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July 2012 Weddings
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I can tell this isn't going to be easy

Nati05Nati05 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in July 2012 Weddings
Today since we're at home on our day off, I thought FI and I could take a look at some color combos so he can be somewhat introduced to world of wedding decor and more importantly see if we could find something we both liked. Ugh.. that was so frustrating. FI and I are complete opposites and this applies to our tastes as well. His favorites are my least favorites and I think it goes both ways.

He loves black and red. I hate them. They're beautiful at other weddings, really don't get me wrong, but it's never been my style. His favorite flower is the rose. I'm sick of seeing roses. I like bright colors. He thinks I'm trying to make our wedding look like a "sweet 16". Which I'm totally not btw, I'm doing my best to be considerate of him and not make things too girly. But I think since he's gotten that idea stuck into his head, he's trying his hardest to "defend" himself and make the day as manly as possible.

Also FI is the type of person that doesn't envision things well. He prefers to see something he likes and create an exact replica. So far he's dead set on repeating the same decor we saw being set up when we went to visit our venue two weeks ago. Red, black and white. He says "You saw what it looked like set up and it was nice. Let's just copy it. Done deal. Why bother trying to get other ideas? This is pretty so let's do the same thing." Needless to say I'm very frustrated trying to convince him copying isn't very original.

Anyway the point of my vent is, I'm worried this is going to be difficult planning process.. us planning together. I think it's really cute to see weddings where both have contributed to the planning and thus created a nice wedding. I'm all for doing the same thing. It's just that when two people are so different, it gets kind of difficult at times. I'm hoping this won't be as bad as I think. Now I'll be dedicating my time to gathering examples of different options to show him. Maybe he'll see one I like too and want to copy it lol jk :-P

Thanks for letting vent girls! Hope you're all enjoying your Friday.
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Re: I can tell this isn't going to be easy

  • bstentbstent member
    First Comment
    Your situation is tough, but it is nice that he cares and wants to be involved. Think how frustrating it would be if every question or request for help was met with "I don't care, do whatever". 
    Maybe to help the situation you could make a list with three columns: "Groom", "Bride", and "Together" and you could divide things up. For example, if he agrees to allow you to pick the colour scheme with no arguments, maybe he can choose the flowers. (You could even have ground rules like you each get 3 vetoes or you're not allowed to pick something you KNOW the other hates) And then maybe music (for example) is something you both feel strongly about, so that's something you make sure to do together. You can each choose your priorities, and both may have to comprimise things you want, but it might make it easier if you have it laid out clearly who gets to pick what.
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  • Nati05Nati05 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_can-tell-this-isnt-going-easy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:33b7c42b-947b-4c09-b503-c9d6bce7e74aPost:24c2dad1-4ccd-4069-aae7-3520f0dfb8dc">Re: I can tell this isn't going to be easy</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your situation is tough, but it is nice that he cares and wants to be involved. Think how frustrating it would be if every question or request for help was met with "I don't care, do whatever".  Maybe to help the situation you could make a list with three columns: "Groom", "Bride", and "Together" and you could divide things up. For example, if he agrees to allow you to pick the colour scheme with no arguments, maybe he can choose the flowers. (You could even have ground rules like you each get 3 vetoes or you're not allowed to pick something you KNOW the other hates) And then maybe music (for example) is something you both feel strongly about, so that's something you make sure to do together. You can each choose your priorities, and both may have to comprimise things you want, but it might make it easier if you have it laid out clearly who gets to pick what.
    Posted by bstent[/QUOTE]

    Those are good ideas! Thank you! As for now he's not taking it too seriously so I'm not sure if he's dead set for real, or just until he changes his mind. He basically gets involved only when he wants to lol. Though I think he'll be up for laying out who picks what and getting organized when the date starts getting closer, but I'll be trying this out. Thanks for the suggestions! :)
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  • ceglare4ceglare4
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Wow, your situation is very different from mine! FI doesn't really care what we end up doing, but he doesn't give me the whole "I don't care, do whatever you want." It's more of a "I'll be happy with whatever you choose." I think that you can definitely make this work with him if you do something like what bstent suggested. You guys won't be able to agree on absolutely every single miniscule detail, so try to compromise on the big things. Try to get him to see why red and black just don't jive with what you're envisioning for your wedding. Honestly, I don't think that colors are something that a guy would stand his ground on. I don't know, maybe that's just my experience. I can see my FI putting his foot down on something like not having a cash bar, or having to invite a certain friend, something like that. I think your FI will warm up to whatever colors you guys can compromise on.

    I would try to make him think about how you guys can make your wedding YOUR wedding. If he starts bringing up copying other weddings that you've seen, maybe suggest to him what you could do differently that would be expression of your relationship. Like, yea I liked that element too, what if we did something like this (this being something that is specific to you guys). He might be more into doing things more the way you're thinking if you give him specific ideas on how you can make your wedding unique. Hopefully all my ramblings make sense :]
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  • Nati05Nati05 member
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    Lol you did make sense ceglare! Thanks for the suggestions! Sometimes I wish FI could be a little more like yours and let me handle certain things haha but oh well. I'm just hoping we can make something good come out of this :)
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