I have a bridesmaid issue and need some opinions?

nhoncell · August 2010

We both agreed we did not want a big long drawn out ceremony and we also agreed that we wanted it to be more about the simplicity of it all and the love we share for each other. So we decided to only have a BM and MOH. That seemed perfect in the beginning but as we discussed it more we realized we would really hurt some feelings. So we decided to have bridesmaids and groomsmen accept they would be "honorary" bridesmaids and ushers. So the question is how does it work? Do they all walk down the aisle but sit in the family section? Or do they walk in pairs and then split off and sit on designated rows? I want them to be apart of everything I just don't want a line of people down our sides. So maybe I am just weird curious for ideas? PS we are getting married under oak trees and having a big tent reception.

JenO24 · August 2010

i dont think it would look strange at all if they walked down the aisle and then split off and sat down. several weddings have the WP sit down instead of standing.

rknox88 · August 2010

IMHO either you have attendants or you don't. The honorary thing is silly. It think it makes it pretty obvious you are just trying to appease people. Just have your MOH and Best Man. People will understand you want a small wedding party.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · August 2010

How is being an "honorary" bridesmaid as good as being a bridesmaid? It's like saying, "I want to have the appearance of including you, but not have you standing up with me."

trix1223 · August 2010

An honorary BM or GM is someone who can't physically be at the ceremony: illness, deployment, etc.

You can't really have an "honorary" BM or GM if they're going to be at the ceremony. And if you're expecting them to wear specific attire, and giving them flowers to carry as they walk down the aisle, then they're BMs and GM anyway.

Frankly, I'd be more insulted to be asked to attend the wedding as an "honorary" BM, than simply understanding that you've decided to have only an Honor Attendant each.

You made the decision about your WP. Own the decision. People will get over it. Unless you make up a pity position. Then it will take them longer to get over it.

eshaufle · August 2010

My friend went to a wedding where the bride was in a situation similar to yours (only wanted a couple of people standing up with them). Instead of having tons of tons of bridesmaids and ushers, she and her now-husband gave each one of those special friends a flower to wear to kind of set them apart from the masses. I only saw the pictures but my friend said she thought it was very tasteful and was a nice way to acknowledge close friends but still allow you to keep the actual people standing up there to a minimum.

tiffersnc · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-issue-need-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8b563222-d8c3-42f7-a585-7d0a45781a28Post:5ab49cc1-ee82-42e5-b0ee-e885289a17da">Re: I have a bridesmaid issue and need some opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]How is being an "honorary" bridesmaid as good as being a bridesmaid? It's like saying, "I want to have the appearance of including you, but not have you standing up with me."
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

<div>This. Exactly.</div><div>
</div><div>Just don't have other attendants. People will understand. You're a lot less likely to hurt feelings that way.</div>

waltzingmatilda13 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-issue-need-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8b563222-d8c3-42f7-a585-7d0a45781a28Post:3ced508a-a444-40fc-a312-4b17f2c24912">Re: I have a bridesmaid issue and need some opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]My friend went to a wedding where the bride was in a situation similar to yours (only wanted a couple of people standing up with them). Instead of having tons of tons of bridesmaids and ushers, she and her now-husband gave each one of those special friends a flower to wear to kind of set them apart from the masses. I only saw the pictures but my friend said she thought it was very tasteful and was a nice way to acknowledge close friends but still allow you to keep the actual people standing up there to a minimum.
Posted by eshaufle[/QUOTE]

I don't recommend this route either. If I was a friend and didnt' get a flower I would feel pretty slighted. It's best to just go with and MOH and BM and call it a day. Just tell people if they ask that you had so many people you wanted to stand up with you that you couldn't decide because you didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. No one can begrudge you having 1 close friend stand up.

nhoncell · August 2010

Awesome that I got reponses! So I guess now with all that being said I saw a girls pictures and these women were all wearing the same color dresses and had a wrap or scarf that the bride had given them with their monograms so they apeared as bridesmaids to me except the two girls standing beside the bride during the ceremony had on matching dresses and the other girls were not up there. So what is it when that happens? I have a MOH and then 4 others and they want to buy dresses and be apart of everything so now what to do?

trix1223 · August 2010

In my son and DIL's Catholic wedding, only the MOH and BM stood in front with our son and DIL. The other BMs and GM sat in the first pew for the ceremony.

Is it possible that the picture you saw was a wedding with two MsOH and was a Catholic ceremony?

Oh, and I agree with Matilda: singling out some "honored friends" with flowers is a dangerous thing to do. People understand not being in a WP. But if you give 8 of your 12 college friends a big old gerbera daisy and tell them they're the "special" friends......well, gee. That would go over well with the other 4.

KyKel85 · August 2010

I had this issue with my wedding party. I chose to stick with "family only" for the wedding party. This was very hard because I have 4 girls with whom I am very close and have been in their weddings.

I have asked my friends to be program attendants and am having them sit directly behind the bridesmaids. I want them to be a part of my day, but couldn't logically have 8 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen. So we went the family route and stuck to 4 & 4.

waltzingmatilda13 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-issue-need-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8b563222-d8c3-42f7-a585-7d0a45781a28Post:5832b1e7-7921-4902-87b5-9f8dad66927e">Re: I have a bridesmaid issue and need some opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Awesome that I got reponses! So I guess now with all that being said I saw a girls pictures and these women were all wearing the same color dresses and had a wrap or scarf that the bride had given them with their monograms so they apeared as bridesmaids to me except the two girls standing beside the bride during the ceremony had on matching dresses and the other girls were not up there. So what is it when that happens? <strong>I have a MOH and then 4 others and they want to buy dresses and be apart of everything so now what to do?</strong>
Posted by nhoncell[/QUOTE]

Can you have them do a reading? You can choose several short readings or one long one and split it up amongst them. That way they can still be dressed up and you could get them a small brooch or wrist corsage, if you wanted.

Audrey&Austin · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-issue-need-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8b563222-d8c3-42f7-a585-7d0a45781a28Post:6beb69bb-2bf6-4f66-be54-cfc1b962ef55">Re: I have a bridesmaid issue and need some opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]IMHO either you have attendants or you don't. The honorary thing is silly. It think it makes it pretty obvious you are just trying to appease people. Just have your MOH and Best Man. People will understand you want a small wedding party.
Posted by rknox88[/QUOTE]
This exactly.

nhoncell · August 2010

Well I must admit this was my first posting expeirence and you ladies are awesome for giving me your honest opinions. Its something that we have been batteling with. I guess I really don't know what my hang up is about having so many up there with us. I think that because we are in the south and because our theme is a Georgia Southern feel it seems almost natural to have them all right there but to me and him it seems sometimes so many BM's and Gm's take away from the moments shared between a bride and groom as they make that committment to each other. So maybe we should just embrace it all! Thanks Ladies!

526SadieSadie · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-issue-need-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8b563222-d8c3-42f7-a585-7d0a45781a28Post:6beb69bb-2bf6-4f66-be54-cfc1b962ef55">Re: I have a bridesmaid issue and need some opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]IMHO either you have attendants or you don't. The honorary thing is silly. <strong>It think it makes it pretty obvious you are just trying to appease people</strong>. Just have your MOH and Best Man. People will understand you want a small wedding party.
Posted by rknox88[/QUOTE]

Yup. Agreed.

RosenB · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-issue-need-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8b563222-d8c3-42f7-a585-7d0a45781a28Post:447cba09-aacb-4914-81ab-1dde76909dac">Re: I have a bridesmaid issue and need some opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE] Well I must admit this was my first posting expeirence and you ladies are awesome for giving me your honest opinions. Its something that we have been batteling with. I guess I really don't know what my hang up is about having so many up there with us. I think that because we are in the south and because our theme is a Georgia Southern feel it seems almost natural to have them all right there but to me and him <strong>it seems sometimes so many BM's and Gm's take away from the moments shared between a bride and groom as they make that committment to each other</strong>. So maybe we should just embrace it all! Thanks Ladies!
Posted by nhoncell[/QUOTE]

<div>How do they take away from you and your FH saying "I DO"? Your guests will be focusing on you and your FH, not counting how many attendants you both have. If that were the case, this same thing would apply to have too many guests at the ceremony. </div>

nikiandchris · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-issue-need-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8b563222-d8c3-42f7-a585-7d0a45781a28Post:154b69d1-0731-4d07-88af-195ec37c18da">Re: I have a bridesmaid issue and need some opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>An honorary BM or GM is someone who can't physically be at the ceremony: illness, deployment, etc. You can't really have an "honorary" BM or GM if they're going to be at the ceremony. </strong> And if you're expecting them to wear specific attire, and giving them flowers to carry as they walk down the aisle, then they're BMs and GM anyway. Frankly, I'd be more insulted to be asked to attend the wedding as an "honorary" BM, than simply understanding that you've decided to have only an Honor Attendant each. You made the decision about your WP. Own the decision. People will get over it. Unless you make up a pity position. Then it will take them longer to get over it.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

ditto

I have a bridesmaid issue and need some opinions?

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