    ok haha sorry in the midst of me being annoyed I worded it wrong...yes my parents name will be first no matter what but i had the mothers name followed by the fathers name and thats waht she got upset about!! Sorry guys I didn't clarify right

    so i had it
    my mother and my father
    along with
    FMIL and FFIL Winter

    and she demanded it got changed to
    my father and my mother
    along with
    FFIL and FMIL Winter

    so just switch the male and females order around; which I have since then figuered out that that is how it is SUPPOSED to be but my thinking was if the bride was named first before the groom than i was going to put all mothers names before the fathers names to keep it all ladies first type of thing however apparently this isn't as "formal" but my whole thing is people tell us not to stress about the small thing but we have to follow this much etiquette when really it all says the same thing in the end
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  • Hmm, that's interesting. I've never actually seen it done that way, with father's name before mother's, nor have I heard that it's more formal... maybe one for the Etiquette board, just to get the facts straight?

    Either way, though, I think you're fine to do it how you want, and/or the way that will cause you the least stress and headaches now and in the future. Sorry it's turning out to be such a big deal for you! :(

    I'm hoping FI and I don't have these kinds of problems with our invites, but I guess we shall see soon enough.
  • Lately I feel like everyone's in law vents/questions just make me so angry!  Not at the posters, but all of the entitlement from those that are not paying for anything feel that they have.  I know they raised us and gave us everything, but it's not the 70s anymore, things are done differently, so stop pissing us all off parents!  Sorry to take over your vent but this was the final straw of parents for me today!  AHHHH

    I think you should put the invitations how you want, be happy with the design and make it happy.  Because in the end, your parents aren't going to frame these and his parents aren't going to do some little keepsake craft with them and maybe you won't either, but out of the 3 options, you are the one most likely to make a keepsake and see if forever.  No one else will remember in 3 months. 
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  • In Response to Re: meh need a vent session:
    [QUOTE]Lately I feel like everyone's in law vents/questions just make me so angry!  Not at the posters, but all of the entitlement from those that are not paying for anything feel that they have.  I know they raised us and gave us everything, but it's not the 70s anymore, things are done differently, so stop pissing us all off parents!  Sorry to take over your vent but this was the final straw of parents for me today!  AHHHH I think you should put the invitations how you want, be happy with the design and make it happy.  Because in the end, your parents aren't going to frame these and his parents aren't going to do some little keepsake craft with them and maybe you won't either, but out of the 3 options, you are the one most likely to make a keepsake and see if forever.  No one else will remember in 3 months. 
    Posted by lpowers1118[/QUOTE]

    THANK YOU!! my thoughts exactly!
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  • I'm glad I'm not alone. I didn't have issues naming our parents (even though they're all divorced), but I seriously went through at least a dozen emails between my mom and fmil about wording...many of those about the reply card wording!! I finally just put the order through, have to get crackin on these!
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