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Should I have a shower?

mrsosgoodmrsosgood
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in Registry and Gift Forum
My wedding isn't for a quite a bit but my family has been talking about bridal showers. My problem is that my fiance' and I live with his grandmother and plan to live there for a few years after we are married so that he can finish up his masters degree. I told my family that I probably shouldn't have a shower because there isn't anything thqat we will need. Normally people tell you to to upgrade items that you already have, but the items in our house are his grandmothers and not ours. I don't see the point in having a shower and then having to store gifts for 3 years. Does anyone have any suggestions or should I just not have a shower or registry?
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Re: Should I have a shower?

  • strlzfan11strlzfan11 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    You will have to purchase all those items at some point, right?  Will it be cheaper in the long run to store everything somewhere or buy it all yourselves in a few years?  The answer to that question should give you your answer.
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    If you're not registered then you should decline the shower.  It sounds like you and your FI aren't planning on registering.

    If you are then it's fine to have one and store the gifts.  I would wait until it gets closer to your wedding though.
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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  • AshleyAngelAshleyAngel member
    First Comment
    I did have a registry, but my fiance and I already live together. The nice thing about showers (even if there isn't anything you particularly need or want) is that sometimes people will give you something unexpected, like a crystal serving dish, or something else that you never would've bought for yourself, but they're beautiful to have and you can always remember that you got that for your wedding.

    Also, showers aren't just about gifts (in my understanding), it's also a chance for ladies to get together for some cocktails, have some fun and celebrate your upcoming wedding. I'd have a shower anyway, but that's just me.
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  • mrsosgoodmrsosgood
    First Comment
    Thanks everyone. Like I said we have more than enough time to think about it I just wanted some unbiased opinions. I think maybe I should register somewhere for items that I might come in handy and just have a small shower to celebrate.
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  • flutgrl1flutgrl1
    First Comment
    I can't imagine storing all that stuff after a shower. I would register for a few things you would want now or know for sure you will use later that won't take up alot of space. Hopefully people will see from the small registry that maybe gift cards money etc are a better idea. Showers are more about visiting and spending time with loved ones in an intimate setting. No one enjoys watching you open gifts. Have fun!
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_should-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e3b0583f-c3bc-471e-b1fa-82f7fed86f0cPost:a402fcd2-e98f-47d2-9a68-aeea3d34ab89">Re: Should I have a shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I did have a registry, but my fiance and I already live together. The nice thing about showers (even if there isn't anything you particularly need or want) is that sometimes people will give you something unexpected, like a crystal serving dish, or something else that you never would've bought for yourself, but they're beautiful to have and you can always remember that you got that for your wedding. Also, <strong>showers aren't just about gifts </strong>(in my understanding), it's also a chance for ladies to get together for some cocktails, have some fun and celebrate your upcoming wedding. I'd have a shower anyway, but that's just me.
    Posted by AshleyAngel[/QUOTE]

    Ashley, actually, showers are all about gifts.  The purpose of them is to shower the bride with gifts.

    OP is more than able to get her friends together for some cocktails and have some fun.  It's called a get together, or cocktail party.  Just don't call it a wedding related event.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • AshleyAngelAshleyAngel member
    First Comment
    Well, that may be your understanding and even the origination of showers, but in some opinions (including my own) the bride can be "showered" with well wishes, good company, laughter and fun. A lot of people like to get together and give the bride a shower and just give cash gifts if they know the couple doesn't really need/want anything In recent times the bridal shower has become a symbol of congatulations and acceptance by the bride (or groom) in the opposite family, regardless of the type/amount of gifts that are presented.
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  • WeddingBelleCRWeddingBelleCR
    First Comment
    You should definitely have a shower and have a registry.  There are so many alternatives these days to help you tell your friends and family exactly what you need (or don't need), and not everyone is registering for household items anymore either.  Have you thought about registering for cash instead?  That's something that you will probably always need!  I have a registry on MyRegistry.com, and this site allows you to create a cash gift fund instead of, or in addition to, creating your gift list. This might be a good idea for you to use!   You can use the free cash gift fund service to create a Honeymoon Fund or even a House Fund to help save up for when your FI finishes his degree and you make your next move.
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  • AlbireoAlbireo member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_should-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e3b0583f-c3bc-471e-b1fa-82f7fed86f0cPost:a402fcd2-e98f-47d2-9a68-aeea3d34ab89">Re: Should I have a shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]... sometimes people will give you something unexpected, like a crystal serving dish, or something else that you never would've bought for yourself, but they're beautiful to have and you can always remember that you got that for your wedding. [/QUOTE]

    Heh heh.  I wasn't going to register until my FMIL took me to the department store, led me into an aisle of horrid ugly tacky vases, and said "If you don't register, people are going to buy you things like THIS." Smart lady. ;)

    OP, how many people are coming to the wedding and how much do you expect to have to store? I would suggest registering for a [i]few[/i] things that you can either use now or store easily (blankets and sheets? Towels?). I don't know about anyone else's, but my registry has "gift certificate" at the top even though I didn't put it there -- the store just suggests it to shoppers by default. I suspect that some people are going to give us gifts and some will give gift cards.

    And remember, not everyone will give you a gift anyways. *shrug*
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  • kathrynhabibtikathrynhabibti member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited August 2010
    [QUOTE]<strong>If you're not registered then you should decline the shower.</strong>  It sounds like you and your FI aren't planning on registering. If you are then it's fine to have one and store the gifts.  I would wait until it gets closer to your wedding though.
    Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry, I'm still confused on this. I've asked about this on other threads and never really got an answer. Why does one have to decline a shower if they're not registered? What did people do before registries, you know?
    I mean, I understand in this case that the BTB is not looking for any gifts - so it would make sense that she not have a shower. But what about those who would just prefer to leave the gift choice to the guests?
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_should-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e3b0583f-c3bc-471e-b1fa-82f7fed86f0cPost:c6b1e9da-0e49-4588-b2ef-e8ff97b9d199">Re: Should I have a shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry, I'm still confused on this. I've asked about this on other threads and never really got an answer. Why does one have to decline a shower if they're not registered? What did people do before registries, you know? I mean, I understand in this case that the BTB is not looking for any gifts - so it would make sense that she not have a shower. But what about those who would just prefer to leave the gift choice to the guests?
    Posted by kathrynhabibti[/QUOTE]

    <div>If you don't register, you don't have a shower because not registering sends the message that you don't want/need physical gifts, and the point of a shower is to give physical gifts.  </div>
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I think it depends.  If you only want cash and aren't registering for that reason then decline the shower.  If you're  not registering because you're not a fan of a registry then you can certainly have a shower but be prepared that the gifts may not be cohesive at all because each giver will take it upon herself to give you something in her taste compared to taking cues from your registry.
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  • kathrynhabibtikathrynhabibti member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2010
    Thank you, ladies. I've got a registry so it doesn't affect me any, but I was still curious.
    MNIN, that's a good point and I guess I can see how someone could think that, but I don't see how it means that you can't have one. To me that's kind of like telling a kid he can only have a birthday party (where one can reasonably expect to get presents, right?) if he puts together a list of what he'd like to get.
    banana, I thought that's how it goes but have been getting increasingly confused. Thanks for 'splaining.
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