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Mother at Menopause + Daughter getting Married = nightmare

Kellyg39Kellyg39
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in Wedding Woes
The subject pretty much says it all... my mom has been up and down and spiralng... I can't tell if when something is wrong if its her hormones or her head speaking.  Right now we're not even talking because we all got in a big fight.   It's all a crazy drama... too much to even go into on here.  Has anyone else been through this because I don't know how I'm going to make it the rest of the 75 days left. 
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Re: Mother at Menopause + Daughter getting Married = nightmare

  • Kellyg39Kellyg39
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh and now she says she's staying out of all of the planning and she doesn't want to talk to me so everything I do has to go through my dad. 
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  • beck_foxbeck_fox member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom's flipping out, too! In the same breath, she says I only talk to her when I need something, and that she's not involved enough. I can't plan a wedding AND manage her craziness all at the same time! I don't have any answers about how to make it better, but it's nice to know someone else is going through it, too. I suspect that weddings drive moms crazy, because they have a picture of how it's supposed to go, just like we do. I've been trying to not respond to temper tantrums, and only talk about the positive and productive things, but I'm exhausted!
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  • pjseabeepjseabee member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Take your mom out to lunch & refuse to talk about the wedding.  Girls day.  She's used to you needing her just cause she's your momma.... "and now your starting your own life, and you don't need me anymore..." cry, sob, dab eyes with tissue.  She probably feels left out of your life/taken for granted/just plain old & not ready to be a grandma or some other foolish emotion like my crazy menopausal mom.
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  • FlooringgirlFlooringgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Is there a way to find out if your mom is on meds?  They put my mom on one med or horomone during menopause and one of the side effects was a mood change that was later described by her doctor as the "witch medicine".  It wasn't her fault but she wasn't ready to admit it until I said she wasn't behaving like herself and I was worried.
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  • AliciaBigDork44AliciaBigDork44 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mother has been inSANE too!!! she is a complete control freak and will literally break down and cry if i don't automatically give in to whatever she says. She has been very hurtful along the way- either by outright putting down my ideas and telling me i am being "foolish" or making foolish choices OR by being a grump and a downer whenever i am excited about something.....sooooo, my natural reaction has been to avoid interacting with her at all costs, looping her in about decisions AFTER they've already been made, and only calling her in necessity. Of course this leads to "you don't involve me enough, blah blah blah" so I have taken others' advice and given her a few tasks (ex. Welcome Bags) that she can focus her energy and stay out of our hair... BUT of course, anything she is given to do, she breaks into a whole guilt trip/sob story about how expensive or inconvenient it is for her to do this, how she is so busy how dare i ask this of her.... blah blah BLAHhhh! i am so sick of her guilt and her head trips, i am just trying to SURVIVE thru these last few months.... my fiance and I have both decided how we are going to put up major boundaries once we are married, but we just don't want to cause any major conflict/blow out before the wedding. there should be a show on MOMZILLAS! sheesh! good luck! i feel your pain ;)
    -alicia
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  • Kellyg39Kellyg39
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone, I'm glad I'm not the only one.  I wish my mom and I could do lunch or something but she says she needs time away from me to get over the loss of her dream of helping me plan my wedding.  She is doing everything possible to stay away from me, she's going to different churches or mass times on Sunday so that she won't run into me. 

    She called me selfish when I wanted to know what she was planning on ordering for the catering for the wedding and said that I didn't trust her and that meant I didn't want her involved... it's just a mess.  I'm not sure if she's on meds or not and I wouldn't dare to ask- that would not go over well. 

    Thank goodness for dads!!
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  • erriganerrigan
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    OMG!!! No offense ladies but i'm SO glad I'm not the only one!!! Jeez! my mom has been going crazy and is about to drive me there too. She is getting our whole family involved in this drama. My poor sister is trying to be the middle man for us because I dread calling her and she refuses to speak to me. She has cut down almost all of my ideas for decorating for the wedding. She likes NOTHING unless it's her idea. I try to brush it off and not take it personally which is SO hard. I told her I didn't like ONE suggestion of hers and she threw a fit. She said she isn't coming to my wedding or my shower and she doesn't care. She keeps calling me a bridezilla. She wont give me the names for her guests she had INSISTED on inviting in the first place because she says that if her friends don't come then she has no reason to feel like she has to show up. If her friends came then she would feel obligated to go to my wedding. UH.... shouldn't she ALREADY feel obligated to go to her daughters wedding? Sigh. What is it with the nutso mothers? Momzilla is more like it.
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  • denise12782denise12782 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    WOW!! I'm not alone after all!! I know the feeling of the crazy mom thing. And my mom isn't menopausal! She has no excuse... it's her personality! She's negative about everything! If she thinks I spent too much its an issue and when I get awesome deals its another issue. She has even made comments to my FI that we shouldn't even get married and that as soon as we live together we won't get along and things won't work. My FI has been a total trooper about it and has even made some comment himself hoping it would stop her but...no dice. It totally sucks! She's always got some kind of cheap shot and always looks for sympathy. I can't stand it! She hasn't been happy about anything and has been so negative and I try so hard but it doesn't get me anywhere. I haven't asked her for a single thing for this wedding (not even a penny) and somehow its like I put the weight of the world on her shoulders! I don't get it! My FMIL is more excited than she is! My dad is excited too. His only gripe is that my guest list can't be longer to fit in every single person he's ever met so they can be at my (his princess) wedding! I don't know what to do anymore and its so discouraging! Right about now Vegas looks like a perfect idea.. even though my dads heart would be broken.
    The only advice I can give you is to keep going through your dad and keep your head up. Keep smiling and make it through. You don't have much longer to go. This too shall pass!
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  • crazycarla1988crazycarla1988 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    lol i thought i wAs the only one. my mom is starting to think this is here wedding and when i dont agree with her about something she flips out on me!
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  • annab0521annab0521 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Without having read any of the other replies, based soley on the title of the post... I second that.

    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
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  • Kellyg39Kellyg39
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    OK everyone... my mom wants to meet with me and my MOH tonight for dinner after a month of not talking to me!! Wish me luck!!

    I'm hoping to act as calm as possible and and as sweet as can be so that she has no reason to explode and every reason to see that I'm an adult now.  Hopefully it will all work out.... Only a month an a half until the wedding!!
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