Baby Poll - For the Moms

Calypso1977 · November 2010

1. Why did you want to have a baby?
2. What's the best thing about being a mom?
3. What's the hardest thing about being a mom?
4. How do you feel about only children? Fair or unfair?
5. If you work, who watches the baby? (family, daycare, nanny, spouse, etc.)
6. Optional Question: Was your baby planned or unplanned, and if unplanned, was it completely stressful or were you able to roll with it and have it all work out? If it was planned, what, if anything, still threw you for a loop?

amber2123 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-poll-moms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:57aa2082-f5e0-4482-8f4a-c25119ba83e2Post:46ea529d-5b13-4df6-8df1-e8796c206108">Baby Poll - For the Moms</a>:
[QUOTE]1. Why did you want to have a baby? The last question will have my answer
2. What's the best thing about being a mom? I get ome from work, walk up to Jamie in his play area, and he litteral jumps up and down and screams "Mama, UP!"
3. What's the hardest thing about being a mom? Leaving my son to go to work when he's sick
4. How do you feel about only children? I think it depends on parenting more than anything
5. If you work, who watches the baby? FI or FILs
6. Optional Question: Was your baby planned or unplanned, and if unplanned, was it completely stressful or were you able to roll with it and have it all work out? Jamie was a bc failure and the pregnancy was okay, but the birth was hard. FI was still in the army and because we wern't married they wouldn't give him leave to go from Texas to California. Also I was in the army when I got pregnant and my platoon wouldn't allow me to go to the doctor while I was pregnate so they missed an infection that caused Jamie to spend 9 days in the NICU and I couldn't hold him until he was 3 days old because his body temperature had to stay below 95 degrees
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Calypso1977 · November 2010

amber, how on earth could they keep you from going to a doctro????? i'm so glad everythign ended up working out, but that makes me sad.

amber2123 · November 2010

In the military they have complete control of everything. The only rule is that, depending on your job, you have a certain amount of sleep in a 48 hour period.

tidetravel · November 2010

1. Why did you want to have a baby? I didn't for a long time. Then, mother nature kicked baby fever into gear, and DH and I decided it was time.
2. What's the best thing about being a mom? Taryn's smile when I come home from work. It melts my heart.
3. What's the hardest thing about being a mom? Feeling like sometimes you don't have any time for yourself.
4. How do you feel about only children? Fair or unfair? I grew up with a sister, so I couldn't imagine not giving T a sibling to play with. That being said, there have definitely been days where I thought to myself, "I would be perfectly fine only having 1."
5. If you work, who watches the baby? (family, daycare, nanny, spouse, etc.) DH is a SAHD.
6. Optional Question: Was your baby planned or unplanned, and if unplanned, was it completely stressful or were you able to roll with it and have it all work out? If it was planned, what, if anything, still threw you for a loop? Taryn was planned, but since she was our first, it was still stressful. (The pregnancy was stressful, worrying about what we would do when she got here. Once she was born, we found our way through pretty easily). The twins were NOT planned. We wanted another ONE, but not quite so soon. We're trying not to think/stress about it, because we know that everything will work out once they're here, much like with Taryn, but it's stressful thinking of caring for, and paying for, 3 kids under 2.

amber2123 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-poll-moms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:57aa2082-f5e0-4482-8f4a-c25119ba83e2Post:4989e0f4-3182-4328-8b4a-0fe483252c82">Re: Baby Poll - For the Moms</a>:
[QUOTE]Calypso, I think you are great person from what I've seen of you on these boards. I know this is something that you've struggled with. That's why I want to be completely honest with you, but you may not like my frankness. If you're seriously questioning if you should have a child, not just questioning the logistics of finances and childcare, I really think this may not be the right time for you and your husband. Not that it won't be in the future.
Posted by bel138[/QUOTE]
WTF? Where did this come from?

bel138 · November 2010

Calypso has been talking a lot lately about whether or not to have kids. I get the factor of worrying about money, work, housing, transportation and living away from relatives (all things she's brought up before), but this poll makes it seem like she's looking for good reasons to have kids, or is convincing herself of those reasons.

squirrly · November 2010

Calypso, I can only answer some of your questions so far, but I'll give it a shot.

1. Why did you want to have a baby? Because I can't fathom not. I've known I wanted kids since long before I met H, and he felt the same way. Baby fever hit about 3 or 4 years ago, and then pretty seriously for both of us a few months before the wedding. It was an easy choice to try once we got settled in Boston.
2. What's the best thing about being a mom?
3. What's the hardest thing about being a mom?
4. How do you feel about only children? Fair or unfair? My mom was an only child, and in the long run, I think it's pretty unfair. Not only do they grow up alone, but they later get to care for two aging parents alone. When my grandmother is gone, my mom will have no one to share memories from her first 20 years with.
5. If you work, who watches the baby? (family, daycare, nanny, spouse, etc.) We're looking into both daycare and nannies.
6. Optional Question: Was your baby planned or unplanned, and if unplanned, was it completely stressful or were you able to roll with it and have it all work out? If it was planned, what, if anything, still threw you for a loop? Planned all the way.

Amber, from what I know through my H, once your CO knows you are pregnant, they have to allow you appropriate medical care. Plus, they have sick call for people who need it, pregnant or not. Things are different if you're deployed or in the field, but even then medical emergencies are addressed. Certainly it's possible your Lt. didn't follow protocol, but you should have had another advocate you could have gone to for assistance.

golden1215 · November 2010

1. Why did you want to have a baby? I've always known I wanted to be a mommy- and a fairly young mommy at that. Plus, H was turning 30 so he was super ready to be a daddy too.

2. What's the best thing about being a mom? Watching my mini-me learn new things.

3. What's the hardest thing about being a mom? We've been so incredbily lucky that DD is pretty much the easiest going kid ever. I don't even remember being very sleep deprived... so, worst for me was the last 2 months of my pregnancy when I was hospitalized 3 times and put on bedrest.

4. How do you feel about only children? Fair or unfair? We're thinking we might be done with one. Quality over quantity. We'd rather give DD the world than struggle financially to support 2+

5. If you work, who watches the baby? (family, daycare, nanny, spouse, etc.) I'm a SAHM

6. Optional Question: Was your baby planned or unplanned, and if unplanned, was it completely stressful or were you able to roll with it and have it all work out? If it was planned, what, if anything, still threw you for a loop? Planned!

thesuninherhead · November 2010

Amber, I am absolutely horrified that the military would deny you prenatal care. That is seriously disgusting.

Stackeye210 · November 2010

1. Why did you want to have a baby? I just always knew I'd be a parent some day.
2. What's the best thing about being a mom? Watching your child learn new things and knowing that you helped them do that. There's nothing better than watching your child be proud of themselves.
3. What's the hardest thing about being a mom? Discipline. You know you're shaping the person you hope your child will become, but some times it's so hard to teach them the lessons.
4. How do you feel about only children? Fair or unfair? I'm not sure. Mr Stack and I are struggling with this right now. We go back and forth a lot when it comes to having another child. We love where we're at with Lil Stack and couldn't imagine another one.....but at the same time we worry we'll be sad we didn't have another one later. We both started off wanting more than one child, but ultimately said after Lil Stack came we'd just see how things went and discuss it.
5. If you work, who watches the baby? (family, daycare, nanny, spouse, etc.) Family.
6. Optional Question: Was your baby planned or unplanned, and if unplanned, was it completely stressful or were you able to roll with it and have it all work out? If it was planned, what, if anything, still threw you for a loop? Lil Stack was unplanned. It was VERY stressful. We didn't live together, we were essentially on our way to becoming single parents - so all in 9 months time (in a very new relationship) we had to decide if being together was the right thing to do, not just for her, but for us as well. If anyone knows my story it took us about 8 months after she was born to get engaged, and another year after to get married. We didn't want to be together because of Lil Stack - and we complicated things so badly in that way. Our relationship started out so slow and then went to 100 mph over night. It was stressful, and raising a baby is stressful, but Lil Stack makes me laugh every single day and looking back, no matter how hard those first years were, it is TOTALLY worth it.

Mr Stack and I worked together to make it work. The hardest work you do when raising a child happens when they go to bed........if you don't find time for your spouse it can all fall apart quicker than you'd ever imagine.

Calypso1977 · November 2010

bel, i am seriously struggling. with my 34th birthday looming, i'm feeling its crunch time. i dont want one after 35 for a variety of reasons. i wish i had hte luxury of still being in my 20's....

tidetravel · November 2010

Calypso - I don't know your whole story, but I think what Bel said holds some truth. It's one thing to have an unplanned pregnancy, and deal with the ramifications of it, because, well, you just do. You make it work. It's completely different to go into a planned pregnancy with reservations about even WANTING a kid.

If your reservations are financial/timing/etc. then I think those can be overcome. I don't believe that most people are are truly prepared in those aspects when they decide to have a baby - myself included. The difference is that we knew for sure that we WANTED to have a baby, and it makes the difficulties that we face everyday a lot easier to bear by simply telling ourselves "we wanted this."

I worry that if you go into purposely getting pregnant without being 100% sure that you even want a kid, you're going to have problems later on. Late nights with little/no sleep and a crying baby can really wear on you. Having no extra money to have a social life is hard, and sometimes depressing/embarassing when you see all of your other friends going out and having fun. Sometimes I feel like I don't have any "me" time. I go to work, come home, take the baby from DH for the evening, and by the time that I'm done "working" it's almost 10pm and all I want to do is sleep. I worry that those things may lead you to resent your baby or your spouse if you're not 100% commited to having a child in the first place.

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