Deceased Parent

nbaggia1216 · September 2010

Okay, So my Dad passed away very unexpectedly this February, I'm getting married next September. I was extremely close to my father, and barely speak to my mother. I have made the decision to walk down the aisle by myself. I really really want to do something for my dad, but i dont want it to become his funeral all over again, I'm afraid to become overly emotional, sometimes im okay and can talk about it over times im a wreck, i just dont want to be caught off guard with my emotions. HELP!!

Birdie1483 · September 2010

I've seen a lot of ideas. I'm personally going to put my dad's picture in a locket that is attached to my bouquet so he's "with" me when I walk down the aisle. Another poster here attached her father's picture to her crinoline so he was with her all day.

There's also memory candles, mentions in the program, etc. That is all personal taste on how much attention you want to bring to honoring his memory in public. Some prefer to do it privately.

ETA: I'm also very sorry for your loss. I know how emotionally trying this time of your life can be. My father passed away when I was 12 and it's always hard going through these life stages that he should be with you to help celebrate. *hugs*

Birdie1483 · September 2010

I also read about having a flower girl take a single rose down the aisle to place in a vase to honor your loved one. I think I'm going to do this since we'll have two flower girls. FI's niece will do the traditional throw the flowers thing and my niece (my dad's granddaughter) will carry the rose to honor her grandfather. I haven't decided on if I want to point out the significance of the rose in the program or not.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

hey there. my mom died 2 months before our wedding. i was so close with her, she was my best friend. i agonized over what to do/what not to do. i ended up feeling like you, where i didn't want to draw attention. the family was in need a reason to celebrate, and i wanted it to be a happy occasion without reminders of what we all had just lost. i was also very concerned about my composure. and that was ultimately why i decided to do what i did.

the only thing i did was get a candle in her honor, and lit it and had a moment of silence with the reverend before the ceremony. there was no mention of it in the program or the ceremony. anyone who needed to know knew what the candle was for. and that was it. i felt doing something like an empty chair with a flower (some people choose to do this) would have been too macabre, too in-your-face, and i didn't think i could handle it.

that said, what was right for me or someone else may not be right for you. just follow your gut and do whatever you feel is right at your wedding.

sorry for your loss.

missy68 · September 2010

I am very sorry for your loss.

I had mementos of deceased relatives (my grandfathers) and J's mother in my bouquet. We knew they were there, but no announcement was made. However, the losses weren't nearly as close as yours or especially Jill's. The memento may or may not be appropriate for you.
I did love having something of theirs with me that day, though. I felt like they would have both approved of J.

I like Jill's idea. Jill, I don't think I knew that - I'm sorry.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

thanks missy. it's still hard to talk about, so i don't much.

you do remind me, that's a great idea i hadn't thought of at the time - carrying a locket with the bouquet. i like that a lot, it's lovely and tasteful.

eta: i didn't initally read any of the replies, so i see birdie already mentioned.

vinlove77 · September 2010

I think everyone's ideas are great. My father passed away a few years ago and FI and I have also been discussing ways to honor him without making the day overly sad. I'm planning on tying his wedding band into my bouquet and putting a short note into the program. I LOVE the flower girl and the single flower idea as well. If you're concerned about being super emotional about it (I imagine I will be too and your loss is much more recent) you might want to do something subtle that will be meaningful to you and your family without it being "in your face" so to speak for the entire day. Everyone is right though... do what makes you most comfortable.

So sorry for your loss.

arv266 · September 2010

Hi. I am very sorry for your loss. I agree with the PP on finding something that is significant to you, and letting your heart lead you to that path. My mom passed away when I was 21. I am now 44 and realized that I have lived 1/2 my life without her being with me physically, but always with me. My FI's Mom passed away last year, and her loss hit me hard. It didnt feel right to me, to not honor them both, so in my bouquet I'll have a locket that has both of their pictures, so they will be both be with me. We're also having three candles (my FI's Dad passed away 17 year ago) at our sweetheart table, in their honor, along with photos of our parents on their wedding day.

To be honest, I don't think it matters what you do, or what you don't do. What really matters is that you've remembered your Dad; how ever you decide to express this will be the right way.

Beth0413 · September 2010

My father passed away after a short illness, almost 10 years ago. It's still very hard for me to talk about, I was definitely a daddy's girl. I am having a memory frame on my bouquet, so he can "be with me" as I walk down the aisle. I don't think I could personally handle much more than that.

psuxray07 · September 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss... I haven't lost a parent, but my grandfather died last year, and we were all close to him. Sometimes I can talk about it, and other times, like now, reading these, I want to cry. I'm so afraid if I do anything during the wedding, that I will cry, and I know my family will too. I want to avoid that... I was thinking of saving my bouquet or some flowers from it, and taking it to his grave. I know he'll be looking down

vinlove77 · September 2010

PP also reminded me... my mom suggested getting a floral arrangement in our colors and placing them on my father's grave the day before the wedding. I thought that would be a nice gesture and way to have a moment to process things a little bit.

number55 · September 2010

I am doing the candle lighting in honour of my mom (the 4 year anniversary of her passing is 10 days after our wedding). Our pastor suggested the empty chair idea too but I feel like Jill does, it is a little too dark for my liking. We are also making a donation to the Canadian Cancer Society since she died from cancer. I also have a brooch of hers (it was her wedding gift from my dad) and I am going to pin it inside my dress (part of my something blues and it is old too, and kind of borrowed!)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am still trying to figure out how I am going to keep it together on the day of. She was my best friend.

careyblackmar · September 2010

I'm so sorry for all of your losses. My sister (MOH) is gravely ill right now, so reading how you plan to honor or honored your loved ones is really making it hit home that I may have to consider it. Your suggestions are wonderful, and I pray that I won't have to use them. Hugs to all of you

squirrly · September 2010

My grandfather passed away just before my H proposed. I was super close to him. He had made needlepoint pieces for the last 50 years, so I had the florist include a bookmark he made in my bouquet. We also did an "in memory" sign that included him and my H's 3 deceased grandparents. It was on the table with the guestbook.

mkrupar · September 2010

I'm terribly late on this, but my mom passed away 3 years ago and I'm not doing anything at the ceremony to honor her. We're having a brunch reception, and she always used to make Irish Soda Bread, so my venue is going to make a loaf of bread (using her recipe) for each table. I'll probably have an explanation of the bread, and recipe cards for people to take if they choose. I wanted to remember her, but not in a sorrowful way. I'm also thinking of having a blue heart embroidered with MOM on it sewn into my dress for my something blue.

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